Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I don't have a lot to say for this chapter expect that any italicized writing is a flashback and that this chapter is only super long as to give enough background for the Christmas chapter which I WILL BE POSTING! Yay! Alright time to get to reading!
After a heated debated about whether vanilla ice cream was better than chocolate and about 45 minutes into HSM, Emma knocks on the door frame. I'm snuggled up next to Jordi, his hands playing with my hair.
"Hey Em." I giggle. "What's up?" She seems uncomfortable at the sight of Jordi and I but she tries to hide it behind a smile.
"Nothing much, we just got back. Did Nurse Jackson go looking for us? Should we be on red alert? Dash already has a story conjured up in case we need to use it." She speaks quickly.
"No," I laugh. "Or at least I haven't seen her recently. We've been here the entire time, tell me Emma, which is better chocolate or vanilla ice cream?"
"Um, vanilla?" She answers hesitantly. I raise my eyebrows at Jordi. Everybody knows vanilla is the way to go, he just needs to accept it and move on. "Jordi, Leo sent me to come get you. Ruben gave us the keys we just need to go set up." At this Jordi straightens up.
"Oh, yeah! Okay give me one second, I'll meet you up at The Swamp." He replies. Emma nods slowly before exiting. I turn to face Jordi questioningly.
"What was that about?" I ask.
"I can't say but I do need to go. Will you be okay if I leave?" I feel myself deflating a little bit. but I shake my head.
"Totally. It was nice of you to stay here and keep me company." He gives me a skeptical look.
"Are you sure? I feel bad just leaving you."
"No, don't Jordi." I giggle nervously. "I don't need a babysitter. Besides, it sounded pretty urgent."
"Okay." Jordi replies hesitantly before lowering his voice. "If Kara bothers you at all, just shoot me a text okay?" I nod.
"I'll be fine, now get out of here." I laugh pushing him off the bed playfully.
"Geez, alright." He jests dusting himself off.
"Bye Jordi." I tease rolling my eyes. He laughs, giving me a small wave before jogging down the hallway. I hear a muffled slow down from Nurse Jackson and laugh despite myself. I toss off the covers and climb out of bed. I walk over to the TV, turning it off. I've had enough of Gabriela's pity party about whether or not she should date Troy. Come on, it's Zac Efron, the answer should be obvious. I need to find something else to occupy myself with, I never thought being in a hospital would be so boring, there's more time than I know what to do with.
I look around my room trying to think of something to do. My eyes land on a notebook near my bed. I walk over to it and glare down at it.
"Have you thought about writing your feelings down at all?" Dr. Heart asks in that calm professional tone of her's
"Only a kazillion times," I mumble rolling my eyes.
"Did you?" She asks.
"Of course I did. Never said it helped though." I cross my arms defensively. This is so stupid.
"Well here is what I want you to do. Write down any thoughts or emotions you feel are important in this notebook and next time we meet we can talk about them." She suggests handing me a gray spiral notepad. I look at her doubtfully.
"I don't know if I like that idea." I snark. "I'm not much of a writer. And besides if it was easy for me to talk about my 'emotions' do you honestly think I would be here?"
"Miss Johnson, you are here and you are here to get treatment, just like any other sick patient at this hospital. You can't get better if you don't want to put in the effort."
"I'm not sick." I argue. She lets out a slow frustrated breath.
"Regardless, you have a problem. Phoebe you have been through a lot recently, I can't even begin to imagine how you feel after experiencing all of this. It's going to take time to face the situation at hand and I understand that, so maybe before you open up to me you should open up to yourself."
"That makes absolutely no sense." I scoff.
"Trust me, it will."
I'm still glaring at the notebook when there is another knock. I jump back startled to see Dash at the door. I exhale slowly, good lord, I don't think he could have ever caught me more off guard.
"What's up bumble-bee?" He asks chuckling. "See what I did there?"
"Yeah, yeah so creative." I joke rolling my eyes. "And it was so kind of you to sneak up on me like that! Nothing better than having the socks scared off of you." He laughs
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He shrugs, walking into my room. He's eyeing a bag of Funyuns and I toss it to him. He rips it open and munches on a few rings. "So," I drag out. "Are you here for a reason or just to eat my snacks." He licks his fingers.
"Oh yeah. We are all grabbing some dinner, Emma wanted me to come get you." He answers.
"I'm fine, I've been picking at these for a while." I answer with a shrug. I get up and begin to pick up the wrappers and empty bags scattered around.
"I think they have something planned for afterwards." Dash plays dumb. "You should probably come along anyway."
"Do they now?" I answer with a laugh. He nods vigorously. I shake my head, smiling smugly. "I suppose I could go say hi." I give in tossing the scraps I've gathered into a garbage can.
"Great." Dash exclaims. "Now come on, I'm hungry." I roll my eyes and follow him to Leo's room where they've all ordered pizza.
"Yo!" Dash cheers as we enter the room. I can't say that I'm happy to notice that Kara and Hunter decided to make an appearance. Hunter is courteous enough to give me a nod while Kara is choosing to completely ignore me.
I pause at the door a moment before deciding to go sit by Emma. She gives me a smile once I sit down.
"Not hungry?" She asks. I shake my head, her nodding in answer. We both watch as everyone chows down on their pizza.
"How was your trip?" I ask making conversation.
"It was good. We were able to find everything we needed." Emma gives me a suspicious smile.
"Should I be scared?" I whisper. She laughs and bumps sideways into me.
"Maybe." We make small talk until everyone is done eating. Soon all eyes are on me.
"So, Miss Johnson." Leo dictates in a dark voice. "Are you ready to be initiated into the Red Band Society?" My eyes widen and I look to Emma for an answer. She gives me an encouraging nod.
"Um, yes?" I answer cautiously.
"Then follow us." Jordi continues in the same dark tone. We all file out of the room and I follow everyone down the hallway. We come to a gray, heavy metal door. This better just be a pit stop because I really don't feel like getting a lecture from Nurse J about snooping around. Dash pushes open the door though, I internally groan, double checking to make sure no staff are around. I quickly follow everyone up a small flight of stairs, it's colder here. I finally reach the top and my jaw drops in awe. We are on the roof, the whole thing decked out with couches and Christmas lights. My face breaks into a grin.
"Awe! You guys!" I cry pulling anyone near me into a group hug. Those I left out crowd around and we all squeeze together. "You guys did this for me? You're the sweetest!"
"We just wanted to make you feel welcomed." Jordi explains as we all pull out of the group hug. I throw my arms around him happily.
"You guys most definitely did!" I tell him. Everyone is smiling, even Kara. We migrate over to the couches and bean bags everyone coupling off leaving Dash by himself.
"Come here Dash." I shout patting the spot next to me. He acts cool but I can tell he's happy to be included. "You know," I turn to him. "I don't think you get hardly enough credit. You're like the side kick, everyone over looks you but you're actually the most important part of the group. Without you we'd all just be horny teenagers stuck in a hospital." Everyone laughs at that where as I didn't even notice they were all listening. I crack a smile and shrug.
"Thank you Bee." Dash projects."I mean as much as I hate being called a side kick, you at least make it sound like a good thing." Everyone laughs again but behind his joke I can tell Dash's gratitude is genuine.
"This is getting brought the beer?" Kara groans. Oh man how hard it is not to roll my eyes. Leo reaches behind the couch he's sitting on and pulls out an eight pack of beer. They all pass it around, Jordi hands one to me.
"I, uh, I don't drink." I mumble.
"Neither do I." Jordi whispers. "That's why I bring these." He reaches behind him and slyly replaces the beer cans with similar looking ones but instead in fine print it says apple cider.
"You swear this isn't the hard stuff?" I ask with a chuckle. Jordi crosses his heart and hands one to me. I pop the tab and take a sip, yup definitely not getting white girl wasted on this stuff.
After a while of us all talking casually, Jordi whips out his guitar and begins to play. I've moved to sit on the furry rug so that he has enough room. Jordi's actually really good! I'm watching him sing when I feel a buzz underneath me. I pull out my phone and look down at it.
Better speak up soon Scissorhands, curfews creeping up like your dead sister.
I gape down at the message before shooting my gaze to Kara who gives me a smug look. Oh my God! Is this really happening right now? My hands are beginning to sweat as I wring them nervously in my hands. Jordi plays a final chord of his song, turning to look at me. He must see my worried expression because he casually puts down his guitar and slides down to sit by me.
I wait until everyone is swooped up into their own conversations again before showing him the message. He let's out a slow sigh after reading it.
"Alright then." He whispers. "You ready?"
"No I'm not ready!" I hiss at him. He puts his hand on my knee.
"It's okay Bee. I'm going to be right here." I'm shaking. I can't do this. I can't. As if to answer my thoughts Jordi speaks up again. "You can do this."
I look up to where everyone is goofing around, joking happily along with each other. It's a shame I have to deliver this sad news but if I don't do it Kara will. I clear my throat.
"Hey guys," I project loudly. Everyone quiets down and looks over towards me. I take a deep breath, my adrenaline conquering the fear that's taken over my entire system. I'm numb, like how you are right before the big drop on a roller coaster. "I wanted to confront everyone. I've lied and it's time for me to clear everything up. It's time for you guys to get to know the real Phoebe Johnson." I dive into the story of the accident and everything that happened after. Everyone is quiet, listening intently to my words. When I finally finish Leo is the first to speak.
"Wow Phoebe." He says before directing to the rest of the group. "Guys, I think Bee's succeeded in her initiation. It's time to make her an official Red Bander!" Everyone cheers but I'm somewhat taken aback by their intensity. Like, I've just told you all this sob story, you're not going to give me your "condolences" or do the other weird stuff people do when encountered with a grieving person? Guess not. This is a good change though, I hated everyone cooing over me, my aunt and I received more honey baked hams than we could ever eat.
Leo approaches me slowly, using his crutches instead of his chair, I've realized that he's actually pretty tall. I give him a nervous smile. "Phoebe Johnson, you are about to join the strongest group of friends you will ever have the chance to encounter. Do you think you're ready?"
"Um, I don't know." I answer. I still have no idea what this whole Red Band thing is about. Everybody laughs including Leo.
"Just say yes." He tells me.
"Yes?" I reply but it comes out as more of a question than anything else. There are a few more giggles before Leo continues.
"Alright Miss Johnson. Do you solemnly swear to stand by your fellow Red Banders, lending love, support, and the occasional crutch to any of the members in need?" This conjures up another round of giggles, including me this time.
"Most definitely." I answer with a newly found confidence.
"Than I, Leo Roth, hereby declare Phoebe Johnson as the newest member of the Red Band Society!" Everybody claps and cheers while I'm standing here beaming like an idiot. I still have hardly an idea of what's going on but I think I like it.
"Now," Leo says. "Lets make this official." He pulls a red hospital bracelet off his wrist. All of the puzzle pieces begin to fall into place. "Bee, this is from-"
"Wait." Emma interrupts getting up from her seat. "Let me do this one Leo." He nods stepping aside allowing Emma to come up to me.
"Phoebe." She begins. "This band is for when I first got here. The whole reason I became Anorexic in the first place was because I felt useless and powerless. I want you to know that you're not alone." Her words are so simple, so plain, but they mean so much to me. Emma slides the band onto my wrist, right below my scar. I stare at it, a bad ending but a new beginning both in the same place. I pull Emma into a tight hug.
"Yuck, that's enough of this lovey dovey stuff for me." Kara spits. I would glare at her but I'm too happy to.
"Come one Kara, we all know you live for this kind of stuff." Jordi says walking over to me. Kara raises an eyebrow and shakes her head.
"Uh huh. Sure I do." She snarks.
"Oh yeah? Is that why I found The Notebook and The Fault In Our Stars in your drawer the other day?" Hunter laughs but Kara glares at him.
"How did you find those?" She hisses to him under her breath.
"Um, when someone was stupid enough to forget a condom and I had to go find one." Hunter whispers back. Ew, gross.
"Alright everybody," Leo says breaking up their hushed conversation. "Bring it in." Everybody, including Kara get up and form a big group hug with me in the center. Sure, I've been through a lot but in the end life is full of black holes but the only person who can pull you out is you.
That's it for tonight! Also special shout out to the guest who wrote a review for me, I don't know if you are reading this or not but if you are thanks so much! Happy Holidays everybody, sleep tight! -Britt