Hello hello! I didn't update in a while, so here is a new chapter! I'm sorry for the long waiting!

Please let me know what you think about this chapter!

External POV

"Foot... Fist... Knee... Great job Matt, we get there!"

Matt was sweating, and Kurt too. He was bowing as ever, the more they advanced in the session, the more Matt's strikes gained in precision and power, so Kurt had to exhale on every strike he threw to him. He was determined, he wasn't the same man. He was focused on what he did, and he loved it. This allowed him to evacuate all the anger he had inside himself, and it was working. The more Matt hit the bags, the more he hit with power, the more it hurt, the more he felt better. At every hit he was threwing, Kurt's face faded. And Jack Nesbitt's face took his place. With each blow, he told Matt that he had no way to get away from him, no way to fight. But this time, Matt was free to move, Matt could defend himself. Kelly had almost immediately saw that something was off with Matt. The hits he was threwing weren't only a stress relief. There was rage in them. Certainly fear, but above all rage.

"Matt?"

But Matt wasn't listening. Matt wasn't listening anymore. He wasn't himself anymore. He thought of all that happenef, of every hit he had received without even saying a word, without even flinching or screaming or crying. He stood there, motionless receiving hits, stronger and stronger, ever more violent, ever more... Secret. He remained motionless like a robot, he watched the men take pleasure in hitting him, torturing him, humiliating him, bound with barbed wire and almost suspended in space thread. He suffered like hell, but didn't say a word. He suffered. For her. For Gabby. To keep her alive.

"Matt!"

Matt was still not listening. The hits were so violent that Kurt, despite all his experience wasn't the weight. And Matt shouted with rage. Kelly tried to rush into the ring to help Kurt retain Matt, but it didn't work. All he had won was to receive such a violent blow that his jaw was dislocated. Matt was in a full delirium crisis. He relived his experiences, but this time, he was free. And Kelly knew what it meant. If he saw Nesbitt instead of Kurt, so he was going to kill Kurt, no matter how. We had to find a way to stop him, and the only thing Kelly had in mind wasn't very good. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Kelly! Everything is fine?"

"Dman Antonio, you have to come right now into the boxing ring, at Kurt's! It urges!"

"What? What is happening?"

"It's Matt! I took him here to break free a little, but he became crazy. I think he has flashbacks, and Kurt can't contain him! He dislocated my jaw and he may not be shut down before killing Kurt unintentionally! You have to come! NOW!"

"I'm here in two minutes".

Kelly hung up, still holding his aching jaw and walked to the ring.

"Kurt! Antonio is here in two minutes!"

"I won't hold him for two minutes alone!"

Kelly looked panicked around him and despite the fear of being hit again, he went back into the ring to face Matt. He saw in his eyes that he wasn't there. There was the rage of killing. In Matt's head, it wasn't that Kelly had appeared. It was Oleg. The man who had tortured him in a unique way so he felt like throwing up. But this urge was much weaker than the resentment he had towards him. In a cry of anger, he rushed on him, on the man he thought was Oleg, while it was Kelly.

"Matt! Stop! STOP!"

Matt's hand made him increasingly suffer, it was more and more tense. But he completely didn't care. The men who had made him suffer so much were in front of him, and he didn't seize such an opportunity to kill them with his own hands. Then he continued to hit. Until Nesbitt was on the ground, completely knocked out, and see the fear in Oleg's eyes. And he went on, and on, until he was on the ground, on him, freeing his hits on his face.

"Matt!"

Antonio had arrived. But his first reaction was to stand still. For one of the first times, fear had invaded him. He had no gloves, and had to face a man, his brother-in-law, while he was delirious. Kelly had also had time to call Sonia who was still at the apartment with Gabby, and she came too. She had a syringe in her hand, which she handed to Antonio.

"You must inject this. It's haldol. It will end his delirium and he will fall asleep. But be careful, the state in which he is, he could knock you out".

"I know, but I have no choice".

He grabbed the syringe and went also into the ring. Matt looked up, and saw one of Oleg's henchmen. The one who held him during their ''torture'' sessions as they called them. His clenched fist, he got up and rushed toward him. But pain seized his neck. Antonio had just planted the syringe into the carotid and had emptied it. Matt saw the faces fade again, he lost all his strength. And after a few seconds, he realized what he had really done: Kurt was totally knocked out in the ring, with blood around his mouth, Kelly was also on the ground, holding his jaw and blood on his face, his hand is hurting him terribly, and in front of him, a frightened Antonio as ever.

"What did I do..."

Matt fell to his knees and then collapsed on the ground. The tranquilizer had finally taken effect. Sonia ran to check that everyone was fine, which was almost the case.

Severide's POV, two hours later...

My jaw still ached, though Sonia had made her way to get it back in place. She told me that the pain would disappear by itself in a few days and that I should expect to have a hematoma. But it would be hidden by many others, those left by Matt. My right cheek was swollen with a small cut that Bennett had cured and cleaned, and my brow was sutured now. But I didn't blame to Matt, I blamed myself. It was me who took him there to externalize everything, and with this externalization, he had this hallucination. Kurt had regained consciousness a few minutes after Matt was also knocked out. He had blood on his lips and a broken nose and a serious bump on his forehead. As for Matt, his hand was slightly reopened, and Bennett had sutured it again and bandaged his hand, but had no other injuries. With Kurt and Antonio, we didn't want to hurt him. That would have changed nothing. We managed to bring him back home and lie him on the couch, while Gabby prepared dinner. Bennett took advantage of this moment to take Matt's vitals, and all was well despite a slight residual tachycardia. I looked himcarefully, rubbing my jaw. He was so vulnerable, so... There were no words, no words anymore to describe him. But I never saw him as vulnerable. Not even after the death of Hallie. Not even after his head injury or the death of Andy. It was not him.

"How long before he wakes up?" I asked Sonia.

"I gave a syringe with a very low dose of haldol to Antonio. Enough to stop his delirium and sleep for a while but not enough for him to have the most adverse effects. We know that it's hard to bear this drug for him but it's the only tranquilizer that acts on him. In a few minutes he should wake up".

I sat on the bed, I really blamed myself to have had this idea. And Sonia felt in her heart that I blamed myself, I could see it.

"I think you had a great idea Kelly", she finally said. "Even though it ended badly, we can see things from a different angle: it allowed him to externalize".

To externalize... He would rather use a punching bag rather than his best friend, but Sonia wasn't wrong. Matt has really let off steam on this one. And saw how he let off steam, he was still hiding a lot of things inside of him, many things that we still didn't know. And he probably never would reveal. It was Matt after all. No surprisingly, Matt began to gesticulate on the bed

"He is waking up".

I got closer, calling him.

Casey's POV

I had quite a headache, this headache that almost never left me. I felt moving, but I felt almost nothing. All I knew was that I was lying on something very comfortable and warm, and I felt like someone had hit me everywhere, on every part of my body. My hand threw me waves of pain, like... As if the wound had reopened. I tried to think back to all that had happened. I remembered going to the boxing gym with Kelly and I was terrified. But then I had seen the faces of... Of those bastards. And then... Then I didn't remember.

"Matt?"

Kelly? That's it, the images came back to me: everything I did, the ones I had hit, the whole kick-boxing things. Everything. I hit Kelly, I hit Kurt. Just because I thought they were other people. Other people that I hated and couldn't see in painting. I was ashamed. So ashamed of what had happened in the gym. How I could do it, to make my best friend suffer?

"Matt, don't cry".

I was crying? I was really crying? Fingers came in my cheeks, gently. I didn't know why. I recognized those fingers. It was Kelly's. He was still there? After what I had just done to him?

"It's over. It's over now".

His voice was very soft, reassuring. Why was he like that? Kelly was never like that. I opened my eyes slowly. I was afraid of having a blurred vision, like every time someone injected into me something to calm me down. I looked at Kelly. His face was slightly blued at his jaw. I remembered hitting someone to dislocate his jaw. It was Kelly?

"I'm sorry...", I finally said.

But Kelly shook his head vigorously from side to side.

" No. No, it's me. I made you endured that and... And that led to all this. It was a bad idea".

This time it was for me to face him.

"No. I needed that. To... To face them and ... and fight".

"To... To face them?" Kelly wondered. "But there were just Kurt and I, and then Antonio..."

But he immediately understood what I meant. I read it in his eyes.

"Ah... We were them, right? That's why you... You hit so hard?"

Kelly ran his hand over his jaw and winced a little. I really hurt him.

"I am sorry..."

"Dont be".

I looked him carefully. He didn't blame me. How could he not be angry at me? I closed my eyes and sighed. I understood nothing anymore.

Sonia's POV

Matt seemed sad and lost. He was crying, but every time a tear ran down his cheeks, Kelly wiped it. He couldn't see him cry. I didn't either. But I was a nurse who wanted to help. What could I do?

"Matt? No side effects this time?"

I didn't know why I said that. It was probably the worst thing to say, but I had to. I saw him open his eyes, quietly resting his gaze on me. I smiled, a smile nurse. A fake smile. I felt bad for him, I could cry for him, for what he was enduring, for what he had endured. But I had no right. Not in front of him. Not in front of them.

"Just... A slight headache but I'm fine. Better than the last time..."

This time, I managed to smile for real.

"It seems that we have found the right dose of haldol, if something similar happens again".

Another thing to not say. I had the gift to do that. But at least he smiled.

"At least good news then".

Gabby came softly. She probably wouldn't scare Matt. She smiled.

"Dinner is ready".

"You feel ready to get up?" Kelly asked.

"I think so".

Kelly helped him to straighten, then get up. But Matt seemed a little dizzy. He sat down again almost immediately on the couch, closing his eyes and swallowing his saliva.

"You feel dizzy? Nauseous?"

No one spoke for a minute, the time for Matt to answer the question. He seemed to struggle.

"A little. But it will pass, I stood up too fast".

Soon after, we sat around the table to eat. Gabby had made one of his Dominican recipes which she had the secret. I loved her recipes. But I had to go home. For my family.

"I'm sorry, but I must go home. I know I promised to watch over Matt here, but... But I also have a family and... And I miss my husband and my daughter terribly".

"Oh... Don't apologize Sonia", Kelly assured with a smile. "We'll look after Matt, don't worry. And tomorrow Dr. Riley will be there so that's good".

They all seemed to understand the situation. At least I hoped. I couldn't really take care of Matt all the time when I was the chief nurses of ICU and I had a family to manage.

"I'll walk you".

Gabby stood up and walked me to the door.

"Once again I'm sorry", I repeated.

"There is no need to say. It's us. We asked you outside the hospital while you have a family life. Thank you for watching over Matt then you would have refused".

"I did my job Gabby. Really. And... And if I can help Matt again, you have my number".

I was sincere. I really wanted to help Matt to get better. How could he have passed through this hell alone? Above all, how could he have held on this hell?