Midnight Sun v2

by EternalCullen

We all know the story...we all got mad when she had to stop...so I have decided to pick up where she left off by starting with Chapter Thirteen. I have tried to keep it in the Stephenie vein as much as possible.

5. Chapter Seventeen - Phoenix

The ownership of all characters related to and involving Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun, remain

the sole property of Stephanie Meyer, Little Brown and any affiliates. No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: Sorry it took so long…story of my life.

MIDNIGHT SUN 2.0

~ CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ~

PHOENIX

Clambering deftly up the down-pipe of the gutter attached to the back of the gymnasium, I winced as the creaking brackets holding the aged pipes in place against the faded brick work of the building groaned in protest under my dead-weight. Speeding up my ascent before the structure pulled entirely away from its rickety moorings, I vaulted lightly over the low lip of the roof and instantly stooped to a low crouch, resting the flat of my palms against the moss covered brick-work. Scanning quickly outwards through the soggy outer fields of the school and the parking lot puddled with the remnants of the last downpour, I searched for anyone who might spy me where I so clearly should not have been, but the outdoors were devoid of human life; none were brave enough to endure the icy wind that had picked up out of the north in a howling gale that ripped and pulled at the trees in a frenzy of movement.

The humans' would hide from the approaching tempest in their thickly insular clothing as they tried to trap the warm air around their bodies, desperate to keep the chill at bay, but I would not. I welcomed the bracing flow as it cut through my jacket and sweater, unmindful of the thin barriers I had worn as a display as it chilled the stone flesh that was already ice cold to the touch, yet beneath it, churned and seethed with a need that knew no restrictions, no boundaries and no limitations.

I shouldn't have touched Bella again. I knew that now just as I had every other time before, but it was always too late to stop myself until after…after, when the consequences of a simple touch would manifest in ways that I had no hope of defending against and no way of controlling as they so effortlessly overrode the iron discipline that I could feel slowly slipping away with every moment that I spent in her company.

Now, as an after effect of the touch that I could never escape, all I could feel was anger. Anger for taking advantage of a situation that I should never have created in the first place let alone allowed to continue, anger at the ease in which Bella had not only allowed it, but purposefully sought it out and anger that something so simple and common place could create such dire consequences not just within myself, but for her. The rage was not new, nor was the direction in which it was aimed, but the fear that accompanied it was; Bella's reaction to my touch had truly frightened me. With everything that that already worked against us, the very last thing I needed to be responsible for was somehow triggering within Bella, a lethal malfunction of the very organs that made her existence possible.

The growing list of condemning reasons within my own head to keep away from Bella were proof enough that what I was doing was inexcusable, but to now have the awareness that I could potentially destroy what I loved the most by simply touching her was unbearable…the disjointed, uncoordinated pounding of her heart against her rib cage, the shallow, gasping breathing to lungs that had sounded as if they would fail at any moment, it was enough to force me into a decision that I knew would be potentially dangerous to my already torn frame of mind.

If I was to be Bella's burden – whether by choice or by the hand of fate that I could not outrun – then I would have to control my every impulse, desire, want and need until I knew with absolute certainty that Bella's wellbeing was at all times guaranteed. If it wasn't, then I would force myself to not only cease all pursuit of her, but to withdraw from her life completely, no matter the devastation it would create later. I could not change my past. I could not change who I was, but I would try to change who I would become for her sake, no matter the sacrifices I would have to make to achieve them.

No more touching, Edward.

Even as I harshly ordered myself to obey a command that I knew would be harder to fight against than the thirst for Bella's blood, I raised the hand that had so casually skimmed over her skin from the brickwork beneath me, lifting it to the gloom of the light around me. I looked at it with the same eyes that had seen it countless times over the past century: white, hard, unforgiving; tainted with the deaths of more than any one soul – should that soul still be in existence – could bear without withering and dying. It remained the same to me on the outside, but on the inside, it was as if from the first moment of contact with Bella's skin, the very molecular structure had begun to alter.

It, like the rest of me, no longer belonged to the body they was born to…it belonged solely to Isabella Swan; an ownership I feared, that would never be relinquished.

Even now, with her only a few feet beneath me, the invisible, intangible pull flared through my hand, drawing me back to her as if there was a palpable tie between us that could be wound around my hand to shorten the distance that kept us apart. That distance at the moment was essential; a necessary evil that I loathed more than my inability to be what Bella deserved, but one that I would nevertheless ruthlessly enforce. I had decided against my original plan of cornering the secretary in order to alter my class schedule for that very reason, opting instead to keep an earlier promise to myself of keeping Bella within my sight as much as possible even when I could not risk being close to her. Alice would whine incessantly at me later for ditching our shared Trigonometry class, but her annoyance with me seemed completely immaterial at this point; everything at the moment rested on a fine knifes edge. I did not know which direction I would fall, but either way, the plummet seemed unendurable.

Darting forward once I was certain my presence would go unnoticed, I rapidly maneuvered around the metal housing of the venting towers for the central heating system, keeping to the deep shadows and billowing plums of steam rising steadily from the vents before it disappeared into the wind. Making my way to the center of the roof and the only skylight available in this section of the building, I stopped a few feet away, peering down at the glass for a glimpse of Bella, but upon closer inspection my plans quickly crumbled as I realized just how filthy it was.

"Wonderful," I muttered wryly, moving closer towards it as all fear of anyone by chance seeing me here vanished. Swiping a finger through the thick layer of grime and muck caking the once clear glass panes, I shook my head in disgust, narrowing my eyes as I saw only barely distinguishable shadows of the children moving beneath it. Obviously the custodial staff had been neglecting their duties, confident that none of the faculty would check on the rooftop. I couldn't wipe the gunk off the panes; it was a motion that surely someone below would notice and the very last thing I wanted was to garner unwanted attention from a straying set of eyes.

Shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans with barely restrained frustration as I was once again thwarted by forces that I had very little control over, I violently ground my teeth together as I moved away from the skylight and towards the heating tower, leaning back against it as I tried to absorb some of the warmth from the metal work through the layers of my clothing and into my icy body. Closing my eyes as I rested my head against the steaming metal, I heard the squeak of rubber soles against the highly polished floor of the gym beneath me as the students came in from the change rooms, noisily enthusiastic not just because of the approaching hour of physical exercise, but because this marked the beginning of the end for their school day.

I was less enthusiastic then they, as this marked the beginning of the end of my day with Bella. The nights would have to be enough to tide me over, but it wasn't really the same; the lack of interaction during those hours – other than the unconscious – had provided some measure of satisfaction at first, but that was no longer the case. I wanted more.

Skimming through the minds of the students, I searched for Bella on the courts set up for yet another day of badminton, but there was no sign of her yet; she was obviously still changing. Forcing my awareness away from anyone near her and the invasion of privacy that I would not allow even myself to have, I instead sought out the mind of the one that I could rely on the most.

Finding her easily enough on the far end of the sports hall, Angela was warming up. Swinging her racquet in circular motions with her left arm before passing it onto her right, she limbered and loosened up as she awaited the arrival of her partner, Lucy Watson. Hoping that she would once again think at least marginally about the silent girl I loved, my expectations were almost instantly shattered as Angela's every thought was directed towards the bespectacled boy who had obviously found more courage to express himself during the lunch hour than he had before. My attentions had been divided enough during that hour; listening to their budding romance had been the very least of my worries...Ben is so sweet and funny. I really can't believe how much we have in common, although those comic books I'm never going to understand. Why didn't I notice that before? Why didn't I say something before?

As Angela mulled over the regret of her indecision, only half aware of her surroundings as she almost smacked her partner in the face with her wildly swinging arms, I drifted disappointedly from her consciousness, fairly certain that I would garner no new point of view from her at the moment. Moving around the room, I growled under my breath as I frustratingly realized that there was only one other person in the hall that would pay as much attention to Bella as Angela would…and I would not, under any circumstance, allow myself anywhere near his mind.

Roaming around once more, almost desperate to settle onto anyone who would show the least bit of interest to Bella, I inadvertently latched onto Jessica's thoughts. Her mind was normally as superficial as she was, but at the moment the pity she usually reserved for herself was centered on someone else…what's up with Mike? It looks like he ate something bad. He's all pale and wide-eyed and he keeps jerking and twitching. Maybe I should go over and ask him if he's okay…? Smiling widely enough to strain the solid muscles of my face, I was unable to control myself as I viewed through Jessica, Newton's paler than pale visage, the fine sheen of sweat on his top lip, the way his hands shook slightly before they clenched over the handle of the tape-wrapped paddle. There might be a day that I would come to regret my earlier behavior towards the boy, but that day, was not today.

Roving out of Jessica's one-track mind as the coach ambled out onto the court; two pounds heavier than the week before and grumbling to himself about infomercial diet pills that did not work, my smirk of satisfaction soured considerably as he barely restrained a shudder at seeing Bella emerge from the change-rooms in a t-shirt so large it almost slipped off her slender shoulders and track pants…there are some days when I wish that P.E. wasn't mandatory for all four years in this state…and this is one of those days. That girl should be permanently excused from anything physical; walking upright seems challenging enough for her. Not even poor Newton wants to play with her today. Not that I blame him, she looks more distracted than normal…

Viewing Bella from the coach's disparaging perspective, I noted with alarmed dismay her glazed, almost vacant expression, her blood-filled cheeks still glowing brightly under the dull overhead lighting and her uncoordinated shuffling across the courts as the other students eyed her just as warily as the teacher, backing away from her as she cut a path through them with unseeing eyes on her way to the frame holding the racquets. Buffering out all other noises and distractions; listening to only what I wanted to hear, I zeroed in on Bella's heartbeat – frantic to learn of a rhythm that had once been the drumbeat of death to my ears, but now due to my accursed presence in her life, was possibly at risk – but my concerns were unfounded. The rhythm was normal and even as she made her way over to where Newton stood.

Without looking at Bella, in fact seeming to avoid her altogether, Mike shifted forward with his racquet, taking up an attacking position as Bella once again backed away from anyone within striking distance, this time hugging her weapon of choice tightly to her chest as the games begun; no one on her team took any notice that they were one player short as the match began.

Resolved to being as close to Bella as I could be for the moment without actually seeing her for myself, my sigh of displeasure was lost as the wind continued to ferociously batter against the coastline, swirling debris of fallen leaves and litter in a spiraling vortex that swept through the parking lot and grounds, plastering surfaces with the discarded remnants of life as the approaching storm swept in along the coastline. Sliding slowly down the heating tower, I sank to a crouch with my legs hitched up to avoid the wet roof; resting my arms on my knees as I tilted my head back. Closing my eyes, I listened to the grunts of the players below as they scuffed across the squeaking floors, the dull thuds of the racquets against the shuttlecocks, the feathered trajectory as they whistled through the air, the muffled curses as the attacking players punted and the defending players missed; it all seemed very prosaic in juxtaposition to the chaos that swirled around not only out here, but within myself.

How did I justify my presence in Bella's life when I was so clearly the very thing that upset the natural order in which it took place?

On some dim level of the subconscious that I continued to ignore, I knew that Bella would be better off if I was no longer in her life to confuse and endanger it; a blight to not only her mortality but to her soul. My love for her was no more than a mockery of what I could never have and what she could never fully accept, so why was I still here? Why couldn't I leave?

Because you are weak, Edward. You've finally had a taste of what the others have been enjoying for so long and you have been coveting for longer, and now you're too selfish to give it up and too scared to be without it because it means a return to the limbo that you were trapped in before. At least admit it to yourself, even if you won't to anyone else.

Lifting back my lids to the tumult around me, I could no longer ignore the weakness of the truth that I would never admit to anyone else; the truth that my subconscious taunted me with. I was selfish, I was scared, but knowing that I harbored such cowardly traits did not make the end result any easier, or my final decision any harder.

A faint scuffling sound, almost indistinguishable in the noise of the storm and a hundred yards to my left, caught at my attention as my head snapped towards the source, instantly tensing though I was unconcerned that my presence here would be noticed; I could simply disappear with the wind if need be. Listening to the sound and pinpointing its exact location as I searched for its owner, I relaxed marginally as the source behind it made its presence known. Edward? I'm on my way up. I understand that perhaps now isn't the best time to talk, but I think we should anyway. I couldn't sit in that class one moment longer and act as if I'm not being affected by what you're going through, because I am. Don't leave, please! Let me help you.

Rolling my eyes as I shook my head at the absurdity of his request, I felt like asking him, and where exactly would I go to, Jasper? I had tried running once before in the hopes that I could escape my problems. It hadn't worked then, and it wouldn't work now. Leaning back against the tower once more, I waited for Jasper to arrive with no real enthusiasm, certain that I was again about to receive unsolicited advice from the one member of my family that only really knew me through the sentiment he could interpret and not through the acquaintance he had gained first-hand despite decades of familiarity.

Jasper's gift – amplified exponentially through his conversion – had always allowed him to remain at arm's length from those around him. Even those closest to him never really felt a sense of fluency with him as he continued to maintain, for the most part, a deliberate distance. It was abundantly clear that aside from Alice, he felt the most comfortable with Emmett, mainly because of his willingness to openly express everything he felt or thought with a sincerity that was almost childlike, but for the rest of us who were more circumspect regarding our inclinations, it was as if we were to be trusted, but not entirely by choice. I had no doubt that – in whatever capacity he was capable of after living through and surviving such a violently tumultuous past – he cared for us, but was it not for Alice's preference to remain part of a family group, the certainty that he would have remained with us for as long as he had would not have been so concrete.

In a blur of movement so fast that none with ordinary eyes would track it, Jasper landed silently on the low lip of the roof only millimetres away from where I had landed earlier. Leanly dangerous and alertly aware, his darkly golden eyes swept over everything, instantly lowering his tall frame to a stooping crouch as he looked around a roof all but vacant were it not for me. Swivelling his head around as he too checked the perimeter for the ever-present danger of exposure, the former Confederate Major – physically scarred from the tips of his fingers to the ends of his toes by the evidence of his former ferocity and the attempts of others to end it – eyed me with caution as he stepped lightly down off the edge.

Arching a shaggy golden brow as he quickly and silently made his way to where I crouched with a rangy, indolent gait that contradicted the speed so carefully restrained beneath it, I watched as the rush of air dragged heavily through his flaxen locks, keeping the rest of my expression calmly neutral as his eyes roved over me and his sensitivity reached beyond what could be seen on the surface. I knew that I should have felt more grateful for his assistance in the cafeteria earlier, but I was in no mood for his company now and made no effort to conceal my ill-tempered annoyance as my brooding was interrupted.

Well, a roof is an interesting place to spy from, Edward. Personally I would have tried dangling from the rafter's for a better view, but that's just me. Deliberately calculating the level of the tolerance that he could just as easily sense, Jasper slid his hands into the pockets of the faded navy-blue leather jacket he wore as he stopped a few feet away from me, cocking his head to the side as he smirked at me in a smile reminiscent of Emmett's earlier mockery, as he tested me.

"I'm not spying, Jasper," I retorted flatly, fully aware that it was exactly what I was doing, but still feeling as though I needed to defend myself and my actions. "I'm reconnoitring. There's a difference." Not much, but there was. Keeping my expression as dry as my answer, Jasper snorted at me in amused derision as he listened to the children moving below us, clearly picking up on the almost overjoyed relief that they exuded as Bella continued to move further and further, back and away from them.

It's ironic, isn't it? They see her as something to be avoided, something to be feared, something that could possibly do them bodily harm with the simple swing of her arm, yet they walk amongst us every day without even realising how close they could be to death at any moment. It would happen so quickly that they wouldn't even have time to realise what was happening until it was too late to do anything more than gasp…

Jasper's interpretation of the unconscious ignorance of the student body at large around us was not something new, nor was his poorly concealed desire to act upon it, but at the moment, neither was welcome.

"I think you need to hunt, Jasper. Today!"

Chuckling softly at me and the biting irony behind my reply to his thoughts, Jasper nodded his head sagely in agreement, though his thoughts did not match it. It doesn't ever really help though, does it, Edward? Not bothering to wait for a reply when he knew that I was in complete agreement, Jasper turned his back towards me as he inspected the filthy glasswork of the skylight. It gave me a chance to study a side of him that I had rarely ever seen…his back. Harsh lessons learnt only once had taught him to keep his guard at all times, to never expose a side of himself that held vulnerabilities. In his world, vulnerabilities meant almost instantaneous death.

Grimacing as he turned back to me with a look of disgust equal to my own, Jasper shook his head. Well, the plan would have worked if those employed to do their jobs actually did them. You can still hear her though, and see her through the minds of others, so that must be some small consolation at least.

Feeling the already rigid planes of my face harden to a brittle mask of antagonism at Jasper's unthinking words, the rancour of my thoughts and those of my emotions matched as I glared at him with the rage I usually kept directed at myself, but at the moment, was unable to contain as it spilled over to include him. How was being apart from Bella consolation even if I could hear her, even if I could see her through the minds of those that could be near her without fear? How was it consoling knowing that Bella was safer away from the one person who wanted her near at all times, but could not take that risk?

Rising swiftly to my feet, unable to idly pretend that I wasn't a seething mass of unpredictability as I sat waiting, I coldly glowered at him as I took a step forward with clenched fists at my side, hissing tightly. "You can decipher every emotion I convey, Jasper, whether I want you to or not, so tell me, do I feel consoled to you? Does it feel as though settling for second best is in any way what I want?"

Rocking backwards at my sudden belligerence, Jasper held up his hands in defence as his eyes widened fractionally, knowing instantly, as he had in the cafeteria, that he was crossing a line that were becoming more blurred by the second. A strange awareness swept quickly over me as Jasper kept eye contact, never flinching as he began to alter the very atmosphere around me, calming the animosity he could feel building and cackling in the air in his misguided attempt to help me. Having been on the receiving end of his talent before, I knew exactly how easily he could purge me of my fury, but I did not want it to simply dissipate; anger was what I clung to desperately as the alternative of despair was intolerable.

"No, Jasper," I snarled viciously with a slashing motion of my hand, shaking off his influence as my temper flared hotly. "Don't take the anger from me. It's all I have left and what I'm relying on to keep me from slipping over the edge."

Sighing in what I knew was instant regret; Jasper's eyes – stained with a scarlet tinge of death that the golden irises could never quite conceal – gazed back into my own, searching for a way to begin that would not further compound the already volatile situation. "I'm sorry, Edward. I knew you were troubled, but I didn't truly realise how much until now. I understand the urge to cling to whatever emotion works in the moment, but often it's the wrong one that we latch onto in a bid to keep control over what we have so clearly lost, and no, to answer your previous question, you don't feel consoled. You feel fury and resentment towards yourself and the situation that you're unable to manage, but it's entangled with equal measures of longing and loathing – wanting Bella more than anything else before her, but hating yourself for it and the weakness it creates in you. You feel shame and horror at allowing it to get this far, but are unable to stop yourself from doing the right thing whilst all the while reassuring yourself that you can at any moment and you feel disconsolate that despite knowing all of this, you are powerless to stop it. These emotions are to be expected, Edward, under the circumstances, but they're counterproductive and more self-destructive than you can ever know. Trust me, this, I know a little bit about."

The effortlessly accuracy in which he had just named all the shameful realities of my existence, stripped away the rampant ferocity that I stubbornly clung to as the crushing weight of my remorse threatened to pull me down amidst his genuine compassion. Murmuring bleakly, as I realised I had no more to hide from him, I muttered, "I can't change how I feel, Jasper. Not when my staying here is very reason for those emotions."

Taking a cautious step forward, always testing to perceive his acceptance, Jasper closed the cold distance between us. His harshly-planed face more serenely patient and empathetic than I had ever seen it before as he asked me with quiet awareness, "Edward, if you can't find the strength within yourself to stay for what you want, how are you ever going to make yourself leave when its not?"

Dropping my head at his words, fighting against, and losing to, the crippling dejection that seemed to dog my every move, I whispered brokenly, "I don't know, Jasper. How can I do this to the one I love? How can I rationalize my right to stay by her side when I know that I will only end up hurting her if I do? Why would I want to taint something so pure and lovely with the horror of my past when I know that once I do, she will never look at me the same again? How do I recover from that, once she does?" It would be agonizing to lose the adoring wonder from Bella's eyes; to watch it be replaced by the revulsion of the truth as my sordid history was revealed, but would it be more excruciating to witness that awe turn into terror if I stayed and showed her what I really was…what she had only ever caught a fleeting glimpse of?

Jasper sighed quietly into the wind at my words as he gazed past me to the quiet forest behind us, thinking carefully through is reply. "I understand what you're saying, Edward. I also understand the fear that's so ruthlessly controlling you and I am sorry that this is what you're going through during a time when you should be enjoying the discovery of Bella, but believe me when I say that you have to reach a point where you can reconcile yourself to this or it will simply continue to control your every thought and action until you do. I know first-hand what you're going through, because I went through the same thing with Alice."

Wrenching my head up at him so violently my vertebrae cracked together, I frowned disbelievingly at not only the sincerity of Jasper's words, but of that in his mind. He wasn't merely trying to sympathise with me in an effort to put my mind at ease; he was trying to identify with me so that I could have a point of reference…none of which made any sense. "What are you talking about, Jasper? Alice has always said that you accepted her appearance and her story of searching for us without hesitation, so why would you have felt the same way? She was already a vampire with nothing more to lose; Bella is a human with everything to lose!"

Smiling slightly at me in a way that conveyed not satisfaction, but resignation, Jasper replied softly. "Do you think that would make any difference at all as to how I felt exposing her to the gruesome nature that I had run from, Edward? Do you think that because she was one of my kind that I wouldn't feel as though I was somehow a failure in her eyes for my flagrant disregard to life? I felt completely inadequate, which was something that I had never felt before; human or vampire, when I realised that the creature before me was gentle, compassionate, loving and fully accepting of me before she had even knew who I really was. From the moment that I discovered that what I had with Maria was merely a sham of what I felt for Alice, I wasn't happy or hopeful; I was terrified and I very nearly ran from her, Edward. I couldn't understand how easily she could see past the lives I had taken when I couldn't, but she made me accept that the past was a part of me, but that it did not define me. Alice made me realise that I could move on with a future even as my history haunted me every minute of the day, as long as she was by my side. Her love gave me the strength to see past what I had always believed I was…a burden to her, and I believe that Bella's will do the same for you."

Gaping at him, I murmured in a daze as I absently brushed aside a stray drop of my rain from my cheek. The storm was coming in faster than I had anticipated, "You felt as though you were a burden to Alice?" Stunned that he had revealed this, I felt a sudden sense of camaraderie towards Jasper as he exposed the same insecurities that I myself felt.

Nodding in agreement and with more than just a touch of self-deprecation, Jasper looked over his shoulder to our left and the thunderous clouds closing ominously in on us. "Yes, and there is nothing in what you've just said that was in the past tense; I still feel that way at times, even though Alice constantly reassures me that I'm not. It took me a very long time to accept that she loved me with all my flaws and failings, Edward, and even longer to accept that I could move past it to prove to her that I was worthy." Pulling up the collar of his jacket to cover the hair curling over it from the rain that began to fall faster, Jasper grinned at me with more than just a touch of irony. "It's a humbling feeling knowing that the woman you love can see you more clearly then you ever can yourself, isn't it, Edward?"

Humbling, yes, I acknowledge to myself as I zipped up my own jacket, but also terrifying at how quickly Bella had seen straight through the impenetrable walls I had so meticulously erected over the decades. "How did you learn to accept it, Jasper?" I asked quietly, closing my hand tightly over the fragile symbol of composure in my pocket; the only symbol I could rely on. "How did you find the strength to stay?"

Curling his lip up at me, he shook his head with gentle laughter; I wished that I could feel some of his unexpected optimism, but there was none to be found. "By understanding that there are differences between us and finding a way to accept them and work with them to the best of my ability. Most of the time it's about compatibility or compromises; learning to live with what you can or learning to make the best out of a bad situation to make it bearable. You and Bella will have to do the same thing...should you decide to stay of course."

Gnashing my teeth together as he continued to overlook the key differences between us, I hissed flatly, "how do we find a compromise, Jasper? The differences between you and Alice were over your belief that you were unworthy of her, not hers over you. Mine are the same with Bella, but there is a fundamental difference between us that you are failing to notice…you don't want to kill Alice every minute of the day! You aren't stealing a life that she is willing to give up before she has even begun to live it!"

As the volume of my voice rose, betraying the distress that Jasper had meant to calm but had only further incited, he placed a palm lightly over my right shoulder, squeezing with light reassurance over the bunched muscles as I fought against the urge to flinch out from beneath his touch. "No, you're right, Edward. Our situations are vastly different. I couldn't imagine what I would have done had I found out that Alice was the very thing I preyed on or how that would have affected any of my decisions going forward, but that's where we are different because you have already trusted Bella enough to reveal to her what you've never revealed to another human. Trust that if she hasn't already run from you, Edward that she won't in the future."

"How?" I whispered brokenly; my voice hoarse from the tightening restrictions in my chest as they threatened to rupture my ribcage. "How do I trust that what she'll learn next won't drive her away from me? What did Alice say to you that made the difference? That made you stay and trust in her?"

The adoring smile that lit across Jasper's face transformed the austerely unforgiving features into a gentle curve of love as he recalled one of the many memories in which Alice had reassured him. "It wasn't anything she said, Edward, and believe me when I say that Alice yelled, whispered, cajoled, threatened and begged in the beginning in the hopes that something would get through to me and I would actually listen to her, but that wasn't what convinced me…it was the fact that she stayed. Alice had enough conviction to be strong enough for both of us in the beginning when she still didn't know everything and enough strength to stay later when she did. If you want justification for yourself and your actions, then when you reveal everything to Bella and she accepts it unconditionally, then you'll have it, but for now, you have to have enough belief in both her and yourself to stay and find out."

Dropping his arm with a final pat on my shoulder, Jasper cocked his head to the side as he listened for anyone in the area, but we were still very much alone as the worsening weather closed in.

"What if she doesn't, Jasper?" I asked with quiet misery, still not certain that I could implicitly trust Bella to not run as he had with Alice. "What if I do something that ensures she doesn't…how do I deal with that if it happens?"

Shaking his head at me in mild exasperation, Jasper quietly re-joined, "how do you deal with not knowing, Edward? You've tried running once and it didn't work. You tried to distance yourself from Bella and that didn't work either. The most success you've had so far has been when you've confided in her, so why not stick to the tried and tested method? You're asking Bella to trust in you, but you're not returning that trust. Faith – in whatever form you want it – has to come from both sides; there's no compromise on that. Alice showed me that when I no faith in anyone, least of all myself, which is why when she knew that Bella had a chance – even the remotest of one, whether you want that or not – of becoming an integral part of this family one day, I immediately backed off, because I have faith in her."

A heavier smattering of rain – driven in by the force of the wind behind it – brought me back to my agonizing reality as it splattered wetly across my cheek. Turning my face into the wind, I raised it as I tried to calm myself, closing my eyes as the constant, crippling fear threatened to consume me. Faith…trust…hadn't I already exhausted my reserve of both? How much more did I have to give in order for Bella to finally see what I was?

Jasper again placed his hand on my shoulder blade as he coaxed me to begin the slow walk back to the ledge of the roof, seeming to seek a distraction as my mood again plummeted with the temperature. Somehow, in the midst of the turmoil, the hour had run out and I was still no closer to my answer than at its beginning. Jasper's tale had ended with as much happiness as could be gained, but mine might not be as optimistic. How would he have handled things had the end result been different? It was a question I had to know the answer to.

"What would you have done if Alice had run from you, Jasper?" I questioned in a whisper as we became shrouded by the clouds of steam wafting from the vents. "How would you have dealt with that?"

A dark wave of pain cut across Jasper's features as my words roused a recollection that he would have preferred buried in his subconscious; a time when he had contemplated those very fears becoming reality. They swirled around me; despairing in nature and ruthlessly humbling before Jasper regained control of his memories. "I honestly don't know, Edward. I would like to think that I would have been strong enough or noble enough to let her go, knowing that if she was happier away from me that it would be enough to justify my actions and I would feel a certain amount of gratification with that, but I know that it would have been a lie."

Emerging from the steam, Jasper turned back towards me as we reached the edge of the roof, his eyes conveying the ill-concealed hope that I would never have to make that decision. "Your time, whilst Bella remains human, is limited; you know this already, so don't let a complication that might arise in the future, or your own feelings of inadequacy stop you from enjoying what you have in the present. You've made it this far already. Trust me; you'd regret it more if you let your fear cheat you out of what really matters."

Yes, our time together was indeed limited, I conceded to myself, but was I still further endangering that by placing her in harm's way, or was that just the excuse I gave myself for the fears that I could never conquer?

Reaching the edge of the roof, we looked out over the forest, hearing the sounds in the deepest recesses as the local wildlife scuttled about, seeking shelter from the rain. Grimacing, Jasper sighed heavily as he thought about the necessity of slaking his thirst on the unappetizing quadrupeds…maybe if I try to imagine its human blood…?

Snorting quietly at the notion that it was even possible to substitute human blood, Jasper turned to smirk at me as my disbelief carried through to him, asking a question he already knew the answer to…are you coming hunting with us tonight or are you planning on hanging from the eaves?

Keeping my face expressionless; hiding the shame I felt at the accuracy of his words as the eaves had indeed been where I had once dangled from, I grinned at him as I leant closer, then with the flat of my palm, smacked him between his granite-hard shoulders blades, pushing him off the edge of the roof before he could regain his equilibrium. Landing silently and effortlessly after twisting in the air to regain his footing, Jasper leered manically back up at me as I took a step off and fell fluidly to the earth below, landing lightly to avoid leaving footprints in the soggy pitch that could not be explained, should they be found.

Joining him, we walked slowly around the gym to the entrance as I answered his unspoken jibe from before. "Thank you for the invitation, Jasper, but I think I'll forgo the hunting tonight in favour of something more pleasurable."

"Yes," he acknowledged with just a hint of the honey-smooth Texan accent he concealed most of the time. "I would imagine stalking Bella is more enjoyable than a deer."

Growling quietly under my breath at his taunt, I swung towards him, but Jasper quickly sidestepped me, anticipating that his words would create a reaction. Heading quickly back towards the main building, he laughed softly, enjoying his pun more than he should as he called over his shoulder, "have a pleasant evening, Edward. I would avoid Alice when you get home if I were you. She's not very happy with you."

Curling my lip up at the news that was not current, I threw back at him as he began to disappear around the corner, silently reminding him of his weakness for her, "Alice is your problem, Jasper, not mine!"

Turning on his heels, he smiled bemusedly at the truth as he stopped to address my remark. "Yes, but I know how to handle her after all these years…you don't know how to handle Bella yet."

Sighing in defeat, I nodded sardonically as he reminded me that we still knew so little about each other. "Thank you for your help, Jasper," I answered, feeling guilty for not properly expressing my appreciation for his help when his motives – unlike those of his wife's – had been pure and unselfish. "I know that I don't always show my gratitude, and I'm sorry for that. I really do appreciate your point of view."

Nodding in the easy acceptance of one preoccupied by more than he could often deal with, Jasper studied me at length, trying to distinguish what was so undistinguishable to others. "You're still undecided though, aren't you?"

I repeated the nodding motion of his head, only this time, the movement was tinged with regret and sadness. "I've heard what you have to say and I promise you that I'll try to take it under advisement, but I can't allow myself only two options, Jasper. There has to be another way…any other way that I can make this liveable." A shrill blaring rent the air as the final school bell rang, signalling the knell of freedom for those whose lives revolved around its sound as Jasper continued to watch me carefully. "I hope you find another way, Edward. I really do. Don't worry about Alice; I'll keep her busy…as much as I can."

Conveying my thanks with the incline of my head, I turned back towards the gym, but a stray thought stopped me. Swinging back to him, I found that he was still watching me with narrowed eyes swimming in so many thoughts I could barely catch one before it melded with the next. "How did you manage to stop Alice from following us? She would have known as soon as you made the decision to join me."

Jasper chuckled at the disbelieving curiosity. "I told her as we were leaving the cafeteria that I wanted to talk to you alone at some point during the day and that I didn't want her with to interfere because lately whenever the two of you are together and the discussion revolves around Bella, neither of you are able to keep a civil tongue. She of course argued that it was more your fault than hers, but I nevertheless made her promise that she would stay away." Frowning, Jasper's thoughts quickly changed direction as he thought about the retribution Alice would take against him for her seemingly easy capitulation to his request.

Ah, Hell. She gave in too easily, didn't she?

Spinning around as he rushed off to meet Alice, Jasper's thoughts were now more preoccupied with what he had created than with what I had as he shook his head anxiously, almost nervously contemplating Alice's revenge. Grinning broadly as I chuckled, I slowly made my way to the gym doors with a mood that was marginally lifted, resting back against the wall to wait, trying to absorb and sort through the advice that Jasper had given me. The one common link between us had always been our affection for Alice. To now have another that was infinitely more bonding was a disclosure that I had not expected, and at the moment, did not know how to assimilate. Should I take his advice, knowing that he was right on one level, but wrong on another? He couldn't possibly understand the complications that came with this relationship, no matter how much he thought he did. His love, as a burden to Alice, would merely have been a matter of personal shortfalls, not the possibility of death by his own hand.

Exhaling warily in frustration over the impossibility of my situation, I regained control over my focus before it once again blinded me to everything else and I squandered the time I had left with Bella. Searching quickly through the minds of those who were closest to Bella, eagerly anxious that any of them would approach her, I once again found only displeasure as they viewed her swinging ponytail from behind. Her obvious haste was apparent as she quickly disappeared through the door, tripping slightly as she rushed through it and only just managing to right herself before she fell forward.

Lurching forward instinctively, as if I was there to catch and save her from the dangers of her clumsiness, I only just stopped myself from rushing through the doors. Shaking my head in both bemused concern at her ineptness and my own uncontrollable reactions, I rested my clenched fist against the frame of the door as I continued to struggle against the urge to go to her.

How can you view yourself as her saviour, Edward, when you are nothing more than her doom?

Moving away from the door and the endless temptation it created as my conscious continued to both torment and remind me on the truth I had no hope of overcoming, I leant back against the wall, tilting my head back as the wind continued to whip coldly around me, watching with dispassionate interest as the school buildings began to empty and spill out into the parking lot. Most were too excited to bother looking in this direction as they hugged their winter wear closer to their bodies, shivering as the biting cold permeated through the layers, running to their cars as they anticipated the coming deluge. Their effervescent mood was not dampened by the cold or the thought of yet another school day to trudge through tomorrow; the certain fact that when they awoke it would be Friday and the official start of the freedom the weekend represented created an irrepressible sense of excitement within them.

The end of the week would not be as joyful for my own sense of freedom or excitement; Saturday's planned trip loomed threateningly on the horizon with a speed I would have preferred slowed down; unstoppable, irrevocable and potentially damning.

The almost violent barging open of the gym doors interrupted my dark thoughts as the freshly changed students poured out, jogging along the corridor towards the parking lot as they barely registered my presence here; they knew who I was waiting for. Newton, flanked by Eric and Tyler was mixed in with the mass that included Angela and Jessica at the back, jabbering animatedly about a potential trip to Seattle over the coming weeks. Mike – still pale and jittery – tried to appear as enthusiastic as his friends, but his head swivelled constantly, making it difficult for him to concentrate on what they were saying…where's Cullen? Bella's still inside, but I don't see him. Maybe he's waiting for her by his car…where did I park? Shit, I can't remember! I hope it's nowhere near his...

Mike's rambling thoughts continued on as he reached his car, only relaxing slightly as he warily eyed mine parked three spaces over. Waving absently at Tyler and Eric, who were both frowning at him in confusion, he climbed into his car and jerkily reversed out, narrowly missing a collision with the car parked to his left as he sped away from the grounds. Curbing my satisfied smirk as I heard the thundering beat of Bella's heart preceding her to the door, I hide the enjoyable effect Mike's alarm had on me; she wouldn't be happy with me if she knew I was intentionally frightening him, no matter my validation.

Bursting through the doors with barely restrained exuberance, Bella looked immediately to the corridors, smiling widely beneath cheeks flushed by exertion as she found me waiting for her; her jacket messily bundles beneath one arm, her bag twisted around over the other, she looked completely dishevelled, but never more enchanting. Silken hair still tied back in the lose ponytail from gym, the mass fell in a messy tangle over her shoulders and back framing the depthless eyes glowing warmly with a quiet joy that I knew was undeserved and more trust than I could ever earn. Sighing very quietly, Bella quickly glanced over me as she was instantly reassured by my presence. Still expecting, I would imagine, that I would simply disappear should she look away for more than a moment.

Forcing myself to walk away from her an hour earlier had been an excruciating experience that was only a momentary parting in the making. How much would it hurt her if I disappeared completely? The loss of her trust would be agonizing to bear, but how much more painful to witness would the loss of her affection be if I broke that trust? Did I stay…did I leave, how did I choose when they were both the right and the wrong course of action? Bella wouldn't make the decision any easier as she continued to blindly let me set our course, following my lead despite knowing what the repercussions could be, so how could I ensure that the path I chose was the right one for her and not the one that I wanted?

The answer that I already knew wasn't what I wanted to admit to…and was more than I could handle at the moment to even contemplate.

Pushing away from the wall with a gentle movement, I assembled my features into a welcoming smile in response, feeling no real joy in the situation, but immense pleasure at being near her despite of it. The imposed distance of an hour ago had been a necessity I had desperately relied on in order to marshal the wildly fluctuating emotions escaping my control, but that was no longer the case; I needed every moment I could have with her as Jasper's words continued to filter through my subconscious…your time, whilst Bella remains human, is limited…Gazing at her greedily as Bella dropped her bag at her feet and hastily pulled on her jacket, the always irresistible urge to reach out and help her almost overcame what remained on my good intentions as well as the demand I had made of myself after the last fiasco.

Keep your hands to yourself, Edward.

Jamming my hands deeply into the pockets of my coat and away from her allure, I watched as she shivered violently from the frigid wind cutting straight through her turtleneck. Hastily zipping up her jacket to ward off the cold, Bella picked up her bag from the floor and again hastily swung it over her shoulder before shoving her hands as deeply into her pockets as I had done to mine, though our reasons were very different. Looking out towards the north-west, Bella grimaced at the unappealing icy embrace of the approaching storm, hunching her shoulders inwards as she again shuddered.

My frown joined hers, but our distaste was not the same. I could have easily offered her my own jacket for added warmth, but it would be cold from the combination of my body temperature and the exposure to the weather over the last hour on the roof. The best was to get her into the Volvo quickly before the storm brewing above us broke and we were drenched; the last thing I needed was for her to become ill.

Indicating with a sweeping motion of my hand towards the parking lot, we began the short walk to the car, dodging the puddles on the asphalt and the few remaining students milling about, noting with displeasure that the physical distance between us now was greater than it had been all day…and not on my part. Bella was deliberately keeping her distance, though it was only by a centimetre or two, but it was enough for me to miss her heated company more than I should. Perhaps she understood more than I had given her credit for after parting before gym? She certainly couldn't have misunderstood why I had left her so suddenly.

"How was gym today, Bella?"

Repeating my question from yesterday, I waited to see if the answer would be the same, positive that Bella would again play it down, but she wrinkled her nose upwards this time and shuddered delicately as she seemed to unwillingly confess. "Wonderful," she muttered dryly. "I was hoping that by now coach Clapp would see how disastrous I am and excuse me permanently, but he hasn't yet and I really don't think I'm going to be able to hide behind Mike for much longer." Frowning as she mentioned his name, Bella's brow creased slightly with the pucker back again between her eyes, thinking about something that I was probably better off not knowing about before she asked. "What class did you have, Edward?"

Keeping my expression smooth as I told a half-truth, I answered neutrally, "Trigonometry."

Scowling again, Bella's mouth pinched unpleasantly as she heard my reply. Obviously the mathematical branch dedicated to study of lengths and angles of triangles was not a favourite subject. "How was it?" she asked distractedly, pulling up her collar as we reached the car.

A hundred different adjectives sprang to my mind as a way of describing the last hour of my existence, but most would create more questions than I wanted to answer at the moment, so I simply settled for, "informative."

Regaining Bella's interest at my cryptic answer, I grinned as her keenly sharp eyes roved over me, but kept quiet as I unlocked the car remotely, walking around to the passenger door and opening it for her. Expecting a look of disdainful amusement or an argument over her ability to open a door on her own, Bella merely smiled in gratitude as she quickly climbed into the car, happier to be out of the weather than she was with questioning my insistence on etiquette.

Closing the door firmly behind her as Bella curled herself into the seat; I looked around the almost empty lot, spotting Emmett's jeep parked in one of the farthest bays. Walking back around the car, I frowned as I searched for their recognizable voices, surprised that they had not already left. Locating them walking past the front office, I paused for a moment, curiosity halting my eagerness to re-join Bella as I listened for the reason they were meandering versus leaving straight away. Emmett was strolling in front of Jasper and Alice; hands thrust into the pockets of his jeans, he was grinningly hugely as he looked back at them over his shoulder, only barely managing to stop from laughing aloud. Jasper held Alice's hand left hand in a tight grip, deliberately pulling her backwards as she strained forward, trying to tow him, but his overwhelming strength easily subdued her. The effect was comical as it resembled a parent thin on patience holding tightly onto their over-eager child as she griped shrilly.

"Jasper, will you please hurry up? What is wrong with you? He'll be gone by the time we get there and then I'll never get to talk to her…Jasper!

Silently thanking my brother for the delaying tactics that gave me the time to escape with Bella before Alice found an opportunity to ignore my requests to keep her distance, I winced slightly on his behalf as her thoughts of retribution for his interference formulated menacingly in her head. She knew what he was up to and wouldn't let him off lightly for this.

Opening my door, I inhaled deeply and hastily before climbing in, filling my lungs as deeply as possible with clean air unspoilt by the unintentional invitation Bella exuded. Reaching instantly for the dials on the dashboard once the ignition had been activated, I turned the heater up as I quickly closed the door to keep out the wind, listening to the quiet purr of the engine as Bella greedily turned the vents towards her, cupping her hands over them as she rubbed them together in an attempt to create friction and chase away the chill that constricted the blood flowing to her fingertips. Her discomfort could have been easily avoided by wearing gloves; her shell-pink nails had already changed to a disturbing shade of mauve by the time I had her safely in the car.

Silently rebuking myself for the time wasted in the cold, I shifted the car into reverse as Bella fastened her seat-belt and tilted the vents upward, spreading the warm flow of air over the rest of her cold form as she continued to hug her jacket around her, concentrating on the heat as it enveloped her. Bella's fragrance was not as potent in this moment than in others, but perhaps that was because I was so utterly absorbed in watching her as she enjoyed a simple pleasure that I would never have the need to participate in.

"Does it get any easier, Bella?"

Looking away from the vents with reluctance, Bella frowned in confusion at my unexpectedly asked question, replying as she sat back in her seat and continued to rub her hands together in front of her. "Does what get any easier, Edward?"

Nodding towards her hands still placed firmly over the dashboard, I shifted into first and drove slowly out the grounds, turning onto the highway, checking the rear-view mirror before leaving the grounds. My siblings had reached the Jeep as I drove out, speeding up their approach as the Heaven's above gave way. I caught just a fleeting glance at the narrowed eyes of Alice as she glared after me; her thoughts matching that of her malevolent stare, but her wrath would have to wait until I was home. "The cold," I continued on. "Does it feel as though it's easier to handle as it becomes more familiar over time?"

I wanted the answer to this question not only because I was concerned with her comfort, but because although I would not touch her now, there might be a time in the future when I could, should I allow myself that privilege…should I allow myself to stay. I wanted to know the answer to this because should that ever happen, I wanted to know if the icy-touch of my skin would be welcomed by her or be repellent to her.

Shaking her head at my question, Bella continued to hog the heat as I watched the slow process of capillary revitalization flush the heated blood through to her fingertips, changing the colour of her nails back to that of a healthy pink. "No. The marrow in my bones has been frozen since I stepped off the plane, so it doesn't."

Nodding considerately, I smiled slightly as I turned my attention back to the road, but it was merely an external affirmation to her reply. On the inside, I felt as though it was merely one more damning nail in my already sealed coffin. How could I have expected her answer to be any different to what was ultimately the crux of our problem? The differences between us did not bring us together…they only pushed us further apart.

Trying to hold on to Jasper's words of wisdom, I continued on with my quest for knowledge, watching with unseeing eyes as the wiper blades swept furiously across the glass, relegating the excess water to the sides. "What do you miss the most about your home, Bella?"

Turning towards me, as if hearing the grief in my voice that I couldn't manage to hide, Bella frowned, but I kept my face on the road ahead, keeping myself in check with the last reserve of my will power. Watching from the corner of my eye, Bella sighed very quietly as she matched the direction of my gaze, looking out the haze of mist and rain to the road that would be almost invisible to her eyes, wrapping her arms over her chest in an oddly defensive move that brought back the wrinkle of sadness between her eyes.

What did she have to be defensive about? Didn't she realise yet that everything she revealed about herself only further served to captivate me?

"It's hard to explain what I miss the most about Phoenix, Edward, because it's not what most people would. It's the harsh things: the sparse beauty of the land, the ruthlessly dry heat, the unremitting sun, the chocking dust in the air, the hard, crunchy ground that doesn't give way beneath my feet, the droning and buzzing of the cycads in July, the smell of creosote as it tickles the back of your throat, the endless landscapes and mountains with their craggy valleys and black volcanic rock that seem to hold up the bright, blue sky; a sky that you can see at every turn, from one end of the horizon to the other. Don't get me wrong, Forks is beautiful in its own way, but it feels very claustrophobic in comparison. The clouds hang over everything, crowding you in and making you feel as though there's no space around you, like if you stretch too far, you'll touch them."

Tearing my eyes away – they had been uncontrollably drawn to her expressive hands as Bella passionately explained the differences inherent to her former home – I turned the corner to her street, slowing down as I approached the house, parking against the curb as the rain continued to pelt down, keeping the ignition active for the heater. I had never truly comprehended before now, just how difficult a transition it must have been for Bella to leave her mother and her home to come here. This world must seem truly alien to her; her disorientation compounded by my reprehensible behaviour towards her in the beginning.

"I suppose maybe it's the sun that I miss the most," she continued on as I turned my body towards her, watching intently, hoping that my admiration for her bravery did not show as clearly on my face as it did within me. "I've never been able to tan properly; I burn really, but the feeling of the warmth being absorbed straight into my bloodstream was what I looked forward to the most, even on the hottest of days. Here, the sun is a rare and elusive thing and even when it does appear, it's so weak that it barely scratches the surface."

I realised as she described her delight that I couldn't relate to this enjoyment; I hadn't benefited from the sun's uncomplicated warmth for more than eight decades and could barely remember a time when it had warmed my skin in the same way that it had Bella's. I didn't feel its loss, but Bella would. For her, it would be stronger and infinitely more poignant.

Laughing quietly to herself, Bella looked down at the paleness of her smooth skin, twisting her hands about under the dim light from outside, remembering something humorous as she once again so easily distracted me from the stark disparities of our existences. "The first time I met Eric I made a sarcastic remark about Renée being part Albino after he had commented on my lack of a tan…I was hoping at the time that it might be an ice-breaker, but maybe there was more truth to it than I thought."

I should have found as much in humour in this memory as Bella did, especially now, knowing that Eric Yorkie was not the rival I had once thought him to be, but I couldn't, not when my eyes automatically sought out the pallor of my own hands interlocked together on my lap. She was able to look upon hers with nothing more than a gentle reminder of something that had once made her laugh; mine only further proved that I was not worthy of her.

Unbuckling her belt, Bella turned to me as she dropped her hands to her lap now that they were warmer, linking them there in a duplicate movement to my own. The differences between ours were again apparent as hers were not so tightly linked together that the bones ground together; she was not fighting temptation at every turn.

"What about your old neighbourhood and house? What were they like, Bella?"

Forcing the words out before I gave in to what I so badly wanted, but could never have, Bella bit down onto her plush bottom lip, chewing on it as she collated her thoughts…and scattered mine as the surge of a very different hunger once again made itself known. "Our house is in one of the few lower-income based neighbourhoods of the Paradise Valley District, largely populated with large families of Hispanic origin or European immigrants. Our immediate neighbours were Ukrainian on one side and Mexican on the other, so we were always included in family gatherings, although before Phil arrived, Renée and I would make ourselves scarce as the matriarchs of both families were always trying to marry my mother off to some unattached son or me off to some distant cousin." Wincing as the words obviously conjured some unpleasant memory, Bella shook her head, twisting her mouth to the side in disgust. Obviously she had found their advances as unwanted as those here…with the exception of one.

"Our house was small and simple. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen, lounge and dining room, nothing special really, but it was cosy and enough for us. Renee's kindergarten was only a couple of miles away from home and so was my high-school, which was convenient as I had to walk everywhere."

Horrified to hear that she had been exposed to the potential dangers as a pedestrian on the heavily trafficked roads of Phoenix, I ground my teeth together as the shame I had discovered as a consequence of Bella's arrival again threatened to strangle me as it reminded me of the squandering of the privileged existence I had led, yet never appreciated.

"I don't think I mentioned that before; Renée teaches kindergarteners," Bella continued, looking around her as those already home began to illuminate their dwellings with the artificial light as the natural light was obscured by the heavy rain and clouds began to fade. "She has a natural knack for being able to control five-year and six-year olds in a way that would leave most homicidal. I suppose it's because she's more a child than an adult that she understands them so well. When you asked me earlier what I would study further if I was able to afford tertiary education and I said something in literature, I meant that it would more than likely be one of two options. The other would be teaching, but at high school level, not kindergarteners. I couldn't handle small children all the time."

Shuddering, Bella smiled ruefully at me as I arched a brow, staggered by her answer. It didn't seem plausible that she would take up a vocation that that would place her front and centre, essentially placing her in the spotlight that she strived so hard to stay out of. The curiosity drove me to ask in genuine amazement. "Teaching? Really?"

Sniggering softly at either the amazement in my voice or that shown on my face, Bella nodded sheepishly. "Yes. I know that it probably sounds a bit out of character, but when I was younger, I used to listen to my mother talking about her day at work; about how much she enjoyed teaching others and although they were only very young children and she was teaching them how to make papier-mâché art or macaroni jewellery, it was something that seemed to fulfil her completely. I think I learnt to associate career fulfilment from that, so that's why I decided that maybe I would give teaching a try." Shrugging at the end self-consciously, the blush that had been all but absent since I had left her after Biology spread over her cheeks in a wave of unstoppable heat, infusing the air around us with her flavoursome scent. Pushing aside the horror of the typical urges I had thought so easily conquered before, I pressed on.

"Friends? Is there anyone that you've left behind that you keep in contact with?" I had my doubts that there would be any. Listening to her intently over the past weeks as she sat within the circle of the teenagers that had welcomed her into their midst, there had been no mention of past associations of any kind that.

Shaking her head almost dismissively, Bella's eyes were clear and without artifice of any kind as she confirmed my suspicions. "No one close really, more acquaintances. I've never really been able to form close friendships with people my own age because I can't relate to what makes them tick. The closest relationship I have is with my mother, but as by now you've probably realized, she's more a child than I have ever been." Rolling her eyes at the end of her mutter, Bella smiled gently at me as the rain became an almost deafening thunder drumming against the metallic body work of the car.

None of what Bella had just said was unexpected. She was by far the most mature human teenager I had ever encountered. Her maturity would definitely have set her at odds against her peers as she focused on what mattered in life versus what did not; it would have made it virtually impossible to form close or lasting friendships. That was perhaps why she had formed an affinity with Angela and not Jessica…and, if I allowed the vision locked in my sister's head freedom, why she would form one with Alice.

"Was there a favourite restaurant in Phoenix? What did you do on your weekends? How much time did you spend in the library? Which mall did you enjoy shopping at?"

Firing off questions in quick succession, I paused only as Bella held up her hands to halt my endless flow, laughing at my bemused expression. "Whoa, whoa, whoa…one at a time, please. Not all of us can keep track like you can. There is a really great little Mexican restaurant tucked away in downtown Phoenix that makes the best chicken Enchiladas. It's a little seedy, but the food is amazing and that's where we usually went if take-away was on the menu. Weekends were usually reserved for participating in and rescuing Renée from whatever loopy scheme she had come up with. When I wasn't talking Renée out of those plans, I spent as much time in the Municipal library as I could. They, unlike the library here, actually appreciate good literature and show it. Mall's I avoid at all costs unless I'm dragged there by Renée to go to the cinema." Pulling a face, Bella wrinkled her nose.

Grinning at her comical expression, I moved on to the next question before she recovered enough to become self-conscious again. "What does your bedroom look like, Bella?" I would have liked to see this room. It would be the truest representation of her personality; a place where the quirks she hid from the rest of the world would be truly reflected to all as it revealed so much more than she would ever say. Here most of her possessions were still in various boxes. I still didn't know if this was due to her disinclination to unpack or because she was not planning on staying; neither answer would work in my favour.

"It's bigger than the one here, but not by much. The view is pretty impressive with the Camelback Mountains featuring as the major topographical marvel, but the main advantage of my old bedroom is the attached bathroom." Grimacing, Bella shook her head in resigned acceptance at whatever unpleasant thought had been conjured by this answer. "Sharing a bathroom with Charlie is challenging at times. We're both early risers, so our schedules clash more often than not in the morning. The first few weeks after I arrived were awkward to say the least as we both kept running into each other trying to get into the bathroom first." Shaking her head in nostalgic fondness, Bella's lips curved upward in reluctant amusement as she looked up at the second story of the house through the rain and wind.

I would have liked to be able to commiserate with her, but this was an aspect of daily life in my household than I could not relate to in any way. Since the moment of our turning, the necessity of elimination no longer became an issue; our bodies completely absorbed every ounce of fluid it took in, without the expulsion of any. The house had eight bathrooms throughout the three stories, but they were only there for appearance sake and washing up.

"I'm sorry to hear about the inconvenience to both you and Charlie, Bella, but neither I, nor any other member of my family can sympathize with your plight. We don't really use the bathrooms in our home in the same way that you would do." My every inclination shied away from discussing such an indelicate subject with Bella; my upbringing had not allowed for matters of such a personal nature to be discussed in polite company, but her ready acceptance, open-mindedness and budding curiosity somehow made an uncomfortable conversation seem natural and easy.

Cocking her head to one side as her inquisitiveness made itself apparent, Bella's eyes widened as she asked, "What do you mean you don't use them in the same way that I would?"

Biting on the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at Bella's quizzical expression, I replied gently, not wanting to cause her any unnecessary embarrassment. "The ablutions in the house are merely there as fixtures, because if they weren't it would seem odd and out of place, but the purpose that they serve is only for cleaning not, eliminating, Bella."

Eyes widening more owlishly than before, Bella shifted uncomfortably in her seat, eyeing me more cagily than before, as if this new piece of information regarding the very fact that I wasn't human had never been considered by her. Would she finally register after this, that I was no more human, than she was vampire? "You don't…?" Deliberately leaving the sentence unfinished; either by way of embarrassment to continue or decorum slowly remembered, Bella blushed furiously as I shook my head slowly at her, pursing my lips as I answered.

"No, not since the moment we are changed. Our diet, as you know by now, is liquid based. Our cells immediately digest and assimilate all of it; so therefore, there is no need to get rid of what is not." Keeping my expression deadpan, I arched a brow as Bella processed what I had just told her, watching carefully as she unzipped her jacket, obviously feeling warmer as the heater continued to increase the temperature of the air around us…or through awkwardness.

"Oh," she eventually mumbled, slight discomfort loudly present in her quiet voice. "That's…convenient."

Chuckling throatily as my control slipped at the absurdity of her answer, I wanted nothing more in that moment than to touch her face in a caress that conveyed both my pleasure at her answer and my concern, but I couldn't break my self-imposed embargo on touching her; it would not end at just one touch. "Tell me more about your room. Aside from the view and the en-suite, what else do you miss about it?"

Seeming grateful that I had again so easily changed the subject, Bella tucked her leg beneath her as she gazed gently back at me; her restless fingers playing with the zip at the end of her jacket as some great sadness crossed her face. "The shelving or more specifically, what the shelves housed. From the top of the skirting boards to the edge of the ceiling boards, my four, small walls are covered in wooden shelves with only a small area left open for my bed, and on each of those shelves are a row of my books. The Ukrainian neighbours I was telling you about before specialize in carpentry, and as a token of their appreciation to Renée for teaching his younger children English, he offered to do odd jobs around the house and that was one of them. Most of my books are still there; I only able to bring with me the ones that I absolutely couldn't live without."

Curving her lips upwards very slightly at the end of her explanation, Bella tried to appear as if this was just part of life that she had accepted; leaving things behind, but the forlorn pitch was back in her voice as she spoke of her love for the literature she had been unable leave behind, and those that she had been unable to take. She missed them, more than she did the room.

How would she react if she ever saw Carlisle's study? Plastered from corner to corner and floor to ceiling, my father's office provided a font of literary knowledge bound by pages and covers, some so rare they belonged in glass cases and other so new, the ink could still be smelt. Collected over centuries, his pride and devotion to this collection was rivalled only by that of his love and dedication for his family. I would love to show her this, anticipating already her delight in finding a source so close to home, but it was impossible to even contemplate Bella within the confines of my home. Those walls concealed the true horror of what we kept so carefully concealed on the outside.

A stray thought occurred to me about her books as I chased away the dangerous image of Bella's presence in the darkest depths of the forest, one that I had wanted to address before now, but was never able too without revealing that I had already been in her room. "The books that you have at Charlie's house now, what are they? Which were the ones you couldn't do without?" I already had an idea as to which ones would have been the closest to her heart, but I wanted her confirmation.

Shifting excitedly almost, Bella ticked them off on her fingers, biting her lip as she did this. "All of Jane Austen and the Bronte Sister's work, Mrs. Dalloway, most of Shakespeare's work, Great Expectations, The American, Anne of Green Gables, The Sound and the Fury, The Bell Jar, All the Pretty Horses…

Listening to Bella with half an ear as she continued on, I felt my satisfaction at this long-awaited reply drain away, replaced by a sour reminder as Mrs. Dalloway was heard. What was her blasted fascination with this infernal book? Bella had adequately explained her fascination with the story and its teller before, but I still couldn't understand how someone so pragmatic could be so preoccupied by a woman's single-minded intent on ending her own life. Staring out into the distance as I contemplated, from every angle, perspective and view-point, why she would hold it in such high regard, I blinked quickly at the darkening skies above us, almost surprised to note how late it was. The heavy set of clouds and the continual downpour did not aid the poor light, but time had completely slipped away as we sat talking, as it always did. Bella's father would be home soon and as much as I would have relished the opportunity to properly introduce myself, I knew that Bella was not yet ready for her father to become so involved. Her objectivity was far stronger than mine.

Calling a halt to my cross-examination before I asked a question that would take too long to answer; I instead allowed myself the uncomplicated pleasure of looking, but not touching, feeling as though I was a child being cautioned by a parent to not touch what could so easily break as Bella continued on with her detailed listing of the books in her room, confirming those already in my head.

Taking a deep breath as she completed her inventory, Bella blew it out unsteadily as she watched me bemusedly, trying to anticipate my next question, but I remained silent, merely watching her as the awareness that was never far, once again grew to pull up inexorably towards each other in a surge of heat that had nothing to do with her body temperature. Tucking a hank of escaped hair behind her ears as Bella lowered her head, she mumbled with undisguised hope, "Are you finished?"

No, Bella, I'm not finished, I wanted to say. I would never be finished, but I would be good for the moment. I wouldn't push her past her limit for one day, but I also did not want her to think that I was in any way satisfied by what I had so far learnt. "Not even close – but your father will be home soon." Jerking upright in sudden alarm, Bella looked around as she exclaimed, having forgotten entirely, "Charlie?!" Blinking through the gloom of the rainy dusk, she sighed quietly, partly in relief that her father was not home and partly in what I hoped was regret for the end of the day, asking quietly. "How late is it?"

Too late, the monster within me whispered in a darkly seductive purr that set my teeth on edge. Too late to stop this now. The temporary incarceration I had relegated him too was holding for the moment, but how much longer could I hold him at bay…how much longer could I prevent him from proving his words were right?

"Its twilight," I murmured just as sombrely, though my reasons were not the same as hers. Turning away from Bella, afraid that my misery would show, I looked out towards the west and the fading sun completely buried beneath the dark grey of the clouds that hovered gloomily over the horizon. The undistinguishable period of time between the end of the day and beginning of night loomed as miserably as the weather, chasing away the remaining time I had with Bella. Twilight: half light…half dark, it was a good representation of the existence we led; neither living, nor dead. The light of day was not the time we lived; it was the time we hid. The darkness of night was not our death, but merely the safest for us.

Turning back to Bella, I found her watching me intently, a question clearly reflected in her beautiful eyes as the wistful tone of my voice was heard. "It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" Pensively smiling back at Bella as she listened to my words, but did not understand the meaning behind them, I directed the irony of them inward. Darkness – or night time to be more accurate – was no longer predictable for me; Bella had changed all of that.

"I like the night," Bella argued quietly, but with a strong undertone that opposed the lack of volume. "Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." The frankly disgruntled tone in Bella's voice as she spoke of her obvious grudge against the clouds for concealing the stars from her, made me laugh loudly. How much star gazing had she indulged in when living in Phoenix? How much did she really miss them? Suddenly recalling the last time I had gazed up at the night skies a thousand miles away in the Denali Wilderness, I remembered with resentment that I had been unable to appreciate their beauty; my view obscured by the bewildered eyes of the girl that I had yet to realize would become the very focal of point of my entire existence…the point of an existence that still seemed hinged on events that had yet to happen.

Before I could do anything recklessly foolish, I reminded Bella of her father's impending arrival; his famished thoughts preceded him from down the highway. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…?" Deliberately leaving the question open-ended and full of the undisguised hope that she would and the agony that she wouldn't, I raised a brow in question but Bella quickly shook her head, instantly quashing those hopes and fears.

"Thanks…but no thanks." Grabbing her bag from beside her feet, Bella placed it on her lap as she stretched and twisted her upper torso, working out the kinks in her muscles after sitting for so long; the mutinous urge to massage her supple flesh was back again as it tingled hungrily through my fingertips. Curving my fingers around the soft sponge of the steering wheel, I shouted silently at myself to keep them there and away from the girl beside me, only half catching her next question, "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

Unconcealed hope that I had finally reached a stopping point and would now allow her questions to be asked and answered, made Bella's voice unusually high as she grinned at me with the eagerness of a little girl. Unable to remain distant in the face of her exuberant excitement, I teased back in mock outrage, outrageously pleased that I was able to tease her at all, "Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done yet, didn't I?"

Strangling the laughter her slumped shoulders evoked as my response extinguished her hopes, Bella whined disbelievingly with heavy scepticism in her voice as she swung her bag over her shoulder, "What more is there?" Hitting the door locks, they electronically opened as I promised her, "You'll find out tomorrow." The line of questioning for tomorrow would be more personal, and considerably more important, as they would have helped to form her so uniquely; tomorrow's question would be about the people in her life that had mattered.

Groaning quietly to herself as she realized that yet another day of questioning was lined up for tomorrow, Bella squinted out through the windshield, trying to locate the dimly lit porch-light as she shifted towards the door, turning her back on me, preparing to once again leave. Scowling at the swiftness and ease in which she was about to simply get out my car and walk away when I had barely begun to prepare myself for our parting, my hands involuntarily left the steering wheel, curling inwards as they sought to clutch at her and hold her to me. Gritting my teeth, I clenched them into fists a mere centre meter away from her back, feeling as the heated temptation she exuded curled enticingly around them. I could not do this to her again; I could not do this to myself again…I had barely recovered from the last time I had.

Regretting the conflict that prevented me from getting out the car and at least escorting her to the front door, I instead pacified myself by settling for opening her door instead. Assimilating the last of the air in my lungs, I carefully reached across the enticing warmth of her body, stilling momentarily as I heard her heart thump unevenly, but as it seemed to almost immediately stabilize, I continued on, resting my hand on the door handle, about to pull it open for her, but was interrupted by the dismayed thoughts approaching us in a black, non-descript car that had seen better days. Briefly illuminated by the sporadic flickering of the dull headlights through the sold sheet of rain, I stiffened automatically as those thoughts became clear.

Is that Bella in the car? Nice wheels, awesome fenders and grill. Who's she with? Man, I hope that's not her boyfriend. Geez, you idiot, Jacob, you should have asked her out on the beach on Saturday. You're such a wimp!

Relaxing slightly, I hid my grin at the adolescent disappointment. So here was Jacob Black, the innocent boy that Bella had unleashed her potent, albeit unconscious, feminine wiles on during the fateful trip to First Beach during the weekend in which she had been unwittingly told that my family were no ordinary mortals. I had thought my reaction to him would have been one of outrage; he had, after all, revealed my true nature to Bella, but I could find no such sentiment. It was instead a strange sense of gratitude that I felt towards this boy; Bella's prior knowledge and familiarity to that knowledge had prepared her in ways that had ultimately led us to this point.

Even listening to him now internally scold himself for not making a move on Bella when he had the opportunity to do so, did not conjure anything more than amusement and faint sympathy. He was only a child, his head filled with the youthful dreams and wants of one who could not be older than fourteen or fifteen…how could I feel anything more than that? His father's thoughts, however, had me quietly hissing beneath my breath. Apparently it was only the younger Quileute's who denounced the legends of their tribe. No! It can't be! What the hell is Bella doing in that car, alone with that monster? It's too dangerous, it'll kill her. No, I have to get her away from it. Why is she with him? Why hasn't Charlie put a stop to this insanity? What is wrong with him?

The elder Black was struggling against his panic as he peered and squinted through the rain, cursing his inability to move the legs that had been crippled so long ago as he dug his fingers into the cracked leather seat beneath him, fiercely wishing he could simply climb out the passenger seat and rush to my car, throw open the door, reach in and carry Bella to safety, protecting her from the evil still leaning over her. Stupid, useless legs! He cried silently, Why, Bella? Why? Don't you know what he is?

His thoughts were so chaotic and frantic with worry for Bella, that had the situation been different, I would have felt grateful for his obvious concern towards a child that was not his. Now, however, the fury of his assumptions almost choked me. I wanted to climb out the Volvo, stalk slowly and menacingly over to him; predator to prey, lean in through the window and sneer defiantly, "and just what are you going to do about it, old man? This land is neutral. You have no authority or right here." I couldn't do that of course, but controlling the more primitive urges that pushed me towards an unsanctioned action that would only further jeopardize my families' anonymity and safety was challenging. This situation was dangerous enough without an unprovoked attack on a weak, crippled man, but more than that, was the fear that Bella would be exposed to my true nature should I do this.

"Not good," I muttered through clenched teeth and hardened jaws as Bella blinked against the glare of the headlights, unable to see anything through the deluge, eventually turning away as she looked down at my head level with her chin, my hand frozen on the handle as I glowered at the harmless occupants opposite us.

"What is it?" Her gently concerned voice; concern for me it would seem, vented some of my wrath as I looked up at her mildly inquisitive expression with only a momentary glance that would seem almost indifferent, but was in fact fear that she would see the unrestrained ferocity on my face as I grimly answered. "Another complication." One that was about to create further hurdles in our already tricky relationship, hurdles that I did not need to deal with right now. Swiftly pulling the handle as I swung the door open, I recoiled away from Bella as the sudden blast of cold air forced her scent to crowd and encase me. Leaning as far away from her as possible, I again locked my fingers around the steering wheel, stopping just short of leaving the imprints of my fingers around the soft padding as I locked my teeth together.

"Charlie's around the corner," I cautioned harshly, still glaring belligerently at the elder occupant of the car across from us as her father's impatient thoughts quickly approached. Gauging from the icy severity of my voice that the ease of our former companionship was over, Bella nodded quickly without saying another word, climbing out as she swung her bag over her shoulder and pulled up the collar of her jacket, glancing quickly back once in my direction with a questioning look on her face before she dashed across the soggy lawn and towards the dry safety of the porch.

Watching her peripherally as Bella hurriedly climbed the steps to her home; I revved the engine deafeningly in a physical manifestation of my fury and frustration, watching as the younger Black left the car to run around to the passenger door to help his father, calling out to Bella as he waved to her in an attempt to attract her attention. Pulling recklessly away from the curb at break-neck speed, I raced through the quiet, wet streets towards the forest, hearing the faint edge of Charlie's thoughts as he turned into the street leading towards his home.

I needed to put as much distance between myself and the Swan house as I could before I gave into the temptation of staying and aggravating the locals. It would be simple to generate an excuse for my being there as I knocked on their door and Bella's father answered…Good evening, Chief Swan. My name is Edward Cullen. We've met a few times at the hospital…my father is Carlisle Cullen. A friendly smile of recognition followed by a handshake as he invited me in out of the cold and rain, commenting on how cold I felt. My apologies for such a late visit, but I was wondering if Bella was home? I need to discuss our latest biology assignment and since I was already in the area, I thought it would be best to stop by. I won't take up much of her time, I realize you must be about to sit down for supper and you have guests…I could worm my way into their evening with ease as I charmed her father, but it was Bella's reaction at seeing me in her home; unexpected and uninvited as she blushed with outrage that kept me in my car.

Behave yourself, Edward. This is dangerous enough already. Don't go borrowing trouble.

Navigating swiftly through the nearly empty roads, I turned up the twisting drive to our home and slowed down as the tires squelched wetly over the muddy pathway. I was in no real hurry to reach the house; Alice would be waiting to pounce the second I opened the car door and in the frame of mind that I found myself in at the moment, it would not be a pleasant conversation.

Considering the very real danger that Billy Black presented as I navigated through the dripping trees lining the driveway, I felt no real concern that he would say anything to Charlie about vampires inhabiting the peninsula. My only regret was that he would undoubtedly confront Bella as soon as the opportunity presented itself. He could not talk about specific details; he had no idea the treaty had already been broken by his own son, but he could make the night unpleasantly awkward for her. I would have to tell Carlisle about this; he would want to know.

Parking beside Emmett's mud-encrusted Jeep in the garage, I deliberately headed out through the back door and towards the river, unmindful of the heavily pelting rain as I avoided my family for the moment. Meandering slowly over the slippery, lichen-stained flat rocks that bordered the teeming waterway, I allowed my mind to drift back to an age long since passed; an age in which our secret had first been discovered…