A bit earlier than usual, but who cares ! Hope you guys keep enjoying the story as much as I do.
CLARKE
I've been sitting next to Lexa for about ten hours now, I've never left her side once. My mom told me countless times to go get some air, or something, but I can't leave her. Not until she wakes up. I can't even let go of her hand. My mother had to extract the bullet from her chest and she lost a lot of blood. Luckily, we have sophisticated machines now that were taken from Mount Weather, which helped a bit when it came to surgery. I look at her and can't help but think about her life. She's in her early twenties, and yet she's the leader of thirteen clans, a fearless and selfless warrior. When I met her, I saw how young she was and it was hard for me to imagine what being a commander meant. I had had some experience with the grounders and with their ways, but I had no idea what her duties were. Now that I've spent these past few weeks with her, I realize that she's always taking care of something, always ready to fight for her people. She's been fighting her whole life to become what she is now. I look at her and what I see right now is just the sweet, caring Lexa.
My Lexa.
She came here, risking her life and her army's, just because I was in danger. I was held prisoner and she came here to rescue me and now I might lose her. I can't. I know she's lives knowing that she was born to die, but I can't let her die now. She's too young. Too precious. Too loved.
"Clarke ?" My mom's here again.
"What ?"
"Can we talk for a moment ?"
"Yes, of course. Sit down." I tell her, pointing at a chair next to where I'm sitting.
"I was thinking about going somewhere a bit more… Private." She says, staring at the floor.
"Oh, come on. She can't hear us. She's asleep. She's been asleep for the past ten hours. Also, I'm not willing to leave her alone." I tell her, bitterly. She nods, and sits right next to me.
"I can't stop thinking about what I saw last night when you came running inside holding Lexa." She says, placing her hand on mine.
"What exactly do you think you saw ?" Lexa and I were planning on keeping us a secret, but things didn't exactly go as planned.
Me being a prisoner wasn't planned.
Lexa being shot wasn't planned.
When I decided to come here, I thought I'd have the chance to talk to Pike and start fixing things. I wanted to come here, talk to Pike, Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, my mom… And then head back to Polis. Lexa would have been on her throne, waiting for me. Or possibly fighting with the nightbloods…
This wasn't planned.
"I think this is wrong." She states, her voice firm. "She's their commander."
"First of all, she's our commander." I tell her. "Why does it matter, anyhow ?"
"Clarke, listen. I know that you're young, still confused about what it means to be an adult, and I'm sorry that you had to fast forward to adulthood just because you were sent to Earth… But you need to understand that this, whatever it is, can't happen." She is staring at me, I'm not sure if she's talking to me as my mother, or as one of the people in charge here.
I move my hand from under hers and turn to face Lexa. "This has already happened. I'm sure you'd understand if you had ever loved anyone, but seen what you did to dad, I guess you will never understand."
She looks at me just for a second before getting up. "I'm just trying to do what's best for you."
"What is best for me right now is to keep her alive. Do that, and I'll be grateful."
I have nothing more to say. I have pictured this moment in my mind many times, but never once I thought it would go like this. First of all, I thought Lexa would be standing next to me. Secondly, I was sure mom would have understood. I know me being with Lexa is a bit unexpected, possibly even weird. But I thought she'd want me to be happy, I thought she'd see how much I care about Lexa. I find myself crying once again, looking at Lexa… Thinking about those beautiful green eyes of hers, hoping to see them again.
I tried being strong. I tried so hard.
"Clarke ?"
Octavia is here. I turn around to face her. "Hey.."
She slowly walks next to me and places her hand on my shoulder. "Why didn't you tell us ? Why didn't you tell me ?"
I perfectly know what she's talking about and I don't really know what to say. "Tell you what ?"
"Come on," she sighs "that you're in love with her."
Those words send shivers to my spine. Having someone acknowledge how I feel about Lexa makes everything kind of stronger. I know how I feel about her, but I've never said it out loud. It was like a dream, a dream I could only share with Lexa.
"I don't know. I thought you'd see me as a traitor."
"I hope you didn't think that I would see you as a traitor. You do know that I'm with Lincoln, right ?" She laughs and I can't help but smile.
"Yes, but I know you don't like Lexa. And we kind of wanted to keep us a secret for a while."
"I like her if she makes you happy." She says. "And I'm pretty sure she does."
"She does, like no one has ever done before." I tell her, stroking the back of Lexa's hand. I'm looking at Octavia and think for a second about our first day here on Earth. She was so… Different. I'm happy about what Earth did to her. We were considered criminals back on the Ark, but we were just kids who had made mistakes. We came here, ready to start fresh… Most of us changed. Some for the worst and some for the better. We're different. Not criminals anymore. Not kids anymore.
"I can't lose her." I whisper, and I can hear my own voice cracking. Octavia wraps her arms around me and holds me tight.
"You won't." Octavia whispers back. "Oso gonplei nou ste odon, ste yuj."
Our fight isn't over, stay strong.
She stays with me for quite some time, before leaving to go be with Indra and the rest of the grounders who had to stay out in the woods to avoid getting caught by Pike. We need to think of something for when he comes back. I won't let him touch her, I will protect her at all costs. Having the commander of the clans will make him feel like the most powerful man on Earth. Invincible, even.
What a fool.