There was a part of her that was desperate to know if her absence had done any damage to him. That there was a possibility that The Doctor too, experienced long restless nights due to the thought of her. That his heart is broken in the same places as hers. She wanted to know that she was not the only one hurting from this. She was done with pretending to be okay; clearly, the old Clara would never have been seen dead in a raggedy oversized jumper with holes in the sleeves, her hair thrown up messily into a bun on the top of her head, and barely any makeup on, falling asleep in the middle of anywhere.

She lifted her head lazily, and saw sitting in a booth by the door, a couple happily smiling away. She noticed he was a little older than her, maybe a few years or so, but they looked so happy. At first she was judging how stereotypical it was that they were sharing a milkshake, but she kept watching, she just couldn't take her eyes away. To them, the only things in the universe were each-other and that milkshake, nothing else mattered because they were happy together. Eventually she lowered her head back into her arms on the table to shelter her face from the sun that was streaming in through the window. It was the start of spring, April 4th.

April was too lonely a month to spend alone. In April, everyone around her looked happy. People would throw their coats off and enjoy each other s company in the sunshine; talking, playing, holding hands. But Clara was always by herself. After Ashildr left, she found herself just wandering through time and space on her own. She wasn't really trying to avoid other people but making friends was difficult when really all she could think about was the one person she wanted most. Nobody else compared to The Doctor. Even speaking to other people was hard because she didn't know who she was anymore; deep inside she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind an often even funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all.

The waitress came over as she often did and picked up her cold cup of tea, turning her head sideways as to give a sort of concerned look, she asked "are you ok darl?" Clara was so used to being asked if she was ok but had never really come up with an answer herself for that question. She just gave a little smile and lowered her head again. The waitress sighed, and sat down opposite her.
"You know, you've been coming here an awful long time, but always alone? Seems to me like you might be missing someone hmm?" she murmured under her breath, to make the conversation a little more private.
Clara looked up at her and then turned her head over to the couple, who were giggling away still.
"Ahh" the waitress said "a boy, might have known it's always the boys"
"You never know it might be a girl?!" Clara retaliated.
"Well is it?" questioned the waitress
"It might be, it might not be," Clara replied, sounding like some of the moody teens she used to teach
"But you're missing somebody, I can tell," the waitress sighed in a pitiful way.

A single tear fell down Clara's cheek, she quickly wiped it away and hid her head in her hands. She felt so embarrassed, she was never the type of person to cry in public and certainly not the type of person to show this sort of emotion to a complete stranger but it was one of those times where no matter how hard she tried to stop the tears, they came anyway, she tried so hard not to cry that her throat got dry and sore but still, she cried.

"Well what are you going to do about it?" the waitress said sternly.
Hmm? Clara lifted her head out of her hands, confused at her tone
"look," the waitress continued "it gets better, I'm saying this not because ive experienced it yet but because I believe that 'better' is all in the mindset, for example, if you have high hopes for your future you will feel 'better' because there is a certain excitement in having something to look forward to and a surge of happiness when what you have been craving finally comes your way, but you can't have high hopes without plans or if you don t have the slightest idea how your desired future will look, so let me rephrase that a little, it gets better, but only if you are willing to work towards it, so, what are you going to do about it?"

Clara was a little angry at her but she also knew that the waitress was right. She felt like just slumping in a dark room forever but she knew that she could never get what she wanted like this, and what she wanted was the doctor.
"I.. I don t know.." Clara stuttered
"Picture the thing you want most in the universe and decide how badly you want it." said the waitress.
Stopping, shocked, Clara looked at the waitress. That line, that sentence. It almost confirmed it to her, everything around her was telling her to go and find him. Find the doctor.

"I'll leave you to think about that," the waitress said as she stood, taking the cup with her, she wandered away to go and serve another table. Clara just sat there, she didn't know what to feel or think or do. She felt like in a single second when the waitress said those words, she was thrown back to being with the doctor, travelling, the thrill and excitement of every adventure racing through her in a moment, and for that second she remembered what happiness felt like. It's like she had realised that she should never have given up on something that she couldn't even go a day without thinking about. She thought about how when you lose the love of your life it doesn't matter if you're 13, 30, or 80, it's going to hurt for the rest of your life; about how long after you've forgotten someone's voice, you can still remember the sound of their happiness or their sadness, how you can feel it in your body. She hoped and prayed with all she had in her that the doctor could remember this. That he could remember just enough of her for them to be together again. For her to not have to run away anymore, and not have to live in isolation for fear of hurting again, because she knew deep down that this pain was worse than any upset she could ever feel from being with the man who didn't even recognise her anymore.

With that she picked up her backpack, and left. Unsure of where she was going or what to do. She knew however, that to save herself, she had to find him.