Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

A/N: I am very very very sorry for how it's been since I've last updated.

A/N: Thanks to my beta Mary Mab

Xander stopped at the nearest gas station when it was no longer his turn to drive. The three of them quickly made their way to the gas station to get done all that was needed to get done. When they were finished they made their way back into the car. Xander made his way into the back, or would have if Sam hadn't already claimed the back seat for himself. Dean was in the driver's seat glaring at Sam, so he assumed that it was Sam's idea and Dean wasn't exactly on board with it. However as soon as Dean saw him coming he hid the look and just nodded at him. Xander had to sit in the front because if he didn't it was just going to be very awkward. He looked at Dean who pulled out and made his way back on to the freeway quickly.

"So where are we going?" Dean asked, Xander smiled they had been traveling for awhile and this was the first time that Dean had actually asked, not that he blamed him that much he was obviously focused on Cas. The two brothers were alike in their hyper focus. Although Dean's hyper focus was a lot less extreme than Sam's had been.

"Cleveland." he answered. Dean blinked "Right Hellmouth should have seen that one coming."Xander smiled in response. He wasn't sure why except that there were very few people who would say stuff like that. Dean nodded.

"So you spent your entire life before becoming a hunter living on Hellmouths?" Dean asked his voice sounding curious.

"Yeah pretty much." he said he decided not to go into his ill-fated road trip, or the time he ran away from Sunnydale after he didn't marry Anya.

"You never thought." Dean shrugged "Hey this town is a hell mouth maybe I should live somewhere else?" Dean asked him a little incredulously. Xander shrugged, honestly he had thought about a few times but in the end had never moved because of one reason.

"It's where my family was." he said and it really was as simple as that. It was where Buffy, Dawn, and Willow were. At the time they had no intention of leaving any time soon, so he hadn't left them either. His biological; or what he had thought at the time was his biological family but in reality had only turned out to be half his biological family had lived there as well. Xander had made it known that his family was off-limits and no one wanted to test the slayer's friends resolve. So they had mostly left his biological family alone. Dean nodded and then looked at him.

"Family is everything." Dean said and Xander nodded as he agreed. Although with him he meant his adoptive family rather than his biological family; since his biological family was just a huge mess. Full of dead lying mothers and half brothers he didn't know yet and was pretty sure his brother's didn't trust him yet. Xander felt a little guilty for describing his mother like that even though he had only done so in his head. Dean was silent for a long time before he kept stealing looks at him when Xander was pretty sure that Dean thought Xander wasn't looking at him.

"Hellmouths." Dean said and Xander frowned confused when Dean went on "Weird stuff happens there right?" he asked and Xander nodded. Lots of weird things happened around Hellmouths.

"I mean other than all the possessions, there were still more weird things than that right?" Xander nodded again, the possessions had been strange, but they hadn't been the only strange thing. He found himself speaking without realizing it.

"Once we had a vampire version of my best friend and apparently in her universe I was a vampire as well." Dean looked over at him again sharply like he was trying to figure out whether or not he was lying.

"Really?" he asked at the same time Sam said.

"You've dealt with an alternate version of yourself." Xander shook his head "I didn't but Willow did. All I know about myself in her universe is what she told me. But I could tell from what she told me I would not want to meet myself in a dark alley at night." Xander said smiling because it was such a strange conversation to be having and not a conversation he could just have with anyone off the street.

"It was ubber creepy for Willow though, because the vampire version of herself liked her." Xander said with a shiver he couldn't imagine someone with his face coming onto him, beyond creepy. He didn't want to talk about this anymore it was giving him the creeps, but there was other stuff he could share about Sunnydale.

"That's not all m-" he had started to say my friends but he wasn't sure if there were friends. Something more endearing was probably a little premature or maybe he was just over thinking it; sometimes he had that tendency to do so. "y friends" he decided to finish it and continue "we also once had this girl who no one noticed and so she became invisible. The girl was crazy. She wanted to kill Cordelia so much." Xander blinked as he remembered that he hadn't shared who Cordelia was. The same pain echoed through his heart as it had for years. Xander had cheated on her and then Cordelia had died. Cordelia who had grown more so then any of the rest of them. She had started out as a popular girl who was always teasing anyone she thought beneath them and had ended up working with Angel trying to save people. She hadn't deserve to die. Xander shook his head trying to remember the good times. Well, in Marcie's case, the slightly less terrible times.

"Cordelia was a poplar girl..." he wasn't sure he could say anything else it seemed disrespectful to speak of the dead in any kind of negative way. Even if at the time Cordelia had deserved the words, she didn't now. Xander chose his words carefully. "Marcie didn't like her, she tried to kill her." Xander finished up. "But she didn't die." Xander said with a false smile on his face ready to move on to something that didn't involve someone who was dead

"Oh! Oh!" Xander said snapping his fingers as he thought of something that mostly involved people that were still alive. "Remember when I said I was possessed by a soldier? That was on Halloween. There was this magic dude Ethan who like to worship Chaos with a capital C. He turned as all into our costumes. Mine happened to be a soldier, so that's why I was possessed by a solider. It was actually very helpful. Buffy on the other hand was a Victorian lady and she was less helpful than usual." Xander said not that it was her fault that a scared Victorian girl had been inhabiting Buffy's body.

"Willow was a ghost" honestly there was little part of him that glad he had been possessed for that part. If he hadn't he probably wouldn't have taken Willow not being attached to her body very well and probably would have started panicking. "And Cord-" Cordelia again he thought with a frown. "Was unchanged." he said sadly "We came, we saw, Giles smashed a statue and everything went back to normal." Xander said finishing the story quickly with another fake smile on his face. He didn't look at either Sam or Dean. Didn't want to know if they could guess what had happened to Cordelia, or if they even could guess at how close they had been way back when.

He wondered when it was that it had become so difficult to talk about Cordelia? Probably around her death. He sometimes wondered if he had right to feel so crushed by her death after what he had done to her. But whether or not he did, he still felt it. Grief was not something he ever dealt with well, because most of the time there had always been something more important to be focusing on. He and his friends never talked much about her anymore, and talking to anyone else who hadn't known her just seemed wrong.

"We've dealt with a few weird things as well. I mean a little weirder then usual which is saying something." Dean said and Xander was glad for anything to interrupt his thoughts. "Once we died and became ghosts that was actually pretty interesting." Dean said with a slight smile which Sam echoed. "Sam once touched a rabbit's foot." Sam groaned and turned away and Dean smile widened "At first he had a ton of good luck, then he lost it and had a ton of bad luck." Dean said his smiled widening further at which point Sam turned back looking a little miffed.

"What about the time you got infected with the yellow fever and were screaming at everything?" Sam shot back and Dean's smile dropped off.

"How about those glittery clowns you were so scared of?"

"They were trying to kill me."

"And I would have died from that fever if we hadn't stopped it." Xander looked between the two as they kept arguing. It was like watching a tennis match. Still it was interesting to hear about some of their cases. They sounded pretty funny but then again probably not if he had actually been there. It was kind of nice to hear them arguing too. Kind of made them seem even more like brothers and the fact that they were doing it in front of him made him feel slightly more like he was a part of it. It was a nice feeling.

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