On my way home from work, I stop by the hospital to check in with Gemma. As I head down the hallway to NICU, I run into Tara literally. She hasn't changed since high school; her hair is a little longer but she still has that touch of innocence she always tried to maintain. If I'm completely honest with myself, there's a part of me that envied her for getting out of here; for creating a life of her own. She looks at her feet nervously, obviously unsure of what to say.
"How's my nephew?" I ask, deciding Abel is a safe topic.
"Getting stronger a little at a time. He still has a rough road ahead of him." Her eyes don't leave her feet as she updates me.
"He's a Teller, he'll fight like hell." The uncomfortable silence returns. I turn to walk away.
"Aubrey, are you close to Wendy?" she asks, stopping me in my tracks.
"No. Jaxson and Opie have pulled us apart on more than one occasion. Why, she got you feeling bad for her?" I ask
"Maybe I just know what it's like to live in this life-" Tara starts, I whip around, her words pressing a button and sending a wave of fury through me.
"You don't know shit. You ran away, leaving nothing but a broken man in your wake, didn't even turn around to see the damage. You think you can waltz in here and tell me about this life and how hard it is, you have no clue. Wendy should be rotting in a jail cell." My voice is almost unrecognizable with hate.
"Yeah, you're right. She messed up, you don't think she feels bad about that?" I'm not sure if she's still talking about Wendy or herself at this point.
"I don't give a fuck how she feels. I do care about that newborn who never asked to be born, never asked for her to keep him. She decided all of that and then tried to kill him for it. You breeze back in here from your new life and pass judgment on all of us who stuck it out. You have no idea what you did to Jaxson, do you? No idea what your absence did to him. You want someone to visit Wendy, be my guest. You two can bond over the fact that you're the only two women who were able to break him." I don't give her time to respond. Walking away, I don't even turn around to see her reaction. My hands are shaking and I don't trust myself around her for any length of time.
Gemma's watching Abel through the window of the NICU when I catch up with her. A nurse is checking his vitals. When she turns to face me, my rage must be obvious in my face because she pulls me toward a line of chairs in the hall.
"What is it baby?" she asks, her voice full of motherly concern.
"Fucking Tara. She wants someone to give Wendy a pep talk." I quickly tell her about our exchange in the hallway.
"Yeah, Wendy got a hold of some stuff last night and OD'd in her bed. She's still alive unfortunately but the doc apparently feels bad for her." I scoff, shaking my head.
"She's a piece of work. Why is she even here?" I ask, Gemma just shrugs and settles back in her chair.
"I don't know. I don't trust her. She may have fixed Abel's heart but I don't think that's the only thing she's looking to fix." She tells me. "Abel's doing good today. He's a strong little guy. Just like his daddy."
"And his grandma." I smile at her
"I guess I better get used to it now hu?" she laughs at me. "What are you up to?"
We talk easily for a little bit before I head home. I stop at the store and grab some movie night essentials, slightly excited for my first night alone in my new place. As I walk through the aisles, I let my mind wander to Filip. He's always just been there, in my life. I never looked at him as anything but one of the guys. Now I just wanted to be around him. The sex was amazing. It's not like I had a ton of experience to compare it to but it didn't matter. It was better than I had ever imagined.
Something inside me stirred. It wasn't just desire. The smile that spreads across my face at thoughts of the two of us together surprises me. Images of waking up next to him in the morning, cooking him dinner, being there for him after a hard day play over and over in my head. I have never wanted any of that, especially with a club member. A couple of the prospects or the guys that just hung around for the parties had made a pass here and there but between the threat of my brother and the fact that I had a reputation for shooting them all down, they were few and far between. I was ok with that.
Now with Filip, I find myself wanting more; wanting him to call me his. I know it won't happen. Opie and Jax will never allow it. Hell, I don't even think Filip will allow it. My inner monologue continues all the way home. By the time I finish dinner, I've thoroughly depressed myself. I grab the pint of ice cream I bought and flop on the couch to watch some movies.
About halfway through my second chick flick, there's a knock at my door. It's soft at first but grows with urgency. I jump up and open the door without looking. Filip is leaning against the doorway. I move to the side and he steps in without a word. As I shut the door behind him and turn to face him, my heart is racing.
He stands in front of me, staring down. The look on his face is intense and desperate. I press my hand to his chest and take it away in shock when something warm and sticky is there. I look down to my hands to see my fingers smeared with blood. My head snaps up at his face and he closes his eyes with a sigh. I take his hand and lead him down the hall to the bathroom. We don't say a word as I help him undress, seeing more spots of blood under the shirt. It's not a lot and I don't see any cuts that would indicate that it's his blood.
I reach over the tub to turn on the shower as he finishes peeling his clothes off. Before I can leave, he grabs my arm.
"Where do ya think yer goin?" he asks as I turn to face him. He gently pulls the hem of my shirt above my head and tosses it to the ground. He steps into the shower and I finish stripping off my clothes before I join him.
As the hot water blasts over the two of us, I curl up in his embrace enjoying the feel of his arms around me. He leans down to kiss me with no intentions outlined; just the need to feel his lips on mine. I stood there, allowing him whatever he needed in that moment; a kiss or less, maybe more. I wanted to be whatever would make this anxiety fade away from him. The need to heal him scared me but I couldn't think about that right now.
I lather up my sweet smelling soap, massaging it over his body, taking my time and trying to knead away the stress. He turns and plants both of his hands firmly against the shower wall as I work my hands roughly over the tight muscles in his back. The water rushes hot and steady over him and I watch as he visibly relaxes. He shudders as the last bit of tension leaves his body.
I slide my hands around his waist, pulling myself to him. Closing my eyes against the water, I rest my cheek against his back. He rubs his hand over my arm gently. We stand like that for awhile and all the thoughts from earlier return; louder this time. I'm lost in imagining us together like this, all the time; our family and friends aware and supportive of us, creating a life together. My eyes fly open and I back away from his body.
"What's the matter?" he asks as he turns to face me.
"Nothing. Just figured you could use some time alone for a minute. Come out when you're ready." I tell him as I step out of the tub and wrap a towel around my body. As I grab my clothes and head to the bedroom, I hear the water cut off.
"Hey baby, what's goin on in that beautiful head of yours?" he asks, joining me in the bedroom. He runs a towel through his hair leaving it messy. Drops of water glide over his bare chest. I bite my lip fighting the urge to tell him everything I've ever felt, every fear and elation. I turn away from him, unable to keep staring at him and maintain a level head.
"Nothing, just a little tired." I pull a long t-shirt on over my body and start rummaging around in my drawer for panties and shorts. He reaches me in one smooth step and wraps his arm around me, soaking my shirt.
"Yer lying and I know ya are." He whispers in my ear. I don't respond. Not exactly sure what is wrong with me or how to begin telling him. Neither of us moves for a few minutes until he grows impatient and pulls me to the bed.
"Bree, ya gotta tell me what's up. I'm a little worried about ya now." He says as he sits down, pulling me down with him.
"I'm just having a hard time figuring out what I want Filip." I figure that's the safest thing I can say. I stare at my hands in the silence. The seconds feel like eternity.
"What do ya mean baby?" his brow furrows in confusion. I take a deep breath and the words tumble out of my mouth.
"I am a little worried about the thoughts I've been having all day. I want to be with you Filip, not just like this but in general. When we're together it just feels right and that scares the hell outta me. In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a lot of experience with all this. And now, I find a guy I wanna try to be with and it's damn near impossible because of, well, everything and everyone. There's so many things that are stacked up against us and in my head I keep thinking I should run, never look back but there's something else in me that says I should fight. I've never backed down from a fight but it's not just my fight and I don't know what will happen if I do." I can feel his eyes on me as I talk. "I don't know Filip, this is all a little new to me. It's different and I'm terrified of the way I feel when we're together. I can't keep my hands off of you and I can't get you outta my head. These weird images of us are stuck on repeat."
The silence that follows is heavy and uncomfortable. When it becomes unbearable, I stand to leave the room and his hand closes over mine, gentle but firm and pulls me to stand in front of him, resting his hands on my hips.
"Bree, I don't know what this is anymore than ya do. I know that all I wanted tonight was ta come here and be with ya. I just know that I think about ya all day and not just what I wanna do to ya, but what yer doin or if yer safe. I know that every time I see Jaxson flirtin with ya, I wanna strangle the shit outta him. But I don't know anything else." I reach out and run my hands through his still damp hair, placing my lips to the top of his head.
"I just need to know what you want from me. Is this just about sticking your dick in me every chance we get or is it more?" I hesitate, realizing I'm not sure what I want his answer to be. Part of me knows this would be easier to deal with if it was all about the sex, but then I also know that there's this feeling in the pit of my stomach, begging for more.
"I like stickin my dick in ya." He jokes
"Believe me; I like it too. It's amazing. I know it's hard to remember and hell, sometimes I even forget but I'm a girl. There's all these stupid emotions attached to our pussies. I'm just trying to figure them out." I pull his hair back so he's looking up at me. Staring into his eyes, the images I've fought against all afternoon rush back to me, intense and vivid. I drop my hand from his hair and sigh.
"What do ya want me to do Bree? Name it, I'll do it." His hands crawl up under the shirt I threw on. My skin is instantly consumed with heat.
"Tell me what you want from me Filip. That's all I need." My breath catches in my throat as his fingertips dance over my hip bones and tickle the sensitive area that connects to my thigh.
"I want you Bree. I want to feel your body wrapped around mine, I want to hear my name on your lips, want you to think about me as much as I think about you and I want to keep everyone else out of this amazing thing we got goin on. I ain't ready to share you. It's not just sex but we need time to figure out what it is between us." He finally concedes. Hearing his words makes me dizzy. In that moment I realize that I want so much more from him and I'm willing to take whatever he's going to give me.
"Whatever you want baby, whenever." I tell him as I push him backwards on the bed. He sits up in the middle of my bed.
"What are ya doing?" he smiles, knowing full well what I want.
"I wanna go for a ride Filip." I tell him before I crawl on the bed hovering over him. I reach down and undo the towel around his waist. He slides his hands under my shirt, stopping for a moment to roll each nipple between his rough fingers. Pushing the shirt over my head, he pulls my hands behind my back and holds both wrists firmly in place. I struggle against his hold for just a minute until he wraps his lips over my nipple, sucking gently. Still hovering over him, I lower myself to press into him but not taking him inside me.
"Aubrey." My name comes out as a sigh. "You're dripping wet baby." He pulls my arms behind me a little more.
"See what you do to me Filip?" my voice is raspy and low. He releases my hands and digs his fingers into my lower back as he lies back on the bed. I place my hands on his chest lifting myself up and slipping him inside of me. I bury him into me as deep as I can and sit still, watching as he enjoys himself. Slowly I rock back and forth, keeping the pace even and gentle. His fingers twitch at my hips and I know he wants to take control. I lay against his chest.
"I'm yours Filip, anyway you need me or want me for as long as you can stand me." I whisper.
Pulling my mouth to his; he rolls us over, staying inside me the entire time. He picks up the pace as I beg him for more, calling out every time he crashes into me. We finish at the same time and I'm left shuddering where I lie. He slides to the side, resting his head on my chest.