Matt wakes up early again. His dark thoughts kept him up late and wake him up two hours before he needs to get up for the meeting. He wishes he could have a decent night's sleep during meeting days, but luck is not in his favor. He groans and rolls out of bed to get ready, opting to take an extra long shower. His room is stuffy when he exits the bathroom, making his clothes cling to his skin. It bugs Matt. His home is open and full of trees, he misses the land. He needs to go outside.
He's tying his long hair back into a low ponytail with a ribbon on his way through the lobby when a mop of blonde hair catches his attention. Matthew's head snaps up from his seat on the couches as he hears Matt approach, a smile breaking across his face. It makes Matt's chest spark with happiness. Matthew stands to come near him. Just as he's about to speak, he gets swept off his feet. A man with silver hair is spinning Matthew in circles, rubbing their faces to together, laughing way too ridiculously loud for a morning. Matt has the urge to tear the man off and steal Matthew away. It's Matthew's laugh, a loud laugh, that stills Matt's jealous urge. Matthew's face is bright with delight and Matt can't help but watch.
A gentle hand on his arm makes Matt jerk just the slightest. Klaus, the Prussia from his world, is looking up at him, a sympathetic smile on his face. Matt relaxes just a tiny bit. Klaus is a long time friend to him and Al, having trained them both at times in their lives. Many times Klaus has run away from his home in East Germany to Matt's house to vent, rant, and in general throw things. Matt doesn't mind. He has a special room, full of broken furniture, just for destroying things that he lets Klaus take full advantage of when he needs to 'yell'. Klaus is decent company, far better than some. They stare as Gilbert, the Prussia from the other world, ruffles Matthew's hair, making the blonde complain.
"I'm so hungryyyyy" Gilbert whines, putting his arms around his stomach like he hasn't eaten in days. Gilbird peeps in agreement from the top of his owners head. Matt knows that's not true. He saw Gilbert snacking during the meeting the other day. Besides, Gilbert eats twelve meals a day, according to Matthew. Matt sees Klaus roll his eyes and jerk a thumb towards the exit, anticipation in his features. Gilbert's face lights up as he skips over to throw an arm over Klaus's shoulder, another laugh pouring from his lips.
"Breakfast sounds so good right now. You wanna come?" Gilbert is bouncing in his spot. Matt doesn't know entirely what to think of Gilbert. He knows he and Matthew are friends, but he's so full of energy, Matt doesn't know where he gets it from. Matt turns his head away when Matthew agrees to join them. It makes Matt a bit upset, he sort of hoped that Matthew would get breakfast with him. His dark thoughts hit him in the face, and Matt thinks that Matthew wouldn't have wanted to get breakfast with him in the first place. That's a mistake Matt doesn't want to make again. Hoping could be dangerous.
The three of them start to head towards the exit. Matt lets them leave, starting his own walk to the back of the hotel to get some air and be away from people. The gentle voice that calls his name makes him stop. He considers ignoring the voice, but can't. He could never ignore it. He turns his body sideways to see Matthew standing halfway between the exit and Matt, a confused expression on his face. He smiles when they make eye contact.
"Matt where are you going?" Matthews voice is light and cheerful, making Matt's face heat up. Matt tries to keep his head together but it's difficult with Matthew regarding him with such a kind expression. He gulps, not trusting his words, and points in the direction of the exit on the other side of the building. The action causes laughter to bubble from Matthews lips, who closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly. The sound makes Matt falter. He likes the sound of Matthew laughing, the darker part questioning if Matthew is laughing at him.
"After Gilbert and Klaus just invited us to join them for breakfast? That's rude Matt," Matthew's giggling into his hand. Matt's eyes flicker to the exit to see Gilbert and Klaus smiling at him, waiting. Matthew angles himself towards the Prussia's and nods his head towards the exit. Matt blinks in shock. He thought they just invited Matthew, it didn't occur to him that they wanted to eat with him too. Matt takes a hesitant step forward and the grin on Gilbert's face grows.
"Come on slowpoke before all the bacon's gone!" Gilbert yells across the lobby, turning a few heads his way, but the excitable silver head is dragging Klaus out the door to food with Gilbird flapping behind them. Matt can feel the blush on his face grow at the sudden call to attention. Matthew his holding out a hand to him lazily. For one quick moment, Matt thinks Matthew will hold his hand, an action Matt though never possible with his double. As he gets closer, Matthew chuckles and drops his hand. Matt can't say he's not disappointed, but he's not surprised. Why would Matthew want to hold his hand. Matthew waits for Matt to be in line with him before he starts to follow the older countries out the door.
On the walk over to the diner that Gilbert insists is 'one of the only awesome ones' near the hotel, Matthew's thoughts wonder as they tend to do. He thinks of his home up in the mountains of Canada, he misses the quiet town that lives below him. He thinks of Kumajiro, who is sleeping in his room, though the lazy bear did wake to make Matthew promise to get him food. He thinks mostly of the tall, brooding man next to him. He glances to Matt who is looking at him. Matthew smiles at him, causing Matt to turn his head away sharply, a blush probably creeping onto his face. Gilbert is yabbering away to Klaus, dragging his smaller double around as he signs to Gilbert to converse.
Matt isn't a mystery to Matthew anymore, which he is very thankful for. He and Alfred tried to calm some nations down when the gate opened, Arthur eventually able to explain the situation. Matt at first had been one of the scariest thing's Matthew had ever seen. A buffer, taller lumberjack version of himself that seemed like he could kick down a building. Matthew had seen Matt first and almost couldn't believe that his double could be that attractive. He saw the emotions flicker across Matt's features when he laid eyes on Matthew. The anger, the hesitance, and the embarrassment. During their secret slumber party, Matthew really got to know him. He started to learn all of the subtle changes in Matt's face, to his hidden emotions. He knows now that Matt is shy and easily embarrassed, contrary to himself. It's a fact Matthew likes to exploit and does every chance he gets.
His thoughts drift to the talk he had with Feliciano the day before. Matthew corralled the bubbly Italian after the meeting ended the first day. It had been a pleasant surprise to find that the aloof Italian remembered his name. Matthew asked him right out, how he came to be with his other self. Feliciano and Luciano are the only one's he knew of in a relationship with their double and Matthew had been extremely curious as to how that worked. Feliciano burst into a fit of giggles at the question removing any tension that may have been connected to their conversation topic. He became serious though, bringing a hand to his mouth, and turning his head up to the ceiling in deep thought.
"It's not that weird actually. We're the same, and yet different, and it makes the relationship work since he knows me, because he is me. I know better than anyone that Luciano would protect me against any real monsters. He's just really misunderstood I think." Feliciano beamed at his semi-philosophical answer. Matthew is almost surprised by his answer, not knowing the Italian had those kind of thoughts in him. Being older and coming from a very culture rich land, he figures that's how Feliciano knows as much as he does.
"Misunderstood eh?" It's a very plausible answer. Matt always seemed to be thinking about something or mistaken for angry when he really didn't get enough sleep or got into a fight with Al.
"Well si! The world they come from is full of meanies and bad people, so most of them are on their guard and hard to understand. It's to protect themselves." Feliciano got kind of sad at the revelation, casting his eyes down to the ground and nearly tearing up. It made Matthew realize how truly upset Feliciano is that the other versions of themselves came from such a dark place. His smile quickly returned though when he noticed Luciano coming their way. After a quick hug, Matthew left to join up with his brother and their doubles.
Matthew steals a quick glance at Matt, his face blank and tired looking. If there isn't an angry expression of sort on Matt's face, it's exhaustion. Matthew feels his heart ache in worry. He hopes Matt's getting enough sleep at night, especially since it's meeting time. The meetings are taxing on their own, but being tired during them makes them so much harder to get through. Not to mention there are five days of them, so it's a constant struggle when not enough sleep is gotten.
Matthew knows he's falling for his double. He loves all of Matt's gruff expressions and the way he wears sunglasses to hide his blush. When Matt tried to protect Matthew, he thought his actions the cutest thing, but his feelings blossomed so much more when Matt realized Matthew didn't need protection, and then just decided to stay by his side, just in case. Every time they have a meeting together, Matt comes right over to Matthew first to say 'hello' just to make sure that Matthew knows he's there, that Matt sees him. Matt makes him feel loved. Of course there are others who love him, like his brother or his father figures, even Gilbert, but Matt makes him feel normal. He feels at complete ease with the mountie of a man next to him. Maybe one day Matthew will have the courage to confess his feelings. Maybe one day Matt will give him a sign he feels the same way. That day is not today. Right now, Matthew is just content to spend time with him.
The diner they're at is cute and has a very homey atmosphere. There are some other nations there, the ones with time zones that wake them up, enjoying the morning light. The four of them get a booth near the back with a big window. Matthew slides in first and Matt awkwardly sits next to him, a little big for the table. Luckily the table isn't bolted down, and they can push it closer to the Prussias. Gilbert doesn't mind since now he's closer to the food. Matthew is only slightly squished for room with his bigger double next to him. After they order, Gilbert starts talking a mile a minute, telling Matthew all about the pranks he's pulled and what he's done this time to bug Ludwig, the Germany from his world, his little brother, then going on to describe what he's done to bug Lutz, the Germany of the other world, Klaus's little brother.
"I haven't been here in forever," Matthew muses as their food comes. He and Matt both ordered pancakes, which they were both graciously teased for. Matt hid his face, which brought on another round of teasing until Matthew told Gilbert to 'stuff a sausage in it'. Both stacks of pancakes are properly soaked in maple syrup, which Matthew produces out of thin air. Matt knows it came from his pocket, but the astounded look on Klaus's face has Matthew laughing, so he doesn't spoil the 'magic' as Klaus calls it. Gilbert stuffs his face full of food while Klaus rips little bits of toast to feed the bird perched in Gilbert's hair, taking small bites for himself. He and Matthew are slowly making their stacks smaller, taking their time to enjoy their food.
"I think the last time we came here together was what? Fifteen years ago? For our date?" Gilbert lets out a rambunctious laugh and Matthew giggles between bites of food. Matt stops halfway through bringing up a forkful of food to his face. He looks down to the food in front of him, his dark tinted sunglasses hiding his wide eyed expression. He hopes. He puts his fork back to his plate.
"It ended terribly with you soaked in maple syrup and me dripping wet," Matthew is laughing all out now and Matt is frozen solid. Matthew and Gilbert? Dating? Matt feels his stomach drop to his feet. Of course, Matthew would go for someone who is talkative and easy to get along with. Matt is not like that. He's quiet and dark. It makes his stomach turn to think of Matthew and Gilbert together, a pit of jealousy worming its way through him.
"First and last wasn't it?" Gilberts snickering is cut off by him stuffing more food into his face. Klaus is rolling his eyes at the scene, petting the small yellow bird that moved to his hands. Matthew's laughter is subsiding, he pops another bit of pancake in his face before answering.
"Oh my god, I don't know what Francis and Alfred were thinking setting us up. The friendship gained however is pretty awesome though," Matthew is smirking up at Gilbert, whose eyes light up with fire at the use of his favorite word. Gilbert proceeds to ramble on about how awesome the word awesome is. Matt's eyes are flickering to Matthew, watching him give Gilbert attention. Matt wants his attention, and he feels bad for it. Matthew is too good for him. He knows that Matthew can give his attention to someone else. Matt is just upset that the one he's giving his romantic attention to is not him. The thought makes him grimace. Matt's never been jealous before. Not like this.
A phone chirps. Klaus scrambles for his cellular device. He makes a disgusted face at the contraption. Suddenly he's pushing at Gilbert roughly to get out of the booth. Gilbert whines about how he's not done eating, reaching his hands out trying to get back to the food. Klaus holds up his phone for Gilbert to read, glaring at his double. The talkative nation makes the same disgusted face.
"Apparently I'm supposed to say things today, Ludwig needs me to go save him, so un-awesome," Gilbert pouts but Klaus pulls at his arm to get him moving. Gilbert snatches one more piece of bacon, putting the strip halfway into his mouth so it hangs out half way. Both Prussia's wave to them as they exit the diner, Gilbert waving a ridiculous amount more than necessary. They are nearly running back to the hotel. Matt is still trying to control his feelings. He's never felt this emotion so strongly before.
Matthew smiles at the scene of them running to the hotel. Gilbert turning his head to smirk at Klaus. He and Gilbert have been friends for years after their awkward only date. He made sure Alfred and Francis apologized many times for their actions. Gilbert is one of the few that made sure to include Matthew when not that many people knew him or even saw him. Matthew notices Matt glaring at the table, his sunglasses doing nothing to hide his expression from the side. His hands are balled into fists on his legs. Curiosity overcomes Matthew and he places a gentle hand on Matt's arm. The bigger nation tenses even more. Slowly Matt tilts his head to look at Matthew.
"Gilbert's just a friend," Matthew tells him reassuringly. Matthew is trying to find a hint of what Matt is thinking in his stoic expression. The way Matt glared at the table worried Matthew. He's not entirely sure what made Matt angry but he feels it had something to do with the comment about his one disastrous date with Gilbert. Matthew wants Matt to know it only happened once, and that it's not a thing anymore. He's trying to assure Matt it's nothing, but Matt just treats him nicely is all. There is no reason for Matt to need assurance. That small thought sends an ache through Matthew. He wishes he could hold Matt's hand the way Feliciano holds Luciano's, but that's a far fetched dream and Matthew holds onto the content he feels just having Matt around. It hurts, but he will endure to keep Matt around.
Matt grits his teeth at Matthew's words and worried expression. He can't help the jealousy pulling at his insides at Matthew's non-existent romantic relationship with Gilbert. He knows Matthew is too good for him, but that doesn't stop him from wanting Matthew to not be with anyone else. His thoughts confuse him, making his mind muddled. He's angry he wants Matthew to be with him and only him because Matt can give his everything to Matthew and it wouldn't be enough. He wants Matthew to be happy, even when it's not with him, but it still hurts. His feelings are taking over his mind and the dark thoughts emerging only make it worse.
"Matt? You okay?" Matthew leans up close, moving Matt's sunglasses to peer into his eyes. He's so worried, Matt hasn't said anything. While Matt is of few words normally, to not make any movement is scaring Matthew. Matt wants to pull away, but can't. Matthew is so close to him and it's making his chest hurt. 'He's amazing' is all Matt thinks. Matthew is soft and gentle and sweet and snarky and beautiful. He's all Matt wants but knows he doesn't deserve. With his clouded judgment, Matt makes the biggest mistake he thinks he'll ever make in his entire eternal life.
Matt reaches a hand up to grab Matthew's face. Matthew starts to say his name but Matt kisses him harshly, cutting off his words. Matthew lets out a squeak in surprise at the gesture, the noise jolts Matt back into clear consciousness. He pulls away quickly, fumbling out of the booth. He stands with his back to Matthew, a deep blush crossing his face. He grips a hand over his mouth in frustration as what he just did. How could he do that to Matthew?
"Sorry," he grumbles out. He leaves the diner before he does anything else stupid. He's so mad at himself for kissing Matthew in a moment of spiteful jealousy. He feels so awful, like the world just crumbled to pieces around him. He's so disturbed with himself. Matthew deserved better than that, than Matt. He knows he needs to stop these destructive thoughts but right now he lets them pour out in his mind. He feels he deserves it for doing that to his double. Matt feels sick.
Matthew watches his retreating form out the window, in shock. Matt had kissed him. He sits in the diner looking at the clouds, his head in a dizzy. Matt had kissed him and Matthew couldn't have been happier and more shocked. He never expected Matt to do that. His double always seemed to be looking for him, watching him. It starts to make sense in Matthew's mind. Maybe Matt does like him. Maybe he can talk to him later, to figure it all out. He pays the bill as the meeting time comes closer. Matthew plays with his fingers as he walks back to the conference hall, a walking bundle of nerves. He doesn't know what to make of Matt's actions. He does know it makes his chest bloom with happiness.
AN: ah so much angst~ hope you're all enjoying it XP 2p Prussia based of scribblemynizzle on tumblr. This is kind of a long chapter isn't it?
Disclaimer: Hetalia ain't no belong to me