The following day was no less awkward. They didn't sit near each other at meals, and they didn't speak a word to one another. Rose asked Simon for an extra lesson in Chinese, and she asked Kaylee to review the engine with her just to avoid River. She was already somewhat apt in Chinese and Kaylee had showed her the same parts before. It was still better to review what she knew than focus on everything that she didn't.

They landed on a planet that evening, though it was the afternoon on the surface. Supplies were needed, and someone had to stay with the ship. Rose put her eager hand in the air. "I'll stay. You all go ahead. I'll take good care of her."

"Shiny," Mal nodded. "If you steal or break my ship, I'll get you and leave you with Jayne. Alone. All night."

Rose was too exhausted for a snappy retort, and she was too exhausted to hear Jayne talking about the easiest ways to sabotage the ship. Everyone, including River, left for town. Rose gladly rested on the couch outside of the infirmary. Finally, she had some space and time to think things through without distractions. And, she needed to figure something out. She couldn't keep doing this to River.

Before any serious thought could be had, she heard something rattle in the cargo bay. She stood and stealthily grabbed her gun from her room. With extreme caution, she edged into the cargo bay and drew her weapon on the intruder. It wasn't an intruder. It was River.

Of course, Rose thought. That's how this sort of thing always goes.

"You scared me half to death," Rose set aside the gun with a steadying breath. "You're too quiet, you know that? Didn't even hear you come in."

"Sorry. Forgot something."

"Did you?"

She nodded and started to walk towards her room. Rose wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn't find the words. River reappeared with a sweater and started to leave as quickly as she came. But, Rose couldn't help noticing that River's hair was snared between holes in the sweater, which would certainly be uncomfortable at some point. So, Rose figured that she'd remedy that.

It wasn't because she didn't want River to go yet, and it wasn't because she wanted to be close to River either. Oh no. No, not at all…

"Hold on."

Neatly, she readjusted the sweater and smoothed the wrinkles in the shoulders. River had that look again, and Rose had that feeling again. She held onto River's shoulder and lowered her voice. "Rivy, I…"

She didn't know how that sentence was supposed to end. River did. She tugged Rose into a kiss that Rose readily returned. They had the entire ship to themselves and were going to exploit that privacy. This one lasted longer than their first kiss, and it was far more intense. When they finally split apart, River kept a firm hold on Rose. She wasn't running from this. Not this time.

"Why did you kiss me?" River quietly began.

"You kissed me."

"You kissed back."

"You still kissed me first."

"You still wanted to kiss me."

"I…" she stopped and couldn't deny it.

"You have feelings for me."

She couldn't deny that either. "Maybe. But, River, we're mates. We're best mates—"

"Inaccurate. More than that. Have been."

"We only kissed a few days ago."

"Don't have to have contact to be more than friends. You know this."

"But, I'm not…"

"Hearts do what hearts do. I'm in your heart."

"River—"

"You know how you feel. What you want. Just don't want to believe it."

"What about you, then?" Rose felt that she had to turn the tables. "What is it you feel?"

River guided Rose's hand to rest over her heart. "You."

Why did she have to be so smooth? It took Rose a moment to recover, and she internally darted the opposite way.

"I'm in love with the Doctor, River. I traveled all this way for him."

"No. You traveled all this way because you weren't meant for your reality. Need exploration. Excitement. Life among the stars. Adventure. The things you had in your old life. Been years since the Doctor."

"That doesn't mean that I've stopped loving him."

"Never said that you did. Love lasts, Rose Tyler. It lasts, but we still move on. He's in your heart too. Always will be. You moved past him. You moved past him long ago. Held onto the memories to escape the inadequate life that you were forced to live. He wants you to go on. To live on. He wants your happiness. Don't hide behind his ghost to run from yourself."

"It's not that simple."

"You don't want to feel pain again."

"What?"

"If you believe that you love him, you won't get too close. You won't let anybody else hurt you like he did. Like the Void did. Won't have to lose anything new if you dwell on what's lost. That's what this is about. Nothing else."

Overcome by emotion, Rose freed herself from River's grasp with tears in her eyes. "I can't. I just…I can't do it."

"Tell me why."

"I really can't."

"Why?"

"Because. Because…I don't know. I'm not that way, River. And, I can't lose you. You're basically all I've got here—"

"Risk losing me either way.

"I don't want to hurt you, Rivy. I'm too turned about right now."

"You are hurting me. By running."

"What if I wake up sometime down the road and realize that I'm not…or I still want the Doctor? What if I just stay this confused and mess up everything? What then?"

"We'd have tried."

"And been broken even worse than this. I'm sorry," she reached the doorway and made herself finally admit it. "I like you so much. I do. It's not that I don't…"

Want to be with you. River heard it in Rose's head as Rose retreated from the cargo bay. Tears burned her eyes as she went into her room, and River remained on the ship for a second to allow herself several tears of her own. Then, she had to join the others in town. Rose was truly alone on Serenity, and the isolation began to set.

River was right. Rose did know what she wanted. River. She figured out that these feelings were not something new, yet they had been clouded with complications. The Doctor, her past, her orientation—and maybe River was right again. Maybe those things weren't an issue at all.

As Rose mentally listed her justifications for making a mess in that cargo bay, she seemed to discredit her reasoning with every passing thought. It made her feel like an idiot for begin so resistant, but somehow she went to pieces every time she thought about being with River.

To her, life with the Doctor was like a dream. Life with River was painfully, perfectly real. So real. Such powerful realism creates the best of relationships, the ones that almost have a pulse and breath of their own. She could feel their heartbeats pounding in real time, and she could imagine them sputtering to an end. It meant too much. She meant too much.

Rose pulled a fraught hand across her forehead as it sunk into her mind. She wasn't resisting the thought of being with River. She was resisting the thought of being left on another beach somewhere, watching River's face fade into another world. This was not meant as a literal prediction, but the metaphor was sound. She never wanted to feel such agony again. And, somehow, she knew that it would feel even worse if it were River burning up a sun to say goodbye.

She had no idea why she was convinced that a relationship would lead to such a horrific end, other than the fact that it's easier to expect the worst than to be caught off-guard. That's the thing about relationships. Never knowing what could happen, when, why, how. Never knowing what may change or end. Never knowing just how much someone means until they've gone…

The plucky Bad Wolf was afraid to fall in love again, Rose realized. Especially with someone as extraordinary River Tam.

In town, River caught wind of Rose's stray thoughts and cringed.

"River?" Kaylee asked. "Are you okay? You don't look too good."

She put on her brave face like false smiles could cure heartache. "Fine."

"You sure?"

No. Not at all. She was ninety-nine percent positive that she was in love with Rose Tyler, and one percent positive that she might be hopelessly in love with her. Yet, there was nothing that she could do. It was out of her hands just like Rose was out of her arms.