"As long as I can always be my usual self. No more getting all close to them or anyone. I don't think I can watch another dear friend leave me." Reaver answered truthfully, not wanting to promise something he could not do. His words caused a unexpected reaction, laughter that turned to coughs leaving the poor woman. He assisted her in sitting up, gave her time to breathe before he raised an eyebrow at her. "And what was all that for?"
"Oh Reaver you say that but I know you better than that. I know you. You will become attached again. You will until you find a way to break your ties to the Shadow Court and your fear of death." He flinched at her words, cursing himself again for allowing what he inside into that one diary entry. The last page of his diary that she had gotten a hold of gave away everything about him. Even the fact that while he was a cold blooded killer now he wasn't always and the lingering fear of death still affected his mond, making him act in ways his former self hadn't. In the dark of night his mind didn't allow him to escape who he once was however, nightmares plaguing him of the last time he saw Oakvale whole. As if she knew what caused him to flinch her eyes turned to the window, her small smile on her lips. "Don't be ashamed of that part of you. Hiding behind promiscuity and vices will not hide the voices of the dead."
He stood and walked away a few steps, his fists clenching at his side before he spun around to face her. "And what would you know about the voices of the dead? What do you know of those you know and care about being yanked away in such a violent manner?"
"Rose... Michelle... True I didn't hear the cries of anguish as Lucien shot Michelle down out of his mad sense of purpose but I can still remember the very few moments I got with her. And Rose... I watched as Lucien gunned her down, heard her cry, watched helpless as she crumpled to the ground. And both times I was helpless to stop them from dying. Both times I lost the one thing I held dear."
"And your husband at that time... Alex was it? What of him?"
"I didn't love Alex. I pitied him for the pain he carried for causing the death of the one he loved. He adored me but to me he was just someone I took care of." Her truthful words made him flinch, surprise in his eyes as he realized his long time friend was much more callus that he had once believed her to be. He walked to the window she kept staring out of, his eyes immediately going to the 20 something young man teaching his teenage sister to fight with a sword in the garden. Patient and gentle with her Logan carefully put his sister Mia through her paces, an old soldier named Walter watching over them and calling out times that Logan was wrong. "And your last husband? And current children."
"He is sweet but I never wanted to be someone's bride. I wasn't meant for that life. I created the life I wanted but to have children that would take their own places in my life I needed a husband. I do love my children. As much as I loved Michelle." She answered, the answer having him turn from the sight below them to raise an eyebrow. "You surprise me every time you open your mouth. Is it an affect of old age that has you so chatty about your true feelings?"
He watched as that soft grin creased her cheeks, his mind super imposing the young Natalie over the old one. The silvery white hair turned black, eyes so blue that he could classify them as ice no longer dull. Her wrinkles smooth out, the red lipstick she had favored once upon a time adding color to the pale flesh of her face. Her head tilts, causing his eyes to catch on the face tattoo she showed off proudly with her hairdo's, her eyes watching him as closely as he was staring at her.
"Old age perhaps... Or perhaps I just want to keep an old friend from being alone. I fear little but I worry a lot my friend." the age in her voice broke the spell he had woven of her youthful appearance. His eyes blinked before he shot her a haughty grin, his eyes catching the servant finally returning to the room. "Worry? About me my sweet? I am touched. Also there is no need. I do believe I have almost as many friends as you do."
Catching the way he glanced at the door she just laughed at his words, the worry still lighting the dull eyes. "I don't believe I would call those you consort with friends. But enough of this. Join me for a cup. Garth and Hammer will be here in a few days and most likely I will be gone very soon. Let us chat while we have time."
He nodded and strode back to her side, waving away the servant after they sat the tea tray down. He didn't want anyone else to be apart of the rest of the chatting. He knew as well as she did that she would not be much longer.