Chapter 3

"Oh Bo, I love the way you feather your hair."

Grumble

Stretch

Grumble again.

"Would I like to take a ride with you in the General Lee? You bet!"

Yawn

Eyes open…

Oh my God! I haven't had that dream in… I mean…wow Helga really cast an evil illusion spell on me! Yeah, one where I was fighting a…uh…giant winter owl named Bo… who was also a general…

Okay, can we please never mention this to Harry? I'm pretty sure it violates one or more of the Laws of Magic.

I sat up from the field of grass and wildflowers I was laying upon and stretched. The sun felt a bit hot, but the breeze running across the meadow made the temperature just right for a lazy day of napping.

Wait a minute, what am I doing in a field and not and ice castle?

I jumped to me feet. Well actually I tried jumping to my feet but my legs got tangled in the billowy, blue dress I was wearing and I fell right back down on my backside and in the process landing on the metal Dukes of Hazard lunchbox.

Ow!

I stood up a bit more carefully this time. I had to because for some reason I was wearing black leather shoes with buckles on them. They were the old type, not some of the more modern 'I'm pretending to be a naughty schoolgirl' ones. These were very much like the shoes Charity made me wear when I was eight, back when I was actually naughty. though not in the fun way.

Holy crap!

Buckles on my shoes…

Blue dress…

Lying in a spring meadow of grass and wildflowers that should not exist at the beginning of November?

I say again… HOLY CRAP!

I'm Alice in friggin Wonderland!

Okay…take two.

I opened my eyes this time and…

ARRRGGGG!

Why am I still dressed like Alice in Wonderland? Just what was in that tea Helga gave me?

First things first, I was pretty sure it wasn't a dream. At least it wasn't one I could wake myself up from. So either I was dealing with an exceptionally elaborate illusion, or it was a type of magic totally foreign to me. Thankfully, I was pretty proficient in illusions myself so I knew the telltale signs of what to look for.

Basic illusions are fairly simple and almost any magical being could pull them off. A good way of describing them is by using one of the old Roadrunner cartoon as an example.

Do you remember the one where the coyote paints the side of a cliff to look like there is a tunnel running through it? That is more or less what a basic illusion is like. It's usually two dimensional and is generally an image of something the observer would be expecting to see so that he or she is more likely to believe it. Or in the case of veil spells, it is covering what the observer doesn't expect to see. An average wizard can make a non-moving, human sized illusion last for about ten minutes.

Increasing the size or duration of the illusion requires increasing the amount of magic. That requires more than just an average wizard. Making a realistic illusion that is also capable of moving is harder still and therefore shortens the duration of the spell even further. Truly powerful wizards like Harry can perform these, though it takes their full concentration and only runs for a short period of time. That's why, when given a choice, Harry tends to just blast guards rather than trying to sneak past them under a veil; its less effort for him.

But a gifted sensitive wizard, like me for example, can transform an entire area into an illusion, to include adding sounds or even smells to make it all the more real. I can even make my spells adaptive so that if you were to say shoot a gun at the illusionary me, I could make it look like the bullets hit me, or that they bounced off my shield spell. Not to brag, but I can actually manage running eight to ten different illusionary people inside one of my illusions, thanks in part to the training Lea put me through.

But the key thing that illusion magic can't account for is the unexpected. The spell is only as good as the controlling mind's ability to react. The stranger the event, the harder it is to comprehend, and therefore the longer it takes the wizard to change his illusion. And once those witnessing the spell begin to see little errors or delays, the mind rejects the show and the magic fails.

I'm a master of the unexpected. Just ask my mom!

I have a rave spell that is just the bomb at parties. With it I can make any normal get together more electrifying and hip that even the coolest nightclub. The truth is I had to create this spell for myself because once my powers developed, the lights and music at those super clubs would short out soon after I arrived. Why do they always put the DJ near the bathrooms?

CD, record, and even tape players rarely lasted two songs if I got within ten feet or so. Oddly enough, eight track tapes never seemed to work better. In fact, I once witnessed an eight track tape that had unspooled magically fix itself and play better just because I passed by it to get a drink. I asked Harry about it and he explained that eight track tapes were the physical remnants of an evil curse placed on the music industry which is why they responded positively to magic and not to anyone else.

Hey, I can believe it.

Anyway, because I can make the rave spell do millions of different things including strobe lights, fireworks, and even the occasional reverb echo, no wizard could possibly anticipate the patterns I put forth. As I released the magic, the dazzling bursts of light and sound that I shot straight up in the air were comforting, especially after my earlier fail with my little flame of intimidation.

And the fact it worked told me this was no illusion around me.

I may be a bit repetitive but…

HOLY CRAP!

I'm still Alice in friggin Wonderland!

And now… take three…

Even if I can't figure out how I got here, or for that matter where 'here' is, perhaps I can figure out why I'm here.

Let's start with a fairly likely assumption that it is almost assuredly not for a good reason. You might think that since I was alive, this might mean the place was not intended to harm me. Obviously there are lots of worse places than a sunny meadow. Well, you'd be very wrong.

This was obviously Faerie magic I was caught up in. Human wizards just kill you. We don't usually have lots of time to waste a lot of energy on games like this. Sure we may live fairly long lives, but we're not immortal. Time is almost as precious for us as it is for normal people, and silly games like this just waste valuable time that could be spent on other useful pursuits. Even The Merlin would either kill me outright or capture me so I could stand trial. He wouldn't catch me and dress me up like this. At least I don't think so. Just what type of fetishes do guys his age come up with?

Anyway, other magical beings, specifically the Fomor, haven't shown me the imagination to pull off a spell like this. Yes, they definitely wanted to kill me. And sure they can be pretty damn powerful. But they use their spells to crush all opposition and enslave the survivors. They also had been hidden away for a pretty long time, so I'm not sure Alice in Wonderland would have been on their must read list upon returning.

No, it would take the patient, twisted mind of an immortal Faerie to concoct a spell trap like this for me. As a species, they were like big cats that reveled in torturing those they considered weaker and lesser than themselves. Hell, for all I know my 'adventure' was being telecast to everyone in the Winter Court as a miniseries event.

So if I use that as a reasonable baseline assumption for an otherwise unreasonable situation, then what could that tell me on how I get out of here, or better yet, turn the tables to my advantage? I am guessing the answer to that question was by not playing out this little fantasy by the spell caster's rules. I may be dressed up, but I sure as hell was not going to play.

What could I remember about Alice's adventures? It had been many years since my dad took me to see the Disney movie at an actual theater, even though by then it was available for VCRs. I should therefore remember, but instead of watching the movie, I kept staring at my dad and trying to reconcile how a man who carried a real sword for a living to cut down demons could also be such a loving father. I finally realized it was all part of God's design and I wasn't meant to understand, merely accept his love.

Anyway, back to memories of the movie. Alice follows white rabbit and then falls down a hole. Alice grows and shrinks to make it through a small door. She meets a drugged out caterpillar, or wait was that only on the Tom Petty video? She has a tea party with the Mad Hatter and others. Then there was something about a Queen of Hearts and her tarts I think.

Oh well, who cares.

Maybe you can dress me up, but you can't make me play!

First thing first; where is that silly hole? I figured as long as I stayed away from it, there was no way for the rest of this scenario to play out. I didn't immediately see it. Three of the four directions, to the front, right, and left, the meadow rand up to the edge of a woods or orchard. Behind me there was a hill that sloped upward for eight to ten feet, blocking my sight on whatever was beyond it. That made it the number one candidate for the direction to avoid.

I also realized that while Faeries may be immortal, the ones I met were rarely patient when desiring entertainment. If you have heard of the various ways they dress when trying to seduce, you probably understand that foreplay is a foreign concept to them. They only seem to be patient when revenge is involved.

If they were hoping I'd play along, they might as well be disappointed now.

"Whoever you are, you can forget about me jumping or falling into a hole." I called out, sensing nothing in response. That meant there was no one near by to feel their emotional response to my declaration. But, just to be sure. "And I sure as hell am not going to try talking to a rabbit either, so you might as well call this whole thing off."

HA! Take THAT Louis Carroll.

RUMBLE… The ground around me seemed to shake. It wasn't like a magical earthquake; thanks to my travels with Harry I'd experienced one of those. It was more like the Earth's shuddering after an explosion. Only there had been no explosion sound or the telltale signs of a cloud of dust to mark such an event.

RUMBLE… Okay that one seemed a little stronger.

I took a quick look around making sure nothing was charging me. I also looked for signs of something tunneling up, since a hole seemed to still be required, but there was no evidence of either. I did note the hill behind be had what looked like a path heading up to the top. A path meant life of some sort, which should seem comforting.

Yeah, that's just what they wanted me to think!

I turned and sprinted toward the trees on the opposite side of the meadow.

When I say sprinted, I was only talking about my intent. In addition to the dress that was not created or at all useful for track meets, I was wearing school shoes. So all I really accomplished was about three or four steps before the jolting of the hard soles against the ground sent shooting pain up the back of my legs. It was so bad that I barely noticed how the hard, shiny leather scrapped the skin off the back of my heels. Yeah, sprinting was out of the question. I could manage a brisk walk at best.

RUMBLE…

Yep, that trembling effect was definitely getting stronger.

I focused on the problem at hand, gathering up my dress to allow me to at least take longer steps without the fear of tripping. The slower pace stopped the jolting pain, but I could still feel the leather acting like sandpaper on the back of my heels with every step. I estimated I had sixty or so to reach the edge of the trees.

RUMBLE…

Since I had been looking that way, I noted whatever was causing this was strong enough to make the tops of the trees sway. It vaguely reminded me of a movie.

I took another step. Which movie? I hated when I couldn't place something like this.

Step.

Not Alice in Wonderland, that was for sure.

Step.

No it was something more recent than that.

RUMBLE…

The trees were not swaying…

They were being bent.

Something was moving through the woods ahead of me and coming closer. Something big enough to bend trees!

Jurassic Park!

That was it!

I'm talking the first one, where the people are accidentally trapped on an island full of dinosaurs, not the second or third where they go there on purpose. In my opinion, anyone who knowing goes onto an island where dinosaurs roam free gets what they deserve. It's like climbing out of your car at a safari park to take pictures of the wild animals. You might as well just ring the damn dinner bell!

Focus Molly!

Step.

So why then are you still headed toward it?

Stop.

Much better!

RUMBLE…

SNAP…

Ever break a wooden match? Yeah, that was the exact sound I just heard. Except a pine tree snapping is many times louder than a simple wooden match. And it is a bit more intimidating to witness when the top five feet or so that had been snapped off, flies over your head to crash on the ground behind you.

Hey Molly, what do you think about turning around?

Sure feet, that seems like a wonderful idea. While we are at it how about we slip off those silly shoes?

That would be great! We really have the feeling that we want to run a bit, stretch the legs so to speak.

Sure, sounds like fin. Why don't I join you?

Awesome! I love it when we can all do things like this together.

I fumbled with the buckles because the shoes were too tight to just slip off my feet without leaving them bloody; or bloodier in my case. Not that I couldn't handle the pain, but see we wizards have a thing about leaving drops of our blood behind. It makes a potentially bad situation even worse.

RUMBLE…

A quick glance as I pulled the first shoe off showed a line of trees just beyond those at the edge of the meadow were bending forward toward me. Thankfully, there was not a giant T-Rex head staring down over the top looking for a quick Molly-burger and fries.

Come on buckle number two, just let go will you!

RUMBLE…

The first line of trees bent just as my shoe came off. I knew I should run but I couldn't prevent myself from just standing there to see what I was facing. On pure instinct, or rather thanks to Lea's intense training, I called on my magic for a shield as the front line of trees snapped and sent wood chips exploding across the meadow. And behind this rain of splinters IT emerged.

And it wasn't Jurassic Park!

It was so much worse as the memories flooded through my mind.

TIM: Too late!

ARTHUR: What?

TIM: There he is!

ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?

TIM: It is the rabbit!

ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!

TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.

ROBIN: You twit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

TIM: Look that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!

KNIGHT: Get stuffed!

TIM: It will do you a trick, mate!

KNIGHT: Oh yeah?

ROBIN: You mangy Scot git!

TIM: I'm warning you!

ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?

TIM: He's got huge sharp… he can leap about… look at the bones!

ARTHUR: Go on, Boris. Chop his head off!

BORIS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up!

TIM: Look!

BORIS: (Screams as he is decapitated.)

ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!

ROBIN: I soiled my armor again!

TIM: I warned you! But did you listen to me? Oh no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well it's always the same. I always warn them. But do they listen to me?

As with a long line of other similar offenses, I blame Harry for the fact that in the midst of danger to my very wellbeing, a scene from Monty Python played in my head. He actually made me watch Holy Grail as part of my wizard training, saying there were quite a few useful lessons an apprentice wizard should take note of. I'm still pretty sure he just wanted an excuse to eat popcorn and fall asleep in a movie theater. And for the next week, at every turn, all I heard was "Molly, you saw what happened to those knights that didn't listen to their wizard, so…(insert a boring, 'do what I say' task here)."

Of course, the rabbit I faced was not the dreaded Kyre Banorg.

It also wasn't one standing on his back legs holding a pocket watch and appearing in a hurry as this scenario would lead one to expect.

This was one nearly eight feet in height, and probably weighed close to a ton. It must take a truckload of carrots to feed this thing!

It also wasn't wearing human clothing, though a black patch on its otherwise white furred chest appeared to be shaped like a vest, or the top of a bikini. The lower half of its body was also black though all appendages and the head were white. Fashion aside, it looked like trouble.

Most intimidating was the three foot horn sticking out of its head like a unicorn. There was also what appeared to be part of a human shaped body still impaled on this horn. As the bunny's last hop forward ended at the edge of the meadow, what remained of the corpse swung toward the rabbit's face where the creature's teeth were able to grab on and pull the rest of the dead flesh free in order to finish its meal.

Ewwwww. Yuck!

I guess that truckload of carrots isn't required after all.

This thing was obviously a carnivore. Judging by the size it probably had to eat a lot too.

And here I was standing forty feet or so right in front of it.

Uuuummm…RUN MOLLY!

Good idea feet!

Free of the confining shoes, I was able to make much better strides. The ground didn't even hurt. That was probably because the thought of how much pain that horn would cause me made my feet feel perfectly fine with whatever they landed on in comparison.

I also called up my magic for a quick spell to help me out. I'm a wizard. It's what we do.

Remember all that I just told you about illusions? I pulled together and image in my mind released the spell with a word.

The one Molly running across the field split into two, one continuing forward toward the hill, and the other breaking away to the right. At the same time, my spell also cloaked me under a veil of invisibility so that I could turn toward the woods on my left and hopefully hide. It also allowed me to look to my left and keep track of the bunny's response.

The rabbit took a single hop forward, which easily was fifteen feet or more of distance, more than a third of what separated us, and then landed, creating that impact tremor that I had felt rumbling earlier. What was worse, upon landing the horn on the top of the beast's head flashed with an eerie silver magic. Immediately after, I felt my veil fade out, along with the other illusions of me, leaving only one Alice running across the field.

Okay, that's not good!

I started to pick up the pace a little more when it made its second leap, diagonal this time, closing the current distance between us by half. There was no way I'd make it to that line of trees without getting skewered first. It was time for plan B. If I only had a plan B.

I fired off another quick illusion, this time without the additional veil, of one of me continuing forward toward the trees while I turned toward the hill to try and get more distance between that thing and me. If nothing else I would get some valuable intelligence from this maneuver. An animal would continue after the closer target, and an intelligent and cunning creature would go the exact opposite way without an Alice, likely suspecting I was pulling the veil trick again.

It went for the illusion with its next hop.

So I was dealing with something instinctual and not overly cunning. That was good to know. It's response also allowed me to keep the beast from getting any closer with this round of moves. Unfortunately, when it landed, the silver flash erased my spell again leaving me more or less in the same predicament I was a moment ago.

With the distance of its leaps, I quickly surmised that it could easily cover more ground than I could. An image of a chess board king trying to outmaneuver a knight seems rather appropriate with the bunny's leaping about an all. So I wasn't going to escape on sheer speed alone. It was going to take me outthinking and outmaneuvering my opponent and doing so with very limited magic at my disposal.

Okay, so, let's try this.

I kept on the same course but this time only cast a veil to cover myself. I figured the creature had shown its tendency to chase what it could see, perhaps seeing nothing would confuse it.

YES, IT WORKED!

For about five steps and then that horn flashed silver again and there I was all visible once more. He immediately hopped toward me and I didn't even waste time on another spell, knowing it would only last until he landed anyway. Well the king survived another turn at least.

Now for my next move.

BOOM!

What the hell was that?

Yeah, I know you were expecting my next trick, but that sound was a distraction, thankfully for both of us.

I looked past the rabbit and to the sky to notice a thunderstorm brewing quickly, far too quickly to be normal, in the otherwise clear and sunny sky. It was also billowing directly toward us, not that this was much of a surprise. That boom was the echoing thunder after a particularly large bolt of lightning arced across the sky.

Thankfully, the sound came as a surprise to the rabbit as well, which cause him to freeze in place as rabbits tend to do, and gave me a few more precious steps of distance between us.

Normally I'd go with fire as my next spell as most animals fear flame, but with my earlier failure in this area and few chances for miscalculations that was not a good option. I decided instead to go with a spell I'd invented for my brothers and sisters; I call it snowball fight.

As the rabbit turned its attention back to me I paused long enough to aim my hand in its directions and let go with the spell. In the past it's made a perfectly packed ball of fresh snow, hard enough to sting when it struck, but not so bad as to cause any real injuries. I was hoping just the burst of pain would make the creature reconsider tonight's dinner plans, or at least keep it delayed for a few more steps.

Instead of a single projectile, this time a dozen or so flew off like a snowball machine gun. I guess, life and death battles tend to create stronger magic than just your average playful snowball fight. They each flew straight on like icy missiles homing on their target. To be fair it was a pretty big target so not a lot of homing was required.

The first three struck the rabbit's face before the horn flashed silver and dispelled the rest of the incoming salvo. I noted the horn's dispelling effect also blunted the front wave of the thunderstorm rushing our way; proof enough there was magic at work up there too.

As the rabbit shook its head at the pain I dashed further away gaining a few more steps of precious distance. Even though that was my course, I was still against getting any closer than I had to with the hill and path. That beckoning course still seemed like a bad option to me, so I veered a bit to head toward the woods to my right which would still increased the distance between me and the rabbit.

For the first time, it leapt twice in rapid succession, once more cutting me off from the possible safety in the trees and putting me within skewering range if I kept on my current course.

Okay, path it is then.

The problem was I was, even taking this option I was still within one good leap of the evil Easter Bunny. I had to come up with another distraction. And since the thunder had worked so well causing it to pause how about I try…

HOWL…

Thanks to hanging around with Harry's werewolf friends I'm pretty proficient on wolf calls. I sent this one sounding out from behind my pursuer. And while a giant, one-ton rabbit may tower over a eighty pound wolf, the mere instinctual predatory nature of a pack on the hunt was enough to strike a ingrained chord within the rabbit. It paused to spin and look at what natural adversary may be coming for it.

Of course, that stupid horn flashed silver again and cut the cries off in mid-scream, but it gave me a few more precious steps to just about reach what I judged to be the edge of the creature's hopping distance.

CRACK!

BOOM!

The bolt of lightning exploded ten feet or so behind me on the path. This sent a shower of dirt and grass, along with one very shaken Alice in Wonderland, lookalike, flying through the air to crash on the ground. I rolled to my back noting the storm was still not even above me yet, but that had obviously not stopped the lightning from reaching for me.

A second bolt flashed down toward me but it was blocked out as the rabbit's latest hop landed the creature less than five feet away from me. Its flashing horn reacted with the lightning, stopping or redirecting the bolt before it struck me. But while the lightning was magical, the thunder was merely a natural reaction as air refilled the vacuum the bolt had left behind so the horn had no effect upon it.

BOOM!

The sound of explosion so close to the rabbit, an animal with incredible large ear, was enough to leave it obviously stunned and dazed. Even with a few additional feet and smaller ears, I felt wobbly too. But Lea's training kicked in and I rolled awkwardly to my feet and kept climbing the last distance to the summit of the hill. With any luck…

Yeah, you know that hole I was trying to avoid? Found it.

And it wasn't some cute little rabbit hole.

It was more like a cliff looking over a bottomless pit that was easily twenty feet or more across. No way I was going to be jumping over that. I looked to the left and right, but neither of those provided me with an option of how to get around the hole easily either.

Maybe if the rabbit was still stunned I could race past it and make it to the trees before the storm hit?

I turned and looked as that plan wilted away before my eyes.

The rabbit was still under the effects of the thunder. In fact, it seemed so dazed that its horn was not even flashing any longer. That might be good for my spells, except it also meant the storm could now come at me without any resistance.

And with this new surge of power, it was no longer content with just bolts of lightning and explosions of thunder. Now instead a dark finger began to swirled downward from its midst. It was one of the most beautiful sights of nature's power I had ever witnessed. But growing up in the Midwest, I also knew just how dangerous a tornado could be even before it touched down and began ripping tress from the roots and turf from ground.

"Okay Molly, now what?" I tend to talk out loud when I'm nervous.

The wind was already whipping my dress around making it crack like a flag in a hurricane. When the top of the pine tree the rabbit had tossed over me went whipping by my face I instinctively took a step back.

Or I tried to.

That stupid dress was whipped so tight by the wind that it became tangled around my lower legs. Instead of my feet stepping back, only my upper legs and body moved sending me falling back…

…right over the cliff…

I'm not sure if it was the magic of the rabbit hole that slowed my fall, or the tornado sucking me up, but I hung suspended in mid air for a few conscious moments until the body of the still stunned one-ton bunny slammed into me, thankfully not horn first.

Then there was only black.