Chapter 13

Kurt stomped his way into the small dwelling he shared with Blaine, wanting nothing more than to slam a door, break a glass or punch someone, but none of those were viable options. The sheet that hung up in the door frame fluttered indifferently in the wake of his arrival and most everything in the small space was made of wood, plastic or linen, so smashing something was out of the question as well. As for punching someone, the person he really wanted to face off against was himself. He tried to convince himself that this was all on Scott, that he'd overreacted and read more into Kurt's words than he meant, but Kurt knew that wasn't true. Everything Scott had said had been absolutely right, and Kurt was just now realizing the full impact of their encounter.

Kurt settled for punching the wooden planks that made up the walls of the home, punching not once, but repeatedly, past the point of pain, past the understanding that he might be doing serious damaged to his knuckles, and past the point of caring that flecks of blood were landing on the spots of the wood where his fists hit. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear someone shouting his name, but he ignored it, favoring the sounds he was eliciting on his own from the depths of his rage. He'd never felt this way before, so out of control and so powerful at the same time.

Finally, someone wrenched his left shoulder back hard, throwing him off balance and causing him to whip around and land with his back against the wall. It was Blaine.

"Kurt!" he shouted once more, and Kurt knew then it had been Blaine calling out the whole time. Kurt watched the boy in front of him, panting heavily. He tried to stand up away from the wall, but was suddenly overcome with exhaustion from his fit and instead of standing straight, he doubled over, resting his uninjured hand on his knee.

"Let me see your hand," Blaine murmured, reaching for Kurt's swollen and bloody right fist. Kurt snatched it away, as if being burned by Blaine's touch. Blaine reached again, with the same result.

"Kurt, let me see your hand," Blaine said again, this time louder, slower, and with obvious anger.

"It's fine," Kurt answered tersely, standing up straight and tucking his fist under his left arm. The pain was starting to set in and Kurt desperately wanted to flex the hand and check for damage, but for some reason the thought of letting Blaine inspect it repulsed him.

"What the hell is your problem?" Blaine seethed. "I have done absolutely nothing but try to cater to you, and your ridiculous boundaries and you're treating me like the enemy!"

"It's nothing," Kurt muttered. The last thing he needed was a lover's spat with Blaine. He needed time to sort everything out, to go over his conversation with Scott in his head, to pick it, and the last three months apart.

Blaine scoffed. "It's not nothing, Kurt. I spoke to Scott, I saw him come out of the woods with the same expression on his face that you have now, not five minutes before you came in and blew me off. So don't tell me it's nothing. I want to know what's going on between you two right now."

Blaine spoke to Scott. Scott spoke to Blaine. Aside from being captured and returned to the old community, it was Kurt's worst nightmare. He thought he could trust Scott, after all this time, to not tell Blaine what had happened between the two of them. Had Scott been so angry with Kurt that he felt the need to sabotage him like this? To try to ruin the best thing in his life?

"What did he tell you?" Kurt asked evenly. Maybe he was reading too much into this, maybe Scott didn't say anything about it at all. Sure it was suspicious that they both came out of the woods at practically the same time from practically the same direction and with practically the same cloud of anger, but Kurt could figure out how to explain his way out of this without giving up the truth.

This thought took Kurt aback. Prior to leaving the old community, he never lied about anything. He didn't see the point in it. Ever since he arrived here, though, he felt like his whole life was a lie. His motivations were different now and the truth was something that often fell victim to him getting what he wanted. Kurt felt a bit queasy about this revelation. He was learning so much about himself so quickly today that he didn't know where to begin processing all of it.

Blaine watched the emotions play over Kurt's face. As much as he was trying to mask them, Blaine picked out anger, defensiveness and guilt, in that order. He decided to take a calculated risk, no longer sure if he wanted to know what was actually going on with the boy he loved.

"You know exactly what Scott told me," he said, measuring every word carefully. "And now I want to hear it from you."

Kurt could feel his heart pounding in his chest. This was too much, too soon. He needed time to think about things, to come up with some kind of explanation, something that would release him from the responsibility of what he'd done.

"Tell me!" Blaine shouted, startling Kurt so much that he actually feared Blaine physically for the first time since they met.

"It was a mistake," Kurt answered, almost meekly. All of the rage he'd felt mere minutes before was gone, leaving him deflated like a discarded balloon.

"What was a mistake?" Blaine seethed, the muscles in his jaw working rapidly behind the still intensity of his gaze.

"My first mission," Kurt continued, mustering his courage and leveling his voice as best he could. This was happening whether he wanted it to or not, and Blaine deserved to hear the truth. "Scott kissed me after our first mission and I kissed him back."

As soon as the words tumbled from his lips, Kurt knew that Blaine had been bluffing. Scott hadn't told him any of this, and despite the anger he felt at being deceived by Blaine, a small part of him felt better that it was out in the open. The secret he'd been carrying around was finally released.

Blaine's lip twitched and Kurt could see that he was struggling to maintain composure.

"What else?" he asked quietly this time, his voice cracking on the first syllable.

"That's it, that's all that happened." Kurt answered quickly.

"Don't lie to me, Kurt," Blaine said forcefully, biting down on his lower lip as tears broke through and traveled down his cheeks. He looked to Kurt like he was in physical pain.

"Blaine, I swear that's it. That's it, and nothing has happened since. We both knew it was a mistake, a really, really bad mistake, and—"

Kurt cut himself off abruptly as Blaine shook his head walked quickly out of their home. Kurt stood in stunned silence for a beat, before calling after him.

"Blaine!"

He could see through the fluttering sheet that served as their door that Blaine hadn't even flinched when Kurt called out. The sheet settled quickly, obscuring his view of Blaine as he departed. Kurt wanted to go after him, but it would be no use. He'd never seen Blaine like this, but Kurt knew he needed some time. Any attempt to reconcile now would be swiftly and harshly declined.

For the first time, Kurt took a long look at his injured hand.

"Damn it," he swore quietly. The blood flow had stopped, but his hand was noticeably swollen. He moved his knuckles gingerly and was relieved to discover that nothing appeared broken, though by all rights, something should have been. He made his way over to the small basin they kept in the corner for teeth brushing and face washing and slowly dipped his hand in the cool water.

At first it sent a jolt of pain up his arm and he sucked hard through gritted teeth, determined not to cry out from his self-inflicted pain. Quickly though, the pain dissolved enough for him to relax his shoulders and the cool water began to feel nice on his hot, angry skin. After a few minutes, he pulled his hand back out and wrapped it gently in a clean t-shirt.

The small house was completely quiet. He could hear people milling about outside, conversing with one another, carrying on with their jobs. Kurt was exhausted. He spotted the bed he shared with Blaine on the opposite wall and without even thinking, he crawled in.

He didn't remember falling asleep, but he must have been out for some time. By the time he woke up, it was pitch black in the house and he was still all alone. Blaine must be with the girls, he thought to himself. It wasn't unusual for one of them to sleep over there after a spat, and Kurt could hardly blame him for wanting some time away.

At the same time, he knew they needed to talk about this sooner rather than later. For Kurt, this was old news, a weight he'd been shouldering for so long, but it was a fresh wound for Blaine. Kurt wanted to address it before it became a scar. At least he hoped he could fix it.

Making his way out of the dwelling and trudging toward Santana and Brittany's house near the opposite end of the community, Kurt gathered up his courage and practiced what he was going to say to Blaine once he arrived.

By the time he made it to their front door, which was in this case an actual door, Kurt felt as prepared as possible for the difficult conversation that lay ahead, which was to say, completely unprepared. Nonetheless, he felt himself knocking on the door with his good hand, his injured one still clumsily wrapped at his side, and waited.

Within a few seconds, the door opened and Brittany bounced into view, with Santana standing just behind her.

"I need to speak to Blaine," Kurt spoke, forgoing any pretense of a greeting. He half expected the girls to turn him away. After all, he was sure Blaine opened up to them about what had happened and he wouldn't exactly blame them if they took his side.

"He's not here," Brittany answered, looking slightly confused. I was right, Kurt thought to himself.

"Seriously guys, I know I fucked up, I just need to talk to him for a few seconds."

Santana and Brittany exchanged worried glances.

"He's really not here," Santana said looking him up and down. "What do you mean you fucked up, what did you do? And what happened to your hand?"

Kurt felt a panic start to rise in the pit of his stomach.

"He's not here?" he asked. "Have you seen him today?"

"Yeah, but not since this morning at breakfast. What happened?" Santana asked again, this time more forcefully.

"I gotta go," Kurt said, already turning and starting to jog away, ignoring the girls as they called out after him. He didn't know which direction to go in first. The rational part of his mind told him Blaine was somewhere within the confines of the community walls, that there was no way he would venture outside of the community on his own at night, knowing the dangers that lurked out there, but the quickly escalating panic within him had him sprinting for the passageway out of New Lima.