It's by far the most awkward meeting Matt has ever been too. Even more awkward than the time Gilbert came to the meeting dressed as girl. He and Matthew are skirting around each other. Giving sparse glances and looking away when eye contact is accidentally made. The looking away is mostly done on Matt's part. Matthew looks so upset that Matt can't look at him for very long. He knows it's his fault Matthew has that kind of expression. He wants to talk to him, but his shyness and awkwardness is kicking him in the gut. He doesn't know what to say.
Halfway through the meeting, Ludwig calls a break, hoping that it will give the nations a chance to get their energy out so they can focus for the last few hours. They all know it won't work and will more than likely have the opposite effect. Al grabs his hand roughly and pulls him out of the room when they're dismissed for their ten minutes. He drags Matt down the hallway and pushes him into an empty snack room. He sits Matt down in one of the chairs. Al is glaring at him.
"What the hell is taking you so long?" Al hisses at him. Matt clenches his fists together, not answering. In frustration, Al throws his hands up and starts to make coffee. Matt raises an eyebrow at the action. Al doesn't drink coffee, especially since the way he's making it includes milk. His brother huffs and turns around to face Matt. Matt's face falls to misery.
"I don't know what to say," he mumbles out. Al groans, rolling his eyes. He stands beside Matt and pushes at his shoulders. Matt lets him.
"Well, sorry would be a good start," the new voice makes both brothers look to the doorway. Alfred is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, looking annoyed. Al's face lights up at the new addition to the room. Matt looks back down at the table. Al moves over to Alfred, trying to pull him into a hug, but Alfred places a hand on his face to keep him away.
"You made him real upset bro," Alfred continues. He enters the room and goes to the coffee maker, finished with its job. He pours himself a cup and glares at Matt who has returned his gaze to Alfred. Matt feels awful. Alfred shouldn't be here telling Matt what to do. Matt knows what he has to do, he just doesn't know if he can. Still glaring, the American takes a sip of his coffee, but as soon as he does, his irritated demeanor drops.
"Wow whoever made this, needs to keep making it, its amazing. But yeah Matt fix it. Apologize and all that." With that, Alfred dodges Al's grabbing hands and exits the room. Matt raises an eyebrow at his smug brother. Al gives him a cheeky smirk and follows after his double. Matt sighs again. He feels so alone, nearly lost. He's gotten so used to Matthew's presence, that without it, it messes with his mind. He lays his head down on the table, debating whether or not skip the last of the meeting.
"Yo Matthew!" He jumps as his name is called. Coming down the hallway is a very satisfied looking Al, with Alfred looking puzzled right beside him. Seeing the two not fighting or teasing each other is a weird sight to Matthew. He briefly thinks he's gone absolutely crazy. With the way he's been acting without Matt, he might as well be. Al approaches him and throws an arm over his shoulder, pulling Matthew down to his height. He squeaks at the gesture.
"So I saw Matt sulking in one of the snack rooms by himself," Al tells him innocently. Alfred's puzzled face grows more puzzled. Matthew blinks at Al, whose smirk lessons.
"Oh my god take the hint and go talk to him. You know as much as I do that Matt is too chicken shit to come talk to you first," Al shoves Matthew down the hallway. Matthew catches himself and swivels back to gape at Al. With his smirk back full force, he links arms with Alfred and drags him back to their meeting.
"Second to last on the left," Al calls out, and they're gone.
Matt doesn't want to move. He knows the meeting is starting soon, but doesn't think he can face Matthew again. His double has been through enough turmoil because of him, and Matt doesn't want to be the cause of it anymore.
"Matt?" he tenses at the gentle voice. He cautiously raises his head to the doorway. Matthew's eyes are on him, he's wringing his hands together, and he looks nervous. Matt sits up straighter and snaps his eyes back to the table. This is not how he expected this confrontation to go. He didn't expect a confrontation at all.
"Matt." The gentle tone of Matthew's voice disappears completely. Matt looks back to his double, all nervousness gone from his features, replaced entirely with frustration. Matthew stomps forward. He grabs Matt by his collar, yanks him up out of his seat, and throws him on the ground. Matt has the wind knocked out of him. He momentarily forgot how much strength Matthew has. Matthew sits on his stomach, glowering down at him. He grabs Matt's collar again to lift him off the ground and slam him on the floor again.
"I'm so mad at you!" Matthew yells, his face puffing up in anger. Matt blinks wide eyed at the loudness. Matthew has always been soft spoken, even when being snarky and teasing. Matthew slams him on the ground again.
"How could you do this to me Matt? How could you treat me like I matter then just ignore me like I'm invisible? Do you know how much that hurts Matt? Do you?" Matthews voice keeps raising with every word he says. Matt gulps. He's seen Matthew irritated, frustrated even, but not full on furious. Matthew pulls him up close to his face.
"It hurts so much Matt, to feel loved, just to have that thrown away, like it was nothing." Matthew whispers. Matthew drops him to the ground and buries his head into Matt's shoulder. He's missed Matt so much and all he wants to do take him back to his part of Canada. Matt is frozen beneath Matthew. He's doing his best to focus on breathing not know what to even think at Matthew's anger. Matthew starts to shake, and it takes Matt a moment to realize it's cause Matthew is crying. And it's Matt's fault.
"Please Matt," Matthew is so quiet that Matt stops breathing to hear him. Matthew lets out a soft sob before continuing.
"Please don't leave me. Please don't ignore me. Please Matt." Matthew is begging through his crys and Matt's heart is hurting. He sits up suddenly, putting his arms around Matthew's waist, pulling him as close as he can. Now having access, Matthew's arms are around his shoulders. Matt closes his eyes tight, the sound of Matthew crying breaking his heart more than he ever thought possible. He whispers apologies in French as a few tears slip out. Matt starts to talk.
He tells Matthew everything. He tells him how he felt when he found out there are two Canada's, and how he felt the moment he first saw Matthew smiling up at him. He tells him about how he feels when Matthew pays attention to him and gives him those smiles, about how Matt purposfully wears sunglasses in odd places to help cover the blush that Matthew puts on his face. He tells him about how jealous he felt, how dejected he felt, during their breakfast with Gilbert and Klaus. He tells him how he feels Matthew deserves so much better than a double like him. He tells Matthew about how he feels like he's a mistake to both worlds when someone like Matthew exists. He tells how he feels that Matthew is the better Canada, and that he should not exist.
It's quiet between them when the words stop coming out. They're both trying to catch their breath, Matthew from his crying, and Matt from talking. It's the most he's talked in the past hundred years combined. Matt is amazed, once again, at Matthew for still being there in his arms. He's sad when Matthew pulls back to rub some of the tear streaks from his face, but he keeps an arm around Matt's shoulders.
"I swear Matthew, I can see the Northern Lights in your eyes, and it makes me fall in love with you even more every time." Matt says guffly, his voice cracking due to the tears that fell during in his speech. Matthew laughs lightly, a smile coming to his face that makes his chest spark with happiness. Matt does the only thing that makes sense. He leans forward and places a soft kiss on Matthew's lips.
He pulls back, and Matthew embraces him, clinging to him. It's his turn to say sweet things to Matt. He tells Matt how he felt when he first saw him and how as he got to know him, he fell for Matt and his shyness. How Matt is everything he could ever want and more. How he loves the grumpy faces Matt makes. He tells him how his rare smiles are what Matthew lives to see. He tells him so many times that Matt is enough, and exactly what Matthew deserves. Matthew finishes and Matt keeps him tight, trying to memorize the feel of Matthew in his arms. He doesn't know how long he'll have to hold Matthew like this, and he wants it to remain with for him as long as it can.
"J'taime Matt, so much," Matthew whispers in his ear. Matt can feel a blush coming on his face and buries his head in Matthew's shoulder to hide it. His emotions going wild. Matthew laughs at the action and runs a hand through Matt's hair. They've been quiet with each other and Matthew's confession broke the silence.
"J'taime Matthew, more than anything." Matthew's laugh is the most beautiful thing Matt's ever heard. They sit in the snack room in each others embrace for a long time, rubbing circles on each others backs. Matt's dark thoughts come back to him though. He feels he's making a mistake being here with Matthew, feels like he's holding back his double. He tries to remove the thoughts, but Matthew notices the grimace on his features.
"What's wrong grumpy face?" Matthew teases, running a hand across Matt's cheek. Matt grumbles in response, closing his eyes tight. He feels so comfortable with Matthew, like he's a piece of him that Matt has been living without for years. That's exactly what Matthew is. Matt takes a deep breath.
"Are you.. sure about me? What if this is some sort of mistake.." his rough voice trails off. He doesn't want to be a mistake for Matthew, even though he feels he is. Matthew's sudden laughter drowns out all the bad thoughts from Matt's mind. Matthew kisses him softly and his words bring a small smile to Matt's face.
"How could this be a mistake Matt? Who better to love me than myself?"
AN: Ah.. I hope that wasn't too.. anti-climactic? But they're happy now :D Thank you to those who review~
Disclaimer: Hetalia ain't no belong me