A/N: Hey guys, I'm soooo sorry that I've taken so much time away from this story. I feel awful about it. Please forgive me? Would it help if I told you there's some fairly heavy smut in this chapter? I'm going to do my best to stay on track with this story from here on out, so hopefully I haven't lost too many of you.

I would love to hear what you think and thanks for sticking with this. I really do appreciate it.

I don't own Glee.

"You're being ridiculous, you know that, right?"

"Will you please just leave me alone? I don't want to have this conversation again."

"Too bad, brillo pad, I'm tired of you sucking around here because Kurt hurt your feelings in the process of saving your pathetic life."

Blaine kept silent. He was used to Santana's abrupt, tell-it-like-it-is manner of communicating, but now it just felt like she was hitting below the belt. He knew he couldn't hide out at Santana and Marina's tent forever, but he wasn't sure where else to go. It wasn't that Kurt had kicked him out or anything. They hadn't even talked since a week before when Kurt broke the news to him that he wasn't going to be accepted on the rescue team.

The bottom line was that Blaine was embarrassed, and a little bit ashamed at his failure. It really didn't matter how many times Marina told him that it wasn't his fault that he was injured, or how many times Santana told him to suck it up already, he just wasn't ready to face Kurt yet. That is, until Santana used her weapon of last resort.

"You know he's headed out on his first mission tomorrow."

Blaine didn't know, and the news took him aback. He knew it would be soon, but he didn't realize it would be this soon. From what Blaine understood, the missions lasted anywhere from a day or two to several weeks or even months. And with no way of sending communication back to the community, those left behind could do nothing but wait and hope for their safe return.

It was the situation Blaine had been trying to avoid all along. His main reason for wanting to join the rescue team. He didn't ever want to be in that situation again, the one where he waited and hoped and eventually began to accept that he would never see Kurt again. It was torture, and it was enough to make him want to risk his own life to avoid it. But in the end it hadn't mattered. Blaine was rejected from the rescue team and as with everything else in his life, he was forced to sit down and accept the fate that was dictated for him.

"I can tell by the way your nostrils are flaring that this is coming as a bit of a surprise to you," Santana continued, arms folded as she stood above him. "And you look pretty pissed. So what are you going to do, Blaine? Are you going to keep acting like a two year old or are you going to go make up and tell him how much he means to you before he risks his life trying to save other people?"

Blaine stood up and pushed past her. He knew she was only trying to help, and he would apologize and make it up to her later, but for now he needed to get out of that tent. It had been his haven the last few days, but in a matter of seconds, the oxygen seemed to be forced from the room and Blaine needed to catch his breath. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Santana was right. Blaine needed to get right with Kurt before he left in the morning. He needed to swallow his pride and make sure that if it was the last time he ever saw the love of his life, Kurt would know how much he meant to him.

Kurt had spent the last half hour packing and unpacking his travel bag. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make all of the things on his checklist fit into the tiny sack. It'll get easier the more times I do it, he told himself nervously. Deep down, he worried that this would be it, the first and last mission he ever went on. Thomas had assured him that their record was good, comparatively. It wasn't often these days that they lost anyone at all. The group was cohesive, Thomas told him. They knew each other, better than they knew even their significant others, at times. It was vital that they did.

But Kurt was new, and while he got along with everyone in the group and they all seemed to accept him, he didn't feel that bond with them yet. He knew that this was exactly what he was supposed to be doing. He knew he was destined to be a member of the rescue team, but it didn't mean he wasn't nervous as hell.

Kurt heard a rustle behind him as he turned around to see Blaine opening the canvas flap of the tent.

"Can I come in?" Blaine asked nervously. Kurt nodded. He was wondering if he would see Blaine again before he left. He'd come to Santana's tent several times to try to talk to Blaine, but each time he was turned away. It hurt, a lot, but he couldn't focus on that. He had to keep his mind clear and focused on the upcoming mission.

"I, um, I heard you leaving out tomorrow."

"First thing," Kurt answered with a tight smile. He couldn't help thinking that Blaine would have known that days ago if he had just talked to him when Kurt tried to see him.

"Are you scared?" Blaine blurted out. He hadn't been able to stop himself.

"Not too bad," Kurt lied. "I've faced scarier."

"Yeah."

This wasn't going at all how Blaine would have wanted it to, but he felt so awkward, so out of control. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to beg Kurt not to go for his sake? Was he supposed to wish him luck? Ease the tension with a joke?

"Why are you here, Blaine?" Kurt asked bluntly. The words cut into Blaine like a knife, but he knew why Kurt had asked him that. And now he knew what he needed to say.

"I owe you a huge apology," Blaine started. "I was selfish and immature and I'm really, really sorry."

Kurt nodded, biting his lower lip. There was so much he wanted to say and he hadn't realized how angry he was with Blaine until this moment.

"I know things have been rough since you got here—"

"Things have been rough since we met," Kurt interrupted, ignoring the involuntary flinch from his boyfriend. "Don't you get it, Blaine? All we do is fight, except when one of us is in mortal danger, and then we make up just until the next crisis comes along."

"That's not fair."

"That's life. That's our life. I love you, Blaine, and I would do anything in the world to keep you in my life. But not if it's going to be like this. I'm leaving tomorrow and I may not make it back. But if I do, I refuse to ride this merry-go-round with you. We have got to figure this out or we're not going to make it."

Blaine swallowed thickly. Kurt was right, of course. About all of it. Not that that made it hurt any less.

"I'll do whatever I need to do," he finally said softly. "I don't want to lose you Kurt."

Kurt stepped closer and put his arms softly around Blaine's neck, drawing him closer.

"I don't want to lose you either."

Blaine was surprised when Kurt captured his lips with his own. He wasn't expecting to feel that amazing sensation again before Kurt left, but he wasn't about to question it. He eagerly pushed back, suddenly cognizant of the fact that he'd been starved far too long of physical affection from his lover. Kurt signaled his agreement with a soft moan that hit Blaine at his core. All of the sudden, he could think of nothing else but being inside Kurt, feeling the sensation of being completely enveloped by him.

He guided Kurt down onto the cot, pushing his half-packed bag off the edge. Kurt didn't argue. Instead, he focused his attention on removing Blaine's clothes, interrupting his kisses only to remove their undershirts.

"I want you," Kurt whispered, and Blaine didn't need any more coaxing. He slid Kurt's pants and underwear off in one motion, followed swiftly by his own. Kurt gasped as Blaine's shaking, but strong hands found their way up and down Kurt's thighs, rubbing and squeezing with an almost frenzied urgency.

"Slow down," he guided gently, feeling the way Blaine's heart pounded hard and erratically against his own chest. Despite his recovery, Kurt still worried about Blaine, and he didn't want to have to worry. Not right now. Not in this moment. Blaine nodded slightly, removing his lips from Kurt's to take a slow, shaky breath. Kurt could feel his hot breath against his own neck and it made him shudder. He was so hard now, and so ready, but he wanted to take his time tonight.

Kurt took the opportunity to roll them both over, so that he was straddling Blaine now. Blaine looked up at him with his signature mixture of sexiness and wonder, the one that Kurt loved more than anything. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and sucked on them, swirling his tongue around to coat them and relishing the confusion on Blaine's face. Pulling them out, he lowered his mouth onto Blaine's collar bone, while inserting a finger into himself at the same time.

Blaine gasped at the sensation of Kurt's hot, wet mouth on one of his most sensitive spots. He couldn't see Kurt's hand as it disappeared behind him, but just knowing what Kurt was doing was almost enough to send him over the edge. Kurt made his way slowly down and around Blaine's chest, leaving marks and paying special attention to Blaine's sensitive nipples as he continued to work on himself, gradually adding fingers and stretching himself, preparing for Blaine's considerable girth. Kurt was turned on by both the noises that Blaine was making, and the way his muscles clenched and pulsated around his fingers. He drew in a shuddering breath as he sat back up and looked into Blaine's eyes.

Blaine sat up on his elbows as he tried to reach Kurt's mouth for a kiss, but Kurt scooted back before leaning down and capturing Blaine's throbbing cock in his mouth.

"Mmmhh," Blaine groaned. It felt so good, even better because he hadn't been expecting it. He hadn't been expecting any of it really, but it was exactly what he wanted and needed. Kurt bobbed up and down several times before sitting back up reluctantly. He wanted to keep going, but he sensed that Blaine would be hitting the finish line without him if he didn't pull back. Kurt maneuvered himself on top of Blaine, hovering over him. Grabbing Blaine's cock, he slowly lowered himself onto him, feeling his muscles clench and spasm around Blaine on his way down. Blaine responded with two short, involuntary thrusts.

"Oh my God," Kurt breathed as he fought hard not to come right then and there. It had been far too long since they'd been this close and he knew that neither of them were going to last long. He pushed down hard on Blaine's shoulders, pushing his own body up in the process before dropping himself forcefully back down. Blaine's eyes nearly rolled back in his head as he continued to thrust and make all the wonderful noises that Kurt hadn't realized he missed so much.

They continued like this, slowing down at times to keep from coming before speeding back up again, for nearly a half hour before they both decided it was time. Blaine rocked up, tucking his knees under him while guiding Kurt onto his back, lifting his ass into the air. Blaine thrust hard, grunting loudly each time and not really caring if anyone outside of the tent could hear them, which they probably could. Kurt responded with high, breathy gasps until his eyes flew wide open and without warning, he was coming hard, each spasm shooting come between them.

Blaine was quick to follow, his cock responding to the way Kurt's muscles twitched and rolled with each wave of Kurt's orgasm. He continued to rock through his own orgasm, letting Kurt's body milk him of everything he had. He loved the way Kurt sighed happily through each exhausted breath and with great reluctance he pulled out, hating the cold air that separated him from the sensation of being inside of Kurt.

They laid together, naked and sticky, for hours, sometimes talking in hushed, close whispers, sometimes sleeping. By the time they realized they needed to get up to bathe and eat, it was nearly eight at night. In twelve hours Kurt would be gone and who knew if he'd return at all.

"Blaine, I want you to know that no matter what ha—"

"Don't," Blaine interrupted him gently. "Let's not do that. Not tonight. We'll say it all tomorrow, I promise, but let's just let tonight be, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt agreed with a soft, sad smile. Blaine could pretend, and Kurt was willing to indulge him in that, but Kurt didn't have that luxury. Tomorrow was happening whether he ignored it tonight or not, and he needed to be ready.

Especially if he had any hopes of seeing Blaine again.