Here's the final chapter! I hope you like. There is a VERY important author's note at the bottom, k? :)
"We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter."
― C. JoyBell C.
When Rose woke, the Doctor was still right there with her. She had been so exhausted that it had taken no time at all for her to fall back to sleep, and with the Doctor there, she didn't suffer from any nightmares. She was extremely warm and snuggled up into his side, and his arms were wrapped around her shoulders holding her close to him. His head was leaned back against the headboard, and his eyes were closed, but she was almost positive he was still awake.
Still, she laid her head back down on his arm and closed her eyes, while he held her tighter against him. She felt his hands thread through her hair again, and she let out a happy sigh. She glanced up at him and saw him grinning at her, and she returned it. "Good morning," she said.
"Good morning," he replied. "I suppose you slept well."
She nodded. "I did. Thank you." She glanced up at him, and noticed his hair was all mussed. He must have been pulling at it while thinking – a habit she'd noticed he favored in this regeneration. "You've been thinking."
"I'm always thinking," he replied.
"Good thoughts?" she asked.
He sighed. "I suppose it's all in how you look at it," he said. "I was mostly thinking about what happened on the beach, before I got poisoned."
Rose felt her cheeks heat up a little at the thought. He had been thinking of their kiss? Was that a good thing, or a bad thing? "I suppose we do need to talk about that – without the possibility of you getting poisoned by a sea creature," she said.
"Yes," he said. "I'm not really sure where to start, I guess."
She thought for a moment and then said; "Well, we had started to talk about it back on Tethys. What else were you going to say there?"
"Like I said before," he began, "I don't regret kissing you. I don't know why anyone would, to be honest. I was ready to live in the moment and stop thinking about the fact that you were human, which meant you'd leave eventually. But now that you're lifespan is apparently as long as mine…"
"The new question becomes: now that we can have forever, do you still want it?" she said after he trailed off.
She looked up at him with wide eyes. She was completely vulnerable right now. Whatever he said next would affect her – no matter the response. She hated that she relied on him this much. After what happened between her and Jimmy Stone, she never wanted to rely on a man like this again, and what did she do? She put her security and emotional well-being in the hands of a nine-hundred year old alien git with two hearts and a tendency to push people away in awkward situations. Still, she could never compare him to bloody Jimmy Stone – she shouldn't even try. He was better than that; so much more.
"Now would be a good time to reply…" he said.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I spaced," she said.
He chuckled and said; "Yeah, I noticed. I said that I still want forever – with you – if that's what you want."
She smiled. "Really?" When he nodded, her smile got even bigger. "I definitely still want forever with you."
"You're sure," he said. "Because you can't see into the future; you don't know what you'll want. You're human, and humans crave… well, human things. Like, houses and things."
Rose sighed and sat up to face him. She couldn't keep having this same argument with him. How could she let him know that it wasn't like that with her? "Doctor," she began, "The whole human thing never sat well with me. I was never right for it. If I didn't want it before, why would I want it now?"
"Because everywhere we go, you're going to see that the one constant with humans is the domestics: the houses and mortgages, and the families. Rose, you're giving up those things before you realize you might want them."
"Okay," she said. "Let's pretend for just a moment that – at some point in the future – I'll want those things. Let's pretend that I'll want the boring, every day, nondescript human life that you're talking about. Do you honestly think that I'd want that life more than I'd want you?" He didn't answer, so she continued. "Doctor, the only thing that makes human life worth living his having family and someone you love with you to hold your hand through it all. So if I can't have that life with you, then I don't want it at all. That, Doctor, I can promise you will never change."
How do you reply to someone who has just declared they'll love you forever? You'd think that someone with nine centuries of experience would know the answer to that question. You'd be wrong, because the Doctor was clueless. He loved Rose Tyler – he absolutely did, whether he'd get the chance to say it or not. He definitely wanted forever with her. If there were anyone in the universe he wanted to spend his forever with, it would be Rose Tyler.
She was looking at him with nervous eyes, but her mouth was quirked into a disarming smile. She was worried about what his response would be, but she was trying to be brave. "This is the part where I say something, right?" he said.
"That would certainly make me feel a lot better," she replied.
He nodded, but still, he couldn't think of anything to say. There was only one question he had. "So, you'd give up a normal human life just to be with me?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she replied.
"You understand, though, that I'm not the domestic type. I can try – for you – but I won't be very good at it," he said.
"I'm not asking you to be," she said. "Besides, we're technically married on seven different planets already. I think you've been a pretty good husband already," she teased.
He chuckled. He knew she was teasing because of the tongue-touched smile she was giving him. Still, she did have a point. They were technically married on countless planets. What would be the harm of one more? Still, he'd wait to ask her that. He was pretty sure there was a rule that said not to propose to someone while their minds were reeling with information from an entity that resides in the heart of a sentient, time travelling spaceship.
"So, does this mean I'm you're boyfriend now?" he asked.
She grinned. "I don't know; does this make me your girlfriend?"
He wouldn't mind her being his girlfriend – nor would he mind being her boyfriend – if either of the terms truly covered what they meant to one another. "I don't know," he said, in all seriousness.
"They don't seem sufficient, do they?" she asked, hitting the nail on the head. He shook his head, and she said; "Everyone always called you my boyfriend: mum, Mickey, Shareen – the last time I called her. It just seemed too… juvenile for you."
"Juvenile… really?" he asked.
Rose sighed. "Well, yeah. I mean, you meant so much more than that to me. In their minds, the term boyfriend didn't really carry much weight. I mean, mom had a new boyfriend every other month growing up. In their eyes, boyfriends and girlfriends played mind games and sent you on emotional roller coasters. A boyfriend was someone you'd date for a while before they inevitably left, and I just didn't see you as being that. You've always been… better."
He didn't know what to say to that. He had sent her away once, but he'd never just up and leave. The concept of boyfriends and girlfriends was so odd to him, because he'd never properly thought about it. "It's all so new to me," he said, and then he smiled. "It's kind of exciting."
"What, relationships?" she asked.
"Well, Earth-like relationships and customs," he said. "My planet didn't even have a word for boyfriend or girlfriend. Well, I suppose they would have at one point. They'd… evolved from that long before my time."
"You didn't date?" she asked.
He smiled at the mere thought of any Time Lords 'dating'. "No," he said. "We didn't date. We were supposed to be above things like that. We married for political reasons, or just because it was a smart match. Rarely did love ever enter the picture, and when it did… it always ended messy."
"How so?" she asked.
"Marriage between the Time Lords, for political purposes, was like your basic Earth marriage. It was a written record in a book and a piece of paper. Sometimes there was a fondness for one another. But, once in a blue moon, you'd have two Time Lords who dared to feel things, and they fell in love. If that were the case, and they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they wanted to be together forever, then they would also have a bonding ceremony," he explained.
"Sounds intimate," she said in a soft voice.
He nodded. "Oh, yes. It was quite intimate. But, where humans only have the ability to be legally married, a bonding ceremony married you for life."
"What, like death do us part, but for real?" she asked.
"Exactly. You would bond your minds together, telepathically, and your minds would become one with each other," he explained.
He had never done that with any other Time Lord. To him it was all just fanciful notions; he had never really loved anyone in that way. Still he'd like to see what Rose's reaction to the bonding ceremony was. She probably wasn't telepathic enough to do that, and he wouldn't ask her to do it anyway. If something were to happen to him, she would feel the pain of it, and vice versa.
"That's… different," she said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Good different, or bad different?" he asked.
She laughed. "Just different. I mean, it's incredibly beautiful. I can't imagine anyone on Earth having that kind of devotion to one another. But it would have to be risky, and terribly awful, y'know. Like, what if the person you bonded with died before you did. That would be… excruciating, right?" she asked.
"Yes," he said. "It would be the worst pain that a Time Lord would ever feel. Still, it happened. People bonded, and that was the closest thing the Time Lords had to true love."
She started giggling, and he was confused. "What's so funny?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just… your people. They didn't do anything half-way, did they?"
He smiled and looked down. "No. No, I suppose they didn't."
"I mean, it's either husband-and-wife, or bonded mates for eternity, with no dating. I mean, it's better than everyone on the planet statistically predestined to divorce at least once in their lifetime, but still, it's… intense."
He looked at her with a fond smile and said; "I suppose that is a good word for the Time Lords." Rose paused for a moment, looking deep in thought. He could practically see wheels turning in her head, and he loved it when she got a contemplating look on her face. He loved watching her put pieces together, or coming up with solutions to any problem she faced. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.
She grinned. "I was just thinkin'… I know you're new at the whole relationship thing, and I know you don't like labels. So, how about you decide where you want to go from here. We can take it slow if that's what you want."
"You want me to decide what we do with our relationship?" he asked.
She took a breath and let it out before saying; "I want you to be comfortable with whatever we do. I don't want to push you into anything. But if I could make a suggestion… could we not go back to where we were before. Y'know, with the whole dancing around each other, flirting but not doing anything more."
He smiled. "I think it's too late to go back now," he said. "Besides, now that we've kissed I can't imagine never doing it again."
"Oh really?" she asked as she scooted closer to him. "I quite like the sound of that."
"Mmm…" he said as she brought her lips to his. It was strange to think that they'd only kissed a few times before, and now it's like they'd been kissing since they'd met. It was comfortable; not awkward. Their lips melded together perfectly, like they were meant to be together.
When Rose pulled away, she smiled at him, and he melted at the sight. He knew it now; he wanted her. No matter what, he wanted Rose – every bit of her. He knew what he wanted to do now. "Okay, I have an idea."
"Really?" she asked. "So quickly?"
"You'll find my Time Lord mind works quite quickly, thank you," he replied. She rolled her eyes, but he continued anyway. "If you'll be my girlfriend, I'll be your boyfriend. I won't deny you an Earth marriage, but I'll take it slow. I know you're probably ready for domestic bliss, but I need a bit more time to… build up to it."
She smiled at him. "Okay, I think that sounds fair. And I won't deny you a Time Lord marriage, if you're able to have one with me."
He paused and said; "You do know what that means, right? Your mind would be connected with mine for eternity. We'd never be separated until one of us dies, and when that happened the other would be ruined for the rest of their existence. Every bit of your past would become mine, and every bit of my past would become yours. There's a lot of darkness up here, Rose. You might not like what you see."
She knew he was just being honest with her, but she hated the idea that he thought she didn't love him enough to want every bit of him. "Doctor, I'm willing to risk anything for you, okay?" He was about to say something, but she finished what she had to say before he could. "I know it would be asking a lot of you, though, so it's your choice whether you want to go that far with me."
He kissed her again, slowly, before pulling away and saying; "Thank you. Thank you for understanding… and for being you."
"Well, I'm here to help," she teased with a smile.
Something that Bad Wolf had told him was brought to the front of his mind when she said that. Don't worry, Doctor. Rose will help you. I know, sooner or later, you'll crack it. His mind began racing at a million miles a minute. What was it in that sentence that tripped a wire in his mind?
You'll crack it…
"Cracks," he said.
Rose blinked. "What?" she asked.
"Cracks! Rose, cracks!" He jumped up from the bed and ran to the console room. She sighed and shook her head before rushing after him. She would follow him anywhere, and she knew he would do the same with her.
Rose watched as the doctor zoomed around the TARDIS console, hitting buttons and flipping levers. She tried getting his attention, but all her efforts were wasted. He was completely engrossed in whatever it was he was doing. She walked over to the jump seat and watched him, fascinated by how at ease he was in his magnificent ship. She couldn't help the small smile that found its way to her face.
What's he doing, old girl? She hoped the TARDIS might help her out, but there was a curious hum in her mind that led her to believe she wouldn't get a straight answer from the ship.
After about an hour of this, the Doctor finally noticed her sitting in the jumpseat. "Oh, sorry, have you been talking?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, I thought I'd wait until you were finished with… whatever it is you're doing," she replied. He smiled at her and she said; "What exactly is it you're doing?"
"Cracks!" he said, motioning for her to come to him.
She walked over to stand by his side and saw what looked like a glowing line illuminating the screen. "What's this then?" she asked.
"Remember how I said that what happened at Canary Wharf was caused by cracks between this universe and the next?" he asked.
"How could I forget?" she deadpanned.
He placed his hand on her shoulder, to offer a bit of comfort, and said; "Well, think of it as like a fracture. It doesn't heal all at once. It takes time, and if we're lucky – I mean really lucky…" He let his sentence trailed off as something else popped up on the screen. It looked to be a nicely decorated bedroom – much bigger than any room Rose had ever slept in before – but that's not what got her attention.
Lying in the bed, sleeping peacefully next to Pete, was her mother. "Mum!" Rose shouted, a smile coming over her face. Both Pete and Jackie seemed to startle awake, and then the image faded. "Wait! No!"
"Rose, it's okay. The signal is still going through. The crack is tiny, so it won't hold for long, but I think Pete will be able to figure it out," he said.
"If the crack is small, then…"
"We can't bring any of them back through, but you can get a message to your mother. You can show her that you're okay – or that you will be okay – and you can see that she's fine as well," he explained.
Rose nodded. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up, or expected her luck to go that far, but she was pleased she could get a message out to her mother. "I'm just glad I got to see her."
A tear fell down her cheek without warning, and she swiped it away as the Doctor pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist and didn't let go for the longest time. This is where she belonged. This is exactly where she wanted to be.
It took weeks for them to get through to Jackie, and relay enough information for her and Pete to trace the signal to… wherever it came out at. Rose wasn't entirely certain where that was. All she knew was that they'd been hovering around a supernova for what seemed like an eternity. It was giving the TARDIS the energy she needed to send the signal, and a message.
The TARDIS manual – which was completely written in Gallifreyan, which Rose couldn't read and the TARDIS wouldn't translate – had apparently said there was no way to send a message. That didn't seem to sit well with the Doctor, so he threw it into the supernova.
Finally, the Doctor and Rose got the message through, and now they were standing there waiting for their hologram-selves to materialize in the other universe. When they did, they were standing on some sort of beach or something. Rose could hear the sound of the waves. She saw Pete, Jackie, and Mickie standing a few yards away, waiting for them.
"Mum!" Rose shouted. She wanted to run towards her, but the Doctor had warned that she would just be an image.
Jackie rushed to Rose and the Doctor. "Oh Rose!" she said. "I thought I'd never see you again!"
Rose couldn't stop the tears in her eyes. She had promised that she wouldn't cry – she would make her mom think she was perfectly fine, but that plan was quickly flying out the window. "Mum… I can't believe it…"
"Hello Jackie," the Doctor said.
She smiled at him and said; "You both look like ghosts."
"Oh, hold on," the Doctor said. He pointed his sonic at the console, which Rose assumed fixed their image problem. Jackie held her hand up to touch Rose's face, but the image became fuzzy and distorted until she pulled her hand away. "We're still just an image. No touch," the Doctor added.
Jackie huffed. "Well that's just bloody brilliant. I can't even hug my own daughter," she said. "Can't you both come through properly?"
Rose shook her head. "The whole thing would fracture," she said. "Two universes would collapse."
"So?" Jackie teased.
Rose chuckled. Her mom definitely would collapse two universes to get Rose back, if it was what Rose wanted. "Where are we?" she asked. "Where did the gap come out?"
"We're in bloody Norway," Jackie replied. Rose and the Doctor shared a look. "'Bout fifty miles outside of Bergen. It's called Dårlig Ulv Stranden."
"Dalek?" Rose asked.
"Dårlig," Jackie corrected. "It's Norwegian for bad. It translates as… Bad Wolf Bay, or something. Funny name for a beach, if you ask me." Rose's eyes widened and she felt the Doctor's hand lightly squeeze hers. Things with Bad Wolf might be settled now, but her life had still been completely changed because of what had happened. "How long have we got?"
"About two minutes," the Doctor said.
Jackie scoffed and shook her head. "Well I can't think of what to say! Two minutes to tell my daughter how much I love her; how much I'll miss her? It's not enough," she exclaimed.
"Mum," Rose said. "I'll miss you too… always. But, you've still got Mickey."
"As if Mickey's supposed to make up for you, Rose," she said before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. This can't be easy on you either."
Rose shook her head. Jackie turned to look at Mickey and Pete, who were thankfully giving her time to say goodbye. When she did, Rose noticed how her arm wrapped protectively around her stomach. "Mum… you're not, um," Rose couldn't think of how to ask. She pointed towards her own stomach, and thankfully, her mom got the hint.
Jackie's eyes lit up. "Yes! Three months now," she said.
"Mum that's great!" Rose exclaimed. She looked at the Doctor, who looked confused.
"What is?" he asked.
"She's pregnant," Rose explained.
The Doctor looked mildly shocked by this information, but he eventually smiled. "Congratulations!" he said. "More Tylers' on the way, then."
"And what about you?" Jackie asked. "What have you two been up to? Has he made an honest woman out of you yet?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "Mum…" she groaned.
"What? I need to know before I never see you again," she said.
"I'm not going to push Rose away anymore. I love her," the Doctor said, as if it were as easy as breathing. He'd been holding onto it for so long, but now he wanted to say it often and in any language he could. "I love her, and I see that now. You don't have to worry."
Jackie smiled. "Oh I'll always worry, but as long as I know she'll be happy, then I'll be happy too."
"I will be happy, mum. I'll miss you – really I will, always – but I'll be happy that I'm with him," she explained.
"I hope you know I'll be tellin' your little brother all about his brave and smart big sister," she said. "Both Pete and Mickey work for Torchwood now, but they'll never have stories like yours."
The Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Rose Tyler; Defender of the Earth," he said with pride.
"You're dead, officially, back home," Rose said. "So many people died that day, and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead, but here you are. So alive…"
"Am I ever going to see you again?" Jackie asked.
Rose shook her head. "You can't."
"And you're just gonna be travelin' around the universe in that spaceship?" she asked. "Are you ever gonna go back to Earth?"
"Of course we will. Mum, I won't forget who I am," she explained.
"I love you," Jackie said.
Rose sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I love you too, mum."
"Any you, mister 'I'm a Time Lord'. If you upset my daughter, I'll know it – somehow – and I'll find you and slap you into your next regeneration," she warned.
The Doctor actually looked slightly afraid. "I'd never hurt Rose. You have my word."
Rose watched as the image of her mother faded until it was completely gone. She let her head fall into her hands, and she let the Doctor guide her over to the jumpseat. They sat there for a long time. Rose didn't know how long, but eventually the Doctor had to navigate them away from the supernova. He walked around the console, flipping switches and setting controls. When Rose looked up, she saw a figure in white standing in front of the TARDIS doors.
"What?" she asked.
The figure turned to reveal a redheaded woman, who was definitely far from home. "Oh!" she gasped.
That got the Doctor's attention. "What?" he asked.
"Who are you?"
"What?" the Doctor asked again, looking at Rose. She moved to stand next to him.
"Where am I, eh?" the redhead asked – somehow making the question sound like a demand.
Rose shook her head. "What?" she asked.
"What the hell is this place?!" the woman shouted.
"What?!" Rose and the Doctor said at the same time.
A/N: Well, well friends. So here we are... I do apologize - profusely - for being absent for so long. I just couldn't get through this chapter. I still feel like the Doctor and Rose are slightly out of character for some of this, but what the heck. I'll get over it. So will you, I'm sure. This is the end of Testing the Waters, but I've decided to attempt tackling a series 3 rewrite. I'll do the Runaway Bride episode as a separate story from this one, but I'll post an update to tell you when it's up. :)
Also, I'm switching accounts. This one is too cluttered and it's giving me anxiety, so I will let you know when the story is posted on my other account (where I can keep things organized).
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!