Chapter Sixty Three

Bella

All I could think of was Jasper miles away and suffering all the things that had almost destroyed him before. His gift meant that he felt everything, I remember Alice telling me some of his story when I was going out with Edward, how he had felt every death, all the pain and terror of everyone he had killed but not only that the pain and terror of everyone near him. Could he cope with all that again? And drinking human blood. Why had he agreed with Maria's plan knowing what it meant? Was it really to ensure my safety and Jays?

I couldn't even think about Jay without my blood boiling, He and I had become close, sitting together and talking, about his past, his family, becoming a vampire, and realizing what Alice meant to him. We were going through the same pain and I felt sorry for him but all the time he had known what my mate was facing, the torture his life had become and kept silent. I would never trust him again, I would never trust any of them again. I didn't want to see or speak to any of them and I hid in my room as long as I could.

Eventually hunger and thirst drove me out but I held on as long as possible listening to first Charlotte, then Darius, Jay, and finally Edward try to coax me out with more lies. How Jasper would be fine, how strong he was, how my love would make the difference. How could I believe anything they said? After they'd lied to me I couldn't take anything they said as the truth. When I finally opened my door I found Peter standing there, leaning against the opposite wall. He straightened,

"Bella listen to me."

"No, you listen to me. I heard what you had to say and I'm not interested in hearing any more now back off."

I pushed past him and went slowly downstairs feeling the effects of hunger and dehydration as the steps swam before my eyes but when I felt his steadying arm I shrugged it off,

"Get away from me."

Downstairs the others were once more on the porch but I knew they'd heard the exchange between Peter and myself and my slow unsteady steps. They looked through the open door and Charlotte got up but I ignored her and went to pour myself a drink. My hands shook as I picked it up and Charlotte steadied them but I jerked the glass away spilling most of the liquid inside.

"Leave me alone, all of you."

"Bella please let's talk about this."

"About what? About the fact you all lied to me? That you thought I shouldn't know? Who are you to make that decision for me? Did Jasper ask you to keep it from me?"

"Not exactly but we knew how you'd react."

"Did you? Maybe I would have reacted differently if I'd known, if you'd taken the time to explain it at the beginning but no you all decided poor delicate little Bella can't cope with the truth. Well guess what…..you'll never know now will you? I don't want to talk about it, in fact I don't want to talk about anything to any of you so just LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I know my voice rose at the end but I couldn't help it then I refilled the glass and went to get myself something to eat.

"I could cook you something Bella, it's been too long since you ate."

"No thank you."

"Well let me help you, I'm not sure you're safe with a knife."

"Well if I stab myself or chop off a finger you'll be proved right won't you?"

Jay

We had made a terrible mistake not telling Bella exactly what taking my place would mean for Jasper but there was no time to take it back, to alter things and somehow we had to get through to her. We left her be for the next few hours trying to pretend she wasn't having problems opening cans with weak shaking fingers or turning on the small gas stove Hunter had provided.

We ignored the tears that spilled down her face every time she thought about her mate. The way she sat on the porch silently staring into the distance, her hands shaking and her heartbeat too fast. When she finally dragged her weary body upstairs to sleep we devised a plan, each of us would approach her in turn and hopefully she would find someone she could talk to. Charlotte had already tried but said she'd do it again and when Bella came back downstairs the following morning after a restless night, her sleep filled with nightmares when she tried.

Bella

When I slept my dreams were full of images of Jasper suffering as he drank blood from terrified humans and when I came downstairs they were waiting for me, ready to pounce. Charlotte was first,

"Bella, we're all in this together. We were wrong to keep things from you and we're sorry but this can't go on."

I looked up,

"What?"

"You trying to ignore us. We're here for your protection."

"Really? Well how can I feel safe around people who lie to me?" Perhaps you can tell me because I can't figure it out."

Peter came over then and joined us,

"Perhaps you should be thinking about why we did it instead of throwing a tantrum Bella. Did that ever occur to you?"

I ignored him pushing the plate away and picking up my mug,

"It occurred to me yes but I didn't like the answers so please excuse me."

I took my mug out onto the porch where Hunter, Darius and Jay sat talking together while Edward sat alone looking out over the trees.

"Anyone else want to give me a pep talk? It seems that's the game of the day."

"We were wrong, end of story Bella. Whether you choose to believe we're sorry or not is down to you."

I was relieved by Darius words but they didn't make me feel any better.

"I don't."

I walked off the porch and wandered over to the trees just to get away from them only to find myself with another unwanted visitor.

"Well go on then Edward, say your piece."

"Bella I'm the last one to lecture you. I just want you to know that they are truly sorry. They're worried about Jasper too. They want to be there for him, close enough to help if he needs it but they know they have a duty to look after you."

I sat on a fallen tree sipping my coffee as I thought about this. I wanted them helping Jasper not sitting around playing nurse maid to a frail silly little human too, but he had left me in their care so what could any of us do?

I heard footsteps and I turned to see Jay approaching hands held above his head in surrender. A gesture I might have found amusing at another time. Sighing heavily I glared at him,

"Well?"

"Look Bella we fucked up and everyone knows it's not going to work you here with us when we all want to be somewhere else so I have a suggestion that might just solve all our problems."