Hey Guys! I know it's been forever since I posted a new chapter but between all this snow and trying to keep up with school and sports I just got swamped! I promise you though this chapter will totally make up for it! I'm not going to say too much as to not reveal any spoilers but instead let you guys have at it!
I walk quickly down the hallway swiveling my head back and forth looking for Hayden. I hardly even notice when I bump into someone.
"Sorry!" I shout instinctively before my face breaks into a smile. "Jordi! Hey!" I beam up at him. He has his guitar slung over his shoulder and his cheeks are wind bitten which makes me a little concerned, knowing he was outside playing away his feelings. However whatever was stressing him out doesn't show on his face because he gives me a big grin before scooping me up into a hug.
"Hey Bee." He laughs as he spins me around. I laugh too but he quickly stiffens and sets me down awkwardly. He gives me another stiff smile before shaking his head and addressing me once more. "Uh, how was your date with Hayden?" I feel my heart drop for a split second and it almost feels like disappointment that eats away at me, not from the date but from Jordi.
"It was okay." I answer looking away. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jordi nod and I slowly turn my gaze back over towards him. "So what have you been doing all day?" I ask trying to change the subject. He gives me a small smile and gestures to the guitar across his back.
"Just been working on a few songs." He answers and I can't help but blush a little.
"Do you maybe want to show me sometime?" I ask a little sheepishly. His face breaks into a smile and he shakes his head almost like a reality check.
"We can go now if you want?" He speaks up. "You know while it's still fresh in my mind." I crack him a grin before nodding.
"Sounds good." We go back to his room and we sit beside each other on his bed. He tries to get me to sing a couple times but each time he asks I shake my head no and tell him to keep playing. I listen to his fingers strum beautiful sounding chords for what seems like a little while until I look at the clock and realize almost 2 hours have passed. I pull out my phone from the side of my shorts I've been wearing under my dress (so what I wear shorts under my dresses?) and notice I have 3 missed calls from Hayden.
"Shit." I murmur under my breath. Jordi looks up from his guitar and shoots me a concerned glance.
"What is it?" He asks.
"Did you know Hunter was leaving today?" I answer with a question of my own. He looks away.
"Yes. Kara's taking it really hard." He replies.
"Well, his brother is too." I state. He raises his eyebrow confused and I catch him up on their argument in the hall. "I told Nurse Jackson I'd go after him and check on him but I must've forgot." Jordi's face falls.
"I'm sorry Bee. This is my fault, I-"
"Shut up Jordi!" I shout, not angrily but enough to make him quiet. "This isn't your fault alright? You can't protect me all the time, I'm a human and I make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over my problems because it has nothing to do with you! I'm the one who messes up all the time, I'm the one who makes mistakes." I feel Jordi shift beside me before there are hands on my face turning me towards him. Next thing I know I feel his warm lips connect with mine and there's this spark that I've been missing with Hayden. Before I can relax into the kiss he pulls away quickly.
"We all make mistakes." He tells me placing his hand on my thigh. "It's just a matter of what we make of these mistakes, because more often than not mistakes define who we are and shape us into what we are meant to be." I can feel the intensity behind his words and the intense truth he is trying hard to convey to me.
There's so much I want to say, but yet the words stop once they reach my mouth. I don't think before I grab his face in my hands and pull him into another kiss, this one more passionate than the last hurried one. I'm trying to soak it all in, this is what I want. Not some stud with a nice car and a popular life, one that I was so accustomed to before I came here. I've made many mistakes and Jordi's right, it's changed me. Before I thought change was a bad thing but now I'm realizing that it's exactly what I need.
I pull away slowly, trying to make the most out of this moment of vivid clarity. I watch Jordi's face until his eyes slowly slide open and then I lock mine on his. "This is not a mistake." I state. I'm about to go in for another kiss when my phone vibrates. I groan and pull it out.
Hayden's been looking everywhere for you. Also there's a girl with him. Hunter is leaving soon so we are going to try and all say goodbye. -Emma
I look down at the text squinting my eyes confused. A girl? Maybe it's his sister, even still I should probably go find him and make sure everythings cool between him and Hunter before they get trapped in a car together for lord knows how long. There's a slight knot in my chest that begins to form as I think about confronting Hayden with our break up. I'm afraid with everything going on it'll push him over the edge, however I need to do this.
I look over at Jordi who seems lost in thought and brush my thumb over his cheek. "I've got to go check on Hayden before they leave. I'll be back soon."
"I'll come with you." Jordi starts standing up but I take his hand and sit him back on the bed.
"No Jordi, I can do this on my own. I'll be alright. I'll come back here when I'm done and we can grab the rest of the crew to say goodbye." He gives me a concerned look but I peck a kiss on his cheek. "I'll be fine." I get up and walk out of the room, forcing myself not to glance back. I have no idea where Hayden could be so I'm guessing if Emma texted me he was by her room last.
I hop in the elevator and go towards the Eating Disorder floor, an eerie calm settling over me, but I'm not calm, I'm spazzing out inside. The doors slide open and we wander down a few halls before I spot him. Emma was right, he's with a girl, but it's not his sister.
I squint down the hall at the pretty girl in the prep school uniform standing across from him. I wait a moment trying to contain my suspicions but when I see her reach over and stroke Hayden's arm in a little too friendly of a manner I don't hesitate to stomp right up to them. Hayden's expression falters significantly, looking at me with the same fear Claire used to look at spiders with.
"Omg, are you Hayden's girlfriend?" I direct towards the girl, a plan forming in my mind. She gives me a smile, one obviously laced with pity as she takes in my disheveled appearance.
"Yeah, my name is Cass. Are you friends with Hayden?" She asks slowly as if I'm stupid or something.
"Funny story actually." I chuckle before turning around and slapping Hayden as hard as I can across the face. Cass gasps. "Yeah, your 'boyfriend' is a two timing player. I'd keep a better eye on him if I were you." I whip around, angry tears spilling over my eyes and run to The Swamp with Hayden shouting behind me.
I show up at the room and no one is there. Are you serious right now? Jordi was literally just here a second ago! My eyes are darting around the room and I'm panting trying to catch my breath from my sobs. You know when you are so upset you don't really think about doing things, they just happen? Yeah, that's totally me right now. I'm about ready to take off to go hide away some place and bawl my eyes out but there are a pair of arms that quickly spin me around causing me to gasp and choke on the air trying to get into my lungs.
"Bee, what happened?" Jordi's voice has never sounded so beautiful as it does now. I wrap my arms around him tightly and sob into his shirt.
"Hayden. Has. A. Girlfriend. He. Cheated. On. Me." I cry. Does that even qualify as cheating considering I don't even know if we were an item. I can feel Jordi stiffen up before he takes my hand and marches us back towards the Eating Disorder floor. Hayden is standing alone, Cass obviously having gone and a new bruise is forming over his eye.. I can tell he's pissed because when he looks our way he has this look in his eyes, this evil, cruel glare that eats it's way deep inside me.
"Look who it is, crawled back to your 'special friend' I see." I give him a nasty look through my tear soaked eyes.
"What the Hell man?" Jordi shouts at Hayden. "You were cheating on her?" At first Hayden is startled by Jordi's intensity but soon his face gives way to a smirk and he shakes his head menacingly.
"Joey, buddy, I think you're turning a blind eye to the real problem here." He flicks his gaze towards me before raising an eyebrow at Jordi.
"You're one dumb son of a bitch of you think Bee is the one who did anything wrong." Jordi snarls.
"Am I?" Hayden questions. "Look at you. Trying to protect her because you care about her. Do you honestly think she cares about you? I've seen the way you look at her and quite frankly I would've been jealous but I knew when I saw Phoebe she was one of those types."
"What are you talking about?" Jordi rolls his eyes.
"Oh you know, the boy hoarders. She's one of those girls that like to collect guys and along the way pick and chose which one she likes that day. I mean the fact that you are obviously head over heels for her and she chose me after just a few days of knowing each other is a major example. She crushed you. The worst part? She knew that you liked her and a small part of her even liked you back but yet she still chose me. Why? Because I'm normal."
"So you think that just because I have cancer I'm not normal?" Jordi shouts in Hayden's face.
"Woah, dude, chill. I didn't say anything. Besides I'm not the one who broke your heart, she is. All along she could've chosen you but she didn't, however she did keep you off to the side. Her go to guy if anything ever went wrong, just another piece of her collection." He lets out a slow, dry chuckle. "Can't you tell that's what is happening right now. She went to you in her time of need because she knew you liked her and she's taking advantage of you" I feel Jordi slowly glance down at me, and I know he's starting to believe Hayden's words. Even I am starting to believe what he is saying.
I can't help but lower my head in shame, my cheeks burning red with my embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid to actually believe I deserved either of them. All I did was hurt both of them. I neglected Jordi when I knew he really did care for me and then after all was said and done I made Hayden get a five star across his face, a black eye and made him lose his girlfriend. I'm an awful person.
Hayden is feeding off my negative energy and I can feel it. At this point I don't even care anymore. "She read my intentions wrong. I already had a girlfriend and she took it a step too far. All she is is a poor, little, slut." My heart ceases and the world seems to stop for a moment. I'm about to dart from the scene because I'm positive that I just screwed everything up and should just drop off the face of the earth but Jordi steps up towards Hayden.
Suddenly he throws a punch that nails Hayden square in the face. "Dont you ever call her that again." He states firmly. Hayden must be too shocked to retort anything back because he remains on the floor holding his bloody nose until two orderlies arrive and escort him out. Once he is gone Jordi puts his arms around me and tries to pull me into him but I resist pulling back. When he doesn't let go I pry his arms off of me.
"Why are you doing this?" I can't help but shout at him. I expect him to give me a shocked glare or something to show how my betrayal has ruined his life but instead he gives me a gentle, concerned look. "I-I was awful to you! I don't de-deserve this!" I stammer fighting back the tears that threaten to brim over my eyelids.
"Bee," Jordi whispers soft condolences. "Bee, Bee, don't do this. Don't listen to him. He's a jerk, nothing he said was true."
"It was ALL true Jordi!" I scream. "Every damn bit of it was true!"
"No, Bee. It wasn't." Jordi states aggressively but still in that soft tone. "You are none of those things he said, you are kind, beautiful, and he didn't deserve you. He's just a jerk, that's all he is is a jerk." He reaches over to gently brush away a piece of hair that was stuck to my tear soaked face.
"I'm sorry Jordi." I try to say but my voice breaks and I begin sobbing again. This time I let him pull me into his warm embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry." I mumble into him over and over as he runs his fingers soothingly down my back and through my hair.
"It's okay Bee." He whispers. "I forgive you."
Beedi action overload! You guys asked for it and I hope I delivered! HOWEVER I am running a little dry on ideas so I need YOUR HELP! Please comment below new ideas you want to see in my story or any suggestions you may have. I hope you guys enjoyed that little extra page from Bee's journal it was actually a lot of fun to write so I'm hoping it was just as fun to read! :) As usual I'm so blessed to have such incredible fans who put up with me through my late postings and my "off" chapters. Words can't describe how amazing you all are! Keep it up
Today's QOTC is who is your favorite RBS character and why?
Lots of Love - Britt