Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural

He didn't like funerals, didn't like that the word funeral had the word fun in it, because there was nothing fun about funerals. There were a lot of people that he didn't know, and from the looks some of them were giving him, he wondered what his parents had said about him. They must have said something bad because they were all staring at him like he was a criminal. Probably thought he was here just to collect his inheritance. What they didn't know was there wasn't any. His mother's medicals bills had been high and whatever was left was used to pay for the funeral. The only thing he got was to go through the house before they sold everything off at an estate sale, which would help pay for the funeral.

He wore mirrored sunglasses even though it was cloudy out. He didn't want to anyone to try to stare him down. He ignored the stares he felt on him through the eulogists service and tried not to contradict everything the eulogist was saying in his head. The casket was put into the ground. Xander stared at it. Just days ago his mother had been alive and now she wasn't.

Two hands gripped his and he felt grateful that they were here for this, even more so because they had to travele a long way to get there. People started leaving, there was no wake because he was the only one who would have done so and he couldn't stomach the thought.

"I'm sorry Xander." he looked to his left where Willow was standing in a nice black dress, he squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry too Xander." he looked over at Buffy who was wearing a similar ensemble and squeezed her hand too.

"I'm so glad you guys are here. I don't know what I would do without you." he stared again at the hole that the casket was in.

"We're glad to be here for you Xander." Willow said and Buffy squeezed his hand.

"I hope...I hope she was happy...when..." he trailed off trying to not cry, he had done enough of that in the last few days.

"I'm sure she was, you were there with her," Buffy said softly.

"Yeah," Xander said softly.

"I still have to go through the house to see if I want anything...when do you guys have to go?"

"I have to get back by Sunday," Buffy said apologetically.

"I don't have to be back until next Thursday," Willow said brightly.

"Will...will you come with me to look at the house?" he asked nervously. He wasn't sure he could do it alone, which is why he hadn't done it yet. Willow and Buffy had both flown in last night.

"Of course Xander," Buffy said.

"Of course," Willow said. He couldn't stop staring at the casket which was starting to be buried. He knew he should have given her a hunters funeral, but he couldn't. She had friends that's who the funeral was for, besides she didn't seem like the vengeful spirit type.

"You guys can go if you want, I'll just call a cab." he said.

"I'm good," Buffy said.

"I'm good too," Willow said. After a long pause Buffy added.

"Dawn wanted me to say again that's she's sorry she couldn't make it, she had a conference she couldn't reschedule."

"It's fine," he said, although he wished she was here too. She would hug him and never stop until he told her to multiple times. They did talk for awhile after that Xander wasn't sure what they were doing, but he knew he was staring at the grave and thinking about everything. Her last moments, her life, the happy moments he had had with her.

"Xander, it's getting dark." Xander jumped, he had forgotten that Willow and Buffy were there. They were right, it was getting dark.

"You guys can go." then he remembered they drove together. He sighed, it wasn't like staring at the grave all night would make his mother come back or fix the past he got up.

"Okay, I'm ready to go." He legs seemed foreign for a second, like they didn't belong to him, before he got them under control he found himself leaning against Buffy as they walked to the car. Buffy didn't complain, in fact, she didn't say anything about it, for that he was grateful. The short walk back to the car seemed to take a long time, he kept feeling like his mom didn't want him to leave her, even though he knew she was dead. Willow walked behind him so even if he looked back he wouldn't necessary see her. Somehow they had made their way to the car and Xander slumped into the passengers seat of Buffy's rental car. He heard the doors to the drivers and back seat door close after a moment.

"Xander?" Xander didn't respond, instead he pressed his head into the glass of his car door. The car pulled away from the curb and Xander watched the scenery pass by. He absently heard Buffy and Willow trying to talk to him, but he focused on the scenery. His mom was gone.. she was gone...he knew there was such a thing as hell Sam and Dean had both been pulled from it...Sam and Dean could be his half-brothers...Xander batted those thought away for now, he would find them later...right now he had to get his mindset right. He knew there also was a heaven, 2 years ago everything had been about the apocalypse, angels, and demons. He wondered where his mom was headed? He hoped it was heaven.

The car stopped and Xander saw that they were back at his hotel. Buffy and Willow were staying in the hotel as well and most of the time one of them was always around him. He supposed they wanted to show their support, which he liked the idea of, but constantly having them around and never getting a moment just to himself was starting to grate on him. He opened his door and made his way up to his room, his key card flashed red 3 times before he finally got it to open. He made his way on the thin green carpet to the bed, he sat down on his brown bedspread, head against the headboard. He didn't close the door knowing that Buffy and Willow would be coming into the room right behind him and closed his eyes. He heard Buffy and Willow step into the room, the door being closed and then the sounds of them getting settled at the little table since his bed was the only bed in the room. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that Buffy and Willow were both looking at him concerned, they had had that look for the past few days.

He had to get out of his head, all this thinking about his mom was driving him nuts. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV, and started flipping through the channels. He could still feel Buffy and Willow's eyes on him. Without looking at them, he asked them.

"Is there anything you guys want to watch?" they didn't say anything so Xander picked the show. No matter how much he tried to pay attention to it, his mind kept wandering back to his mother. She was gone. Xander realized as another show started up again that he had absolutely no idea what the last show had been about.

"Xander, what do you want to eat?" Xander blinked, it took a minute for the question to process and he replied.

"I'm not hungry," Xander said absently.

"Xander, you can't do this. You can't just shut down," Buffy said.

"I'm just tired." he said and realized he was maybe he should sleep.

"No, you're depressed." Buffy countered.

"I lost my mom. How else am I supposed to feel?!" Xander snapped.

" Grieve however you want, but you've got to eat. You didn't eat yesterday and you haven't eaten today."

"I'm not hungry!" Xander shouted. Was it too much to ask for a few days to think about his mom?!

"Xander?" Willow asked softly.

"I'm not hungry! Drop it!" Xander closed his eyes again he was tried, just really tired...

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