Matthew waits anxiously for the meeting to start, bouncing his legs and tapping his fingers on the table. He got there early to wait for Matt to come sit next to him, to talk to him, to help him figure out what had happened in the diner exactly, and what it meant for them. Matthew looks to Feliciano sitting in Luciano's lap talking animatedly about something. Matthew smiles at the two. He doesn't want to be that overly affectionate in public with Matt, but he would love to hold his hand and cuddle him and kiss his face. He just wants Matt to come to him like he always does.
That doesn't happen though. Alfred slides into the seat next to him and Matthew gives him a curious look. Matthew is now worried if Matt is okay. He wonders if Matt isn't coming because of him. Maybe he didn't give Matt enough of a sign he likes him too. Maybe he's taken Matt for granted, with his gentle 'hellos' and blushing faces. Matthew nudges Alfred with his elbow.
"Al said he wanted to sit next to his brother today," is all Alfred gives as an answer, shrugging his shoulders. Matthew is entirely baffled by it all. Why would Matt kiss him, then run off like that? He wants to know what is going on in Matt's head, how he's feeling, and what he feels for Matthew. He's still mentally panicking when Matt and Al come in just as Ludwigs begins to talk. Matthew feels a rush of relief at seeing his double. The brothers quickly take their seats. Matthew keeps his eyes glued on Matt, waiting for him to look up, to look at Matthew. But he never does. Throughout the whole meeting, Matt doesn't even glance at him. And it kills Matthew.
When Matt barged into their room and asked Al to sit next to him at the meeting, he expected his asshole of a brother to laugh at him or call him names or something completely different other than saying 'sure, no problem' with a shrug of his shoulders. Matt thanked him coarsely, but full of appreciation for Al's acceptance of his strange request. He feels grateful to the little shit for once. Al doesn't ask question as to why Matt wants to sit together, or even tease him. Moments like this are what make Matt remember back when they had been first colonized together and still on good terms. They stuck to each other like glue, keeping each other safe and out of trouble.
Then Al broke off for independence. It had been the first time he and Matt fought seriously, with the aim to cause harm to the other. It definitely hadn't been the last. Almost every time they saw each other after that, they got in some sort of battle, for some stupid reason or another. If not for Oliver pushing them to be nicer, they wouldn't have even been able to tolerate each other when the gate opened, let alone fight side by side together. He and Al sought each other out, almost on instinct, to fight back to back against whatever foe came through that rift.
Even though they can't physically fight Matthew, Matt is glad his brother still has his back. Even for a shitty reason. They sit in silence during the meeting, both with their arms crossed and sunglasses on, glaring at all that look at them. It's one of the most brotherly thing's they've ever done together. Again, Matt feels that pang of gratitude towards his brother. Al is one of the best and worst things in Matt's life. Matt thinks throughout the meeting that this is one of the hardest things he's ever done. He's never ignored Matthew. Everyday, he would go and say 'hello' to make sure Matthew know he saw him. He got into routine of going straight to Matthew to acknowledge his double, to see his smiling face.
Matt realizes now that he can't do that anymore. It causes a streak of self loathing to course through him. He's ruined his ability to get close to Matthew. Matthew doesn't need him and he certainly deserves better than Matt. It has been one big mistake to get close to Matthew at all. Matt feels sick again. Al gives him curious glances throughout the meeting but does nothing, even controlling himself from talking to Alfred. Al drags Matt back to their room at the end of the meeting. He doesn't know why Matt is acting strange, but the fact Matt went to him makes him a bit happy. Al never feels needed, and even if it's for Matt's own selfish reasons, Al will help him. He sits Matt down and makes him tea with honey, and sings soft songs to lull his brother to sleep.
Matthew is silently crying into Kumajiro back in his room. The bear came running up to him the moment the door opened, feeling his pain. Matthew swept him up in his arms and hid himself in his room. Matt has never ignored him like that before, never ignored him at all. He figured Matt felt overly embarrassed due to the incident in the diner, so he would let it go and talk to him when he felt better. But it still hurt. Matt is always there for him, and Matthew has begun to rely on him. Having that stability taken away shakes Matthew more than he cares to admit. He takes Matt for granted and he's angry at himself for not appreciating Matt more.
A knock comes from his door, starling him. He quickly wipes the tears off his face before going to open the door so he can make himself presentable. The door opens before he's ready. Matthew tries to hide his face in the white fur of his companion, but it's too late. Alfred freezes in the doorway, mouth open as if to say something, but the words get caught in his throat at the sight of Matthew's red face. They lock eyes, neither moving. It's not long before Alfred breaks the silence as he always does.
"So who do I nuke?" the serious way Alfred says it, like he means he will actually bomb the holy hell out of whoever made his brother upset, makes Matthew laugh if only just a little. Alfred comes inside to sit beside him on the bed and Matthew rests his head against his brother's shoulder, petting his upset bear. Alfred puts his arm around him and Matthew lets a few more quiet tears fall. They sit in silence, Alfred rubbing small circles on his back, waiting for Matthew to talk.
"I've never felt so invisible." Matthew says finally, his voice miserable. Alfred feels a twist in his gut. He knows that a long time ago when he first declared himself independent, he and Matthew broke apart and Alfred had a hard time recognizing him, remembering him. Whenever they met up for business, Alfred couldn't for the life of him see Matthew. Alfred feels horrible for forgetting his brother everyday, now knowing that at the time he did forget, everyone else had already forgotten, leaving Matthew alone with a bear. A bear Alfred will never admit aloud he thanked for being there for his sibling when Alfred had been too stupid to do so himself. Finally when the memories kicked in, Alfred remembered Matthew full force. Now he makes sure to always include Matthew, ask him his opinion, text him when something fun happens, or just call him when he's bored and wants to hang out.
"Matt's an idiot for doing that to you," Alfred says bitterly after Matthew explains exactly why he's weeping into Kumajiro's fur. He does leave out the kiss part in the diner. Matthew has expressed many times how he feels when people don't remember who he is. He knows Matt knows he hates his 'super power' of being unseen. He keeps close to those who do remember him, and more and more people are starting to see him, Alfred makes sure of that. But Matthew knows Alfred has no idea how it feels to be ignored by people, how much it hurts to be seen, then nothing.
"I know he's just embarrassed, but it still hurts," Matthew lets out a small sob. Kumajiro paws at his chest, not knowing why his food giver is making sad noises, but wants him to stop. Matthew forces out a laugh, nuzzling the bear. Kumajiro can feel his emotions. The small polar bear is just as much a part of Canada as Matthew is. He's been with Matthew before colonization. Alfred scowls.
"Are you gunna ignore him back?"
"No, that'll just end in us not speaking for years. You remember how that worked out between you and Arthur." Alfred groans at the memory. Independence drew a rift between them, and the Boston Tea Party did not help at all. The day he and Arthur started speaking again had been one of the most awkward days in Alfred's life, much to Matthew's amusement. Suddenly, Alfred gets an idea.
"Maybe we can do something to him ya know? Like put pink hair dye in his shampoo, make him look like Oliver!" Alfred jumps off the bed in excitement, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kumajiro whines at the sudden movement causing his owner to smile. Matthew briefly thinks Alfred spends too much time with his double to have that kind of look on his face.
"I don't think that's necessary Alfred, but thank you. I'm just going try to talk to Matt tomorrow, tell him everything's okay." Alfred's smile falls just a little at Matthew's rejection to his hair dye idea, but he's glad that Matthew isn't crying into his bear anymore. He leaves Matthew alone for a while so he can blow his nose. When Matthew emerges from his room, Alfred makes him coffee with maple syrup. Matthew rolls his eyes at coffee at four in the afternoon, but drinks it anyway. He and Alfred spend the rest of the night playing video games and dancing around their room like animals to really loud music.
"What did tall and grumpy even do to make him want to ignore you?" Alfred asks the middle of their last lap of Mario Cart, a twizzler hanging from his teeth. Matthew is startled by the question and falls off the road. Taking that as a hint, Alfred pauses the game. He gazes at Matthew expectantly. They've been playing the game together for years, both getting really good at even the most difficult of tracks. There's no way Matthew would do something so careless as fall off the road unless something major happened.
"Oh, nothing really. He just.. kissed me is all," Matthew says the last part quickly, hiding his face in one of his hands. Alfred's face twists up in confusion. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as if to say something, then changes his mind. Eventually Alfred settles on the best thing to say.
"Huh?" Matthew lowers his hand and looks at his brother, his mouth hanging open and a twizzler in his hand. He looks utterly dumbfounded. Matthew sighs, explaining what happened at the diner being the reason for Matt's behavior. Alfred makes faces throughout the story, especially at the part where Matt kisses his brother. Matthew waits patiently for Alfred to freak out, scream, or threaten to blow someone up again. Maybe a mix of all three.
"Well, that's awkward." is all he says. Matthew lets out a stream of giggles at his brother's blunt answer. Alfred always blew things out of proportion, and yet always seemed to bring Matthew's issues down to size. He nods his head in agreement. Alfred's puzzled face comes back and he looks up at the ceiling.
"Do you like him too though?" Alfred's question is innocent. Matthew keeps a smile on his face as he tells him, that yes, he does like Matt as well. Alfred faces the TV again, a pout on his face. He had a feeling Matthew liked his double, you don't grow up with Francis and not learn a thing or two about romance, as gross as it is.
"I'll forgive him this time, but if he ever makes you cry again, the hero will punch him in the face for you," Alfred gives Matthew his hero face, making him smile. Alfred's hero obsession has its perks.
AN: I'm sure I've mentioned how much sibling love gives me life~ Yes Matt is ignoring Matthew, because he's an idiot and doesn't know how to feeling. Thank you so much to the people who review and give comments it means so much to me. It leaves me in a state of blushing covering my face oh my goodness.
Disclaimer: Hetalia ain't no belong to me