I can't thank you guys enough (thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you) for the wonderful reviews. You guys are awesome!

Here's the next installment...

I (still) own nothing.

Erin feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, somewhat. Spending last night with her little girl, then returning to their house this morning felt good – too good, actually, and maybe that is the problem. In her current state of mind she feels undeserving of their love. But Annie was right, she can't hide her feelings for Jay, and she should've known that putting distance between herself and him, and now Lucy, was a futile attempt to appease her guilty conscious. She needs to face this 'head on,' as Jay would say.

No looking back.

No regrets.

While Jay showers, Erin watches Lucy scurry around the living room. At some point Lucy zips past a stack of DVDs near the TV and the pile spills down to the floor. The crashing noise startles the little girl and she recoils to her mom.

"Careful, babe," Erin says, bending over to pick the DVDs. As she does so, one catches her eye. The front cover reads in Jay's scraggly hand writing, 'Lucy's 1st B-day.'

She hears the shower running upstairs and decides to pop the DVD in. Erin sits on the couch and tucks her legs underneath her. She takes a big breath and presses play, expectant to see her missing memories come back to life on the screen. The first image is of her bouncing a younger Lucy in her arms. The little girl is all smiles, scrunching her little, freckled nose just like her dad.

"Are you taking a picture or are you recording?" Erin asks.

"I'm recording," Jay's voice rings from behind the camera.

Erin takes Lucy's hand and waves it in the air. "Say 'hi daddy,'" Erin coaxes her. But Lucy blows a raspberry and only mumbles, "Da-da-da-da."

"I'll take that," Jay says. A smile noticeable in his voice. "So Luce, how old are you?"

"Show daddy like this," Erin says, putting one index finger up. "Can you do that?"

Lucy looks intently at Erin's hand, trying to imitate, but she can't quiet hold just one little finger up.

"I think that's close enough," Jay says.

The camera pans around the backyard to a table adorned with balloons, then back to Erin as she follows a wobbly Lucy around the backyard. The image goes out of focus for a few moments, then after an awkward camera exchange the screen shows Jay scooping Lucy up and holding her over his head then bringing her down, eliciting a bursts of belly giggles from the little girl. He does this a few times before giving her a tight squeeze and a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek.

Erin laughs from behind the camera. "C'mon, you goofs," she says. "People will be arriving soon."

Jay walks towards the camera with Lucy and stretches his free hand towards it and turns it around so all three of them are on the screen. Jay kisses Erin's cheek and the image freezes.

Erin's eyes remain transfixed on the screen, a small smile tugs at her lips. They look so happy and so…in love. The warm, strong tug on her heartstrings reminds her of everything good they'd shared. The video continues playing, but Erin's mind is now a million miles away. She thinks back to the nights they spent together, the long weekends in bed, and all the times they talked about the 'future.' Now here she is, in the future…that they planned.

"Cah-ke, mama!" Lucy pipes up, bringing Erin back to the present.

Erin looks at her little girl, her eyes comically transfixed on the screen, as her one year old self is either destroying or bathing in her smash cake.

"Do you remember that?" Erin asks Lucy. The little girl doesn't respond, her bright blue eyes glued on the screen. "If it's any consolation, I don't remember it either."

The images go out of focus and then she sees herself and Jay sitting tiredly on the couch. Adam's voice resonates from behind the camera.

"This was a successful first birthday," Adam declares.

"Thank you," Erin says. "And thank you for staying and helping us clean up."

"Yup," Kim's voice rings, unseen on the screen.

The camera pans around their living room and stops on a little, tired heap on the couch. .

"And here lies another victim, claimed by having too much cake."

The camera shows Lucy sprawled on the loveseat, wearing a diaper and nothing else, turned on her belly. Her mouth is slightly open in a tiny 'o' and her diapered bottom is up in the air. The camera then pans back to Erin and Jay and it shows him whispering something in her ear, to which she laughs and swats his arms.

"Hey, hey," Adams reprimands. "Let's keep this PG 13, okay?"

"What?" Jay asks innocently, pulling Erin for a kiss.

Adam groans in disgust. "C'mon, your daughter will watch this someday," Adam retorts.

They break their kiss, but continue to make eyes at each other. Jay then quirks his eyebrow at the camera and says, "How do you think she got here? With a couple of these…"

Jay kisses Erin again and Adams makes gagging noises from behind the camera.

The TV screen goes black and Erin sits there with a sad smile on her face. She looked so happy. Jay looked so happy. Erin is jealous of the woman in the video. She desperately wants to find her, but doesn't know where to start. Her hand travels to the scar on her left side and she's reminded once again that this is her reality. This is her life. Maybe she should go see Will. Maybe he can help her.

"Mama, more!" Lucy asks, pulling Erin from her momentary trance. "More, mama." Lucy points at the TV.

Erin smiles. "It's done, Luce."

Lucy's lips curves down into one of her dramatic pouts. "No, mama! I wanna more!"

"But it's over now, babe," Erin tells her, but Lucy is not having it.

"No, mamaaaa!"

Just then, Jay enters the living room in time for Lucy's meltdown showdown. "Hey," Jay says firmly. The little girl's head turns towards her dad. "What's with all the fuss, huh?"

Lucy quietens.

"She wants to watch TV," Erin explains.

Jay looks at the big pout on Lucy's face. "That won't work on me, little lady. Daddy is immune to that," Jay says. "How about we –"

"Can we go see Will today?" Erin interrupts.

Jay is immediately taken aback. "Wha—wait, you really want to go see him?"

"Yeah," Erin shrugs. "Maybe he can help?"

Jay nods. "Okay." He blinks a few times as if to make sure Erin is actually proposing they go see his brother. "Let me just give him a quick call first."

Erin nods. "Okay."

One step at a time, she thinks.

..x..

The fluorescent lights in the hospital room emits a steady, high-pitched buzz that sounds like a cricket on helium. The constant noise puts Erin's nerves on the edge while she waits for Will to return with the test results. It had been a long morning that turned into an afternoon of scans and test. She felt like a lab animal - pricked and probed by so many needles that, over the course of the day the nurses could barely find a vein that was not near collapse. This waiting, however, has been worse. Much worse. There doesn't seem to be enough air in the room and the notion that something is actually wrong with her balloons inside her with each passing minute.

Jay sits just across from the examination bed. The sight of Erin's pale features claws at his heart. Frowning, he takes a few steps towards her, and Erin lowers her gaze. He lifts her chin with the edge of his hand and studies her eyes.

"You okay?" At the small puzzled shake of her head, Jay says, "These things takes a while." Yearning to comfort her, he takes one of her hands and slips his fingers between hers.

Erin looks at their intertwined hands and says, "I'm just…afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Jay asks. "Whatever the results are, we'll face it together."

"I'm not afraid of what the results will say, per se. It's just…." Erin lets the sentence linger. After watching their home video this morning, something else began troubling her.

Jay waits and when she doesn't elaborate he asks. "Erin, what is it?"

Erin inhales a long breath to help her ease her nervousness. "I'm afraid of what the results will do to you."

Jay frowns. "What do you mean?"

"What if Will comes in here and says whatever is going on with me is irreversible? It will be like you're losing someone." Erin looks down at the floor and adds, "Someone I can't replace."

"Erin," Jay says, cupping her face. "I love you." He sees that she's taken aback by his words, much like the first time he said them. Then it dawns on him, maybe this is the first time she's hearing him say it. So, he repeats it. "I love you."

The words slip out of his lips so easily that it sinks into Erin's consciousness, into her heart, then deeper, into her soul. Hot tears stings the corners of her eyes.

"I don't care if you can't remember." He lowers his lips and tentatively brushes it against hers. "I don't care, Erin," he repeats.

Erin dabs at her eyes. "But you looked really happy."

Jay frowns. "Wha….When?"

"This morning. I, um, watched the DVD from Lucy's first birthday." Erin looks up at Jay with glossy eyes. "You looked really happy… with her."

"Her?" Jay questions, but he quickly understands where Erin is getting at. "You mean, you, right?" He asks rhetorically.

Erin doesn't say anything. She knows she looks like the woman on the screen, sounds like her, but she doesn't feel like her.

Jay smiles tenderly. Leave it to Erin to worry about him when her entire world is flipped sideways. "I'm really happy now." He beams at her and she smiles feebly back. "My love for you is unconditional. Is that so hard to accept?"

Erin leans into his touch. His hands warm against her cheek. "Sometimes," she says "Seems too good to be true."

Jay pulls Erin for a hug, and for the first time in longer than he can remember, she molds into his embrace. He kisses the top of her head and whispers into her hair, "You better believe it's true."

The moment ends when the door opens and Will walks in, followed by two other doctors. Suddenly Erin's heart turns to lead, and the blood drains from her face. Jay notices the fear clearly etched on her face, so he takes a seat next to her, circling a reassuring arm around her waist.

"So?" Jay asks expectantly. Erin squeezes his hand and he brings it up to his lips.

"Well." Will says, placing a few X-ray images on the light box on the wall. "I think we may have found the problem."

Thank you for reading. Wishing everyone a happy holidays!