Hey Guys! I hope you all are enjoying you're holiday break. I'm thinking about getting back into the routine of posting on Mondays and Wednesdays again, so try and count on that with maybe a few off chapters. I already have a pretty awesome chapter on hand that I may post tomorrow so we will just see how the day goes.
Now I don't know if any of you have read a certain story called "You're Going To Bend But Don't Let Them Break You." by Rosalie1316. It is one of the most popular Red Band Society Fanfictions on this site and definitely one of my favorites. Recently she gave me a shout out at the end of chapter 21 in her story and I'm going to return the favor! Rosie if you see this update thanks so much and I can't wait to hear from you again! So without any more small talk here is Chapter Eleven, it's pretty short but there is going to be some drama that comes up next chapter that should make up for it ;)
So you know that saying that goes somewhat along the lines of "I'm only a morning person on Christmas"? Yea, that's totally me right now.
"Hey, Bee, it's time to get up. You have another appointment with Dr. Heart this morning." Brittany states shaking me slightly.
"Britt, please let me sleep." I beg. I've found that she's not as tough as Nurse Jackson. Maybe she'll let me slide for a few more minutes of shut eye. I can hear her thinking.
"I suppose you could sleep in for just a little while more." She finally gives in. I give her a sleepy smile.
"You're the best." I mumble settling back into bed.
"Oh no she's not." I hear Nurse Jackson declare. I let out an audible groan. "Phoebe Johnson we are not going through this today." She lectures marching over. "Brittany, go check on the boys." She waves Brittany out of the room.
"Nurse Jackson,' I moan. "Do I really have to go?"
"Yes Bee. You really do."
"I don't want to." I huff.
"Too bad. Now if you want to look cute for Jordi I'd suggest getting up and getting ready because you're not coming back to your room until later this afternoon." I pop my eyes open and glare at her.
"First of all, we're not dating." I express this with distinction. "Second of all, why can't I come back to my room?"
"You're getting a roommate." Nurse Jackson answers. My jaw drops.
"I don't want a roommate!" I argue.
"It'll be good for you Bee, you'll have someone to relate to and keep you company." She states.
"I have Jordi, Leo, Emma, and Dash for that! Even then that doesn't explain why I'm being kicked out of my room. Where am I supposed to go until then?" I exclaim.
"You have Jordi, Leo, Emma, and Dash for that." She mocks me and I roll my eyes. "To answer your question, you're new roomate has a few, uh, decorations she wants to put up. She asked for the room to be free from anything that would distract her from her creative process."
"You're kidding me." I whine.
"I wish I was sweet pea." She shakes her head. "Now hurry up and get ready. I'll be back in 10 minutes to take you down to Dr. Heart's office." She leaves my room, stopping at the nurses station to talk to Brittany and Kenji. She looks back towards my room and when she notices I'm not up she gives me one of her deadly stares. I throw my hands up defensively before tossing my sheets off of me and migrating to the bathroom to get ready.
I just decide on yoga pants and a pink sweatshirt given my squished time frame. I don't have time to take a shower either so I just dry shampoo my 2nd day curled hair and tease it into a messy ponytail. I wash my face at least and right as I'm putting on the finishing touches of my makeup there is a knock on the door.
"Come on Phoebe." It's Nurse Jackson. "Time to go." I gloss on some light pink lip-gloss and give my ponytail one last tease before walking out. "Ready?" Nurse J asks.
"Yeah, let me put some shoes on." I slip on my tan Bailey Bow Uggs before following Nurse Jackson down to Dr. Heart's office. I absolutely dread this dumb appointment, last time we met let's just say was not exactly a pleasant experience.
"So how are you feeling?" Nurse J asks.
"Nervous." I reply.
"Is that so?" I nod. "Why's that?" I really don't want to answer, mostly because quite frankly I don't know. Well, maybe I do but I don't want to think about it, I don't want to think about anything in fact, just go on with my life and push all the bad feelings aside. I remain silent as Nurse Jackson leads me into Dr. Heart's office.
"Thank you Dena." Dr. Heart speaks up from her computer. Nurse Jackson leaves and I'm just standing here like an idiot. "You can sit down Phoebe." Dr. Heart directs to me. I tentatively take a seat at one of the stiff leather chairs in front of her desk. She finally looks up from her hurried typing and gives me warm smile before leaning back casually in her chair.
"Good morning." She says. I don't say anything back but just stare blankly ahead of me. I cross my arms, Dr. Heart's eyes take note of my action. I guess part of psychology is being observant of body language, I hope she catches my drift of annoyance and coldness. "How are you feeling today?" She asks carefully.
"Fine." I respond in a bleak tone. She stares at me trying to read me, but I'm closed book.
"So let's talk about Christmas. I heard you had a visitor." She inquires
"My aunt Tess." Is all I give her.
"And how was that?" She asks.
"Fine." I reply. She gives out a sigh.
"Is this really how you're going to choose to act today?" She scolds and I shrug. She clicks her tongue and types something into her computer. "Have you written anything in the journal I gave you?" She continues.
"No." I answer. "I haven't." She gives me a sad look.
"Miss Johnson, what I'm asking of you is not a difficult thing. Why are you putting so much effort into fighting this when you could be putting that same effort into getting better?"
"You think I'm fighting my treatment?" I scoff.
"Well you're definitely not trying very hard! I would think a girl with your type of history would want to get out of here as quickly as possible."
"Oh, yeah?" I rant. "And what exactly do you think is my 'history'?" She pulls out a drawer from her desk and takes out a creme colored folder. She licks her finger and begins to flip through it.
"It says here you were a varsity volleyball player, star cheerleader, class president three years running. Not to mention the high social status I am told you possess among your fellow students. Now tell me, why would a pretty, smart, popular girl like yourself want to keep herself locked away here when you could return back to that happy life?"
"None of it would be worth it now." I mumble without thinking.
"Because of Claire being gone." Dr Heart concludes. I give no response even though the inside of me is tearing apart. "It says that you two did everything together. That must've gotten infuriating at times." She's trying to get a kick out of me by saying these things. I mean yeah it did, often, but I feel guilty thinking about that when I should hold close any memories I do have of my sister.
"I don't really want to talk." I state through gritted teeth.
"When will you be Phoebe?" She demands. "You can't keep pushing this aside! These flashbacks, these emotions, you can't lock them up inside of you. You aren't this infinite vault. One day you're going to run out of room for all of these things to lock up and you're going to burst. Don't let that happen to yourself." I absorb this quietly but say nothing. It strikes a nerve but I don't want her to notice that she got to me.
The rest of the appointment is pretty uneventful. Dr Heart talks about adjusting my medication, adding another antidepressant and something to help me sleep at night. She thinks that it will help make me feel less drowsy in the morning. She also thinks, to my disliking, that some group therapy will do me some good. She believes so highly in her own decision that she's signed me up for a session each day this week! Isn't that just swell.
I leave the appointment with the same bitterness that I came in with except this time I can't go back to my room to sleep off this awful day. I drag myself off to, you know what. I actually have no idea where I'm going. I'll just let my feet carry me wherever they want to go.
Alright and that's it! I wanted to thank you all as usual for taking time out of your busy lives to read my story. Just another shout out to Rosalie1316 and demi-wolf3T! You guys are the ! Lots of Love - Britt