In the morning, Rose almost did not go to breakfast. She wasn't sure if she could handle being in the same room as River, and she certainly couldn't handle the crew's prying eyes. They'd surely notice that they were acting odd. Rose was an absolute disaster, in emotion and appearance, and she was barely holding it together.

We kissed, Rose panicked each time she thought it. We danced and we kissed and I didn't stop it and I didn't want to stop it and why didn't I stop it…

Couldn't be that she felt something. That couldn't be right. There was the Doctor. The Doctor was the one she…and she wasn't a…but that kiss…

Her empty stomach disrupted her mind chatter and she took a slow breath. She was late anyway, so maybe River had already eaten and left to pilot the ship. If she hadn't, well, Rose didn't know what she would do. More importantly, she wasn't sure what River would do. Or what they would want to do.

Skittishly, she crept towards the kitchen a peered around the doorway. Grouchy Jayne, sleepy Simon, and bubbly Kaylee were in sight. But, no River. All right. No River. She could do this. She cautiously entered as if she were entering a bear cave. Confidence built when she still didn't see that gorgeous pilot.

Then, River appeared from behind the kitchen counter. Apparently, she was going through the drawers for a clean mug. Rose stopped in her tracks. River looked at her and Rose quickly looked away. She saw a basket of stale rolls and went for it.

"Mornin' Rose!" Kaylee grinned with a shove into Simon's groggy shoulder. "Rose is up, Simon. Here we thought you'd miss breakfast."

"It ain't like she's missing some big party," Jayne grunted and waved with a spoon of protein mush. "I'd give you a party, if'n you're up for it."

Rose inhaled the roll and forced a smile. "I've got to put a few things in the wash."

"I thought that you had done that yesterday," Simon commented. "We're doing our clothes today."

"Oh. I did. I forgot about that. Well, I should go…" she tried to think of a reason. It came out in a clumsy mutter. "Clean my room."

She started for the door and River swiftly stepped in front of her. Their feet were merely inches apart, but Rose couldn't bring herself to retreat. River held out a mug with a small voice. "Tea."

Rose had a vision of kissing River so hard that the mug was sent crashing to the floor. So, naturally, she panicked yet again and kept moving. "Thanks, but I have to get cleaning and all that."

River watched her go and somberly set the mug by an empty spot of the table. "Zoe will be here. Give it to her."

"Everything all right, mei mei?" Simon tenderly asked.

She didn't answer him. She completely understood why Rose would react in such a way, but of course she hated every second of it. Ancient wounds in her mind had resurfaced, and she recounted the events that led to her last relapse. She pulled it together then, only getting stronger from the experience, yet she promised herself that she would never have a breakdown from a broken heart. Not again.

That was a promise that she intended to keep, yet she didn't plan on another heartache. She planned on Rose Tyler. As hurt as River was in the moment, she knew that her plans never failed.

… … … … …

Rose did not have to clean her room, quite evidently, but it was an excuse to stay there for a long while. No matter how she looked at the situation, it always boiled down to one thing: it can't. It can't be that they kissed, it can't be that she would have any feelings for River, it can't be that River got under her skin, it can't be that they could ever be more than mates.

Can't. Be. Just can't. Because. Well. Because.

The plan was simple. Rose would stay in her room until she figured out what to do and convinced herself that nothing really happened. This was problematic given that she hadn't any idea how long it could take to understand the situation, and no matter what she couldn't get River's touch out of her mind. Yet, consequences. That's what plagued her the most. What if it meant something? What if it didn't mean something? What if it were something?

But, her plan wasn't going to work anyway. Malcolm Reynolds opened her door without as much as a knock.

"Blondie."

"Captain Suspenders?" she grimaced. This wasn't the day to mess with her.

"We're about to go through some rough space. I need a copilot up there with River."

"You do it."

"I'm busy."

"With what exactly?"

"Captainy things."

"Then Zoe could do it."

"She's busy."

"With?"

"First matey things."

"Why does it have to be me?"

"Because I said so. 'Sides, River would probably want you anyway."

Rose hid her blush fairly well. "I'd rather not."

"Why? River—"

"I have a headache."

"It's either go up there or clean the septic tank. No crew of mine is sitting on their laurels today. Got to be doing something."

"If I don't?"

"I might accidentally forget you on a job. Someplace in the middle of nowhere. You'll get back, but it'll be one hell of a walk."

With that, he left in a smug sort of way. He just wanted to pick on her since he was bored, and he still didn't like her. She didn't like him either. In that moment, she hated him. Oh, how she loathed him.

For a second, she considered septic duty. However, she didn't want to ruin her clean clothes and take an hour long shower to feel sanitary again. She forced herself to leave the comfort of her room and scale the steps. Although she gave herself a pep talk and swore that she'd be calm and collected, she couldn't go past Kaylee and Simon's bunk.

"You can do this," she uttered to herself. "You've taken down Daleks, Cybermen, werewolves…can't be so hard to go in there."

It took almost five minutes to actually work up the nerve to reach the bridge.

She knocked on the entryway and waited for River to say something. She only saw the top of River's head and instantly knew that River wasn't going to answer. She was more than scared to know what River was feeling, as she couldn't even deal with what she was feeling. Those feelings were far more intense than she could have ever imagined.

"Mal sent me up here to be the copilot," Rose awkwardly edged to the opposite seat. "Something about rough space."

"That is correct," River robotically confirmed as she stared straight ahead.

"All right. What do you need me to do?"

"I can handle it."

"The Captain threatened me with septic duty and desertion. There has to be something."

"Can handle it. Captain underestimates my piloting capabilities."

"Well, can I stay up here, then? I don't want him to catch me 'sitting on my laurels' today."

"If you want."

"But, would you mind?"

"Irrelevant."

"What's that mean?"

"My feelings on the matter are irrelevant."

They weren't talking about the bridge anymore. Rose hadn't any idea what to say. One half of her brain wanted to run as far away from her emotions as possible. The other half wanted to accept that she dreamt of holding onto River every second of every day. She wanted to kick herself for being so bloody confused about everything. It was only making matters worse.

So, she thought it best to get out of there before either of them could get hurt. More than they already were, at least.

However, River got to her feet before Rose could leave her seat. Rose played the oncoming scenario in her head. An argument would begin, both women would be destroyed, they'd both leave in tears, and her world would dissolve before her very eyes.

Well, she was wrong. What happened felt much, much worse.

River gracefully stepped forward and stood over Rose. Rose held eye contact for only a second before staring at the floor, yet River's soft fingertips tilted her face upward. She felt her judgement clouding with the expression on River's face. Again, she had thoughts of kissing the reader until their lips were bruised.

Gently, River's forehead rested on Rose's and their noses barely touched. Her hands went to Rose's face, and Rose shakily held onto that gossamer wrist. Her heart was pounding as River's mouth touched her lips with a whisper.

"Can't pretend it didn't happen."

River lingered for a moment to see if Rose would pull her into a kiss. Instead, Rose had to go. She pushed by River with a lasting and pained glance, and then she marched straight to her room. She couldn't be still. She had to pace back and forth and back and forth. If she weren't a mess before, she certainly was now.

Nothing made sense. She didn't make sense. The Doctor was her love, her world, her everything. She never questioned it. Never questioned whether or not she was interested in women. Never questioned jumping into a relationship. Everything was a gigantic question mark now. River had completely turned her world upside-down and flipped it backwards.

And, she wanted it that way. How could she want it that way? She couldn't believe that she wanted it that way. But, she did. Her throat gulped. Did she really…for River?

Yes. Oh dear time-machine-in-a-blue-box, she did.

Any level-headed person may consider the situation as being rather simple. Two people, both single, romantic feelings, mutual attraction, fit wonderfully together, no apparent obstructions, clearly both parties happy to engage in a very friendly manner—a relationship would generally be considered a natural progression. However, Rose Tyler was not feeling level-headed.

She was feeling terrified. Absolutely and utterly terrified.