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Iggy

Darkness isn't a blind man's curse. Noise is.

I've come to remember why I hated it so much; being without sight. Tripping over my own two feet, having to reach around in hopes I'd grab the right thing, looking just past someone because I couldn't see their expression, or their tears, or their smile.

I could only hear.

Every noise became a daunting echo that reverberated into my ears and stuck inside of my mind, keeping itself alive in my thoughts. There was only one thing to focus on, to rely on, to hope it didn't steer you wrong; sound.

"Iggy, you look distant," Lupo spoke quietly, and even though I wanted to snicker and tell her I always did, I couldn't. I was too angry. I hated it. I hated her voice. It was too loud even when it was quiet, everything was too loud. Something inside of me threatened to respond, but I bit my tongue to keep from doing so. In return, I was met by gaudy grinding of saliva crunching against teeth and muscle.

Why could I hear it so well? Why did it sound so crisp and simple? I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to focus on it.

"Don't talk." I finally muttered, my own voice a loud buzzing that annoyed my ears although I couldn't quite hate myself as much I wanted to. My girlfriend who probably should have broken up with me a long time ago obeyed. Maybe somehow, in some weird way, even though she couldn't possibly understand what was going on with me, Lupo understood that I needed silence. It was welcomed against the harsh reminder I was blind.

I thought if nobody talked there would be no noise to slowly drive me insane at first, but then each breath became a melody and each slight shift in the house became a verse. It was all so dramatically horrifying I pondered cutting off my ears for a whole twenty-four hours until I realized as much as I hated it, I also liked hearing people talk to me, and talking to the other people. I couldn't just give that up even if on days like this I wished someone would kill me to end the suffering.

"Iggy," Lupo finally spoke up after what felt like years of agonizing loudness in the midst of the silence she had thought she was giving me. "What's wrong?"

"Other than the fact that I'm blind?" I pondered, attempting to sound sarcastic but my voice became grittier, filled with the hatred that I had been trying to hide for so long. After all I deserved it, didn't I? A constant reminder of my traitorous acts.

"I know there's something else," Lupo persisted, and I felt- no, I heard- a sigh escape from my lips before falling back on the bed I was sitting on. Only my lack of sight prevented me from correctly calculating the fall, and my head smacked into the hardwood floor as my body somersaulted over itself onto the cool ground before I even realized what was going on. "Iggy!" Lupo exclaimed, although she didn't really sound worried, more… annoyed?

"I'm fine." I muttered, though I knew that wasn't the answer she was looking for, and pushed myself onto my feet, just standing there for a moment. The way I rolled the bed should have been in front of me, but about one foot behind me was a wall to lean against, and something told me I wanted distance between Lupo and myself when I finally told her everything, which was of course what she wanted to know.

So I took a step back, and then another, before turning slightly and feeling for a wall. My fingers grazed over the plaster which had a painted type of texture on it leading me to believe they weren't white, before I let my back fall against the support, depending heavily on what was behind me to hold me and my resolve up.

"So, what's wrong with you?" Lupo asked again. If I didn't know better I'd assume she was being a smartass.

"I'm blind." I answered bluntly.

"Bull, that's not the problem." Her voice echoed off the walls as if we were standing on a cliff, and my blind eyes swept over the darkness that was my peripheral vision before locking in on a spot almost straight ahead, just a bit to the left. If I wasn't looking at her, I had to be pretty close.

"You. Max. Ari. Everyone. Everything. Me." I listed off, a snarl in my words I hadn't expected. Lupo's breathing hitched slightly as I accused her of being the source of my problem. It was an angry kind of hitch. On the tip of her tongue I could hear Nudge's name being called out into the atmosphere, a perfect example of why she should be hating me; the other way around. "Okay, you got me. It's not you guys particularly, it's just me. I hate me and I'm the problem."

"And why is that?" Lupo asked, and I listened to the sound of fabric ruffling, a telltale sign she was crossing her arms over her chest, which probably meant she was raising an eyebrow at me, as if to make her question even more apparent, except it couldn't be because I couldn't see her.

"Because I'm weak, I mean… yeah, because I'm weak." I stated simply, although it wasn't a simple thing to say. How do you willfully admit something like that to someone you love without stuttering, without flinching, without desperately praying they couldn't hear you?

"No you're not, Iggy. You'd be dead by now if you were," Lupo said, ruthless in her knowledge of how I worked, and I listened as the sounds of creaking springs fell onto my ears, haunting them with the pointless noise I normally would never pay any attention to.

The quiet padding of feet against carpet stuck out like a sore thumb, each step slightly louder than the last until I could feel Lupo's hot breath against my face. My hand cautiously moved forward, resting against her hand and fumbling with trying to hold it correctly. "It's so hard for me to do this," I admitted, my vulnerability gnawing at me louder than words ever could.

"It's your own fault." Lupo whispered, leaning against me gently and I took a deep breath that didn't go unnoticed by my alert ears that I just wished would stop hearing if only for a second.

"I know. I still hate it though. Everything's too loud. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and every time someone talks to me I just want to throw something at them but I can't because I can't see! Plus I'm pretty sure the only reason you're tolerating me is out of pity." I added, attempting to rest my chin on top of her head, but missing by a bit, causing it to smack against her shoulder. I yelped as my tongue was sandwiched between some teeth I never thought of as sharp before solemnly sliding down against the wall into a sitting position, my legs crossing one another.

"Okay, first of all, I don't do anything out of pity, and second of all, nobody hates you Iggy. They're just… disappointed." Lupo corrected, and by the sound of cloth against wall and the sudden feeling of body heat next to mine I guessed Lupo had slid down and was sitting next to me.

"Because that's so much better," I drawed out sarcastically, sighing to myself as I attempted to lean my head on Lupo's shoulder, instead I face-planted into her lap, which I didn't particularly mind. At least I hadn't bitten my tongue again.

"Look, you can't just mope around for the rest of your life. Remember when I did that and you cheated on me with Nudge? It never ends well. So get a grip, alright? You've been blind before, how hard can it be now?"

"Once you've had a taste of the world it's hard to forget the flavor," I spoke, my voice muffled into Lupo's pajama shorts.

"I swear, you turn everything into one big food pun." Lupo said, causing a small chuckle to escape from my mouth that was too loud inside of my head, but it didn't sound as bad as it would have five minutes ago.

"Proud of it, too." I smirked, rolling over so my face was pointed towards the ceiling and my back laid against the carpet. My legs stretched out, connected with a dresser of some sort, and I looked in the general direction of Lupo's face.

"So, on a scale from one to ten, how much chance do I have of getting laid tonight?"

"Well, because you said that-" Lupo began, but never forgot to finish her sentence however because a wave of my hand cut her off. "What?" She asked, and I felt my ears buzzing with quiet shouts and footsteps loud enough to send Mount Vesuvius to shame.

I heard Ari's wild heartbeat before the door opened, and although I had no idea what was going on, I knew the news was going to be big.

"Um guys, I don't want to alarm you, but... Fang's awake."

I would really appreciate 10 reviews... just saying.

So Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had fun, I know I did. Nothing like hanging out with the guy you like and playing Black Ops while you cheer over the fact that you got six kills... Yeah um, I'm just going to go cry in a corner...

So What are your New Years Resolutions? I'd make some but they never succeed, so in the wise words of some youtuber I can't remember the name of for the life of me, I'm making New Years Goals instead. Goals- I mean so much more inspiring than boring old resolutions, right?

Soar on

VR

PS: To anyone who read Infamouz guess who's three chapters into the re-write?