I don't own MR

Max

14, 400 minutes. 240 hours. 10 days.

I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, watching as the fan fragmented the shadows into shards before they stitched themselves back together. It was a pattern, a simple back and forth, push and pull. The darkness would shatter and piece itself back together, then break once more. It didn't make sense, but it happened. Just like the quiet sobs that dragged me out of my depression. They didn't make sense, but they happened.

"Please stop," I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut as the child wailed on, a cry so obnoxious it had managed to wake me up. Now I couldn't fall back asleep, but I couldn't quite force myself out of bed either. So I stared into a void of shadows that rose and fell like the ocean's waves, waiting for something to happen. Either it would stop crying or I would make it. Or maybe Sam would come soothe the baby into silence. He was so good with children- with everything. Every time I held her she cried. Every time I hummed she spat.

I should have killed it when I had the chance. It was better off dead than with me as a mother. "Max, she won't just stop. You have to give her what she wants," Sam scolded, leaning against the door frame with mild amusement in his eyes. He could still feel the joy that I couldn't quite reach anymore. For the rest of my life I wouldn't be as happy as he was in that moment. Not until I saw Fang again.

Should I have felt like that? Like my husband was more important than my own child? I should have been ready to take care of her, to sacrifice everything I had to make her smile, but all I could do was think of Fang, was wonder if he hated me, if he'd hold me when I got back. She didn't matter as much as him.

"What she wants? She wants a mother. I'm not a mother." I finally spoke up, pushing myself into a sitting position and looking over at the crib. Already she had a tuft of dirty blonde hair on her head, and when her eyes opened they pierced the light with their darkness.

"Funny, because I'm pretty sure she came out of you ten days ago, or did I just dream that?" Sam asked sarcastically and I rolled my eyes, unable to answer that question directly.

"It takes more than twelve hours of labor to be a mother, Sam."

"You're right. You also have to try. Stand up, Max. Your legs aren't broken. Make her stop crying. Hold her, feed her, take care of her."

"I- I don't know how." I whispered, watching as the small child flailed her limbs, sobbing desperately for someone to brush her tears away.

"Don't know how? Max, I've never even been around a kid under seven and you think this is a walk in a the park for me? I had to help you give birth to a tiny person, but she's healthy. If I can do that you can hold her for a few a minutes." Sam persisted, and I sighed deeply, getting to my feet and walking over to the crib, my pace slow.

Once I got there I stared down at the little girl for a moment. I wanted her to look like Fang. I wanted her to be a boy. But there she was, a cute little girl with my nose, my mouth, my hair, my snarl. "Okay, Kid, don't squirm or I might drop you." I finally huffed out, leaning down and wrapping my arms around the baby, picking her up out of her little bed. She cried harder, if that was possible.

Sam chuckled behind me and I turned to glare at him. "Well if you think-"

"You're holding her wrong." He interrupted, walking over to assist me in the correct way to hold a 10-day-old.

"She's still crying." I acknowledged once I had her situated.

"Well try feeding her then." Sam suggested and I watched him casually for a moment, waiting for him to hand me a bottle out of nowhere that I could use. When he didn't I almost dropped her.

"No. I am not doing that. Go get the bottled stuff." I demanded, but he didn't move.

"Max, come on. I'll leave but you should probably-"

"Absolutely not. I refuse. She'll starve before I'll do that." I growled and Sam took a deep breath, shaking his head at me before turning to leave.

"Fine, but I have to go to the store to get more formula so try not to break anything while I'm gone." I blinked. Oh God. He'd be gone for at least an hour. No. I couldn't handle a sobbing child for an hour.

"Shut her up first!" I ordered, holding her out towards him. Sam kept walking.

"I mean, if you really want her to be quiet you can always-"

"I hate you." I sneered.

"Love you too, Max. I'll be back as soon as I can. Try a lullaby or something." Sam offered before disappearing out of sight. A lullaby. The idea almost made me laugh. I couldn't sing in anything except sharp or flat and he wanted me to sing a lullaby? Ha.

I sat back down on my bed, resting the little girl in my lap as I looked down at her, unsure of how to handle her relentless tears. "Listen, I know you're not exactly smart enough to know this, but you're going to hurt your vocal cords so please, for the love of all that is good in this world, stop crying." She didn't.

I thought about throwing her, but then decided against it. She'd probably die. Cautiously, I set her little body down on the bed, resting her head on a pillow and tucking her in with a blanket. She still cried. I had no idea how to stop it, so I laid next to her.

"I wonder if you're normal." I finally pondered, staring up at the shadows. Their little dance was normal, although it seemed so far-fetched. Darkness breaking and twisting and turning, devouring itself and splattering across the ceiling once more.

I knew the answer, of course. She wasn't. She couldn't be. It was near impossible. "You know, your Dad had wings one time. God, he was beautiful when he was flying. He's definitely not normal." I explained. "And me? Well I'm heaps of abnormal. Cheetah, lion, wolf, shark, dolphin… all those cool animals are in me. I wonder which ones you got?" A choked cry answered. It was weaker now, but it still held. There was no way I could last an hour of this.

I sat up, looking down at my baby girl warily. I did know what to do. What I had to do, what I didn't want to do. There was no way to avoid it so I had no choice unless I wanted to listen to her cry for minutes on end.

Languidly, I tugged at the hem of my shirt. I didn't know how this worked or what to do or if she could bite me or not. Of course, she didn't have teeth yet but that didn't mean pain wasn't an option. I glanced around, blew out a deep breath that I didn't know I'd been holding, and picked my baby up, setting her in my lap.

"Okay, Kid, we're going to try this," I began. "But if this hurts I'm stopping so be… be careful, alright?" I muttered, although I knew I was only talking to myself. After all babies couldn't understand, couldn't pay attention.

I gulped, attempting to adjust myself and the child so I was comfortable and she was secure in one of my arms before finally deciding it was now or never. No more stalling. I had to do this. I had to try.

By the time Sam got home the baby was sound asleep and I was doing some research on his laptop. The simple things that I should have already known I was just finding out thanks to all the brilliant baby websites. "Hey Max, I got the milk all- whoa. Max, did you kill her?" Sam exclaimed, rushing into the room upon hearing the noise that came with silence.

"Relax, Sammy. Don't get your panties all ruffled. She's fine." I waved off his worry as he peeked into the crib, noticing the little girl breathing deeply, lost in a dream world. He looked up at me, astonishment falling over his face.

"How'd you…"

"I fed her." I deadpanned, hardly paying attention to him as I skimmed through an article about the damages of drinking while pregnant. Looks like she was going to have a lot of problems as she grew up. All courtesy of me.

"Wow, are you serious?" Sam asked in bewilderment.

"Yup. It was really weird. I don't think I've ever felt so violated in my life. And I have sex with Fang all the time." I pointed out as if that would make it all come together in a beautiful picture. Of course, Sam couldn't know the details but mentioning it out loud was enough for him obviously. However, I was so lost in recollecting my own stupidity I hardly noticed what I said.

"Great, thanks for the mental image. So what are you looking at?" Sam shuddered and I glanced in his direction apologetically, just realizing what I had said.

"Just all the issues she's going to have since I drank while I was pregnant." I shrugged although it wasn't a topic easy to just shrug off. She could get some bad diseases, die young, end up dyslexic. I was starting to worry about her, for her, instead of just for myself. "Sam, what if I screwed her up for life? What if she's mute? What if one of her lungs deflate? Can they do it? I don't even know. What if her bones don't grow or-"

"Max, you're reading horror stories, not legit things. She's going to be fine. She's healthy. I checked all her vitals every few hours for the first week. If there was a problem we'd already know."

"Would we? What if it was more in depth? I don't think you get it, Sam. She may never read because of me, she may never talk because of me. How is she going to communicate?"

"Sweetheart, you're overthinking this, and while I'm glad you've decided to care about her you can't do this to yourself." Sam took a seat next to me, closing his laptop and plucking it into his arms.

"Speaking of 'her'," I began before taking a shuddery breath. I had to tell him now. To get it out before the information locked itself away forever. "I've decided I wanna name her. I know I said I was going to let Fang but I… I fell in love with this name and I think it's perfect."

"Alright, well then what is it?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, and I told him without hesitation, smiling down at my little girl. Mine. It had taken mea ten days to figure it out but she was mine. And even though she didn't look like Fang I still loved her. And to think it took something as instinctual as feeding her for me to figure it out.

Yes, the child has arrived XD

So, who else has read the rollercoaster that was Forever? I personally give it a 5 out 5 in comparison to Nevermore although compared to the first three books it doesn't win me over.

Review because Fax baby! (and also because there's maybe only five chapters left if I'm figuring this right)

Soar on

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