A/N: No special warnings for this chapter. Thanks for reading.
I don't own Glee
When we were children we played
Out in the streets just tempting fate
When we were children we'd say
That we don't know the meaning of fear.
-OneRepublic
"Can we please just talk about this, Blaine?"
Kurt winced at how much desperation was coming through in his words. Even though he was begging Blaine, as he had been all evening since coming back to the tent after a long meeting with Thomas, the leader of the rescue group, Kurt was starting to feel annoyed at his refusal to even discuss the situation.
Blaine remained silent, focusing all of his attention on re-lacing the new shoes he'd been given by the scavenging group. He'd desperately needed a pair and was grateful when Brittany and Santana had been able to locate a pair in a long-abandoned house that fit almost perfectly.
The truth was, Blaine had figured out what was going on the minute he saw Kurt approach Maggie that afternoon. He tried to reason with himself; he tried convincing himself that there was no way that Kurt would betray him like that and join the rescue group. And that was exactly what it felt like to Blaine, a betrayal. After everything they went through, Kurt was so willing to put everything on the line and potentially get himself killed.
"Blaine, this is ridiculous," Kurt tried again. "You're being selfish—"
"I'm being selfish?"
That was it. Words tumbled out of Blaine's mouth with so much force, anger and fear that Kurt flinched and subconsciously leaned farther away from him with each sentiment.
"I'm being selfish?" he repeated loudly, throwing one of his new shoes at the opposite wall of the tent. "You're the one signing up to go off and get yourself killed. I risked everything for you, Kurt. Don't you get that? I would have been just fine back at the Community. I would have had a good job, a good home. I would never have had to worry about food or shelter. I did this all for you and Santana and now you're accusing me of being selfish? That's rich, Kurt."
The silence that hung in the air after Blaine's tirade was nearly unbearable. Blaine didn't even believe half of the words that came out of his mouth, and he regretted saying almost all of them but he couldn't take them back now. All he could do was wait.
"You did all of this for me, huh?" Kurt finally asked softly, his eyes immediately glassy with tears. "You are a liar, Blaine, and you know it. You were a miserable, closeted coward before I met you. You would have been fine? With a wife you couldn't make love to and a job that would have had you executing people just like you?"
Blaine flinched and finally broke eye contact with Kurt, focusing intently on his other shoe on the ground below him.
"So tell me," Kurt continued, his voice wavering now. "How close did you come to turning Santana and I over to the Officials?"
"Kurt, it wasn't like that, I—"
"How many times did it cross your mind?" Kurt interrupted. "I want to know exactly how good you had it in the Community, and just how much you sacrificed for me. Tell me."
"I'm sorry," Blaine answered, his heart breaking as he realized what his words had implied. "I didn't mean—"
"You know what?" Kurt cut him off again. He looked like he'd aged five years in the past five minutes. "This is stupid, I can't do this right now. I'm going to go crash with Santana and Marina tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Kurt, please don't go," Blaine pleaded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I'm just really scared and I don't want to lose you again. I can't lose you again."
"I know you're scared," Kurt conceded, turning back from the flap opening of the tent. "But I'm scared too."
Blaine watched helplessly as Kurt turned back and headed out of the tent quietly. He knew he'd fucked up big time, and at least for the time being, there was nothing he could do to fix it. Despite how upset he was with himself, he was still angry with Kurt about his decision to join the rescue team. He didn't understand how Kurt could possibly do this to himself, or any of their group really. There was no denying that the reason the four of them were in New Lima in the first place was because of Kurt. He was their foundation, their back bone and their secret weapon all in one. And now he wanted to rip himself away from them and risk his life all over again.
Blaine still had his lantern on when he heard a voice call out from the outside of his tent. It was Marina.
"Blaine? Are you awake? Can I come in?"
Blaine called her in and sat up from his cot. His eyes felt scratchy and his cheeks puffy from crying, but he tried to compose himself anyway. Marina entered and gave him a small smile before sitting down on the cot across from him.
"Is Kurt…"
"He's with Santana," Marina explained, guessing at Blaine's half-asked question. "She's trying to talk him out of joining the rescuers. It's not going to work though, his mind is already made up. You know that, right?"
"I know," Blaine answered quietly. "I just don't understand why."
"I think I get it," Marina said. "You know how helpless Kurt felt back in the Community? I don't think any of us will fully understand what it meant to be an Infertile, especially for Kurt. Think about it. Think about the Kurt we know. I know that a lot of the escape was a blur for you, but Kurt…I don't even know how to explain it. It's like he came alive during the whole thing. I didn't know him before this, but even I could tell. He was a different person when he was saving us."
Blaine let her words sink in. He'd never thought about Kurt in that way. Sure, he knew that Kurt had saved him, and he knew how much that meant to him, but he hadn't really thought about how much it meant to Kurt, nor had he ever considered how Kurt must have felt being branded as practically useless at the age of fourteen.
"I think I understand," Blaine finally spoke. "But I'm still terrified, Marina, and I don't know how to support him in this."
"Just tell him the truth," she offered. "Let him know how you feel, but don't alienate him. Don't take this away from him. Don't leave him alone."
Blaine nodded and hung his head. He knew what he had to do, but it was going to take a while to gather up his courage to do it.
"Thanks for coming over," he said just above a whisper. "I needed it."
"You're welcome," Marina answered with a small smile. "But I think Kurt's staying with us for the night."
"I know," he answered, defeated.
"He'll be back, Blaine," she reassured. "He loves you too much to stay gone for long."
She stood up and gave Blaine a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before making her way out of the tent, leaving him alone again. Laying back down on his cot, he put out his lantern and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep, but he would try to rest, and try to get himself in the right frame of mind for the next day.
In the morning, he would talk to Kurt, and one way or another, he would make everything okay again.
Kurt was eating his breakfast outside of Marina and Santana's tent as the sun was just starting its slow ascent in the sky. He was supposed to meet Thomas and the rest of the team just after sunrise and he'd woken up early to gather his wits.
His argument with Blaine the night before, and his subsequent heated discussion with Santana had left him worn out and second guessing himself. Was any of this really worth it? Maybe Blaine had been right, maybe Kurt was the selfish one. Santana hadn't accused him of that, but she had taken on the strong mothering role that she sometimes adopted in tense situations. At first, she tried to forbid Kurt from joining, but she quickly changed strategies when she realized that she didn't hold that kind of power over him. So then she just tried to guilt him out of doing it, and now Kurt wasn't sure what to think.
Before he could dwell on it too much longer, Kurt saw Blaine approaching him from their shared tent.
"Hey Kurt," Blaine greeted once he was in front of him. "Can I sit down for a second?"
"Sure," Kurt mumbled with a mouthful of food. He scooted over on the log that served as a bench seat. Blaine sat down close, his left thigh touching Kurt's right.
"I'm sorry for the things I said last night," Blaine said, launching into his apology before Kurt could change his mind. "I didn't mean them. I said them because I was scared and I panicked. I love you so much, Kurt, and I just don't want to lose you. But I know how important this is to you and I want you to know that I support you one hundred percent."
Kurt felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "Do you really mean that?"
"Of course I do," Blaine reassured. "I'm so sorry I made you doubt my love for you. And to answer your question from last night, I never once thought about turning you and Santana in, because from the moment I heard you singing on my front step, I knew that I loved you."
Kurt didn't know what to say. Instead, he drew Blaine into a strong hug and squeezed so hard he trembled.
"I love you too," he whispered in Blaine's ear. "Thank you. I, um, I need to go, though. I'm supposed to meet Thomas in a few minutes to start orientation."
"I want to come with," Blaine announced with as much bravery as he could muster. It was what he'd been talking himself into all night since talking to Marina. "I want to join with you."
"Blaine…" Kurt trailed off, not knowing what to say. It was clear that Blaine only wanted to join because of Kurt and he wasn't entirely comfortable supporting his decision.
"I want to do this, Kurt," Blaine pressed. "I won't let you do it alone."
Kurt could see the resolve in Blaine's eyes and he knew there was no use in arguing.
"Okay then," he conceded. "Let's get going."
Blaine smiled to hide his fear and he could tell it wasn't working very well with Kurt. Despite this, the two boys stood up and began making their way to the meeting area, both feeling uneasy for different reasons.