Chapter 40 - How Do We Carry On?

*Trigger warning* A/N- It's not a very detailed account at all, but we wanted to add a trigger warning because a sexual assault is referenced in this chapter and we don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or trigger any bad memories for anyone.

Avery pulled her car to a stop on the slightly unfamiliar street; all of the houses were one level, only seeming to vary slightly in shape, color, and decorations. Looking down to the text she double checked the number on one of the houses with a garage to make sure it was right.

She tucked her phone into her pocket and pulled in a deep breath while checking her make-up in the rear view mirror.

There was a small hesitation in her movement as she got out of the car and looked around.

A nervousness rising in her core she wasn't familiar with as she approached the door, took another breath, and raised her fist to knock.

A few moments later the door opened and Parrish greeted her as he stepped to the side and let her in the small house.

As she walked past him, her eyes traveled to his muscles, wrapped snugly in the dark gray shirt he had on as she said, "I have to say… when I said you owed me dinner, I thought I'd at least get a phone call, not just a text."

Looking down with a small laugh he said, "If I had called you'd try to make it sound like it was a date…"

"Well, Deputy Parrish… you did ask me over to your house," she pointed out with a wide smile as she looked around the living room which opened into a small kitchen on the right.

The house was much smaller than the one she lived in with her dad, but she immediately took a liking to it.
There was a relaxed feel in the air -cozy and warm.

"I thought you might feel more comfortable here," Parrish admitted, watching her reaction closely as she looked over at him, but before she could ask what he was talking about there was another knock at the door.

"Our food," he answered the question without her having to ask as he started to pull his wallet from the back pocket of his dark jeans.

There was a smirk on her lips as she seized the opportunity to further assert her point, "Good. You can't have a dinner date without dinner."

As the deputy turned to open the door she continued farther into the house as she walked through the small living room running her fingers over the back of the dark brown couch and smiling as she stepped through the doorway into the kitchen.

She didn't find any fancy decorations during her inspection.
The furniture all seemed slightly mix matched but also fit together in an odd way.
And just like him, the house was warm and made her feel comfortable.

~()~

After eating a nice dinner and making some small talk, Parrish was getting the table cleared as Avery wandered back into the living room and continued to look around until she saw a wisp of blonde hair disappear down the small hallway.

"No… no… not here," she breathed as she felt her blood run cold and an eerie darkness fell over the small room, she couldn't have another nightmare, not around Parrish.

"Avery..."

"No…" she pleaded under her breath when the haunting voice called out to her

Turning around she hoped to see Parrish, she didn't want to be alone, she didn't want any of this to be happening but she hoped that somehow if she could just find him she could hold onto the present time, to her sanity.

That hope was shattered when she looked around to see the darkness closing in further.
Leaving her entirely isolated.

With shaky legs she walked down the small narrow hallway where there were 3 doors, one she discovered was a small linen closet.

The next door she opened led into the bathroom, which she ducked into and shut the door behind her, leaning against it she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

But when a familiar scent filled her nose her eyes popped open and her gaze landed on a small vanilla scented flameless candle on the counter, the vanilla scent had seemed to fill every single inch of the small room with the door closed.

Her stomach turned and a few tears slid down her face as the rest of the room melted away and all she could see was the candle.
Her palms were sweaty and mouth dry as her heart started to race when she approached the candle and picked it up with shaky fingers.

Only it wasn't the flameless candle she'd seen moments before, it was the same type of vanilla candle that her mom used to keep in every room of their house.
Delicate blue tinted glass with dark specs of real vanilla in the white candle.

Not even able to take in a breath, she dropped the candle to the floor and leaned over the sink, trying to force air into her collapsing lungs, but all she could smell was the vanilla.

All she could feel on her icy skin was the scalding hot shower she'd taken to try and wash away what happened.

She had to get out of that room, away from the candle, away from her past, and away from nightmares that still haunted her.

Somehow stumbling through the darkness she managed to find the door and after a seemingly never ending struggle, she pulled the door open and rushed out only making it a few steps before she ran right into someone.

Gasping, she looked up horrified, still lost in her memories until she saw Deputy Parrish looking back at her as he said, "I heard glass breaking… are you okay?"

His green eyes bore into hers; she looked haunted.

Swallowing hard and fighting against the embarrassment she felt, Avery offered up a smile with an apology, "Yeah. Sorry… I accidentally broke the candle in there."

He looked as she pointed into the bathroom and he saw the busted glass from the air freshening candle on the floor, but he didn't care about it.

All he cared about was if she was okay.

Facing her he gently held onto her shoulders as he quietly asked, "What happened?"

"I'm… I'm just clumsy, I'm so sorry," she lied as she pushed out of his grip and said, "Um, let's just watch some TV or something."

He stood in silence and watched as she crossed the room and sat down on the couch, picking up the remote from the coffee table. There were so many questions he had for her, so much he wanted to learn and to understand but obviously something bad had just happened to her, and if she just needed to sit in silence for a while, that's what they'd do.

~()~

"Teagan?" Isaac opened her bedroom door and poked his head in. His eyes scanned the room but didn't see her anywhere. He knew she was there though. Her car was in the driveway and he followed her heart beat to her room.

Walking further into the room, he wondered if she was in the closet or bathroom. He was about to search both places until he heard a small sniffle come from the bed, but all he could see was the big comfy comforter pulled all the way up to the head board.

A soft smile appeared on his face when he realized where she was and what she was doing. Crossing the room, he sat down on the edge of the bed, then reached forward to grab the comforter to pull it back to reveal the top of his girlfriend's head.

Pulling the comforter down to her chest, he took in her red, puffy eyes and dried tear tracks down her face. Even without all the evidence in front of him, he would still have known she was upset by the scent in the air.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi." She sniffed again, her tone matching his.

"Safety bubble?" he questioned, referring to why she had the comforter over her head.

She nodded her head. "But it doesn't work when you're not here."

"I'm here now." He kicked his shoes off, then laid out on the bed beside her.

Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her closer and felt her lay her head on his chest. Reaching out, he grabbed the comforter and pulled it over their heads, blocking out the light and making it feel like they were in their own little world.

"Is that better?" he asked, his tone barely above a whisper.

She nodded her head, then tilted her head back to look at him. She couldn't see him clearly under the comforter, but she didn't need to, she had his features memorized.

"I'm glad you're here." She lightly brushed a finger down his cheek and over his jawline. "But I thought you were helping Scott with Malia?"

Since Malia decided to try life as a teenager, the others were pitching in to help her adjust. Scott and Isaac were helping her control her shifting, Lydia was helping her with school work, and Teagan took her shopping the day before; Avery was supposed to go but bailed at the last second.

Teagan thought it was suspicious, but she knew how much it took out of Avery closing the door in her mind, then Allison's funeral a couple of days ago, so she didn't push it this time. She figured Avery needed a few more days of rest to build up her strength. She still wanted to keep an eye on her though.

The shopping trip with Malia was why she was lying in bed now. It was nice helping Malia, and Teagan could tell she was trying to fit in, but the whole day all she could think about was Allison. Reminiscing in her mind of all the fun times and thinking about all the things they would miss now, all the plans they had but never got to do and never would now.

"I was, but then Malia mentioned while you two were shopping yesterday she could smell the sadness coming from you. Then I remembered when I talked to you last night and asked how it went you said everything went great," he explained.

"It did," she stated.

Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, he shook his head, knowing she wasn't telling him everything. "Maybe so, but I should have heard the pain in your voice and knew that you were upset. I should have been paying attention."

"Isaac-"

"No, look," he cut her off, knowing she was going to downplay things to make him feel better about dropping the ball when it came to her. "We've all been working so hard with Malia, trying to get her caught up but I also think we've been doing it as a distraction; a way not to think about what happened."

Moving his head closer to hers, he laid a hand on the side of her face and continued, "You're still grieving and that's okay but you're not alone. If you ever need to talk or need me to just lay here with you in our safety bubble, I'll be here, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered. "It's just… I knew you were going to be busy helping Scott, so-"

"Scott can handle it. He called Stiles and they're both helping Malia today." He paused for a moment and softly chuckled. "Poor girl."

Teagan breathed out a small giggle at his comment, then snuggled closer to him. She was thankful he came by. All it took was something small, like having him here and holding her, which helped a lot. He always had that calming effect on her.

The two laid in silence for a moment, the only sound their combined breaths as he felt her fully relax against him.

"So what happened?" he questioned, getting back to the shopping trip.

"I don't know." She ran a hand up his chest, then laid it against the side of his neck, needing to feel his warm, bare skin. "Yesterday did go well, that is true but I don't know walking in all those stores, the ones I would go to with Avery and Lydia and..."

"Allison," he finished for her.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "I mean, we didn't get to shop often with everything going on, but I walked into this one store and I remembered the look on Allison's face when we walked into it.

"She loved that store. It was overwhelming because there were so many great things in there, but she loved it. I remember Lydia would rush around the store, throwing clothes at her to try on. Then, of course, Avery would try to pick out clothes for me, but Lydia would tell her to stop trying to turn me into a Mini-A." She let out a soft chuckle. "Avery has a bad habit of trying to put me in leather pants for some reason."

"I have no problems with that." He smiled. "I remember you wearing a pair at the rave that time. I had such a hard time keeping my hands to myself."

"If I remember correctly, you didn't keep your hands to yourself that night. You kissed me then told me we couldn't be together," she pointed out, remembering the time they were broken up; another bad memory for her.

"Not one of my finest moments," he softly said. That wasn't a good memory for him either. It was torture being around her but not being with her. "I was an idiot then, but trust me, I won't make that mistake again."

He kissed her forehead and left his lips pressed against her skin. "I'm sorry for that- for putting you through all of that."

"It's okay," her tone soft as she pulled back slightly to look at him. "I know you were just trying to protect me then."

"I was." He gave her a slow nod before a smile appeared on his face. "But I don't need to protect you, because my girl is a badass."

Wiping a tear from her cheek, she chuckled and said, "Your girl is a mess."

"A beautiful mess." He continued to smile at her, then leaned forward to press his lips against hers. "My beautiful mess."

Teagan smiled against his lips, then pressed hers against his for a gentle kiss. A few more kisses passed between the two before she laid her head back on his chest while he ran his fingers through her hair.

"So. tell me more about yesterday," he said, knowing there was more on her mind.

"As I mentioned before, shopping itself was fine, I just couldn't stop thinking... thinking about all the missed shopping trips and all the things we planned and never got to do." She released a sigh as all those plans crossed her mind. "We used to talk about having a Marilyn marathon but we never got to do that and now we never will."

"You were gonna do a what?" He tilted his head down to look at her, his eyebrows lowered in confusion.

"A Marilyn marathon," she said, then explained, "You know like, Marilyn Monroe? Allison said she only saw one movie of hers, so we were going to have a sleepover- me, Avery, Lydia, and Allison- and watch a ton of her movies. Avery's got like every one that she was in, she's a big Marilyn fan."

"Ah, I see." He nodded his head in understanding.

She raised up from his chest and leaned on her elbow, looking down at him as she added, "We were also going to have a princess marathon and never got to do that."

"Do I even want to know what that is?" he questioned with raised eyebrows.

"We were going to get dressed up, put on all this costume jewelry and tiaras, and watch Disney Princess movies." She blew out a chuckle, then covered her face as she shook her head from side to side. "God! That sounds so dorky, I know. But you can blame Lydia, that one was her idea."

"It's not dorky. I'm sure that would have been fun." He grabbed her hand, then brought it up to his lips, giving each tip of her finger a small kiss.

"Yeah, it would have been fun, but now..." Her voice trailed off, they both knew how it ended.

"What was your idea? For all of you to do." He paused for a moment but didn't give her a chance to answer. "Wait, let me guess... It has to do with Chinese food and old movies."

With a smile on her face, she said, "You know me too well."

He returned the smile, then laid a hand on the side of her face. "I'm sorry you're going to miss all of that with her. And I know it's cliché to say, but she's still with you though. Allison will always be with you. You can still do those things, everything you all had planned, and she'll be there."

She nodded her head at his words as tears filled her eyes. "It's just hard."

"I know it is." He wiped the tears from her face.

"I try to tell myself, this isn't what she would want. She wouldn't want me laying here and crying over her. She would want me- all of us- to be happy to go on with our lives. I mean she risked her life for us to keep living but how can we when a part of our lives, is now gone?"

"You take it one day at a time. One step at a time," he stated. "When you feel down, do something that reminds you of the good. Do something that..." He paused, an idea coming to him.

"What's wrong?" She lowered her eyebrows in concern.

"I got an idea." He flashed her a smile and threw the comforter off their head. "I'll be back."

"Wait, where are you going?" She grabbed his arm when he jumped out of bed.

Turning to face her, he laid his hands on either side of her face before leaning down to press his lips against hers for a sweet kiss. From the look on her face, he knew she didn't want him to leave her; he didn't want to leave her either, but if all goes well it would be worth it.

"I'm not leaving you, I promise I'm not, but stay up here, okay? I'll come get you when I'm ready."

"What are you doing?" she asked, curious about what he had planned.

"I'm going to make my girl smile. I'm going to give her a good day."

Giving her one more kiss, he rushed out of the room, leaving her even more confused about what was going on.

~()~

Avery stared blankly ahead, not even paying attention to what was playing on TV, memories that she'd fought so hard to keep pushed down were creeping back into her mind and no TV program was going to be a big enough distraction.

"So…" Avery said as she scooted over right next to him on the couch and purred, "What shall we do now, Deputy Parrish?" A playful expression was on her face, thinking she knew exactly what he wanted, obviously he'd invited her over to his house for one reason; to be alone with her.

Parrish turned his head to tell her the real reason he'd invited her over but before he could, her mouth was pressed against his.

He knew he should pull back, but everything about her drew him in, and the truth was he'd been thinking about the way it felt when he'd kissed her, ever since the day at the police station.

He'd been drawn to her since the first time they met, a feeling he couldn't explain.
Much like the way he'd found himself drawn to Beacon Hills earlier that year.

A magnetic pull.

Her glossed lips curved up into a small against his mouth at how he returned the intensity of the kiss.

Avery maneuvered over until she was straddling his lap on the couch.

Confident that she was finally getting her way.
This was exactly what she needed, she thought to herself, to focus on anything other than her current troubles.

To feel warm and wanted.

His hands went to her sides and she could feel him starting to pull away from her, a feeling she couldn't stand in general; but especially not when it was coming from him.

Every single time he shot her down and left her by herself, she felt cold and alone.

She ground her body against him. Pulled his face even closer, her nails grazing over his scalp through his short hair.
Every ounce of her being was begging for attention; for his attention.

As long as their mouths were joined and she was with him, she felt okay, even if it was only for a few seconds.
She wasn't thinking about all of the bad in her life, or all the loss she'd suffered.
In those moments with him, she started to feel whole again.

A burning feeling of warmth moved over her body when his hands moved from her sides to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip.

Reaching between them she started to grab onto his shirt but he quickly caught her hands and broke the kiss.

"We… we can't do this."

Leaning forward, her lips brushed against the side of his neck as she whispered, "Of course we can… plus you promised me a day of not bringing up our ages."

"This time, it actually has nothing to do with that," He admitted, somehow finding the strength to move her off of his lap and onto the cushion next to him.

"Jordan, come on…" her voice back to a sultry purr.
She'd devour him to keep the warm feeling she got with him; let him devour her in return.

Anything was better than feeling the pain and loss -plus, she'd always hated sleeping alone.

Her hands reached for the front of his jeans, starting to undo his belt. Going in for the kill.

"Whoa…whoa… whoa!" his voice was hoarse as he jumped up from where he'd been sitting.

"Avery, hold on," he fought to get his voice strong.
Chest heaving as he stared at her.

"What?" Avery asked.

The look on her face was one of hurt and confusion -mixed with embarrassment.

Desperate wasn't a good look on anyone and even so she knew her every touch to him was seeping with desperation.

"I asked you to come over because I wanted to talk to you," Parrish explained, watching as she started to shut down in front of his eyes.

Standing up and seeming unnaturally angered by the situation, she yelled, "You invited me over to talk? No guy invites a girl over to his house to talk…"

"They do when they're worried about her… or at least I do," he argued, as he stood up and faced her.

Avery's breathing was labored as she looked around, the warmth and comfort from his touch was gone and now she felt cold and broken, she needed a way to escape her pain. Just one night, that was all she needed.

"We both know neither of us really want to talk," she pushed, rushing forward and pulling his face to hers, as she pressed her body against his, begging for his attention, his kiss, his touch.

"Avery, stop it," Parrish said, his voice muffled against her lips as he tried to turn his head, but she wouldn't stop.

He finally pushed her back and said, "You have to stop this!"

"Stop what? What's wrong with me?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and feeling rejected; a feeling she'd never coped well with.

"If we ever did go there, it's not going to be like this. I don't want to be some distraction from whatever is bothering you," he said with green eyes full of concern.

Rolling her eyes she argued, "It's just sex…"

With raised brows he asked, "Have you ever considered maybe it's not like that for everyone , or that maybe that's a really unhealthy way to look at it?"

Her chest rose and fell heavily as she watched him and his words started to sink in, but she was hearing the wrong message as she quietly breathed, "I don't get you, you kiss me… like that, and then you push me back… just tell me the truth, okay? You what… don't like me? Fine, just say it, I can take it."

But her trembling knees told otherwise as she held her breath and waited on his response.

"You want the truth…" he breathed as he rubbed a hand over his disheveled hair and said, "The truth is, it's not like I haven't thought about it, you make it impossible not to. You're unlike anyone that I've ever met before and no matter how hard I try, I can't get you off my mind. But if we ever took that next step, it's not going to be until you're in a better place because I'm not going to help you get a temporary escape from your problems, it's only going to hurt you in the long run. I didn't ask you to come over because I was going to try and get you into bed, I invited you over because I've been watching you and the way you act, it scares me. I do like you, and honestly, I feel like I'm watching you slip away. I want to help you."

She remained silent as her head spun from the newly learned information until she finally managed a whisper, "You're saying that you'd want more than just sex from me… that you'd want… me, like all of me?"

He stared back at her, not missing the look of utter shock on her face.
As if she'd never considered that she'd be wanted for anything other than her body.

Swallowing hard, he slowly nodded, "That's exactly what I'm saying."

The cat was already out of the bag. Not like they could take anything that happened between them back -and he wouldn't choose to.

"You don't know what you're talking about… if you –if you only knew, you wouldn't want a thing to do with me. You wouldn't even look at me the same way," she said as tears burnt her eyes, and every breath she took seemed to singe her lungs, making it painful to breathe.

"I promise, there is nothing you can tell me that's going to make me look at you any differently," Parrish assured her, taking a step forward and hoping she was actually going to open up to him, be completely honest for once.

"No one knows…" Her voice cracked as she gave a defeated shrug and breathed, "I've never told anyone, not even Teagan knows."

When she seemed to grow distant from him again, he led, "The way you throw yourself at guys… it makes me wonder if something happened to you."

He saw her chin quiver before her gaze quickly dropped back to the floor, and she wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep from entirely breaking down.

Like if she squeezed hard enough she could keep it all contained and not split apart at the edges.

"It did, didn't it…" he breathed, closing his eyes for a few seconds and wishing there was some way he could make her feel better, something he could do to ease her pain.

She knew if she told him what happened, he'd be repulsed by her, the same way she was at herself. As she opened her mouth to speak she considered for a moment that maybe that's what she was trying to do; scare him away.

"There was this guy, who lived a couple of houses away from me, Wesley,… he was a freshman in college, 18 -19, I don't know. But I –I was, uh, I had the biggest crush in the world on him, but he never paid any attention to me until –I was 13 and he was home from school on some break. I honestly don't remember how I even ended up at his house, but we were in the garage… alone."

Turning her back to him she took a few steps away and absent-mindedly flipped through a stack of DVDs on the TV stand as she continued, "Long story short… it was my first time, and it definitely wasn't how I'd pictured it… not by a long shot."

He took a step closer but stopped as she started to talk up again, "He said that he loved me… he said…"

With a burst of anger, she sent the DVD cases flying across the floor as she yelled, "This is what adults do! This is what people do when they love each other and I… I was so stupid."

Avery felt his eyes on her but she couldn't bring herself to attempt to look back at him, she could only imagine the disgusted look on his face, and she wanted to stop but for some reason she kept talking, trying to fill up every second of silence, "He went back to college, promised he'd call and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone, and I didn't… except for Teagan and Lydia. But by the time I told them, I'd convinced myself that everything was fine, that what we did was okay because he really loved me…"

"What happened wasn't your fault…" he started to say, trying to comfort her but she cut him off as her gaze finally snapped to his and she harshly said, "I'm not finished."

He slowly nodded, caught off guard by her outburst.

"I hadn't heard from him in months, nothing at all and I realized he'd just used me. That I'd let him use me, and one day… I was home alone," With a bitter laugh she said, "I was always home alone, my dad was always working… somehow he always found some excuse to not be home. And Wes was back home from college again, he came over… expecting to pick right back up where we'd left off. But I was too mad, I was so mad because he'd used me once and I swore after that he'd never do that to me again. I slammed the door in his face… but stupid me, I didn't lock it."

His heart dropped, knowing exactly where this was headed.
He turned in a slow circle, keeping his eyes on her as she walked over and around the couch, before leaning on it with both hands trying to catch her breath.

In the distance she could hear him saying something, trying to remind her to breathe or calm her down, she wasn't sure.
In her mind, she wasn't in his house anymore.

She was back in her own house, in one of the spare rooms they'd used for storage, boxes and crates lined up against the walls, except for a desk in the corner of the room that her mom used to use when she was alive, she'd sit in there and write in journals by candlelight, away from the noise of the rest of the house.

"Avery?" Deputy Parrish asked as he walked over and gently laid a hand on her arm, immediately regretting it as she gasped and jumped away from his touch, finally being pulled from the room in her nightmares.

Clearing her throat, she stuttered out, "He followed me into the house and I was scared, I ran from him… I ran to this room that my mom spent a lot of time in before she died, I used to always go in that room to feel close to her, and that day before he showed up I'd been in there… upset because I was in a fight with Lydia and Teagan was gone, her family moved away. Like an idiot… I thought this room where I always felt safe would somehow protect me from him, but it didn't."

His face contorted with pain as he watched her lean over slightly and let out an airy cry as she admitted, "He… he just wouldn't take no for an answer… and it hurt…" She breathed, wiping her tears as she whispered, "It hurt worse than the first time."

Wiping her tears she shrugged and said, "After a while, I just stopped fighting, it wasn't doing any good anyways, he was so much stronger than I was. I just looked up at the ceiling, praying he'd stop. I tried to get out of my body, I've heard people say that when something like that happens, they go somewhere else… but I couldn't… I had nowhere to go."

Putting a hand over her stomach and feeling physically sick she remembered, "My mom had these candles all over the house, these organic or handmade… I don't know, some kind of vanilla candle that had such a strong scent. And after she died, I always lit at least one, to remember her… that day I was burning the one in that room, and while he was on top of me… grunting and just…" she swallowed hard and her body shook as she cried.

"I saw the candle burning on the desk and even though it was across the room, it was all I could smell and it made me feel so sick…"

His eyes moved from hers to the hallway when he realized that's why she'd broken the air freshener from the bathroom.

"Anyways," she coughed out through some sobs as she tried to pull herself back, and get in control, "He finally finished… and he told me that, I couldn't tell anyone what happened because… if I told them they'd know, they'd know what I let him do to me and they'd see how dirty I was."

Slamming her hands against the side of her head she cried out, "That no one would ever want me!"

With the pain from the impact of her hit, she managed to hold her tears at bay as she gritted her teeth and said, "So I didn't, I never told anyone. But I broke every damn candle in that house."

"And then… I made sure that no one else could hurt me that way. I turned it around, to where I held the power. To where guys were begging for it and I was finally the one in control… so I'd never have to feel weak and used like that again," she finally explained, an angry expression on her face as she thought back to everything that had happened.

It felt like her blood was boiling, like every cell of her body was on fire and what she was most aware of was that he was staring at her.
But she didn't have to look up to know the look he must have on his face, the same look on her face when she looked in the mirror, complete disgust.

"I know you want me to leave now, so…" she mumbled a goodbye as she started for the door, but he quickly got in front of her as he said, "I am so sorry you went through that, Avery."

Crossing her arms over her chest she stared down at the carpet flooring, refusing to look up at him even when he asked her to.
It felt like the dark shadow at her back for years was growing larger by the second.

Gently he reached out, taking her tear stained face in his hands as he made her face him, softly said, "What happened to you, that wasn't your fault… it was an act of violence and you didn't deserve to be hurt that way."

Her chin quivered again from the look of understanding in his eyes and the pained expression he had at hearing her story. His heart broke to see that much pain and he'd give anything in the world to take it away from her.

But all he could do was pull her against him, in a tight protective embrace. At first she tried to pull back, wanting away from him away from the comfort and understanding that she didn't think she deserved, but the longer he held onto her the more her walls came down and she finally clutched onto him, burying her face in his shirt as a new wave of tears broke free and he guided them over to the couch.

He pulled her shaking body back into his arms, and held her even tighter than before as she was now partially on his lap, still desperately clutching onto the tear soaked cotton of his shirt, trying to come to terms with how she'd just admitted her deepest darkest secret to him.

She thought opening up was supposed to make her feel better, but it didn't.
Instead, now all she could see when she closed her eyes was that candle flickering across the room while her body was taken advantage of.

As she buried her face into his chest, trying to breathe in his cologne and forget the vanilla smell that was now haunting her, she felt him press a gentle kiss to the top of her head, and the gentle, loving action sent more tears spilling out of her raw, bloodshot eyes.

~()~

Slowly, Avery's eyes fluttered open to the morning sun shining in through the window in the small, warm bedroom.
For a second she started to close her eyes and try to go back to sleep, but then she heard someone breathing beside her, it startled her awake.

Looking around she quickly realized she was under the blankets in Deputy Parrish's bedroom, and he was next to her on the bed, on top of the blankets.

For a moment she didn't remember how either of them got there, the last thing she remembered was crying on the couch, in his arms.

But then she remembered she must have cried herself to sleep because she woke up hours later from a nightmare in a state of panic she'd taken off down the hallway and started screaming when she could smell the broken vanilla candle from the bathroom.

He must have pulled her into the bedroom and sat with her until she calmed down and fell asleep.

Slowly and carefully as not to wake him up she scooted out from under the blankets and stood up, before leaving the room and ending up in the living room where she leaned down with both hands on the back of the couch and fought for her breath as she thought back to everything she'd told him the night before.

Closing her eyes she let out a pained noise as she thought of how she'd blown it, if he didn't think she was a basket case before, he would now.
And even if he still somehow managed to accept her and what she'd been through, she didn't think she could accept him knowing so much about her.

"I… I gotta get out of here," Avery muttered under her breath as she stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed onto a counter to keep from falling down.

Looking down she frowned at seeing her hands were shaking and she could feel her legs trembling.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered out loud to herself as she started to pace the floor with weak legs.

"He –he knows. You idiot –you told him," she continued to chastise herself for the moment of weakness as she continued her pacing at a quickened rate.

Slamming her hands against her head a few times she mumbled about how if she was there when he woke up, he'd want her to talk more. "He always wants to talk, but I –I can't talk anymore."

Vaguely, she was aware of the fact that her actions weren't normal.
There was a buzzing in her body, jittery from head to toe like she'd had way too many energy drinks, and her head was fuzzy.

Static crawling across her skin.

Looking around her eyes stopped on a small magnetic notepad on the refrigerator where he'd been making a list of stuff he needed from the store.

All of a sudden, for reasons she couldn't explain, leaving a note sounded like the best idea in the world. She'd write a simple note saying she had to leave but that she was okay, and then she'd sneak away before he woke up. Pulling the grocery list off the front, she let it and several other pieces of paper fall to the floor before she finally got to a paper she thought was perfect to write on.

Using the pen that came with the notepad she scribbled down a note saying she had to leave and didn't want to wake him up but that she was fine and he shouldn't worry about her.
After signing it with her name she headed back into the bedroom where she laid the note down on the bedside table and stared down to his sleeping, peaceful face.

A part of her wanted to wake him up, tell him that something was going on with her, that it felt like someone was inside of her head trying to claw their way out with the back of a hammer.

None of her thoughts were coming through clearly, in fact, she wasn't even sure if she could form words if he were to wake up.

Plus, she'd only drag him down with her. She was poison, and if he got too close she'd infect him and he was just too good for that.
He was too good for her and for that very reason, even if being in his arms made her feel safer than she had in a long time, she had to go.

Glancing back at him one more time she quickly left the bedroom, by the time she'd made it outside she was practically in a run as she barreled to her car, desperately needing away from him, away from everything she told, and hopefully if she could move fast enough –she might outrun herself too.

~ A Teen Wolf fanfiction collaboration between Miss E Charlotte and twofacedharveydent.~

A/N- Thank you guys for all of the support you've shown us with the story and our girls! In other Blue Moon related news… up on my profile is the link to the 'A New Blue Moon' teaser video made by the amazing Miss E Charlotte, so please check it out for some glimpses into what's coming next for Teagan and Avery!