Morning over the Big Sur area should have been beautiful, but the sun was obscured by clouds and a light rain that was getting gradually harder as the winged grey muscle car powered north. Chloe woke up at a crack of thunder. They'd picked up 101 again, Chloe hadn't been paying attention, she really had no idea how she'd gotten to Big Sur, since she had been in a daze on three different Greyhounds on the way in, and had fallen back asleep on the way back out. Alain drove in silence, flicking a cigarette out the vent window of the car before lighting another. Rachel sat in the passenger seat, watching the passing scenery intently. Chloe sat behind her, Gail next to her, asleep, her head on Chloe's shoulder.

This was a long drive for someone with so much to think about.

Alain appeared some sort of creature of the night, with his ludicrously long blonde hair, pale skin and eyes, thin frame and almost exclusively black wardrobe, but he'd actually woken them up at seven, almost on the dot. Chloe panicked at the banging on the cabin door at first, immediately thinking they'd been found, Gail and Rachel woke up at the same time, Rachel immediately called out.

"PASSWORD?"

"Caterpillar with wings or some shit", came a muffled voice through the door.

I had been butterfly, but close enough.

Chloe groggily got up and unbolted the door, she was met with Alain, his hair tied back in a loose ponytail, wearing his typical black everything, a KISS t-shirt and the same ripped up denim jacket with a black hoodie under it. It was getting colder. They were well into fall now, and there was no sun this morning.

"Jesus Christ dude, I was hoping you'd be late", Chloe muttered.

"Well, I already had half of what Rachel asked me for in the car anyway….why do you need bolt cutters and black spray paint, again, exactly?"

"Too early for questions. Need sleep. Need coffee. Ask me again later."

Rachel stumbled to the kitchenette to make their shitty instant coffee. None of them were hungry, they all shared the same sinking feeling. Chloe really just wanted to go back to bed, for several years if possible. But they had to move. And they had to move now.

Chloe left Alain standing in the doorway and started rummaging through Rachel's clothes, along with her own, looking for something to wear. She hated this civilian, tourist bullshit. If they were going back to Arcadia, not much was going to change the outcome if they were caught, so she figured she could afford to look something like herself, though she would keep the hoodie, to cover her arms, besides, it looked like rain, and she'd misplaced her beanie a while ago.

Gail was still in bed, she hadn't said anything when they'd been startled awake, but her eyes gave away her fear, she'd looked at Chloe with the same "they found us" look that Chloe herself had, before Rachel spoke up. Chloe looked over at her, after she had taken skinny jeans and a bra from her own clothes, and a Joy Division t-shirt that looked like it would be a little big on Rachel, so it would fit her, from their collective stuff. She decided to let Gail sleep, while she took a shower and they went over the final preparations.

"How long do we have to go?", Chloe asked, a little nervously.

"Fuck if I know, i've never been up there, but based on the map like five hours", Alain replied.

"It feels like it's already been five fucking hours", Rachel quipped.

"Yeah, nice try, but no", Alain said.

They drove on in silence for a few miles. The rain hadn't let up. Chloe didn't like it. Rachel didn't either. Some part of Gail that wasn't Gail picked up on it too. It was just rain, but it was also a reminder of something else. A literal manifestation of the metaphorical storm they were heading into, that had once been a very real storm. Of the four of them, only Chloe had seen this storm now, first hand anyway, but Rachel knew, even if her memories of the other side were slipping. Some part of Gail knew, too. Alain was blissfully unaware, or as blissful as he ever got, which Chloe knew wasn't much, maybe mildly content.

"Is this thing even safe in the rain? I feel like we're going to die at-", Rachel started, she was cut off by Chloe kicking the back of her seat.

"Totally safe, unless we have to make a sudden turn...or stop, but honestly either of those are suicide in this thing anyway", Alain said, the sentiment of the car crashing probably wasn't lost on him, but if it bothered him, he didn't let it show. Chloe realized that she was probably among the only people who knew the real story about this car, Alain and his father. It obviously wasn't something he talked about much. Rachel had informed her of the fight with his mother she'd overheard, that would deter her from talking about it too. In fact, it had.

"Wonderful", Rachel muttered. She clearly didn't have the same appreciation for the old supercar that Chloe did.

"Guys…", Gail said timidly, she hadn't talked much since they left, things had become even more awkward between her and Chloe….and Rachel by extension, "when this is all over with….can we go back to Big Sur? Like….in season? I really….want to see it the way it's supposed to be...and so many….photos I could get."

Chloe shuddered, though she wasn't exactly sure why. She wasn't sure if she was happy or not that Max was resurfacing, albeit in mostly negligible ways. Yes, she wanted her Max back. Yes she had her Max briefly last night. And again earlier this morning, which was probably why Gail had been so quiet….and asleep most of the way so far. Chloe mindlessly gripped at her bullet necklace, which once again hung from her neck, she would tuck it away when they got where it was they were going, but for now, in the back seat of this old Plymouth, with Rachel Amber in front of her and whatever was left….or whatever was being born, of Maxine Caulfield next to her, it was keeping her grounded.

"I...sure, Gail", Chloe said, a little uncertainly, she wasn't even sure she was talking to Gail.

"I don't get it", Alain said, "...it's just...trees and tourist shit. Nice scenery...I...guess."

"But you live there….lucky", Gail said, still in a Max-like tone, "it would get boring that way, I guess. But I want to see it how it's supposed to be seen."

"You will", Chloe said.

"I really...hope so", Gail said hesitantly, she wasn't at all comfortable with what they were doing, where they were going.

"I promise", Chloe said.

Gail made a sound of affirmation. Rachel was silent.

Chloe saw Rachel steal glances at her in the rear-view mirror several times, probably thinking that she was insane to be looking so much like...herself, in context of the situation, but Chloe knew it wasn't going to matter all that much, if they really wanted to find her, that badly. Besides, she'd make some kind of effort in Arcadia, but right now she wasn't. Right now she wore a Joy Division t-shirt, her beanie which she'd found on the way out, it was under a pillow on the cabin's bed, her bullet necklace, and her jeans and boots. Her own bracelets had moved from her right wrist to her left, along with Gail's, and a bandanna she tied around her forearm. Rachel had noticed this, but didn't ask, which Chloe was thankful for. Gail was using Chloe's hoodie as a blanket, and Rachel wore Gail's, she wasn't sure how that mix-up had happened, but it worked.

So much has changed….the least I can give myself is feeling like myself….for a little while, anyway…

Chloe had left Gail, seemingly asleep, in bed. Rachel and Alain discussed where they were going to go once they got to Arcadia, if they even got that far, in the kitchen. She could have had coffee with them, she could have woken Gail up, to make sure she was really alright. But she didn't. She was, in her own way, trying to avoid facing reality, like she'd done so many times before. So much unanswered about Rachel, and Gail and Rachel and Gail, Max, what they were actually doing going back...it was too much to face. Chloe had sworn she was done running, but she really knew, especially considering where they were now, how she'd even led them here in the first place, not that she expected them to follow her, though in a way, she had completely expected them to follow her, she just hoped they wouldn't, that part of her would never completely go away. It was part of who she was, even if she felt like that person was slipping away.

She took her armful of clothes, her lighter and a cigarette and walked right into the bathroom without saying a word. She immediately closed the door, she would have locked it, had there been a lock, but there wasn't. She ran the water in the meager shower, letting it get hot before she went anywhere near it. She lit her cigarette, trying to focus on reality, what she knew, who she was. She undressed, never losing the cigarette dangling from her lip. She hadn't been wearing shoes, socks or a bra, anyway. She had broken the mirror over the sink, but there was another, full body length, one on the back of the door. For the first time in a long time, she looked at herself. Really looked at herself. She was trying to make the connection of who she was to the person she saw in the mirror, and other than the fact that she knew she was looking at her own body, she wasn't coming up with much. She was on the verge of a breakdown...a panic attack. She'd experienced them before, rarely, but it did happen. How much familiarity could be removed before she lost herself completely?

And just when I am at least STARTING to adjust, another fuckin' curveball, Max breaking through, we have to go back to Arcadia, even though i'm not even sure what we're going to do or find there….how much can I take? How long before i'm not myself at all anymore...i'm losing it. I really am...and there is only one person who could possibly help me...and she's checked out at the moment…Max has left the building, folks...and I don't know if that's better or worse for her.

Max…

Rachel…

Arcadia….

Chloe Price….

She was dizzy. Distant. She was becoming dissociative. She didn't know where she was. Who she was. She couldn't feel anything. No emotion. She leaned against the wall, which sent a shock of pain through her injured left arm. The pain suddenly grounded her. But it was temporary. The cigarette still burned between her fingers in her right hand. She raised it to her face and stared intently at the burning ember at the tip. It was hypnotic. All the small details in the burning ash. And then she was holding it to her left wrist, burning herself. The shock of pain brought her back to herself, albeit briefly. She did it again. And again. And again. Until she snubbed it out entirely on her left forearm, which was now covered in small burns.

She took deep breaths and eventually started to come back to herself, albeit tears came with the deep breaths. She stumbled into the shower, clutching her left wrist. She tried to make herself function, but she collapsed into a sitting position in the shower, holding her knees, crying. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of this. All she had wanted was the best for everyone. For Max. She hadn't wanted this mess. But she'd caused it anyway. She could have avoided it, but she didn't.

Stupid….so fucking stupid...why did you love me so much, Max? What did you see in me? I wish you were here so you could fucking tell me. I don't get it. I never did. But I tried to help you. I tried so hard. All of this was for you. Maybe some of it was selfish. But I really, truly did want you to have a better life. And even breaking reality couldn't do it. Maybe someone better than me could. Maybe someone better than me could have kept it together well enough the first time. Maybe someone better would have never let you go those five years you were in Seattle. I was so mad. So angry. I could have picked up the phone. I could have driven up there. I even started to...but I never could. And if I had been able...how many things would have been different? How many chances did I have….before the ones I started making myself...and look how that turned out. I could have been so much better. You deserved so much better than me. I love you, Max. I fucking love you more than anything. And I would do anything to have you back, for real. And it's all my fault that I don't. But maybe you're better off. Maybe Gail is the perfect 'you'. Maybe you won't resurface and this is temporary. Maybe you'll forget me completely. Maybe that would be best. For you.

For you, Max.

She wasn't even aware she was dragging her now very chipped blue nails across the burns on her left forearm and wrist. Hard. She kept scratching at her arm, her nails were ragged from nervously biting at them over the last several days, and she tore in. Blood ran down her wrist, mixing with the water, pooling slightly in the drain. She was hurting herself. But it didn't even scratch the surface of the pain she felt inside. She thought back to a morning. After breaking into Blackwell. Photobombing Max's selfie. Waking up and knowing Max was right there. Knowing Max would never leave her. She had always known she loved Max. But that was when she knew she loved Max. When she realized how deep it ran. Through every part of her body and soul.

I dare you to kiss me, I double dare you, kiss me now….

"Kiss me now…Maxine Caulfield", Chloe said to herself, just to hear the name.

Had Chloe not been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she may have heard the bathroom door open and shut, gently. Maybe not. Either way, she didn't.

"Ch-...Chloe?", came a timid voice, Chloe had managed to pull the curtain of the shower over, somehow, obscuring her from view of the room.

The rain had let up, but the sun was still obscured by dark clouds.

"We need gas and I need to eat something", Alain said. It was the first any of them had spoken in miles.

"Make it quick", Chloe said. They couldn't afford to stop for too long, not getting ever closer to Arcadia Bay. By now everyone would know their faces. And this is why they needed Alain.

"Always", he said.

They pulled off the highway into some touristy looking rest area with a gas station and a convenience store. They pulled up to the pumps, though the Superbird kind of took up the space for both of them. It was a huge car.

No attention drawing here, not at all, Rachel thought.

Alain got out, he turned before closing the door.

"You guys want anything?"

Rachel handed him a wad of five dollar bills. Rachel had already told Chloe about the money the night before, and Chloe thought it was hilarious, the polar opposite of Gail's reaction.

"Just grab whatever. I'm not really hungry", Rachel said.

"No cherry anything", Chloe added.

"Alright then", he closed the door and then vanished into the store.

Rachel waited until she was sure he was gone, then turned to face Gail and Chloe.

"Do we have an actual plan? Like, where are we going, once we get there? It's going to be late and-"

"You leave that to me, Rachel", Chloe interrupted.

Chloe wasn't really sure how to approach the Gail subject with her yet. It's not that she didn't love Rachel, she did. Very much. But things had changed, suddenly. Were moving closer to how they'd been before. For Chloe and Gail. And they both felt like Rachel was going to be left behind, but neither of them wanted that. But how would she take Max becoming more dominant in Gail's mind, to the point of only really wanting Chloe? How could she? Chloe would talk to her about it when they got where they were going, if Rachel took off, which she prayed she wouldn't, at least she would have a better chance there. Especially if they could end this quickly.

Rachel just turned back to the windshield.

"It's going to be alright, guys, really, it is", Gail said.

"I really hella fucking hope so", Chloe said.

"SHIT!", Rachel yelled suddenly

"Huh?"

"GET DOWN!"

A police car had pulled into the gas station. Alain saw it as he stepped out of the store, he casually walked back to the car, he saw Rachel, Chloe and Gail ducking inside, he opened the door and tossed the bag of assorted junk food into the car and shut the door again. He went to put gas in the car. As he did, the officer approached him.

Fuck.

"Nice car, son", the cop said.

"Thanks."

"It yours?"

"It was my father's...but now, yes. It's mine."

"Daytona, right?"

"Superbird, the Daytona was the Dodge."

"I see. In any case, nice car. You restoring it?"

Stop with this bullshit, man…

Chloe and Rachel listened to the conversation, they knew if Alain stepped away from where he stood the cop would see them, he was standing in just the right place to obscure the cop's view. After what felt like decades the cop walked away, and into the store. As soon as he did, Alain pulled the gas pump from the car and replaced it. He tore into the car, started it, and they were out of there in record time. He had to use restraint to not burn out, pulling away from the pumps. He just wanted to get out of there.

"I fucking knew that was going to happen", Rachel said, as they pulled back onto the highway.

"Nobody said this was going to be easy, Rachel. Of course it was going to happen eventually, and probably will again. You came and found me", Chloe said.

"I know", Rachel said.

There was silence in the car again, as they picked through the food and candy Alain had grabbed at random.

"...Go...away...Gail", Chloe tried to say, but it came out in choked sobs.

"Chloe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Look...I...Rachel and Alain are out putting our stuff in the car, and he had to run home quick to grab a few things he forgot...like...clothes. We were going to just stop on the way, but I told them to go ahead and come back….because...I heard you crying."

"I'm not crying."

"You're a horrible liar."

"Gail...i'm okay...i'll be...okay.'

'You don't sound okay, Chloe. You know...I remember that morning. You daring me to kiss you", apparently Chloe had said that louder than she thought, "...and I almost didn't-"

"You shouldn't have...or...Max shouldn't have."

The shower curtain still blocked Gail's sight from the scene of Chole huddled on the shower floor, blood running from her left forearm and tears falling freely from her eyes.

"...but I almost didn't because I wanted to so badly", Gail continued, either ignoring or disregarding what Chloe said, "I was scared because it was that exact moment I knew...I...knew that….I-"

"...what?"

"That….there was never going to be anyone else but you. For me. I was never going to love anyone else. Not the way I love you. I was scared because I knew that moment….that moment couldn't last forever", Chloe could hear Gail's Max-like tone breaking up with tears, even over the running shower.

Chloe was very rarely speechless, but she couldn't formulate her emotions into words. She knew it wasn't Gail she was talking to, at least not completely. And she didn't know what to say. Impulse took over, before words could. Chloe was up and out of the shower, before either of them even processed the movement.

"Chloe, what the-", Gail started, starting to look away in embarrassment, but as she did she saw the bloody mess that Chloe's left wrist and forearm had become, "Chloe...what the hell did you-"

"And then you slept with Rachel! I wasn't even gone for a week, Max, I was trying to save you, I-", Chloe voice raised as she backed Gail into the corner, her bloody wrist resting on Gail's shoulder, her palm behind her head, planted on the wall. Naked, wet, bloody and angry, Chloe was horrifying.

"You were trying to save her too, Choe. It wasn't just Max. Me. You can't let go of her, either. Maybe you never could-", Gail's mixed, confused emotions and the two voices battling for control in her mind were making her match Chloe's anger, quickly.

"She was dead. She was never coming back...I only loved her because she reminded me of you", Chloe said through gritted teeth.

"But you still love her, Chloe. Why would you bother trying to save her? Why did you rewind? You know better. You of all people."

"I-...I….", Chloe stammered, she wasn't even sure if she was talking to Gail or Max, but she was leaning towards the latter.

"Because you're selfish. And you can't let anyone who shows you even the slightest amount of attention go, is that it? Did you ever love Rachel? Max? Me? Or do you just love the idea of being loved?"

This was it, this broke Chloe's anger. This sent it back into despair. Chloe backed off. Her arm was bleeding badly. She left a stain on Gail's shirt, her hair, her cheek. Her anger gave way to more tears, she turned away from Gail.

"Go back without me", Chloe whispered.

"...what?", Gail snapped.

"I'm going to turn myself in. I'm done fighting. You're right. I don't even know what i'm fighting for. Go back without me. I'll turn myself in here. You get out of here, help David. They'll be too busy with me to worry about you and Rachel, right away. You can prove everything after i'm out of the way. Or not. I don't really care anymore."

Gail immediately realized she'd made a mistake. Conflicting emotions of her own had led her to questioning the one person's who were as genuine as humanly possible. Maybe possible period. She wasn't angry at Chloe. She was angry at herself. She couldn't be angry at Chloe about Rachel. She was no better. But she understood. There was never going to be a love like Chloe and Max's between either of them and anyone else. But she...as Gail, or Max, wouldn't have been able to let Rachel go either. Not after everything that had happened.

Chloe was silent, she just leaned, hands above her, holding the curtain rod, watching the water pool and drain slowly, blood now running down her arm, it was reaching her shoulder, it must have been dripping down her chest, because a few drops hit the floor. Chloe didn't notice, or didn't care.

"Chloe…", Gail whispered through her mounting tears. She couldn't believe she'd questioned Chloe's loyalty. Or that Chloe had hurt herself so badly. She wasn't even sure if Chloe's realized how bad it was. She hated it, she couldn't stand the sight of it. Especially when coupled with the nasty burn further up the same arm, where Jefferson's panicked shot had grazed her. Rachel had told her about that, but that it was just a graze. Gail could tell by looking at it that she had burned it closed herself. That entire arm was now a mess. It created a surreal contrast with her beautifully tattooed right arm.

"Just...go. I'll...manage", Chloe said, breathlessly, barely holding back her sobs.

"Chloe...come here."

"I already...told you...to go."

This is so fucked, so, so fucked...Chloe...i'm so, so sorry….

"Remember this moment, always..."

Gail embraced Chloe from behind, pressing her face into the bare skin of Chloe's back. She wrapped her arms tightly around her waist.

"Chloe...i'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. So, so much. I was scared. I am scared. I-"

"You should just go."

"I'm never leaving you", Gail said gently, as she let go of Chloe's waist. She took a hand towel from a rack next to the sink, she approached Chloe gently. Very gently. Taking her arm and, gently, forcing her to turn around and face her. The look of defeat in Chloe's eyes broke Gail's heart. She looked away, down at Chloe's arm.

"This is...really bad, Chloe."

Chloe broke her gaze away from Gail and looked down, and stared at her own arm, like she hadn't noticed it before. Maybe she really hadn't.

"...looks like it", Chloe said vacantly. It was an understatement. Looking at her arm, Gail could see the deep scratches, the burns she'd torn open. There were two particularly bad ones that were still bleeding. There was blood all over her arm, and her shoulder, her chest, from the position she'd held herself in.

Gail sighed, in disbelief and despair. She wiped the blood away from Chloe's arm and shoulder, then from her forearm and wrist, if it hurt, Chloe didn't let it show. Choe seemed to be somewhere else, entirely. Gail tied the towel tightly around the worst of Chloe's self-inflicted injuries.

"Chloe…are you with me?", Gail asked, gently.

Chloe looked at her.

"Do...did...you really think I didn't love you?", Chloe asked, in a desperate tone.

"Of course not, Chloe. I'm just...overwhelmed. But...I feel bad for even thinking I was a mess...I mean….I don't mean this in a bad way, but you are going through so much worse. But you're...dealing with it. Even if…", Gail trailed off.

"Even if it's...like this", Chloe said, looking down at her arm.

"You're strong, Chloe. So strong."

"Strong people don't do this."

"Everyone has moments of weakness, Chloe. You are strong. Strong, beautiful...perfect. I'm so sorry…"

"For?"

"Everything, Chloe. Just….everything."

"...How much do you remember, Max?"

"Enough, Chloe. I remember enough", Gail said, turning away from Chloe just long enough to grab a towel and another hand towel. She draped the towel over Chloe's shoulders, "...it's freezing in here, Chloe."

"Is it? I didn't notice."

Chloe….snap out of this...please…

Gail took it upon herself to actually wrap the towel around Chloe. She took the hand towel and gently wiped at the blood that had run down Chloe's chest, between her breasts. Chloe suddenly grabbed Gail's wrist, surprising her.

"...what?"

Chloe knocked the hand towel away, forcing Gail's hand open flat, and held it against her chest, slightly to the left.

"Do you feel that?"

"...What? Your tits?"

"No….Gail. My heart. It's...still beating, right?"

Gail was thrown off by this question at first, but she understood, somewhat, quickly. Chloe wasn't quite out of the woods of the panic attack, yet. She locked her eyes on Chloe's.

"Yes, Chloe. It's still beating. You're still here."

"Are you sure?", the seriousness with which Chloe asked this frightened Gail, but not a normal kind of fright, it spurred a desire to take care of her. To protect her. She had a very quick flashback to train tracks. A junkyard. Arcadia Bay.

"Crazy, you saved me again...now we're totally bonded for life."

And that was when I realized I would always be there to protect you. And instead you've been trying to protect me. Chloe….you're an angel...and you still don't even realize it.

"Yes, Chloe. One hundred percent sure. This is real, you're real, i'm real. We're here. It's now. Look at me, i'm right here….here, you need this", Gail said, reaching inside her shirt. She pulled out Chloe's bullet necklace, Gail had never once taken it off since David had given it to her. She put it around Chloe's neck.

Chloe was silent for a moment, she just took deep breaths and refused to let go of Gail's hand, still holding it to her chest. Tightly. It was keeping her grounded. She held the necklace with her other hand.

"...Max?"

"Yes, Chloe?"

"I dare you to kiss me."

"What?"

"I double dare you, kiss me now."

Gail did, she kissed Chloe deeply. And it meant more to her than anything with Rachel ever had. Maybe they had gotten lost. Maybe Rachel had inadvertently thrown a wrench in the gears, but it was coming back now. This was the right thing. Not the the wrong thing that needed to be done anyway. This was the right thing.

When Gail finally pulled away, Chloe finally smiled. It was a smile that Gail desperately needed to see. Chloe's smile.

"Are you okay?", Gail asked.

"I'm coming back, now….thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything", Chloe said, and kissed Gail again. She kind of pulled Gail, clothes and all, back into the shower with her.

"...Is this really the time?", Gail asked between breaths and kisses.

"Probly not. But we could die tomorrow, so-"

Gail put her finger over Chloe's lips, "Shh. None of that."

"Alright", Chloe said, as she kissed Gail's neck and ran her hand under her now soaked shirt.

"Five miles to Arcadia", Rachel said. She was obviously scared. But there was also relief in her voice. They'd made it. At least this far.

"Alright, once we get there, it's late now, head for the junkyard", Chloe said.

"What?", Alain and Rachel asked at the same time.

"I can not think of a better place to hide. Which is where the bolt cutters come in. We drive in, throw a tarp over the car. And we sleep in the car tonight, tomorrow we set things in motion", Chloe replied.

"I hate everything about this idea", Rachel said.

"So do I", Alain said.

"I kinda do too", Gail agreed.

"I fucking do too, but we don't have a whole hella lot of options, guys."

They knew she was right. She would call David again when they got there and hidden. She had no idea that her plan was already aborted by forces beyond her control, and there would be no waiting until tomorrow. But the universe, God, whatever powers that be, let them have this last twenty minutes or so of peace.

A calm before the storm.