I don't own MR
Fang
Anger is a strange emotion. In fact, it's almost not an emotion at all. It's more like an infection that takes control of everything you say and do. Once you begin to feel it, it takes its inch and goes a mile. It absorbs all your sanity and shows you nothing but a red haze of destruction. In truth, I'm afraid of myself when I begin to feel that itch. That little nagging that soon becomes a roar that demands to be heard.
My anger has always been a tightrope, a thin line I was forced to walk on. Normally, I could tame it, but with whatever those scientists injected into me, I couldn't. I had become nothing more than a victim of myself as I watched my hands move, l heard cracking bone, felt my mouth open and close, my throat vibrate with every word I spoke. I was in complete control- and yet, I wasn't. My anger was, but my anger was me. I knew what I was doing and yet I refused to stop myself.
Only after it was too late, did I wish to calm down, did I force my anger back into its tightly locked cage.
"Max…" I whispered, my voice trailing off. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was replay what I had just done to her. The worst crime I could ever commit finally committed.
Anger surged through my veins, pumping into my arm and spreading through my fingertips. Before I even knew what was happening I slammed the back of my hand into Max's face, watching as her head snapped to the left, and listening with satisfaction as she whimpered beneath me.
"I… I don't know why I did that," I mumbled, timidly reaching my hand out to the bright red mark I had left on her cheek. I didn't quite let myself make contact with her though. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hit her again, and I was afraid any act, no matter how small, could set me off. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, sliding away from her and pulling my knees to my chest, feeling something like a sob begin to work its way through my body. I would not cry. This was not my moment to make her feel pity for me.
"Fang… Fang, it's okay," Max mumbled after an eternity, finally sitting up and looking at me. Fear sparkled in her chocolate brown eyes and I knew it wasn't. She shouldn't be afraid of me. She shouldn't have a reason to be. I watched as Max crawled over to me and hugged me. "It's okay, alright? It doesn't even hurt." She was lying. We both knew that. My hand still stung from where I had made contact.
"Yes it does. I hurt you… Max I," I didn't realize I was crying till my own sob cut me off. How could I have ever let myself hurt the one person in this world I couldn't live without? How could I let myself do such a horrible thing? "I'm a freak, alright. Maybe I shouldn't-" I started, but Max cut me off with a fierce look on her face.
"Don't you dare, Fang. I'm not going to listen to your 'I should leave' crap." She snapped and I nodded, deciding we would have to talk about it later. Right now I was shivering violently, and biting a hole in my lip as I tried not to cry. I still couldn't believe it. I had just hit Max. Oh no. What would Ari say when he saw the bruise? What would he do?
"Fang, babe, come on, let's get you back in bed," Max said in a softer voice, grabbing my arm with only one hand and pulling me to my feet. I thought back to that cracking sound I had heard and felt my throat dry out.
"Did I break your wrist too?" I asked quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, unable to meet her eye. How could I live with myself knowing I hit her, let alone broke something? Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I didn't want to know.
"Yeah, you did, but it's okay because it wasn't really you." Max decided after a moment, pushing me on my back to stare up at the white ceiling. That's something I love and hate about Max. She doesn't sugarcoat it. She's a yes or no kind of girl.
"Yes it was. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I didn't stop." I mumbled. My girlfriend only shook her head, pulling the blankets over me as I laid there numbly, shivering even though it wasn't cold, and tasting blood in my mouth from biting my lip so hard.
"You couldn't control yourself. I probably deserved it- stop shaking." Max demanded and I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't. It had to be my adrenaline pumping, my heart racing, my fears invading my bloodstream and charging through. Finally, after a couple minutes of my shivering, Max sighed and crawled into bed next to me, snuggling into my side and draping her arm over my chest. "Fang, I promise you that I'm okay."
"Promises are lies that sound like the truth," I mumbled, thinking back to something my Dad had told me so long ago, a forever ago.
"Promises can also be truths that seem like lies if you think about it," Max pressed her lips against my shoulder and lingered there as I stared up at the ceiling, contemplating her words. Which one was Max's promise. A truth or a lie? Max was a yes or no kind of girl. So hopefully that meant she was telling the truth.
Finally I turned towards her, pulling her into my embrace and kissing her forehead. "I promise I love you, that's a truth." I whispered and Max smiled at me.
"I promise I love you too," She never said whether it was the truth or not, but she didn't have to. I already knew.
We laid there for hours, for our own little infinity, before finally I sat up, followed by Max. "I'm kinda hungry," I mumbled childishly, and Max smiled brightly, kissing my cheek.
"Alright, this time I'll actually make you something. Come on," Max held my hand the whole way down the stairs, through the living room, and didn't let go until she had to open the fridge, and even then she hesitated, as if letting go of my hand would set me off.
"Max," I said as she looked through the fridge, "You're not scared of me, are you?"
"You? Of course not," Max snorted and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What do I have to be afraid of, those scrawny arms?" She joked, patting my bicep and then wincing because she had done so with her broken hand.
"Are you afraid of anything about me?" I asked, dropping to my knees and looking through the cabinets for a first aid kit.
"I'm afraid of what you can do when you're angry," Max answered honestly, pulling out some freshly sliced turkey and cheese.
"I like mustard too." I told her, and she diligently got it out without question. "And I don't want you to start waiting on me or anything because you're afraid," I added.
"Oh, don't worry about that, Fang. I'm not your housewife." Max smirked and I just shook my head, grinning at her as I pulled the first aid kit out from under the sink.
"You are something else, you know it?" I asked, unzipping the red bag and pulling out a bandage I could wrap around Max's wrist.
"I've been told that many times, never followed by a smile before though," She admitted as I gently held her hand out, beginning to wrap it. I could see the pain in Max's eyes as I wrapped it tight, but didn't stop. I couldn't let her fear scare me, just like she couldn't let my anger scare her.
"Well I guess that makes me something else, too," I decided, tying the bandage into a knot so it stayed together. I winked at her and walked over to the pantry, pulling out a loaf of bread and tossing it onto the island counter. Max quickly made two sandwiches and I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Didn't you just eat something before…" Before I broke your wrist, before I smacked you, before I realized I am a dangerous pawn in this little game we're playing.
"I'm eating for two, and we are to never talk about that again." Max added, handing me my sandwich. I nodded and took a breath, taking a bite and savoring the mesh of flavors as I chewed.
"We're going to have to eventually," I told her, biting down on the sandwich and holding it in between my teeth as I hopped up to sit on the island.
"What's there to talk about?" Max asked in a casual voice, as if her cheek wasn't swelling before my very eyes.
"Risk-factor. Child safety. Triggers." I listed off three things, approaching each word with caution and thought, then paused, waiting for Max to reply. She only stood there, in the kitchen, eating her sandwich. I watched the way her shoulders tensed after each word, then how she relaxed, trying to play it off cool. She didn't want me to see her anxiety. She wanted me to think she was okay. That promise had been a lie. I had stupidly decided otherwise at the time, but now I knew.
"I better check on Ari," Max finally stated after she had swallowed every last bite of her sandwich. She began to walk out the door, but stopped mid-step when she heard my voice.
"Running away from your problems makes them more determined to catch you, Max." Another thing I learned from my father. As much as I disliked to admit it, he did manage to teach me some valuable life lessons in my short seventeen years of life with him.
"You're full of quotes to be remembered by, aren't you?" She asked before turning to leave. Just as she did she bumped into a grumbling Iggy who managed to knock her down.
"Hey Max, what's- why is your hand bandaged?" Iggy asked, flickering his eyes to me as if he already knew. Although they didn't hold the hatred in them quite yet.
"I, um, well it's kind of embarrassing really," Max drawled, obviously stalling to find a clean story. "Fang and I were messing around and I fell off the bed and kinda landed on my wrist wrong." I almost snorted at the idea of it. That was Max could come up with for a story? She had this huge two story house and all she could come up with was falling off a bed? I wanted to laugh out loud at the thought, but stayed quiet, knowing any slight change in demeanor could be a dead give away- especially to Iggy.
"The Great Maximum Ride brought down by an inanimate object?" Iggy snickered. "Of course that would be your downfall. You have millions of armed forces biting at your tail but you manage to hurt yourself by falling off a bed," Suddenly, Iggy's snicker stopped and he got a strange look in his eye. Instantly I knew he had seen her cheek. And that strange look was a mix of anger and confusion- then understanding. He glanced at me again and this time I saw that hatred he had missed the first time, and wished I could curl into myself and disappear. Carefully, he reached his hand up and rested it against Max's cheek, the one I had backhanded. I watched in horror as Max winced and Iggy turned to me.
"The bed story might have been believable had the obvious bruise on her face not showed up. She would not get that by falling off a bed. Do you know how she got it Fang?" I felt all the color drain from my face as I stared on at Iggy. I needed to play it cool. He couldn't know. But in reality, he already did. He knew I hit her and he wanted me to admit it. What was he going to do with that truth though, where would he take it? Who would he tell?
"I did it to myself Iggy-"
"Bull. Don't lie to me, Max. He hit you, didn't he?" Iggy turned back to me, a scowl on his face. "Do you like hitting girls? Is that like a hobby of yours or something? What the hell would possess you to hit yourown girlfriend?" Iggy snarled and I stuttered for words, trying to think of a plausible story, but in the end he knew. And because he knew the truth no false story would ever waver his judgement.
"I didn't mean to," I whispered, looking down at the tiles on the floor. Even as I spoke the words I knew I was lying. Of course I meant to. My hand had raised high to smack down against her and I didn't stop. I could have stopped had I tried, but I didn't. I let anger take the reins and in turn I hurt the only person left that mattered to me. Iggy scoffed, obviously unimpressed with my attempt at redemption.
"I'm sorry but the last time I checked you can't accidentally give people bruises like this. Tell me Fang, do you value your life? Because once Ari sees-"
"Oh no! He can't! Iggy you aren't going to tell him right?" Max cut Iggy off with a desperate plea, begging to keep quiet for me. At Iggy's hesitant glance Max continued on, determined to keep my little act of stupidity a secret. "Iggy please, I'm begging you here, if Ari knew he… well I don't know what he'd do, but it wouldn't be good! What if he kicks Fang out, or beats him up? You can't say anything!" She persisted, clutching his arm like her life depended on it.
"Max that jerk hit you, he deserves whatever Ari throws at him-"
"I egged him on. I hit him first. Iggy, Iggy it was my fault. I deserved it, okay? We have to keep this hidden from Ari." It broke my heart to see the tears well up in Max's eyes as she pleaded for my own life. It should be me asking, begging Iggy to keep quiet. In all honesty though, I kind of did deserve for Ari to find out. If he did he would most likely break every bone in my body without a second thought. Of course I didn't want that to be my fate, but it wasn't fear for Max to have a bruised cheekbone and me to have nothing. I blinked once and felt a tinge of pain in my eye, remembering all at once that I did have something. I had a black eye that I completely forgot about. It didn't hurt though, and I could see just fine. Max must have not hit me as hard as we both thought she did or I'd be icing it right about now. Then again, Max probably needed to ice her face, but wasn't because I was around, and knew it would just make me feel worse.
Finally I stood up and walked over to them, but didn't get too close before Iggy sent me a glare that would have vaporized me on the spot if it could have. I opened my mouth to say something, but when I needed the words most, they left me to stand there like an idiot, not sure what to say or do. I stood there for a long time, opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water, struggling to find the right words. When they continued to fail me I tried my best to fill in what i was trying to say.
"Iggy, you'll never understand how sorry I am I hit her, I don't even think she will. I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life," I spoke just above a whisper, realizing how true those words were. I would never forget. Ever. And I would never forgive myself. I was still completely shocked that I hit her, but I couldn't change anything now.
"Yeah well your apology isn't good enough. I'm telling Ari." Iggy turned on his heel, yanking out of Max's grip. I began to feel the anger build up as Max grabbed the back of Iggy's shirt and yanked him back. As she held him back from outting me. It began to pump through my veins, sliding out of its cage and cautiously taking control, making its way into my mind where it would gain all power.
The deceptive infection called anger began to win the battle once more and before I knew what I was doing I had grabbed Iggy's shirt collar and slammed him against the wall. "Don't. Say. A. Word," I growled out just loud enough for his ears to catch. The same kind of fear I had seen in Max's eyes now shone brightly in Iggy's icy blue ones as he clawed at my hands, weakly trying to get rid of me. But he couldn't. My anger was keeping him where he was, and it would continue to do so until I could somehow calm down.
"O- Okay. I- I won't s- say anything." He stumbled over his own words as he tried to spit them out, desperate for me to let go of him. "Oh my God, Max! Get the Incredible Hulk off of me!" Iggy whined loudly and she obliged.
"Fang! Put him down right now!" Max shouted, and I glanced at her, at her face, at the bruise I had caused, before slowly setting Iggy down back on his feet. What would have happened if she hadn't told me to put him down? Would I have hit him to? Would I have done worse? Quickly, I boxed the anger back up and shook myself out of the red haze that had blinded me from myself for just mere moments.
"I- I'm sorry, Iggy. I don't know what came over me." I said, leaning against the wall I had just pinned my friend against for a moment as everything that had just happened began to calculate inside of my mind. If little things were making me completely and utterly outraged, what would big things trigger? Somebody's death?
"Oh my God, Max. If we don't tell Ari, Fang's going to go on a rampage and kill us- he's going to kill you-"
"He's right there!" Max shouted. "He can hear you, Iggy! Don't talk like that."
"He's right, though." I told her, looking Max in the eye. She shook her head and waved me off as nothing more than a problem she could run away from after she convinced Iggy to run with her. They would run as fast as they could away from my anger, away from any little thing that could trigger my aggressiveness.
But how far could they run, till they reached the boundaries?
Alright so this is the 40th Chapter Spectacular! Although it's not really spectacular, it's horrible. Poor Fax in this story. I'm just throwing hurricanes at them, aren't I?
QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER! YOU GET A PRIZE IF YOU GET IT RIGHT!
First three people to answer this question right will get a small prize:
What was the 'The Fault In Our Stars' reference in this chapter?
Oh and even though this song is only sorta relevant to this chapter, it's relevant to the whole story and its become my favorite song ever. It's called Human by Christinia Perri. You should check it out if you haven't.
Soar on
VR