And For You
"And for you, I would bury your burdens deep in the marrow of my bones; just to rid you of any pain you have known. Even if the agony makes me want to scream my heart raw, I will swallow it whole so you think of it no more."
-Natalie Jensen
It's not easy, but Castle eventually manages to get his shirt off, the blood soaked sleeve sticking against the stitches on his upper arm. The bleeding is still pretty consistent, but once he's managed to wipe most of it away, it's not quite as bad as it looks, or feels. One of the stitches has pulled loose from the gash, but he's fairly certain that with a little pressure and a proper bandage, it'll be okay without having to go have it re-stitched.
He's finds an old, dark colored towel on the bottom shelf of the cabinet next to the sink, manages to awkwardly wrap it around his arm. He applies pressure against the wound, blowing out a breath as he sinks heavily onto the closed toilet seat, squeezing his eyes shut when he hears the soft knock at the door, a barely there sound that he knows probably hurt her more than it was worth.
They need to talk. He knows she needs more than he gave her, but she's so fragile already, and the last thing he wants is to push her further down the rabbit hole than she already is. And he's fairly certain that consoling her is the last thing she's going to let him do.
"Castle?" she questions impatiently, though her voice is still timid and strained with the evidence of her pain.
And maybe coming there was a mistake, because he's really not sure how much more she can handle right now, and the last thing he wants is to cause her more pain.
Kate pushes the door open before he can collect his thoughts enough to open it for her, concern and question evident on her face even though he can see the way she holds her jaw tight against the wave of pain.
She moves slowly, careful steps that force sharp breaths from her parted lips, and it's enough to have him intercepting whatever it is she thinks she's going to do to help him.
"Kate, you shouldn't be up. I'm fine," he tries for both assuring and assertive, but it comes out a little harsher than he means it, and he wants to blame the throb of pain in his arm, but he's more than a little frustrated with this dance they've been doing.
Something that looks a lot like pain flashes over her eyes, and he's sure it has nothing to do with the bullet hole in her chest. He blows out a frustrated breath, attempting to keep the towel pressed around his arm as he awkwardly rises to his feet, reaching a gentle hand out to wrap his fingers around her arm.
"I'm sorry," he tries for reassuring, keeping his words soft as he draws her eyes away from his arm and up to his face. "I'm okay, really. Just give me a minute to wrap this back up," he asks, nodding towards his arm before finding her eyes again, "and then we'll talk okay?"
He'll refuse to let her help, even if she insists, because one look at her is all he needs to know that she couldn't handle seeing the wound on his arm anyway.
He sighs in relief when she nods in response to his answer, his promise to talk enough to temporarily quiet all of the questions she clearly wants to ask. She lingers for another brief moment, until the silence become too much for both of them, gingerly easing her way out of the bathroom and back towards the couch.
Castle searches through a first aid kit until he finds a large enough piece of gauze. He eases the soiled towel away from his arm, pleased to find that most of the bleeding has stopped. He tears off a large piece of adhesive tape, using it to secure the gauze over the wound before adding more tape to ensure that the pressure holds and the dressing stays in place.
Once he's cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, he washes his hands and switches off the light, shaking his head when he spots Kate standing by the large window at the other end of the couch.
Stubborn woman.
"Thought you were going to sit back down?" he huffs, bending to unzip his bag and fish out a new t-shirt, managing to ease it on without too much pain.
He's not surprised that Kate has turned to watch him, eyes lingering on the still exposed wrap on his arm.
"It's not bad, Beckett, just a graze," he assures her, nodding towards the couch as he takes a few steps closer.
She ignores his subtle attempt to get her to sit down, shaking her head as she glances back out the window and he can tell by the way she holds her body, stiff and careful, that she's in more pain than she has to be.
"Kate…"
"You got shot while trying to push me out of the way?" she interrupts, not looking at him as she asks her question, though he can hear the increasing tremble in her demanding tone.
"I didn't get shot," he tries, but she whips around to face him, the movement startling her more than him as she reaches out to grip the windowsill when the pain ripples through her chest.
He's at her side in an instant, reaching out to wrap a careful arm around her waist, taking on as much of her weight as she'll allow.
"You need to sit down. Please, before you hurt yourself any more than you already are?"
"I don't want to sit, Castle," she manages through gritted teeth, blowing out a strained breath as she rubs her free hand in soothing circles just below where the bullet entered her chest. "You promised we would talk, and I want some answers. If you aren't willing to give them, then you shouldn't have come here."
She's unrelenting, all detective in the way she demands what she wants, and though he's reluctant, he releases his hold on her when she shoots him a glare.
She eases herself back against the wall, carefully tilting the frame of her body against it as she continues to rub gentle circles over her chest.
"You got shot…" she repeats once the pain has eased a little, and it's not a question, this time, it's a warning. "Walk me through the rest, please?"
"Kate, are you sure you can handle this right now? You're in pain just standing there like that and it's killing me to watch, I-"
"Castle…"
He sighs in defeat, propping himself on the arm of the couch so that he's facing her.
"I saw the reflection off the rifle while you were speaking, but I wasn't quick enough to get to you down before the shots. We're not sure which shot grazed me, but all that really mattered was getting you out of there and keeping you alive."
He pauses to ensure that she's okay, the paleness of her skin causing his brow to crease with worry, but she nods for him to continue, her eyes wide and attentive.
"Lanie stitched my arm up in the waiting room because I refused to leave until we knew you were stable. That's it, Kate. It was just a graze, no big deal."
The vehement shake of her head is enough to break his heart, and he can see the tears in her eyes before they ever escape down her cheeks.
"Of course it's a big deal, Castle. You got shot because you were trying to save me. I don't care if it was just a graze, a bullet touched your skin, I saw the blood a few minutes ago, and nothing about that is okay. Nothing…" she chokes out as the emotions clog her throat, and he can't stay where he is any longer.
He's careful in the way he eases his arms around her, wanting to comfort her as much as he can, but not wanting her to hurt herself if she tries to pull away.
She tenses at the feeling, staring up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes that hold more pain than he's ever seen.
"I'm okay. You're okay. The wounds will heal and so will you. Not going anywhere, Beckett," he both promises and reassures, sighing in slight relief when she sinks against him, her tears painting their grief against his skin.
TBC