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The past couple of weeks seemed to have passed in a blur. I made a daily routine while I stayed with the Yeagers - take care of the girls; help Cade around the house while Tessa finished school; help Tessa with any homework if Cade was busy; spend time with the Autobots; find a good school to enroll Saoirse and Eden in.
In a way, I felt as if living so normally was something I'd never get used to, but feeling so calm and relaxed was a nice feeling. Occasionally I'd feel a sensation, a feeling from Optimus. I had no idea whether he'd come back or not after his space traveling, but having that gut feeling he was still alive out there was enough reassurance. I was terrified to ask Ratchet what would happen if Optimus somehow died out there; it was a touchy subject. I was afraid Ratchet would say something horrible would happen.
I wouldn't be able to handle any kind of information like that.
Tessa had returned from her school over an hour ago, sitting in the kitchen and doing her homework. Cade had gone to the barn to work out designs for some new ideas he had for inventions. Ratchet had gone to the barn to help him. Abby and the others, with the help of Joshua Joyce, had found apartments for themselves. Daily, the Autobots would spend time with their significant other.
While I knew the medic Autobot was trying to control his emotions, I knew he had developed feelings for Rosalyn. Her children looked up to Ratchet as that fatherly figure they greatly lacked.
I was also seeing some feelings spark between Mya and Ironhide. They were both too stubborn to vocally admit their feelings, but the tension between them (strictly a romantic feeling, nothing physical) was so thick it could be cut with a knife.
They all visited every day, the girls enjoying playing with their cousins and the other kids. It was hard not to smile at them. They looked like they were finally having a normal life. They needed to feel as though the world wasn't going to crumble at their feet all the time, that they could feel safe and have a place to call home.
Sometimes, though, since Tessa had returned from school, it'd feel as though she was watching me. I tried to ignore my anxious suspicions, but eventually glanced at her. Her eyes immediately went to the work in front of her.
"Is something wrong?" I called to her.
There was a silence for a few minutes before she answered. "You've been really quiet lately."
Shrugging, I didn't respond. I wouldn't have guessed me being quiet would have been worrisome. I just needed some time to think, and being quiet was something that helped me think. Though the thought of not talking for long periods of time made me uncomfortable (after spending years of my early life not talking at all), I still made an effort to communicate with others, even when I won't be feeling up to it.
"Is something bothering you?" Tessa asked.
"I'm fine." I scratched the back of my neck absentmindedly.
Tessa's smarter than you give her credit for. If she can figure out that not talking that much is a problem, then she can figure out you're lying to her! Give the girl a break...
I gave a slight scowl. I looked at the girls in front of me. They were playing with each other, giggling and smiling, their bright blue eyes sparkling and twinkling.
"You don't sound fine, Desirée." The way Tessa said it made me flush slightly in embarrassment and almost shame. I didn't like it when people could easily tell how I felt. It made me feel exposed. "What's the problem?"
"I'm just worrying about Optimus," I answered. It was a half-lie. I worried about Optimus Prime every day. My real worries were everywhere - I worried about Saoirse and Eden; I worried about Optimus's safety; I worried about Sam and his family; I worried about Ron and Judy...the list could go on and on. I chewed on my bottom lip.
"Oh..." Her voice was quiet. She didn't really understand how I felt, she probably sympathized - pitied, even - me, and that made me uncomfortable and angry. I didn't want to be sympathized or pitied! I didn't want Tessa or anyone else pretending they understand how painful it is...
"I don't need to be pitied," I said bitterly. "I hate it when people pity me!"
"I'm not pitying you," Tessa exclaimed. "Desirée, I'm not pitying you. I'm not sure how to react to this. I know the last thing you'd want is someone pitying you or feeling guilty for you. But I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to."
I didn't say anything.
Tessa's too nice. She wants to help with all this emotional crap? That's a whole load of crap I'm not sure she's ready to handle. If she's serious about wanting to listen to everything that's bothering me, then she'll have to be very prepared. I've got a lot to say.
Looking back at Tessa, I felt a small smile creep on my lips. "Thank you, Tessa," I said sincerely. She looked at me carefully before nodding slowly. "Do you need any help with your homework?"
"Yeah," she said. "I don't really understand some of this."
Giving Saoirse and Eden one last glance, I stood up from where I sat on the couch and headed over to where Tessa was sitting.
That night, after Saoirse and Eden were to put to bed, I laid in my bed, looking blankly at the ceiling. I gave a silent sigh, rubbing my scratchy eyes. Looking at the alarm clock Blossom had bought me, it was past two in the morning. I scowled.
It's hard to sleep when your mind's running a thousand miles an hour, I thought exhaustedly. I just want to get a few hours of sleep. Is it that hard to do?
Closing my eyes, I tried clearing my mind; I didn't want to have my mind rambling with all these unwanted thoughts.
QUICKY A/N:
HERE'S A VERY LATE, VERY SLOPPY UPDATE FROM ME. JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO FIX AND I'LL DO IT. THAK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING AND READING!
STAY SNAPPY.
THANK YOU, ONE AND ALL.
READ, REVIEW, ENJOY!
YOURS TRULY,
~SMITHY