Hey Guys! Long time no chapter. So like I've said I've been kind of at a loss for inspiration lately but thanks to YOU GUYS I was finally able to crank out a new chapter! Two of the big things you all asked for were flashbacks and some Emma/Bee moments so I did exactly that! The beginning of this chapter is a flashback just so you guys don't get confused ;) Without further hesitation here is Chapter Twenty Six! :D
"Claire! Let's go! We are going to be late for practice!" I shout upstairs.
"I can't find any shorts! Bee, did you take them again?" She shouts back from her room. I roll my eyes.
"I don't know, look." I reply. My mom walks over to me glancing upstairs.
"What is it now?" She asks me. I roll my eyes again and gesture to my shorts. She nods and we both look up as Claire rushes down the stairs her sleek dark brown hair pulled into a stylish ponytail.
"Let's go!" She declares as she grabs her shoes by the door and walks out to the car where my dad is waiting. I look over towards my mom.
"She's always making us late." I grumble. "If it's not her shorts it her hair, if its not her hair its her socks, if its not her socks its her ball." My mom puts her hand on my arm.
"I get it Bee." She states.
"It's not fair!" I groan. "Why do I have to be late because she's not ready?"
"You're making yourself late now by whining instead of getting in the car." She points out and I trudge over to the side of the car sliding in beside Claire. My dad looks in his mirror back at us.
"Do you girls have everything?" He asks sarcastically. Claire's eyes widen.
"My lucky hair tie!" She exclaims and I push her back in her seat.
"Too late now. We are leaving." I declare. She wrestles my arms off of her.
"Fine." She mumbles. "But if we get bad luck tonight it's your fault." We pull out of our driveway and hit the busy suburban rush hour streets.
Practice goes fine despite Claire not having her 'lucky hair tie' and we pile into the car sweaty and gross. My mom is driving now because my dad wants to look at Claire and I's stats from our previous games. He reads them aloud.
"Claire you've gotten more overall points than Bee but Bee you've done pretty well improving your performance compared to last season." He reads from the paper. I sink down a bit in my seat. This was an example of one of the worst moments of being a twin, side by side comparison, the constant competition.
"Well I've always liked cheer more anyway." I state. My dad glances back at me.
"Cheer isn't a sport honey, it's a hobby. Volleyball at least gives you a chance to get a scholarship." He tells me and I feel a flare of anger.
"There are scholarships for cheer too, and besides if Claire's so much better than me at volleyball what makes you think I'll get a scholarship?" I argue.
"Bee we are not starting this." Mom directs from up front.
"Whatever." I cross my arms and stare angrily out the window. Claire places her hand comfortingly on my thigh but I swat it away.
"What the heck Bee?" She snaps at me. "I'm trying to be nice quit being such a bitch."
"Hey!" My dad shouts. He glares at Claire. "We do NOT use that language."
"It's true!" Claire projects back.
"Why don't you just leave me alone?" I sneer sarcastically at her. She throws her arms in the air.
"I was trying to be a good sister! Something you should try harder to do!" She points her finger at me.
"That's enough!" My dad yells before there is a deafening screech of tires and metal grinding together. There are even more awful sounds that follow as headlights come closer and closer until I can't see anything. I feel the impact and hear as a truck smashes into the passenger side of our car. We are all screaming as horns blare around us.
I shake my head quickly, rubbing my eyes harshly trying to cut off the memory before it goes any further. My ears are ringing and I'm trying to contain my expressions from the woman across from me. It doesn't work.
"You were thinking about the accident." Dr. Heart notes intensely studying my face. I just nod. "Tell me what you are thinking now."
"Quit thinking." I reply bluntly. She nods slowly accepting my answer.
"Why do you want to do that?" She asks.
"I don't want to get caught up into it again." I answer without really thinking. Again she nods.
"You don't want to relive it." She adds.
"Yup." I shake my head again clearing out the last traces of the flashback and returning to reality.
"Have you gone into any real remembrance of the event since its happened, truly recalling what happened from start to finish?"
"No." I scoff at the stupid question. "Hell no." She clicks her pen a couple of times before scribbling something down in her notepad. Theres a small knock at the door. I look over to see my saving grace walk into the room.
"Sorry to interrupt Dr. Heart but Bee has to go to school." Nurse Jackson says sweetly walking behind me and placing her hands softly on my shoulders.
"No problem at all." Dr. Heart states collecting her papers before sliding them into a file and handing it to Nurse Jackson. We all walk towards the hallway but Dr. Heart pulls Nurse Jackson away for a moment to whisper in her ear. I watch closely trying to get an idea of what they are talking about but I know it is not good.
Finally Nurse Jackson nods and walks back over towards me, Dr. Heart receding back into her office. I stare at her blankly
"What was that about?" I attempt to pry at her.
"We were just discussing your next appointment." She tells me smoothly. I know she's a good liar but right now there is truth behind her words.
"Why were you whispering?" I continue but she ignores me, instead glancing at her watch.
"Don't worry about it baby, let's focus on not being late."
So technically I haven't been going to actual school yet, Dr. Grace says my brain needs a little more rest time despite my blackout being almost over a week ago. Instead I've been going to Emma's room for about 2 hours a day where she "tutors" me on what I've been missing. In reality we really just hang out and play hangman or pictionary the whole time.
When we arrive at her room, Emma's face breaks into a smile. She gets up from her seat at the small desk in the corner of her room coming over to meet us in the doorway.
"Do you girls have everything you need?" Nurse Jackson asks as Emma and I scurry over to her bed throwing ourselves upon it.
"Yep. I think we are good." Emma beams kindly at Nurse Jackson who returns a small smile back.
"Alright, I'll be back in about 30 minutes with your lunches. Try and at least get some work done." She waves at us before turning and walking down the hall towards a Nurses Station where Brittany and Kenji are waiting for her. They begin to chat and Brittany and Kenji's faces form the same way Nurse Jackson's did when Dr. Heart was whispering to her at the end of our last session.
"They are talking about me." I say to Emma who notices the exchange as well.
"How do you know?" She asks back.
"I just know. Dr. Heart pulled Nurse J aside after our session and told her something. I don't think it was good." I lower my voice even though no one else is in the room with us.
"Did something happen during your appointment earlier?" Emma continues.
"Not that I know of. Everything seemed normal so I don't understand what they are making a fuss about." I pause watching as Nurse Jackson flips through my file pointing things out to Brittany and Kenji. "I'm scared Emma, I have no idea what's going on."
"Don't be scared Bee, I'm sure it's nothing. Let's just get your mind off of it for right now. What did we leave off yesterday learning about?"
"Trig identities." I groan and Emma laughs.
"From the sounds of it, it sounds like we will be starting with english today instead." She winks at me.
After getting through a couple acts of Macbeth, Nurse Jackson arrives back at Emma's room with our food. She places the trays on the empty table across the room from us before giving us both a stern look in the eye.
"I expect both of you to make a legitimate effort to eat today. Phoebe you hardly even touched your dinner last night, remember what Dr. Grace said." I shoot her a look before waving her off.
"I know, I know. Now if you would kindly leave us we were in the middle of," I squint down at the book in front of me. "what ever this is." Nurse Jackson rolls her eyes before leaving us in the room. I avoid Emma's gaze.
"Bee, what was she talking about when she said she wants both of us to eat." She asks suspiciously. I look away for a split second before shaking my head carelessly.
"Nothing really. They are just concerned about my diet or whatever." I answer indirectly. Emma gives me a skeptical look.
"You're lying Bee. Tell me the truth. Are you trying to starve yourself?" Emma says her eyes baring into me.
"No!" I snap before regaining my composure. "I just haven't been hungry lately, everyones making this huge deal about it when I'm perfectly fine!" Emma is silent a moment, a solemn look forming over her face.
"Phoebe you really should listen to the doctors." She pauses. "I didn't believe I was sick either, until it was too late. Bee this isn't something fun or some kind of hobby that I like to do. You have no control, at all. And I know that right now it seems like you can go back to normal at the snap of a finger but little by little it will get harder and harder. You need to stop. Immediately. I don't want you to have to go through what I am." I soak in her words, not wanting to admit what I've been doing. Instead I just nod and give her a hug.
"I'm sorry Emma." I say into her shoulder as we embrace.
"It's alright." She tells me. We pull away and both stare at the trays of food silently.
"I don't want to touch it." I confide in her, a heavy feeling settling over my chest as I realize the situation I've put myself in.
"Neither do I." Emma agrees before looking over at me. "If you take a bite I'll take a bite." She says nervously. My heart picks up at the thought and I am about to decline but I know this would be good for Emma, I need to be strong for her. Besides what will a little bit of food do? I'm not worried about getting fat, I'm already pretty thin, I think I just care more about losing the empty feeling in my stomach. I have to do this, for Emma.
I pick up the sandwich on the tray in front of me and break off a piece. I don't even look at it but instead shove it in my mouth. I hardly chew either, I don't want to enjoy this, I just want to get it out of my mouth. We go on like this for a few minutes. Me inhaling a bite of food and Emma doing the same. I feel sick but I force myself to finish all of the small portioned meal. I've never felt so full in my life.
"It's done." I don't take my eyes from the tray. Out of my peripheral vision I can see her nod slightly. It's obvious she didn't expect me to keep up my side of the deal. There's a knock at the door and we both turn to see Nurse Brittany's face light up with delight.
"You both finished your plates!" She exclaims rushing over to hug both of us. The action makes me feel even more nauseous even though I know she does it with good intentions. She gathers up our trays before giving Emma and I both another large smile. "Just wait until Nurse Jackson hears about this!" She scurries out of the room excitedly. Once she's gone I stand up from my seat beside Emma.
"I've got to run to my room and grab my French book. Are you feeling up for some conjugaison?" I tell Emma getting a small laugh from her.
"Sure thing Bee." She tells me getting up from her seat too to tidy up our workspace. Without saying another word I walk out of her room. When I'm out of eyeshot I take off in a sprint towards my room. I can't help it but when I reach my room I slam open my bathroom door and lock it shut before vomiting out the whole meal I just ate.
I am not Bulimic. I did not force myself to throw up, I just felt sick. I am not Bulimic. I keep reassuring myself in my head. The concept of purposefully forcing yourself to puke always repulsed me but yet I can't help but wonder if that's what just happened to me. I am not Bulimic, it's just a stomach bug. I ate too fast and it didn't sit right. I am not Bulimic.
I flush the toilet, and stand up wiping at my mouth furiously, trying to get the awful taste out of my mouth. My throat burns really bad and I run my sink's faucet to brush my teeth. I feel a little bit better after doing so but the scratchiness of my raw throat still hurts really bad. I look in the mirror at myself. I rub my hands down my face before pinching my cheeks to make myself look less pale.
I take a deep breath opening the bathroom door. I find my French book and my composure before walking back to Emma's room to finish today's lesson.
I am not Bulimic.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Bee is progressively getting worse as you can probably tell so be expecting lots of drama to come! Although it does take me some time to write new chapters I want you all to know that I am going to finish this story. Alongside all of you I have fallen in love with the characters and can not wait to see where my story goes.
Today's QOTC is: What are your plans for spring break?
Special shout outs to all of my amazing reviewers. There are more and more of you each day and you guys light up my world! Thanks again to Whovain101 , xoElle23 , Jlcny825 , Kitkatsimons , Guest , Allie Shimoni and TheOcean'sMage12 ! Keep reviewing and like I've said before I do try very hard to write what you guys request! Thanks a billion for everything
Lots of Love - Britt