Another short chapter but I have very limited writing time right now. I'm very sorry!
Thank you, everyone, for your many reviews! They mean so much to me and are actually what guilted me into finishing this chapter and getting it posted (that and the fact that I'm procrastinating on my research for a paper…).
Chapter FIFTEEN
"Loving you, isn't the right thing to do
How can I? Ever change things that I feel?
If I could, baby, I'd give you my world
How can I? When you won't take it from me?
You can go your own way
Go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
You can go your own way
Go your own way!..."
Just past seven on Tuesday night, my friends and I were jamming out to the classics. Macey and Liz were jumping on one bed as Bex and I sang the second verse of my favorite Fleetwood Mac song. And then we all came together on the same bed to sing the chorus.
As the song came to its close we flopped down on the bed together, a mess of limbs and laughter. Bex's elbow was pushing into my ribcage but no amount of wiggling or pushing would move it. Liz's hair was perpetually covering my mouth and hands were pinned down on either side of me by hers and Macey's bodies. But even as my body called out that this was an incredibly uncomfortable position, I couldn't remember feeling more at ease.
Liz giggled. "What is it?" Macey asked.
"Nothing," Liz replied. "I was just thinking about the last time we were all piled on top of each other."
"In Anna's backyard at her birthday party? That was a major blow." Bex said.
"Okay so the company was not the best that night," Liz conceded. "Everyone was exceptionally catty and gossipy that night, but -" At this Liz lifted her head and her voice. "- the four of managed to salvage the evening."
Macey laughed as she remembered. "Oh, yeah. We stole the cake and ate it in the bushes before anyone else had a chance to grab a piece."
Bex corrected her. "Actually, Mace, you stole the cake and then corrupted us by rubbing the frosting in our faces. Literally."
We all laughed a little bit. "I do feel kinda guilty for stealing the cake." Liz mumbled after a minute.
Macey snorted. "I don't. Anna is just another one of Tina's henchmen."
"You and your hatred for Tina. I don't get it."
"Of course you wouldn't, Lizzie. You're perfect."
"I am not."
"Tell me one person you dislike."
Liz didn't answer and Macey took that as a victory.
There was a knock on the door and Macey pushed off the bed (not without a little bit of effort) to get the room service we ordered. I took the chance to check my phone. Josh had sent me a couple of texts since I'd last checked it this morning. The tension seemed to dissipating between the two of us and I felt like we were slipping back to normal, back into our previous roles. I wasn't as jumpy or nervous as I had been at the start of June when he'd first left.
And Josh was, as always, his perfect, considerate self.
I had just started replying to his message when my phone was swiped from me.
"What have we here?" Macey said in the clipped tone she used when she caught anyone in a lie. "Cameron Ann, I thought we agreed there would be no communication with boys this week."
I blushed.
"Kind of defeats the purpose of a girls' getaway if we text boys instead of chatting with our friends, wouldn't you agree."
"Well, yes. But I barely get to talk to Josh now."
"I thought you guys were fighting."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a fight, and we're working through it. Which is why I need my phone back."
I made a grab for my phone but she moved her hand out of my reach. "Macey, come on."
"No boys, Cammie."
I reached again and snagged my phone this time. Macey gave me a long look, and for a second it almost seemed as though she were disappointed in me, but then her face cleared and became expressionless.
"Fine, text your boyfriend. Whatever."
She sat down on the bed next to Bex who was divvying the food up onto four plates.
"What is your problem?" I asked Macey who had turned her body away from me.
"Nothing." She replied. "Your food's getting cold."
I stared at the back of her head but whether she felt my gaze or not, she didn't turn around to look at me again. I quickly sent my message to Josh and sat down on the other bed with Liz.
We ate our food with little conversation, a weird atmosphere having settled on the group.
After dinner, Liz wanted to go for a walk on the beach so I joined her. Bex and Macey stayed behind, saying they were worn out from their day of relaxing. Liz and I walked the beach for the better part of an hour. We carried our shoes in our hands and sank our bare toes in the soft sand, watching the sun as it descended closer and closer to the horizon.
On our way back to the hotel, I asked Liz what had been on my mind. "Do you know what's wrong with Macey? She seemed kind of short back in the room."
Liz shrugged. "That's just how Macey is, you know? She's short with everyone."
"Yeah." I didn't like that answer though. I knew Macey could be short; I'd often been on the receiving end of her frustration. But her attitude in the room had seemed different this time, like her irritation ran deeper than usual. But that made no sense. Why would Macey be upset that I was texting Josh?
When Liz and I got back to the room, Bex and Macey were curled up on the bed furthest from the door. The TV was on but it was obvious that it hadn't been their focus as it was playing reruns of some horrible sitcom that they both hated.
I sighed. "Okay, what the hell is going on?"
Bex gave me a weird smile. "What are you talking about?"
"This - this feeling in the room. The room feels weird."
"Paranoid much?" Macey said, rolling her eyes.
I glared at her trying to get her to break, but she gave back as she got.
"What is with you today? Are you mad at me or something?" I asked her.
"What would I be mad at you for?" She responded, but her voice was too syrupy. It was the voice she used when she was goading someone into a fight...and damn, if it didn't work.
"I. Don't. Know." I said through my teeth.
She was off the bed now and walking towards me. "Oh, I know." Macey said, "Maybe I'm mad about the fact that you've been blowing us off for weeks. Maybe I'm mad about the fact that you've been so wrapped up in your boy drama all summer that you haven't even bothered to ask how the rest of our summers have been going. Or maybe I'm so sick of you always going on about Josh and then turning around and flirting with Zach that I just can't handle it anymore!"
The shock from her words was like a bucket of ice cold water being poured my back. "Excuse me?!"
And the two of us were yelling over each other, barely getting a sentence out before being cut off.
"I haven't been there for you -?"
"- obviously into him but you're so thick in the head -"
"- pain in the ass about every little detail -"
"- dependency issues -"
"Maybe if you weren't such a control freak -"
"Well, maybe if you weren't such a spineless doormat all the time -"
"Better spineless than heartless!"
"- keep waiting and waiting for you to grow yourself a damn backbone, but you're so set on staying a little girl with daddy issues!"
Silence fell in the room at that. Bex and Liz were frozen on the beds, watching in horror as Macey and I tore each other to pieces. Months of frustration and unsaid irritations had boiled down to this single, catastrophic moment.
I spoke first, the quiet voice I used still sounding like a yell. "You are such a bitch."
Macey laughed at that but it was hard and cruel. "Don't act like we don't all know what I'm talking about."
"Macey..." Bex warned her.
"No, Bex. I'm gonna say it."
"Say what?" I said, regretting the words instantly.
"It's no coincidence that a month after all that shit with your dad, you started dating Josh." Macey said. "He likes a project and you like reliability."
If she had been within reach I would have slapped her. "How dare you -"
"We all thought it was just a phase, you know?" Macey continued as if she hadn't heard me. "We thought there was no way you could honestly like Josh Abrams. The guy was a total misogynist even in eighth grade, the only difference being we didn't know what misogynist meant four years ago.
"And then you just kept dating him and letting him tell you how to be a 'better Cammie', like you needed fixing or something. It's like I don't even recognize you sometimes."
"I could say the same about you." I bit back.
"I mean, for the love of God, Cammie! There's a guy living right next door to you that's perfect for you - he doesn't expect you to change for him, he doesn't see as some whacked-up charity case - and you write him off. Why? Because you feel some kind of loyalty to your ass of a boyfriend? Newsflash, Cammie. You're not married. You can break up with the guy.
"But, of course, you won't. Because ever since your daddy decided he didn't love mommy anymore you can't stand the idea of losing any guy with a god complex."
"Oh my God. Oh my God." I heard Liz say. "Oh my God."
I was shaking from the adrenaline and anger pumping through my system. I stormed passed where Macey was standing in the middle of the room and started stuffing my things back into my travel bag.
"You want me to growing a freaking backbone, Macey? Fine. Your wish is my freaking command!"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving."
She grabbed my hand as I passed her with my things. "Wait, Cammie-"
I shook her off and headed towards the bathroom where I'd left my toothbrush. "No. I don't want to hear it. I'm done. I'm so done. I've been putting up with your criticism and judgements on my life for more than ten years. And for what? For those occasional moments of compassion that you let slip? I'm sick of it. And I don't need to put up with it."
I pulled open the door to the hall. "I'm sorry, Cammie. I didn't mean it, I swear."
"But you did!" I screamed, the tears I had been holding back finally breaking free. "So thank you, Macey, for finally being honest about what you think about me. I'm so glad to hear what you think of my broken home and how I put myself back together. But I'm done. We're done."
"Cammie, where are you going?!"
"Anywhere!" I said. "Anywhere but here."
And then I let the door slam behind me. The three of them all yelling at me to stay but none of them following after me.
Maybe it's because they knew I had to be alone, but at the time it felt like the final betrayal.
It felt like the end.
Thoughts? Questions? Feelings?
Some of you had some interesting theories on what was going to happen (I had never considered having them get into a car crash but that would have been interesting!).
Song at the beginning is Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac and it's amazing so if you haven't heard it, you should listen to it now.
Let me know what you think! Sorry for any grammar/punctuation/spelling errors.