Yay! An update and it hasn't even been three weeks since Chapter 17!

I'm trying this new thing where I write a little bit every day - we'll see if I can keep it up long-term.

Please excuse any grammar/punctuation/spelling errors. :)

Chapter EIGHTEEN

The phone call came at three o'clock in the morning.

Mom answered the phone from her room and I had started to drift back to sleep when she came into my room and shook my shoulder.

"Cammie, get up."

It was like a dark and dreary dream as my mother explained the details of the phone call. Phrases like "admitted to hospital" and "emergency procedure" drifted through my mind like a heavy fog. You can't swat the fog away or shield yourself from it with an umbrella. Your only option is to bear it.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I asked. Fear was filling my entire body. My hands shook and I fisted them in my sheets in an effort to stop them.

My mother smoothed my hair and made me meet her eyes. "I hope so." She said.

But hope wasn't certainty.

"I have to go see him." I said. "Now."

"We'll figure everything out in the morning. Right now he's still an ocean away."

"In a hospital bed!"

"His father said that he his on the next flight to San Juan." Mom said. "He's going to be okay, alright?"

No, it was not alright. Just a few hours ago I had confided in Macey that I thought I should break up with my boyfriend. Now, as if the universe was laughing at me, said boyfriend was lying in a hospital bed in a foreign country with a burst appendix. And even though I knew I wasn't the cause of Josh's appendicitis, I couldn't help but feel somehow responsible.

"Go back to sleep, honey." Mom said. "Get what rest you can. We'll figure it all out in the morning."

She left my room and I laid back down, but rest would not come to me.

~.~.~.~

Josh's little sister, Joy, answered the door when I arrived to the Abrams' house at nine the next morning.

"Cammie, oh my gosh!" Joy cried and flung her arms around me. "I can't believe this is happening! It's so scary."

"How are you holding up?" I asked her.

"I'm trying to keep it together but..." She looked over her shoulder and lowered her voice. "Mom has gone beserk."

My eyes widened. I'd completely forgotten my altercation with Mrs. Abrams in the wake of Josh's emergency, but now it came rushing back to me.

Shiiiit.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"There is one thing, if you're willing."

"Shoot."

"Please, just get Mom to stop baking."

I was confused until Joy led me to the kitchen where Mrs. Abrams was mixing a bowl of ingredients.

"She hasn't left the room since we got the call."

I stepped tentatively into the room. "Hi, Mrs. Abrams."

Josh's mother turned to look at me when I spoke. Her eyes were like daggers but she did not stop her stirring.

"I never understood what he saw in you." She stated, all pretenses of pleasantness apparently dropped. "But I put up with it because you made him happy enough."

"Mrs. Abrams, I -"

"But your treatment of me yesterday revealed the character that I'd always suspected you were. You are selfish and cruel and wholly undeserving of someone as kindhearted as my son."

"Mrs. Abrams, I came to apologize for what I said yesterday and offer my help."

"Your help is unwanted." Mrs. Abrams snapped. "I have a right mind to throw you out of this house, you know."

"Mom!"

Mrs. Abrams regained her composure. "If you must stay, then do us both a favor and stay away from me. Comfort Joy. Even under the best of circumstances I found your presence hardly comfortable and after yesterday, all you do is bring me more pain."

I suppose I should have felt ashamed or embarrassed. However, some part of me knew that the insults she threw at me were merely a defense against her own pressing fears. Her son was sick and helpless and it was beyond her control. I could only imagine the chaos she was going through in her mind right now.

"Come on, Joy. Let's take a walk."

The morning was bright and promised a nice day to come. As Joy and I walked around the neighborhood she filled me in on everything I'd missed.

Apparently Josh had had a stomachache the day before and had stayed in bed instead of going on the planned service activities for the day. By dinner time he was in so much pain that his tour leader had taken him to a local hospital.

"They waited all night to be seen, I guess. By the time the doctor saw Josh they had to do an emergency surgery." Joy said in a shaky voice.

"So your dad's heading to San Juan to be there with him?"

She shook her head. "One of Josh's friends on the trip called their dad. They know someone who knows someone or something. Josh is flying into Orlando this afternoon. Dad's meeting him there."

I was astonished. "He just had surgery and they're putting him on a plane?"

"It's like a medical helicopter or something."

I'd never heard of such a thing.

"What friend is this? DeeDee?"

Joy hesitated for a moment. "Uh, yeah. That sounds about right."

I took a deep breath, surprised to find that I didn't feel any jealousy concerning DeeDee. "Well, at least he's alright."

"Yeah. I just can't believe something like this happened. Like, what are the chances?"

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Joy spoke again.

"Sorry about my mom. She's gone a little crazy over this...and other things."

"I'm guessing you heard about what happened yesterday, then."

She gave me a pitying smile. "I'm pretty sure the whole town's heard by now."

"Fabulous."

"I have to admit," she said, "I'm a little jealous you got the guts to tell her how you really felt. I've been wanting to do that for years."

I smiled a little. "You and me both."

"Of course," Joy said, "if I ever did do something like that, I'd be grounded 'til I graduated."

She laughed and the sound reminded me of summers spent in the Abrams' backyard, blowing bubbles and running around throwing water balloons. That had been at the beginning of my relationship with Josh before we had...settled.

Joy gave me a suspicious look. "To be honest, I'm a little surprised you came by."

"What? Why?"

She shrugged. "You and Josh are in a serious relationship, I get that. But neither of you have ever seemed overly concerned with each other."

"I still don't understand."

"It's just that for as long as you guys have been together, this is the first time one of you has stopped by the other's house when they were sick. And Josh isn't even here."

"Yeah, well, appendicitis isn't contagious like the flu." I joked. "Especially from a thousand miles."

She shrugged again. "Besides, I've seen you around town with that new kid. What's his name?"

"Zach." I looked down at the pavement passing by under my feet, careful not to meet my boyfriend's sister's gaze.

"Right. So, I've seen you with Zach and, I don't know, you just seem more let go around with him than I've ever seen you with Josh."

When I didn't respond, she continued. "Obviously it's none of my business and I could be totally off the mark. After all, I'm only fourteen. What do I know?"

"You're pretty smart for a fourteen year old." I muttered. Coming up on our right was the Abrams' house. We'd come full circle.

I stopped Joy by the arm. "Look, Joy, I'm here for Josh, okay? He's hurt and I care about him, so I'm gonna be here for him no matter what."

She gave me the same look she'd given me earlier look and I realized it wasn't suspicious, it was understanding. "You care about him, but you're not in love with him."

I didn't have an answer to that. I didn't know how to explain my conflicted feelings to her nor did I want her to hear all of this before her brother.

"There's more to it than that."

"If you say so." She walked up the path to the front door. When she reached it she turned back to me. "Whatever happens, Cammie, there's no hard feelings between us, you know. I'd see you like a sister even if you weren't dating my brother."

I smiled at her, suddenly regretting not spending more time with her this summer. "Thanks. You'll let me know when Josh gets back in to town?"

She nodded. "It should be in the next couple of days. I'll let you know."

With that, she entered her house, letting the door close behind her. I stood for a moment, looking at that door as if it could give me some answers.

Yesterday, it had seemed so simple. I was going to call Josh and explain to him why I thought our relationship wasn't working anymore. Why it had maybe never really worked and we had been ignoring some major issues.

And then my mom had shaken me awake and told me about his pain and emergency surgery, and it reminded of a time three summers ago when I'd been feeling a fresh pain of my own, and Josh had shown up at my door, asking if I wanted to go to the pool with him. When part of me felt like it was dying from the shock of my father walking out on me, Josh had shown me that second chances were possible. Our terrible first date from the previous summer could be rewritten.

Even if he hadn't solved my emotional pain, he had soothed it. At the very least, I could to do the same for the physical pain he was in now.

~.~.~.~

Later that night, Bex came over. When she showed up my door she didn't bother saying hello, instead choosing to throw her arms around my shoulders in a very un-Bex-like embrace.

"Hello to you, too, Bex."

She pulled away. "How are you doing? More importantly, how is Josh doing?"

"I'm fine. He's fine. Everything's fine."

She could tell from my expression that I was lying and gave me a look that said cut the crap. I sighed.

"So I'm a little panicky. I can't help but feel somehow responsible."

She gaped at me. "How the bloody hell do you figure that?"

I shrugged. "Last night, I was contemplating the end of my relationship and now my boyfriend had to have an emergency surgery." I sat down on the couch in my living room and Bex followed. "It kind of seems like a sign to me."

She snorted. "Fuck that. Cam, that's what we sane people call a coincidence."

Realizing her words hadn't effected me like she had hoped, she changed tactics. "So what are you going to do then?"

"I'm going to do what any good girlfriend or decent person would do. I'm going to help him feel better."

She considered that for a moment. Finally, she said, "I don't think that's fair to either of you. You're not sure you love Josh anymore and he thinks you do. Acting like his nurse while he recovers for surgery is only going to cause both of you more pain."

"When did you get so analytical?"

"It's not analysis, Cam, it's common sense." She rolled her eyes. "When you want out of a hole you're stuck in, you don't dig deeper, you claw your way out."

I hated that she compared my relationship with Josh to some dark, oppressive hole. I hated that I had given that impression to my friends when that wasn't how I viewed it at all. Josh wasn't a negative influence or a disempowering force. He was kind and sweet and didn't deserve that kind of comparison.

"I do love Josh."

"But not in way he thinks you still love him. And if you continue to delude him into this sense of safety, it'll create more mess than good." She gave me a compassionate smile. "'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'"

Bex stuck around for dinner and then left. We hadn't spoken any more on the subject of Josh; she seemed to know that I couldn't handle any more discussion about him. Her words echoed in my head the whole night and I was still thinking them over when I heard a thwap on my bedroom window. Despite the somberness of the day, I couldn't help the joy that rushed like fire through my veins. I quickly stamped it down; now was not the time.

I opened my window. "Hey, stranger."

"Stranger? Don't tell me you've forgotten who I am." Zach was leaning against his window frame, a Nerf gun casually propped against his shoulder.

"You seem familiar." I joked. "Kind of like this one guy I used to know."

"Yeah? I bet he was awesome."

"Well, when I first met him I thought he was an asshole."

"And after you got to know him?"

"A caring asshole."

He smirked at me. "I think I can live with that."

I smiled back at him. "So what brings you to my window tonight?"

"I heard about your boyfriend." Zach said. He suddenly looked a little nervous. It was adorable. "How are you doing?"

I bumped my head against the window frame. "I'm holding it together. I'm calmer than I knew I could be in this kind of situation."

"That's good."

"Actually, I have a question you might be able to answer for me."

"Shoot."

"It seems like people have been telling me all day that it would be okay for me to break up with Josh. That there isn't anything wrong with cutting ties with someone when they're sick."

He prompted me. "I sense a 'but' there."

"But I can't help feeling like it is wrong. It's like kicking him when he's down."

"I think what you need to ask yourself, Cammie, is whether or not you want to break up with Josh. Disregard whatever everyone else is telling you - what do you think you should do?"

I met his eyes across the way. They didn't hold any judgement or expectation. Just acceptance. And suddenly, somehow, I felt that if anyone could understand my conflicted feelings, it was Zach. So I closed my eyes and tried to do as he had said. I tried to separate myself from other's opinions.

"I think..." I said. "I think that I have to see this through with Josh until the end."

"You don't think you've reached the end yet?" Zach's tone wasn't accusatory, just curious.

I shook my head. "No. It's not." But it would be soon.

Part of me felt an odd sense of relief for finally admitting that to myself. I had been miserable at the start of the summer when Josh had first left. But now I was beginning to understand that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I chose to ignore the small part of me that grew incredibly morose with my realization. And because it was small enough, it was relatively easy to block it out.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Feelings?

I'd really appreciate some feedback on a question that I have about my writing: Do you think I'm redundant in the story at all? For instance, does Cammie progress as a character at all or does she seem to backtrack as a character and have to relearn things that she supposedly learned earlier in the story? Thanks in advance for your advice!