Happy CPD Wednesday! I'm super pumped for tonight's episode (you might now what I'm talking about if you've seen the pictures). Again, your support for this little fic of mine is humbling and very, very kind.

Here's the next part...

I own nothing. But I would love to know how one goes about "owning" a Jay. I want one of those.

"Hey," Jay says, meeting her gaze. He searches for any signs that his Erin – the one he kissed, the one he slept against, the one that saved his life – has returned to him.

Instead, a pair of cold, lifeless hazel eyes stare back at him.

"Erin?" Jay asks.

Erin blinks sluggishly a few times, narrowing her eyes against the bright hospital fluorescent lights. She hears beeps and alarms sounding, but tries to focus on the face and the voice calling her name.

"Erin, can you hear me?" Jay insists.

Although a bit disoriented, Erin still recognizes his voice. She moves her lips and mumbles, "Mmmh…hh-y, bah-bh."

Did she say babe?

"Hey you," Jay says grinning.

Jay can't help but smile as his heart flips inside his chest. He feels an excitement growing in him, but he banks it. For one thing, he can't be sure she even said the word babe. For another, Will said it might take time for her to remember, that is, if she remembers anything at all. So for now he drowns his excitement. No use in getting his hopes up only to be disappointed.

Jay clears his throat and asks, "Do you remember where you are?"

With some difficulty, Erin pans her eyes around the room. "H-Hosp-tl?"

"Yeah," Jay nods. "They had to drain a blood clot in your head. Do you remember that?"

Erin frowns as her hand clumsily reaches up to touch her head, feeling the rough texture of a bandage there. I th-nk…I…It's all…ff-zzy," she says, wincing.

"Are you in pain?"

"A l-ttle," she says.

Jay takes her hand in his and kisses it. "I'm going to call Will. I'll be right back, okay?"

Jay starts to leave, but Erin's grips his hand.

"L-Lucy?" Erin asks.

It is such a simple question, but his heart spills over with happiness. Again, he tries to keep himself in check, but fails miserably. Hope quickly balloons inside of him.

"She's with Gail."

"P-Pick her up nd t-ke her h-me, mkay?"

"What?" Jay asked.

"Lucy, b-abe. Take her h-ome. Don't s-stay here. Imma mkay."

Jay smiles really big. He feels like he is going to burst from so much joy. He has a gut feeling that his Erin is back. Despite all that happened, all the agony and fear, Jay sees a light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel. For the first time in what seems like ages, he laughs out loud, letting his head hang back. He's pretty sure he looks insane doing it. And just like he knows he will, he gets a questioning look from Erin.

"Whaas f-nny?" Erin asks.

Jay takes her hand and brings it up to his lips once more. "Nothing. I'm just really happy."

Erin eyes him curiously, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. "List-n b-abe, take Lucy home. I don want her to th-nk we've abandon-d her, okay?"

Jay beams her an easy smile and nods. "I'll take her home. But first, I'm going to get Will so he can check on you. Well…" Jay looks at the fetal heart monitor and adds, "On both of you."

"Both?" Erin asks.

Jay frowns. "You and the baby. Do you remember that you're pregnant?"

Blurry images surface and then sink in Erin's mind. She blinks a couple of times, confusion swirling around in her head. Then it hits her. Her pulse spikes, and she tries to sit up. She enters a panic-induced haze as memories begin to pound her like a tidal wave.

"Oh my God, the baby!"

Jay gently pushes her back down on the bed, encouraging her to stay put. "Easy," he says soothingly.

Erin lays back down and rolls her head slightly to look at him. "I-Is the baby okay?"

Jay looks down with tender, sympathetic eyes, which display nothing but warmth. He doesn't want to lie to her, but he doesn't know how to tell her the truth either. His fingers caringly stroke the side of her cheek, and as she looks at him in her disoriented state, she notice his crestfallen expression.

"Jay?" Erin asks with a little more urgency in her tone. "Is the baby okay?"

"Things are touch-and-go," he softly replies.

Erin swallows hard against the sick feeling brewing in her stomach. "So, not good?"

His lips form a thin line as he shakes his head. "No."

Tears brim her eyes as her hands travel to cover her stomach.

Jay kisses the top of her head and whispers forlornly, "I'm going to get Will so he can look at you and the baby, okay?"

Erin nods. She feels hollow inside as his words bounce around the now empty chambers of her heart.

Jay steps outside and moments later he returns with Will and a nurse in tow.

"Hi Erin," Will says. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been run'ver by a truck," she says.

Will checks the monitors before checking her vitals.

"H-How's the baby, Will?" Erin tentatively asks.

Will looks over the baby's heart monitor and scrutinizes the past readings. "The good news is the heart rate is finally stable…"

"But…" Jay says, swallowing a lump on his throat.

"It's still lower than we want it to be," Will says.

"What happens if it keeps low?" Jay asks.

"A low heart rate means the blood is not being pumped efficiently. This can hinder the baby's growth." As if reading Jay and Erin's thoughts, he adds, "We will continue to monitor and we will do everything we can to make sure everyone's healthy."

Jay lets out a deep sigh. He rests his forehead against Erin's in hopes of comforting her. "It's going to be okay," he whispers.

Will and Jay exchange looks and Will nods almost imperceptibly in his direction. Jay kisses Erin's forehead and goes to stand near the foot of the bed.

"Erin," Will begins. "I'm just going to ask you some basic questions. Answer them as best as you can, okay?"

"Okay," Erin agrees.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I, um, I don't know…It's all blurry."

"Do you remember coming to the hospital this morning?"

"Yeah, I think… It's almost like I dreamed it. I can't tell if it's real or not." Erin pauses before she says, "I remember Lucy hovering over me, then jumping on the bed." She smiles and says, "But I guess that's every morning."

Will nods. "Jay said you asked about Lucy earlier?"

"Yeah," Erin nods.

"Do you know where Lucy is right now?"

"At Gail's, right?" Erin asks looking at Jay.

Jay nods.

"But not for very long because Jay is picking her up and taking her home," Erin adds looking at Jay.

Jay smiles. "Yes, ma'am."

Will chuckles – the Erin he knows slowly poking through the haze.

"What is Lucy's favorite food?"

"Umm," Erin thinks. "Lucy is a good eater, but she loves her chicken nuggets."

Jay can't barely contain himself. His smile stretches from ear to ear.

"Do you remember how big Lucy was when she was born?"

Erin wracks her brain. "Oh, she was small… I think just under 5 pounds, 18 inches?" She looks at Jay for confirmation and he nods.

Will thinks he sees a shining film covering Jay's eyes.

"Why are you asking all these questions about Lucy?" Erin questioned.

"Just a cognitive check. Kids are usually an easy subject and people like talking about their children."

"Oh," Erin says.

"Okay, last question and I will let you rest. "When was the last time Lucy was in a hospital?"

Jay stares daggers at his brother, but Will remains calm. He knows he has to push Erin to remember. She seems to be floating in this hazy sort of state and he wants to pull her down to the ground.

"Uhm, I don't… maybe…." Erin stammers. She looks at Jay for help, but his facial expression is stoic. Then, as if an electric shock ripped right through her, she says, "She, um, she had an allergic reaction, right? Oh, god! Did that really happen?" Erin sits up, looking at Jay for answers.

Jay nods almost imperceptibly.

"It was… Oh god! It was my fault!"

Erin is nearly panicking now. But Jay walks right up to her and says, "Hey, Lucy is fine. It was an accident." Jay looks over his shoulders to his brother. "Why?"

"Erin, what do you remember about that day?" Will pushes on.

"Will!" Jay says irritably. "Don't."

In the meantime, Erin is mumbling to herself. "Why did I let her near the can of peanut?"

"Erin," Will insists. "What happened that day?"

Erin attention snaps back to Will and she says, "I remember she, um, threw up all over Jay…" Erin say near tears as the memories flood back and drown her in guilt. "She had red bumps all over her." Erin pauses for a moment then cries, "Oh god…"

"What?" Will questions.

"I, um, I left. I ran way." She almost chokes at the reality. She shakes her head as if to shoo the memories away. She looks up at Jay and says, "Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't… I thought—"

"Hey," Jay says grasping Erin's shoulders. "It's alright. Everything is fine. We're fine."

Erin tries to focus on breathing but she's trembling, her heart is racing, and she feels like she's going to pass out.

"It's like I dreamt everything – like I wasn't here."

Will nods. "Erin, the clot that we drained from your head was pushing against the wall on you cortex, where memories are stored. You were suffering from what we call retrograde amnesia. That's why your most recent memories seems fuzzy and dreamlike."

"I want to see Lucy," Erin pleas. "Can you bring her here?"

"It's better not—" Will begins.

"C'mon, Will," Jay says.

Will releases a breath. "I'll talk to the nurses," he says.

"Thank you," Erin says.

Will smiles sympathetically, he can tell Erin needs time to process everything. He has pushed her enough for one day. "I will let you rest now, but I will be back to check on you later."

Will leaves and Jay pulls Erin into his arms. Finally. She's back and he missed her. Like, really missed her. He couldn't think of anything to say more meaningful or more reassuring than his embrace would convey. Having her fully reciprocate his gesture, tugging at his sweater, pulling him even closer, made the tears that were brimming his eyes, roll down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Erin repeated into his sweater.

"It's okay… it's okay," he says into her hair. "Everything is okay now. We're all going to be okay."

They hold on to each other as if life depended on it. Jay's embrace is strong and tight. Erin is surprised by how much she misses him.

They stay like this for some time saying nothing; they don't have to. Eventually Jay pulls away slightly and looks into her eyes.

"I missed you." He leans forwards and kisses her.

The moment their lips meet, everything is forgotten. His kiss feels heavenly. Erin can feel the excitement lifting in her body and her head is high and spinning, her headache gone and all worries forgotten. When they finally pull part, Erin body shakes as a ragged sigh escapes her throat. She looks up at his red, hollow eyes and says, "I'm sorry."

"Stop. None of what happen was not your fault."

"Still," Erin says, shaking her head as she pulled back from Jay, tears pooling in her eyes. "It must've been a nightmare." Erin runs a hand over his cheek and says, "In case I haven't said it lately, I love you."

Jay looks at her, a smile slowly growing on his face. He takes her left hand from his cheek, kisses her palm, and says, "I love you too."

She smiles and wipes her tears away. "Now go get my girl because I need to squeeze her."

Jay chuckles. "Okay." He brushes her hair back from her face and kisses her again. Intimately. Savoring.

"I will be right back," he says.

Jay leaves and Erin is left alone with her thoughts. Slowly things begin coming back to her – not only recent memories, but the emotions attached to them. Regret. Guilt. Confusion. Shame. She feels her heart being trampled – the pain of it all astonishing her. Bizarre, strange memories drifts into her mind as if out of an eerie mist. She wipes the tears from her face and takes deep, long breaths in.

…x…

Jay picks up Lucy and drives hurriedly back to the hospital. Despite his qualms, he feels genuinely happy. The excitement is finally settling into his stomach and creeping out all the way to his fingers and toes. He feels antsy, tingling all over out of sheer delight to have his girl back. He looks in the rearview mirror and watches his other girl bouncing in her car seat. Gail said she had a good day today.

At the hospital, before entering Erin's ICU room, Jay bends down to Lucy's level and looks straight into her eyes. Blue on blue. "We're going to see mama, okay?"

Lucy nods, "Uh-hum," and tries to push past Jay

"Wait." Jay grabs Lucy mid stride. "Listen babe, mama is not feeling very well. So, we have to be very careful with her, okay?"

Lucy nods.

"Okay, then," Jay says and takes her little hand in his. He knocks on the door as he pushes it open. Lucy pokes her curious little head inside.

Erin notices the door opening and stretches her neck to see her visitors, only to be elated when Jay and her favorite girl walk in.

"There's my girl!" Erin says.

Lucy runs towards the bed. "Mama!"

Lucy tries to climb up the bed, but it's a little too high. Erin reaches to pull her up, but Jay stops her.

"Hold on, hold on… I got her," Jay says, lifting Lucy effortlessly on the bed.

Lucy crawls towards Erin and she pulls the little girl to hug in one swift motion. Erin kisses Lucy's cheeks and blows a raspberry on her neck. Lucy giggles, showing all her baby teeth.

Jay stands back and watches them. It's a beautiful sight to see. Erin has this lightheartedness about her, an ease that can't be matched. Lucy is very strong willed and she can sometimes be a handful, but Erin rarely loses her cool her Lucy. Erin's love for Lucy is unwavering pure.

Nurses and doctors come in and out, but the status of the baby remains unchanged. At this point, stably low has become the new norm. They up the meds to increase the baby's heartrate, but so far there have been no changes. In the meantime, Jay orders food from the hospital cafeteria and together they have a family dinner. It's not long before Lucy's battery is drained and she falls asleep, cuddled up to Erin.

"You should take her home," Erin says, but tightens her hold on Lucy.

Jay, who is sitting next to Erin, crammed on the small bed with his legs stretched in front of him, says, "I think we might just hang out here."

"No," Erin shakes her head. "She won't sleep right. She'll be cranky all day tomorrow." She looks at Jay and says, "You too. I can only deal with one cranky Halstead at a time."

Jay chuckles and circles his arm around her, pulling her close. "Five more minutes?" he asks.

Erin smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Okay."

Nurses and doctors come and check on Erin once more before Jay leaves. They say her condition is stable and the baby is okay. For Erin, the worse part of everything being okay is that okay is far from good. Okay is that gray space it the middle. Being okay is what the medical staff have settled on, Erin included, and she will go on pretending okay is good.

Thank for reading. Your input is always appreciated. 3 Cheers!