CLARKE

She's asleep again, but I can't stop worrying. She can't move and won't be able to for at least a few days, what am I supposed to do once Pike comes back ?

"Mom ?" I call out, trying not to wake Lexa up.

"Yes ?"

"Can you find Raven for me, please ?"

"Yeah, sure." She says, before walking away. I'm going to need Octavia as well, but she's a bit harder to find. Well, she doesn't want to be found. I keep thinking about taking Lexa back to Polis, but it would mean basically killing her. The trip to Polis is quite long and I'd have to find someone to carry her all the way there. Also, the woods are quite dangerous and being attacked would only make things worse. I have to think about her medical needs right now, which are a lot. She's in constant pain, she needs to have her bandages changed frequently and she needs to be in a clean place, possibly sterile.

I guess the woods aren't exactly the best place to take a shotgun victim.

I'll have to think of something else.

"You called for me ?" Raven's here.

"Yeah, I need you to help me with something." I tell her.

"Sure, Biheda." She laughs. I look at her, quizzically.

"Alright, alright, it's not as funny as I thought it'd be. I thought Wanheda didn't suit you anymore. So, you're banging the commander, huh ?"

She laughs again and I can't help but look at where my mom is. She's looking at us, with her angry face on.

"Anyway," I start, "I need to find a way to avoid Pike. I figured he wouldn't necessarily come to the medical compound, but someone will tell him that there were grounders here. I bet someone saw me carrying her inside. And even if nobody did, I'm not risking anything this time."

"I honestly don't know what we could do." She says. "We can't really move her, so I'm guessing O's tunnel won't be useful this time. What about we tell him that there was some kind of contagious illness that got to one of us and that we had to put them in quarantine ? I'm sure it would keep him away for a while, at least till Lexa will be able to move."

That's actually a pretty good idea.

"I like this idea. It will keep him away from the medical compound and maybe he'll start worrying about this illness, instead of thinking about new ways to destroy grounders." I'm actually pretty worried about what he's doing in Azgeda, but at least he's far away. I wish I didn't have to worry about him as well. "Good job, Raven. I really hope it'll work. Can you please go tell my mother about our plan ?"

She looks at me for a second, then nods. I'm alone with Lexa once again, but it feels pointless. I look at her, asleep and I'm on the verge of tears once again. This is so incredibly unfair.

After a couple of minutes, I hear my mom walking towards us.

"Does your plan involve eliminating me from your life ?"

I look at her for a second.

"When I was little, you would talk to me about a man that would make me happy, a man who would take care of me whenever I needed him to, a man who would make me lose my breath just with a smile. I looked forward to finding that person, I thought it would be one of the kids in the Ark and I kept imagining how that would feel like. I kept thinking about what love meant, about what it would do to me. I imagined myself as an adult, with this man next to me and a child between us. As a child, I already knew what my future would look like. I would study to become a doctor and then I would take your place in the Ark's medical compound. I would get married to this perfect man and we would have a child. Then we came to Earth and my dream got bigger. I knew I could be happy and free here. Even after what had happened to dad, even after that terrible fight with Wells. Earth wasn't what I imagined it to be at all. The air was fresher, the smells were stronger, the water was cleaner. The people were alive. I got to see my friends die in the woods, because of things we never studied about. I saw Jasper hit by a spear and almost dying, I saw Atom dying because of the acid fog, I saw Wells with his throat cut open. We got to live a life we didn't imagine. I was naïve enough to think Earth would be what we had studied on the books. Bellamy and I were in charge, we had to control the others, we had to set rules, we had to make terrible decisions. We got to meet these people, the Grounders, then the Mountain Men. And they were so different from us, they were… Fascinating and scary at the same time. I kept thinking about that future that you had so carefully drawn out to me. I thought it was ruined, I was never going to get that kind of happiness. I didn't have time to think about love with everything that we had on our plate, you know ? I thought I could have some flings, I thought I was never going to get the perfect person for me.

Then I found it.

I found her.

I met Lexa, and everything changed. The colours were brighter, the sounds were louder and my heart was beating faster. My perspective on life changed when I realized what Lexa and I were becoming. The first time she kissed me, I already knew. I knew I'd found it. I saw it in her eyes, I saw it in her smile. I saw it whenever she said my name. I saw it anytime she looked out for me, anytime she'd protect me.

I found the person you were talking about, mom.

The plan was for you to understand this and be happy for me, for us."

I don't even know how I managed to finish this speech, because I'm crying like a starving baby. My mom is crying as well, which tells me something. Either she understood what Lexa means to me and accepts it, or she's disappointed, like she never thought she'd be.

"I hope you know that I don't care if Lexa's a girl." She begins. I know that, she talked to me about a man just because it was easier, more normal. But I always knew that she was okay with whatever I was. "It's just complicated, Clarke. I didn't realize she was all this to you. I'm sorry I underestimated your love. I'm really sorry."

Her voice comes out in little whispers, as she wipes away her tears. I'm actually really pleased with what she said. "It's okay." I whisper. "I understand."

She hugs me and then slowly gets up. "She'll be okay. I can promise you that."

"Thanks, mom. For real."