So this chapter turned out a lot different than I intended (hopefully for the best).

Sorry for the delay in updating. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for that but life is crazy and I have a tendency to be lazy. My bad.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Sadly.

Chapter SEVENTEEN

"I'm stepping off, Bucky!" I called to the boss as I headed to the back room at the end of my shift.

It had been two weeks since the shit fest that had become the girls getaway. I hadn't spoken to Macey - not for lack of her trying - and had kept my conversations with Bex and Liz short. I was avoiding them as much as I could. Perhaps it wasn't my wisest decision to alienate my friends over a boy but it was like a shot to the heart every time I thought about that fight, about the things I had realized about myself and about them.

I couldn't shake the feeling that they saw me as damaged. That everyone saw me as damaged. Speaking, even being around my best friends was like putting salt on a very fresh wound.

Another person I'd been avoiding was Abby.

The morning after the fight she had tried to have a talk with me, but I had made excuses. She seemed to think that I could benefit from therapy. My avoidance of her was only further convincing my mother that Abby was correct in her judgement which was why despite my protestations, she had arranged for Abby and me to have a one-on-one after my shift today.

When I pulled into my driveway, Abby was waiting on her front porch.

"Hey, Cammie," she said. "You ready?"

I took a deep breath, fighting the urge to run. "I guess so."

She led me into her house to her office. I'd never been in it before and took a moment to take in the calming decorating. I suppose it only made sense that a shrink would have an office that put a person's mind at ease.

"You've got a lot of books." I gestured at her giant bookcase built into the wall across from her desk.

She smiled at me. "Yes. I do."

"You really don't have to do this."

"I know."

"We can call this off right now. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Have you talked to Macey yet?"

I was silent and that was answer enough for Abby.

"Friends fight all the time." I finally said.

"Of course they do." Abby said. "But Cammie, your voice when you called that night was so...terrified. It scared me. Can you understand why I think there might be something more to this fight than a disagreement between friends?"

I refused to meet her eyes and looked out of the window onto the backyard.

"I know your father hasn't been in the picture for several years."

I rolled my eyes. "This is absurd."

Abby didn't say anything and her lack of reaction more than anything irritated me.

"I don't want to talk about my dad."

"Why not?"

"Because...Because I don't want to!" I said. Inexplicably, my heart had started pounding when she'd mentioned my dad, in much the same way it had when Macey had said those horrible words.

' Ever since your daddy decided he didn't love mommy anymore you can't stand the idea of losing any guy with a god complex.'

"Okay, then. We'll start with something simpler." Abby said. "What started the fight last week?"

I shrugged. "I was texting Josh and Macey got pissed."

"Why would she be upset about that?"

"Well, it was the girls' getaway so we were supposed to be kind of in our own bubble..." I sighed. "This feels stupid, Abby. Do we seriously have to do this?"

She gave me a small smile. "I know it can feel stupid at first, Cammie, but talking about what happened can be a cathartic experience. I truly believe it will help you feel better."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, then. I thought she was irritated because I was texting my boyfriend during girls' getaway which I thought was kind of childish because it was just a text message, you know? But then when I confronted her about it...it became clear very quickly that it wasn't the texting she had an issue with. It was Josh. And it kind of snowballed from there."

"Do you know what it is about Josh that irritates her?"

"I suppose it's his do-gooder attitude. According to Macey," I said, "Josh sees me as some kind of project or charity case. She thinks he makes me something I'm not."

My watery eyes met Abby's calm ones and it was like something opened inside me.

"What's wrong with wanting to be something different? What is so wrong about wanting to be a better person? Josh makes me a better person. Who does Macey think she is to say that I'm worse off for dating him?"

I sat forward in my chair and continued. "She pretty much told me I was idiot for staying with Josh and not dating Za - I mean, someone else. But it's my life. She has no right. No right at all!

"And for her to say what she said - about me, about my parents. I don't think I can forgive her. I don't know if I even want to."

It was silent for a moment in the wake of my rant.

"I want to ask you something, Cammie, and I want you consider it very carefully." Abby said into the quiet. "What about Josh are you in love with?"

"I..." I trailed off, lost for words momentarily. "Josh makes me feel safe." I laughed bitterly. "I guess Macey was right about one thing: I crave reliability."

"It's not a crime to want someone to rely on. Reliability is an admirable quality. However," Abby said, "if the only thing you love about a person is their dependability, do you think that can make you happy?"

"I think it can, if you want it enough."

Abby regarded me for a moment. She reached her hand out across the distance and placed it on mine. "Cammie, I'm sorry if this offends you, but you don't seem like someone who's been happy to me. In the short time that I've known you, I have seen you struggle to come to terms with yourself and your circumstances. If indeed you are as happy as you claim, why would Josh's absence be so difficult? Wouldn't you be content to know that he would be coming back to you? Why would you be pushing your friends away?"

I cringed a little at her all too accurate analysis of myself. My weaknesses seemed to be splattered all over my face and no matter how I tried to cover them up, they resisted concealment.

A tear slid down my cheek as I realized just how truly miserable I'd been making myself. Not just this summer but for years. A heavy weight weighed me down, and I knew exactly what it was.

"Cammie?"

"Macey said the reason I was with Josh was because of my dad leaving."

Abby was silent, probably respecting my wishes not to talk about my dad despite my own abandonment of that wish.

"She was right. I wish she wasn't but she is."

"Don't think that, Cammie."

"Why shouldn't I? My dad left my mom and me. I've never talked about it to anyone before. He met some young debutant or whatever in Pittsburgh and decided to leave his family to be with her. It broke me. I pretended it didn't, but it did. Josh helped me feel not so broken. He dulled the pain."

"You're speaking in the past tense." Abby spoke tentatively, like she was worried anything she said might scare me off.

"Josh left and I thought it would be fine, that I'd miss him but I'd be fine. But I can feel him fading and I can feel the pain growing. I don't know how to get it to go away. Do you?"

I was truly crying now. Tears streamed down my face and my nose was running. Like it was yesterday, I could hear my dad's last words to my mother and me.

"I just can't live this lie anymore."

Abby must have gotten up from her chair because the next thing I knew her arms were around me, hugging me to her.

"Cammie, you have to know you are loved by so many people. You don't need a boy or a man to be complete."

"It's not about feeling loved though. It's about knowing who's there for you at the end of the day. It is about reliability. My dad wasn't and it broke my heart. Josh is reliable - the only way I'll get hurt with him is if I hurt myself. I thought Macey was...but maybe all she is is stubborn."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"What do you mean?"

"How many times has she tried to call you these past two weeks?"

"I haven't kept track."

"And how many times have you answered?"

I looked at the ground, for the first time feeling ashamed of my treatment of Macey. "I haven't."

"Macey made a mistake. A horrible, regrettable mistake. But she is one of your best friends, Cammie. She has been with you through your highs and lows. You have to be there for hers."

I knew she was right. I was so caught up in worrying about people's loyalties to me, I'd forgotten about my loyalties to them. I was so worried about holding onto one person that I was letting the others slip away.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. "I have to go."

"Are you sure?"

I smiled at Abby, suddenly grateful to her and my mother for forcing into this meeting. Cathartic, indeed. "Yeah, I'm sure."

I hurried to my car, my destination set in my mind. I threw the speed limit out of the window - there was no time to waste.

I parked haphazardly in the driveway of the big white house and rang the door bell. When no one answered immediately, I rang it again. Then again and again.

After the fifth bell, the butler opened the door. I pushed passed him, running up the stairs and bursting into the room at the end of the hall...

But there was no one there.

"Miss McHenry is not in."

The butler had followed me up the stairs and now he stood watching my confusion. "Where is she? When will she be back?"

"Miss McHenry does not share her plans with me."

I glared at the unhelpful butler and whipped my phone out of my pocket and called her number. It went straight to voicemail.

"Macey. It's me. Call me back. I'm ready to talk now."

I left the butler in Macey's room with a message to let her know I'd stopped by and headed to town to see if she was hanging out there.

My attempts to call Bex and Liz proved as disappointing as my call to Macey. My desperation was reaching an all time high when I ran into the person I least wanted to see: Mrs. Abrams.

"Cammie, don't you look a fright today." She said as a greeting.

"Not now, Mrs. Abrams."

"Honestly, child. What's the rush? It's awfully impolite to not at least make a little small talk with your boyfriend's mother." She gave me her most disdainful look and for the first time, I felt the full effect of my hatred for the woman standing across from me.

My talk with Abby seemed to have unleashed something within me. A wealth of emotions and opinions that I had been stifling down for whatever reason and now I could no longer keep them bottled in. Furthermore, I didn't want to keep them in.

"Let's cut the crap, Mrs. Abrams. You don't like me and I don't like you. You've made it perfectly clear over the last three years that you think I'm not worthy of your son and I just can't take it anymore!" I exclaimed. "You are just dreadful. Truly dreadful."

She gaped at me. "How dare you - "

I walked away from her without waiting to hear the end of her response. And there, across the town square, was Macey. She had seen the entire exchange and had a look of astonishment on her face. The incredulous expression only increased as I walked towards her.

"I've been looking for you." I said when I reached her.

"Am I next on your list?" She asked, referring to the schooling I'd just given to Mrs. Abrams.

I shook my head. "We both said some terrible things," I said. "But I've been the bigger fool. I was hotheaded and stubborn and hurt and I took it out on you most of all."

Macey's eyes were filling with tears, a feat I knew to be nearly impossible. "Cammie, I never should have said that about your dad. If I could take it back I would."

"I wouldn't."

She gave me a confused look.

"As cliche as it sounds, sometimes the truth hurts. I haven't been honest with myself in a long time." I grabbed Macey's hand. "I want to try to be more honest now."

She flung her arms around me, and I knew the first part of our reconciliation was over, but the messiest part was just beginning.

We left the town square where many of the townspeople were milling about (and all too willing to eavesdrop) and headed on the path into woods. There I told her about my conversation with Abby and my realization about myself. She comforted me when I cried and and listened attentively until I had said everything I had to say.

"You were right and I just didn't want to admit it." I finished. "I clung to Josh because he was reliable. I saw him as the opposite of my dad."

We were far into the woods now sitting on a mossy log just off the path. Macey flicked a leaf off her shoulder that had fallen on her, her face troubled. "I don't know, Cammie."

"What?" I said in disbelief. "I have this huge freaking epiphany based on what you said and you don't know if I'm right?"

She bumped her shoulder with mine. "Not to rain on your parade but kind of, yeah." She held her hands up as if in defense. "Don't get me wrong, I've never been crazy about you dating Josh and I'm glad that you're ready to admit he might not be the right guy for you - I mean, the way you ripped into his mom was the stuff of legends and I'll cherish it forever - but like Abby said, it's not wrong to crave reliability. I was out of place when I called that a fault of yours."

"Jesus, make up your mind." I stated only half-jokingly.

She smiled at me. "The point I was trying to stress most during our fight wasn't about your dad and Josh. It was about Josh and Zach."

"Oh."

"There's an attraction between you and Zach. I've seen it all summer and I feel like before Josh and your dad you would have had the courage to go after a guy like Zach. But it's like you've been beaten down by life already. You're seventeen, Cam. Life isn't supposed to have beaten you yet." She looked down at the ground, for once not being able to meet my gaze. "I don't know if you know this but I used to draw on your courage when we were younger. And when your dad left I felt like it was my turn to be strong for you and give back some of the courage you'd given me. But I feel like you never recovered your old strength and...and I guess I blame myself for that."

"Why would you blame yourself?"

She looked up at me and there were tears on her cheeks. "Because you're my best friend. It's my job to fix you when you're broken. But I didn't know how to put you back together."

I put my arm around her.

"Macey, we were kids. What happened wasn't our fault." I said. "And you are fixing me. Even if at an obnoxiously slow rate."

She snorted and hugged me back.

"So we're good?" She whispered.

"Yeah, we're good."

"Thank God," she said. "Because I love Bex and Liz but the two of them get on my nerves so much."

"Everyone gets on your nerves."

"Yeah, well, screw you."

We both laughed and the last of the sad atmosphere dissipated.

Macey gave me a shrewd look.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering if this epiphany of yours means the final nail in the coffin of yours and Josh's relationship."

I sighed. "I don't know. Probably."

"Wow. I didn't think you'd actually agree."

"I think maybe I need to be single for a while?"

Macey's eyes lighted up. "Holy shit, this is like a dream come true. We would have such a blast if we were both single senior year."

"'Would'?"

"Well, come on. I know you, Cam."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you come to these decisions and then something happens that changes your perspective."

"Are you calling me indecisive?"

"I'm saying that as much as I hate to admit it, there's a history between you and Josh. And history has a way of biting people in the ass. Take it from someone that knows."

"That's awfully cryptic, McHenry. Care to share?"

She shook her head and stood up. "Another time. I think we've had enough spilling of the guts for today. I'm not ready to go fully sissy yet. I have a reputation to keep up."

I was intrigued by Macey's discomfort but let it slide. I was not ready to get into another fight with my best friend. As we headed back to town in silence, I thought about the events of today and how it had turned out entirely different from how I had imagined it. I hadn't expected my talk with Abby to come to anything. I hadn't planned to unearth my long held hurts regarding my father. I hadn't considered revealing my true feelings for Mrs. Abrams. I hadn't dreamed of reconciling with Macey so splendidly.

Little did I know there was another surprise to come that night.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Feelings?

I had intended for the fallout between Cammie and Macey to last into August. As it is the story is currently in the third week of July. This has resulted in a small shift in the timeline of events but don't worry! It's all for the best. ;)