Crossing Rubicon's
Disclaimer: Not mine wish it was blah blah
AN: Yeah, yeah, I know that it's been 3 years since I last updated but life happens and all of that jazz and my muse kinda went away altogether and BLARGH! You know how it is, peeps, I bet you've all been there. HOWEVER! I ain't dead and I certain ain't forgotten about this story so here is the next instalment, even if it is 3 years late... oops... sorry guys. I know I must try harder. Also I cannot apologise enough if my writing seems to have gotten worse since last time... I'm a little out of practice so please forgive me. Either way I hope you enjoy this next instalment despite how DESPERATELY late it is. Thanks so much for being so patient with me. Saph ~
This Next Life
It was funny what boredom could do to a person. Although there was nothing even remotely amusing about being driven slowly mad by your own tedium. Rin was thoroughly convinced that her mind was gradually turning into a fine mush and was now at risk of flopping right out of her head. The situation was made no better by the fact that Kakashi and his squad had gone on some excursion across the borders of Fire Country no less than a day after the ceremony. She hadn't wanted him to go, not for fear of being left on her own per say, but because she loved him and wanted to spend time with him in a much more comfortable environment than what they had been subjected to recently.
But Rin wasn't the selfish type and she figured it would do him and his team some good to get out there and stretch their legs than it would to sit about and mollycoddle her. She had insisted he go and yet it was nice to see that Kakashi hadn't really wanted to leave either. It wasn't for long and absence made the heart grow fonder, as they say.
It had been little over a week since Satoshi-san's funeral and the Hokage, in all his wisdom (wisdom being the operative word here considering the boy obviously had no idea how the human mind worked whatsoever, either that or he had a serious case of selective hearing) had demanded that Rin take a month's bereavement to deal with the loss of her friend. Though Rin assured him the best 'treatment' for her grief would be to return to work and gain back a sense of normality and routine but what did she know? It turns out that Uzumaki Naruto wasn't a man to be argued with.
A month...
A whole month...
That's four weeks...
Thirty days...
Seven hundred and twenty hours of doing nothing but bumming around her apartment feeling restless and bored because - even though Konoha was a surprisingly big village with an extremely high civilian population - there was absolutely nothing to do other than bum around, fill her face and stink up the sofa bed wearing one of Kakashi's ugly, stretched out old sweaters she had recovered from this week's laundry. She wore it as a source of comfort at first, to have his scent about her, to pretend it was really him embracing her and not this disaster of a garment all threadbare and out of shape. The sleeves were so long they almost touched the floor. Why on earth Kakashi had abused it in such a way or why he even still owned it Rin would never know. Unfortunately she had already washed the thing when she'd discovered it and then only thing it really smelled of now was floral detergent and not the earthen musky aroma of Kakashi's stormy essence.
He smelled like summer. A heady, heavy scent reminiscent of ozone before the rain fell. What she would give to be able to simply breathe him in right now.
She was missing him terribly, so she pretended the sweater stank of him anyway and habitually lifted the fabric over her nose to emulate this fantasy of hers. Many times she had caught herself on her balcony simply rubbing the fabric on her face. It helped, it made her feel better and the mere thought of him each time she performed this somewhat silly little ritual of hers brought a fond smile to her face.
But still...
What on earth had Naruto thought she could do to fill her time in a month? Rin had begged to go back to work, seeing as she had only held the position for little over a fortnight or so before she was called away to Machenich at a moment's notice (such is the life of a ninja) and now she was being told she couldn't return to it for a month. It defied all logic to her. Surely just hanging around, with nothing to do and no one to talk to and just her thoughts and memories of the past few weeks to rush around her head and torment her wasn't doing her any good in the slightest.
Today was one of those days; those days where all one does is flick through television channels when there was nothing to watch or nothing worth watching. One of those days where it seemed hardly worth showering, getting dressed or even eating. Rin had come to the conclusion that she was actually going a little stir-crazy staring at four walls all day, not that she had the motivation to leave the building at all. She couldn't actually remember the last time she had left the confines of her apartment, though she was certain it had to have been recently given the fact that she still had consumable food in her fridge. Although she was convinced the strawberries in there were about to sprout legs and run off down the street... she'll have to throw them out later. Even then, all she needed now was about twenty or so cats and she was all set to be Konoha's resident crazy hermit.
She doubted Kakashi would allow that to happen. He had never been much a cat person.
The thought was amusing yet it perturbed her a little, but even this wasn't enough to drag her out of the horrible slump she'd found herself in. Ruts and comfort zones were awful things but cosy, so cosy. It was the same routine almost every day; drag her sorry carcass out of bed, pee, stare at herself in the mirror and contemplate showering, skip the shower, coffee, sit in Kakashi's bed in the lounge and feel sorry for herself, wait for night time, go to bed and repeat. And it was here on the sofa bed she was spending most of her time, tucked into a clammy warmth wearing her love interest's sweater wrapped in a thin duvet that smelled like the rain on a hot summers day, a storm localised entirely between these very sheets. It was her sanctuary of sorts, considering Kakashi had slept here in this very bed until he left on his trip, Rin found a sort of solace here very much like she did wearing his clothes. It was all a bit sad and pathetic but it was all she had right now.
There was no denying that her existence right at this moment in time was, indeed, a very sad one.
Rin sat there amidst this mess of fabric, contemplating what, she wasn't sure, but contemplating none-the-less. After a while her thoughts meandered towards her latest completed mission and it was the first time, at this very moment, since returning from Machenich that she truly realised her nightmare was finally over and it hit her like a violent blow to the stomach almost knocking the wind out of her.
'It's over...' For the first time in days she could hear her own thoughts with a clarity so clear and defined she feared others would hear.
"It's over..." She spoke the words aloud then to confirm it, to make it real, to believe it, her voice a mere vibration against the breeze floating into the room from the balcony doors. And it was then, as the soft air played her unkempt greasy hair against her face that she could smell the clean, crisp scent of rain accompanied by the distant rumble of thunder.
"It's over..."
She could smell Konoha.
"It's over..."
She could smell home.
"It's over..."
A storm was coming.
"It's over..."
She allowed her eyes to flutter closed against the breeze and chanted the words almost ritually in little more than a whisper while the corner of her mouth tugged into the first smile she had cracked since Kakashi told her he was departing the following day and the tears welled and spilled down her cheeks.
And then she cried, loud and hard and without abandon, like a child would cry after scraping their knee.
Though it seemed that all she had done since being given the retrieval mission was cry and complain this was not the same. These were not tears of sadness, regret, guilt or shame. These were tears of pure unadulterated relief, a cathartic act to purge her aching soul of a past she had once wanted to forget, to pretend never happened. But she never would, nor did she want to anymore. She wanted to remember, her friends, her patients, pretty Yumi-chan and Terra, flirtatious Hime-sama, dear Satoshi-san and tragic young Ushinatta. For too long she had been at the mercy of Machenich and it's cruel illness, now it was time to let it go and take those lessons she learned there into this next life.
She sobbed into the pillows for what felt like an eternity on her makeshift bed letting every emotion she had ever hidden, every frustration she had ever pushed into the archives of her mind force their way to surface, fall from her shoulders and shatter around her into a million pieces. She no longer had a weight to bare, no longer felt the crushing guilt that wasn't truly hers because she was home and it had never in her twenty eight years felt so good to be alive.
It was over and she was finally at peace right here in Kakashi's stormy sheets.
A storm was coming.
Dark pregnant clouds had been rolling in from the south for the best part of the day and it was all the two teams could do to complain about the weather. Kakashi had grumbled along with them though somewhat mindlessly considering the fact that a little rain was the least of his worries.
He hadn't wanted to leave Rin by herself so soon after the funeral; he had even asked if he would be able to forgo this year's trek in order to stay with her. But alas, a promise was, indeed, a promise and Rin had insisted he go despite the look in her eye betraying her words. It made sense, however, to leave and give the medic some space and time to collect herself after her ordeal. It was only for a week or so after all, but that didn't mean he wanted to go.
Gai had organised this excursion some months ago for his and Kakashi's squads, a trip they would make almost every year. It was a simple outing along the mountainous edge of Fire that would last anything up to two weeks depending on which direction they would choose to travel. There was never any thorough planning in regards to the destination, just to walk and see where they ended up. Even Kakashi had to admit that it was a good bonding exercise and developed strong team spirit. Though this time a few days was all that would be allowed to them given the sudden turn in weather.
A blessing in disguise for a certain copy nin. Never before had he been so eager to get back to Konoha.
Distracted would be an understated description of Kakashi's demeanour these past few days, and it was more than evident the two teams had picked up on that. Sakura had dragged him out of his guilty daydreams more than once, though she never asked what was on his mind. Not that Kakashi was one for discussing such personal matters anyway. Close to his chest was where he liked to keep them and that would be where they would stay for now. She knew this and always gave him an empathetic smile when she had caught him in one of these moments, a moment of which he was currently suspended.
He was always thinking about her, what she was doing, hoping she was alright, wondering what she'd had for dinner. Really silly, mundane thoughts though in recent days Kakashi had found himself thinking back to his teenage years. Those moments when he would look up at the stars and believe that she was up there with Sensei and Obito. Mentally kicking himself for not telling her how he felt, for not letting her tell him how she felt and yet knowing now that, in fact, she was probably looking up at those very same stars and having those very same thoughts all those years ago.
And it hurt, though right now he didn't know why, but it hurt so, so much that the pain was almost physical, a deep throbbing ache in his chest, like his heart was becoming heavy and bruised. But it wasn't a pain he was familiar with, and he had felt a lifetimes worth already. It was strange, foreign but not unpleasant as far as pain is concerned. And the thought had come to him suddenly, that he had never felt this strange, foreign sensation until Rin had waltzed back into existence like a ghost from a past life. He'd never forgotten about her, about any of them and he had often found himself lost within himself at the cenotaph wondering why life was cruel enough to take them all away from him and leave him behind.
But Rin never had, had she?
Rin had always been there, albeit distantly, but she had been there and she'd been thinking of him in her lowest moments the same as his thoughts had drifted over her in the dark hours. Even during his stint in ANBU, when he could barely think for himself at all he still thought of her. There had always been something there, in the back of his mind, eating away at the fibres of his subconscious telling him that she was still around, that she wasn't dead. Sometimes he'd listen to this feeling, gnawing away in the night, but listening wasn't the same as believing. But had he believed, would the guilt and sorrow of his youth been any less painful...?
A fruitless question he supposed.
A hard slap on the shoulder was enough to wrench him out of his current comatose state with a start.
"The maidens must be alerted of our imminent arrival back to Konoha!" Gai boomed while all but doubled over Kakashi's form against his chosen tree.
The copy nin arched a single brow at the other man. "Maidens...? We're not pirates, Gai," Kakashi grumbled back as he got to his feet, far more irritated that his train of thought had been derailed rather than the comment itself, even if it did sound utterly stupid. Then again, Maito Gai had a knack at saying utterly stupid things from time to time.
"Eh?! Pirates...? When did I suggest this?!" It seemed Konoha's Green Beast had missed the joke, to which Kakashi merely rolled his eyes and dismissed it with a wave of his hand.
The others were dotted about the area; Lee and Tenten were training a few yards up ahead, Neji sat on the grass nearby while Sakura and Sasuke were down by the stream, she dangling her feet in the running waters while he fished with a makeshift stick rod on the other side of the clearing. The ninken were there too, running around and doing what dogs generally do, though he was forced to wrestle the odd snake from their jaws every now and again. How many times did he have to tell them that rattlesnakes weren't good playthings?
The copy nin craned his neck skyward again, feeling the light mist of moisture in atmosphere on the exposed skin of his face. The rain was coming and it was going to be heavy he could smell it in the air. The best thing the teams could do would be to find shelter for tonight before making for home in the morning after a good night's rest. Lucky for the rest of them, Kakashi knew this road pretty well and a few of the little rest stops along the way.
It went without saying that Kakashi's back was crying out for a comfortable bed. He was getting too old for these camping trips. With that thought in mind he placed both hands on his lower back and stretched, feeling his spine crack and pop in the most satisfying way before addressing the younger members of the group.
"We should think about heading back, ne? This storm is going to be a good one!"
There was a hum of relieved agreement amongst them as they began to gather their packs and meander back the way they came and needless to say that the copy ninja was more than happy to be heading home, though 'home' no longer seemed to rest in his old apartment block.
She must have nodded off at some point as she was woken up by a loud banging on the door. Rin cracked open a single eye to the noise, still completely entangled in the sheets of the sofa bed, though she was unsure if she was dreaming at this point. When the banging came again she realised she wasn't and her body bolted upright despite the restrictive duvet wrapped around her legs as she clumsily got to her feet.
"Oi-oi, little mouse. Open up, I know you're in there!" came the brash, obnoxious voice on the other side of the door.
Rin was starting to panic and dither about on the spot cloaked in her blanket. She hadn't showered for days, holed herself up in her apartment and she was wearing her boyfriend's clothes... not good, not pretty, actually kind of sad and gross when one thought about it hard enough.
Well... no, it was just sad and gross... thinking was unnecessary.
"Uh... J-just a minute!" The brunette called back as she started to scrabble about, picking things up, dirty plates, a mug and even the table lamp in her blind panic in a frail attempt to tidy up. The apartment wasn't that untidy, but she still saw the need to hide what little mess she had made.
"Aha! I don't think so! Open up, mousey, or I'm breaking the door down!"
With an irritable sigh, Rin placed the objects in her arms back on the little end table next to the sofa bed and plodded over to the door. Opening it revealed the source of the would be vandal, simply standing there with that smug smile on her face and that god awful trench coat draped over her she insisted made her look cool.
It didn't. She looked like a dirty old man in that horrid thing.
"Afternoon, Anko..." Rin muttered as she ran her fingers through her filthy hair and dislodging the blanket to fall about her shoulders. Gosh she must look a complete mess, and the look on Anko's face pretty much confirmed it.
"Wow... you look as rough as a dog, Rin,"
The dango munching special Jonin didn't mince her words either and Rin merely grimaced in response.
"Ugh... you smell like a dog too! Did something die on you or what?" Anko chortled as she stepped into the room waving her hand in front of her face.
Rin simply sighed, an exasperated sigh because as much as she didn't enjoy the criticism she sure as hell deserved it, she guessed now was as good a time as any to get her act together and quit wallowing in the past. She did look rough and she did stink but then again she wasn't expecting visitors so who was she really hurting other than herself?
"No..." Rin retorted somewhat defensively as she closed the door and promptly unravelled the duvet from around her head. "...I've had a rough couple of weeks that's all." She shrugged as she threw the bed cover onto the sofa bed. "But, I'm over it now." She held her hands up in defeat as she spoke and was actually surprised to see a warm understanding smile tugging at her friend's mouth.
"I know, I heard..." she said softly, crossing her arms and wincing slightly as she continued "I'm sorry to hear about your friend."
"Yeah. Thanks, Anko."
A silence fell between them as they regarded each other, a comfortable quiet as they seemed to pay a humble respect for the person they were referring to. Anko hadn't known Satoshi-san, had no reason to seeing as they both worked in completely different fields so Rin hadn't expected her to even understand or know what had happened. People talk however and the coffee room in Jounin HQ was a hotbed for gossip, the juicier the better.
The silence didn't last long, however, as Anko turned on her heel and began poking her head into each room as if she was looking for someone while Rin began to tidy up her space again if only to make herself feel better.
"So, the bookworm's on vacation, huh? Didn't he want you there or something?" the other woman asked in her usual outdoorsy tone.
She had nicknames for everyone, had done for all the years Rin had known her. Kakashi was 'the bookworm' –self explanatory really- although sometimes this would change to 'gramps', 'old man' or 'dog breath' depending on just how much Kakashi had pissed her off that day. And he pissed her off a lot apparently. Gai was 'papa caterpillar' – it's the eyebrows. Kurenai went by 'Glamour mom' and Genma, or 'chopstick' – senbon was much more accurate but apparently the nickname ground Genma's gears quite a bit - was usually just given filthy glares when he stepped out of line. Rin was known to Anko as 'little mouse' or just simply 'mousey'. Rin was uncertain how the name came to be or even when but Anko had maintained it for the reason that Rin was 'cute and shy' just like a little mouse. Rin didn't mind either way. It was Anko's way, that was that and the name had stuck.
There were possibly more people with these nicknames but they escaped Rin at the moment as she turned to address the violet haired woman now busying herself with the kettle in the kitchenette.
"Um... N-no, Kakashi invited me but I didn't want to go." She shrugged "I'd not long got back from a five day trek, you know?" That and she didn't much feel like socialising, not that Anko really needed to know that.
"Well, it don't matter anyway," Anko drawled as the kettle finished boiling. She prepared only one cup of tea and handed it to Rin. It seemed her friend had no intentions of sticking around for a chat though the dark haired medic didn't quite have the mental capability right at that moment to find any offence in that.
"What do you mean, don't matter...?" the brunette mused with a furrowed brow as she took the tea from her and took a wary sip.
"I got word from Gai this afternoon that the boys and the brats they're training will be back in Konoha tomorrow." Anko winked at her, seemingly to punctuate the statement and she even giggled when she saw Rin's reaction to the news.
"Oh! Really? Already? But they've only been gone a few days,"
"Yeah, but the weather's turned bad apparently so..."
It made perfect sense that Anko would be the first to gain all of this information. She and Gai had apparently been inseparable for a good number of years, or so Kakashi had told her. Although it seemed the copy nin had failed to find out if the pair were actually dating or not. Not that it was anyone's business if they were. Either way, they obviously held a special bond that not too many people seemed to understand and they told each other everything. It was nice to see, though some folks thought otherwise. More fool them.
It went without saying that Rin was more than pleased that Kakashi would be back sooner than she thought, although she was a little sad that his trip had to be cut short because of the incoming storm. She took yet another sip of her tea, which was a little too sweet for her but didn't want to seem ungrateful in front of Anko who had so kindly made it for her. Truth be told, Rin wasn't really a tea person but she had drank so much coffee lately she was quite sure she was more coffee than woman. That could also explain some of the restless nights she'd been having the past few nights.
"Anyway, Mousey, I only came to tell you they are on their way back..." the special Jonin motioned to leave before turning on her heel in the doorway and facing Rin once more. "...That, and to take a shower, like, yesterday! And get spruced up tomorrow because we're going shopping."
Rin frowned. "Shopping? What for?"
"You know we always go out on the evening a team gets back to the village," the other woman chortled, as though this was a fact of the ages. "Gotta go and buy ourselves some new glad rags, ne?"
"But... they haven't been on a mission. It was just some camping trip I think..."
"So? Come on, Rin! It's tradition! You didn't want to celebrate when you came back from that little town up in Lightning. It's only right we go out when the boys get back, eh?"
Rin vaguely recalled an offer to visit Konoha's ninja only club, The Lofty Kunai, the day she and Kakashi returned from Machenich and it was quite true that Rin had not been in the mood for such festivities. As far as she was concerned back then, there was nothing to celebrate meaning the invite was, though not unkindly, declined.
It was then that she remembered the gift Kakashi had insisted on buying for her back in Machenich. The beautiful black dress from the ever so expensive Angel's. She hadn't even unpacked and had forgotten all about it up until now so the need for a new outfit was null and void. But she couldn't well spoil Anko's plans for a shopping trip. She looked so pleased with herself for coming up with the idea and it would probably do Rin some good to get out of the apartment and stretch her legs after all but locking herself away for as long as she had. Besides, other than eating as much chocolate as she could in one sitting and daydreaming lustily about a certain silver haired shinobi, shopping was one of her favourite hobbies.
"Alright, it's a date," she chirped, her dark eyes pinching closed with the wide grin she offered her old friend. It was the pair of warm hands on her face that forced her to flick her eyes open with a startled gasp to get caught in Anko's pale yet thoughtful gaze. It was strange to see the taller woman looking at her in such a way that Rin could feel the concern frothing in her gullet.
"And remember that you're home now, you ain't in that horrible little town anymore, okay? You're much too beautiful to hide yourself away like this."
The statement took Rin by surprise, so much so that she couldn't formulate the words to issue a response. The fact that Anko had known all this time that Rin had purposefully shied away from the world was a shameful thought and she felt the fall of her own face as she processed this. Rin replied by merely nodding slowly, taking to heart the sentiment within her words. Anko wasn't the sentimental type which made what she was saying tug that little bit harder at Rin's chest. She was brash, loud and abrasive, very much the opposite to Rin in almost every way and there were many people who found the woman to be rather unsettling to be around. And yet they had been close friends for years in spite of this. Opposites attract and all of that jargon.
With Rin's response, Anko smiled a broad genuine smile before bringing the brunettes face close to hers and planting a light kiss on her forehead.
"I'll meet you at Ichiraku's tomorrow at noon and just remember that I love you..." Anko turned once more to leave before pointing a finger at Rin and teasing, "... and so does that loser you're dating."
Rin laughed at this, despite the fact that she was trying so hard not to cry again. Trying and failing miserably seeing as she was constantly tearful lately. Sometimes it was so easy to forget that she was surrounded by friends here in Konoha and it took someone like Anko to remind her of this.
It was so good to be home again.
Long after Anko had left Rin had decided to forgo the shower and run herself a bath instead. Something she could sit in, relax and so very slowly boil herself. And it was exactly that; so hot to the touch that it almost burned the skin, almost but not quite, in the most satisfying way. The first thing she did was wash the grime out of her hair - not once but twice - and then she spent the majority of that hour simply watching the steam furl into the room from the water as she sat in the tub like it was her throne.
She imaged the steam to be her troubles, fears, frustrations and all the other negatives she had cried about earlier that day simply floating away and dissipating in the air. It was nice to just lay there in the heat of the water and physically feel the aches and pains dissolve, to feel cleansed, clean and fresh. It was almost like she had completely forgotten what that felt like, to be fresh and alert and ready for whatever lay ahead. Truth be told, she hadn't felt this good in quite some time.
Just as predicted, she emerged from the bath as red as a boiled lobster and she found herself lying naked on the tiled floor for a while so her body could cool down. Hot baths were nice, but the head rush when coming out could sometimes knock one of their feet. Once dry and dressed in crisp, freshly laundered pyjama's – cute little green ones with small cherries printed all over them – and sat outside on her small balcony with another mug of hot sweet tea, just the way Anko liked it.
She sat there for a while simply nursing her drink, appreciating the cool breeze of the evening and the gentle roll of the clouds closing in on the village still, the rain wouldn't hit for at least another hour or so, Rin surmised. She could see lightning in the distance, the odd flash of light sparking just on the cusp of the horizon and the faint sound of thunder. Rin figured if the weather had turned wherever Kakashi was then he must be in the general direction that she was facing now. She regarded this thought for a moment with a slight tilt to the head when she was suddenly startled by a harsh puff of blue smoke pluming in the centre of the balcony.
Rin shot out of her little wooden garden chair abruptly, her tea splashing to the floor with the mug still in hand and took an instinctive yet defensive stance but it took very little time for the smoke to clear and a very familiar little white thing stood before her shaking her fluffy coat and looking just as cute as the last time she had seen her.
"Kubi?" Rin uttered in mild surprise just as the little dog stood to attention her tail wagging to viciously it forced her whole back-end to swing right along with it.
"Rin-chan, Rin-chan! I found you, I found you!" Kubi yipped as she bounced a little on the spot before waddling over to Rin who had now crouched before her to make a fuss of the little dog on her balcony.
Out of all of Kakashi's ninken Kubi was the newest addition and as a consequence the youngest and least experienced. She was still just a pup compared to the others and she acted as such to boot. A child amongst the adults. Hell, she still peed everywhere if she got too excited and Rin recalled Kakashi scolding her for encouraging other members of her canine team to help her devour an entire coffee table. Let's just say they were barred from entering his apartment for a while after that little mishap.
She knew the ninken weren't like 'normal' dogs. Not only did they speak in a human tongue as well as their own and harbour chakra not dissimilar to their Alpha they lived a very long time and they aged very slowly. This was the case for most creatures not of this plain of existence, their passage of time simply worked differently. Rin had never been fortunate enough to learn the methods for a summoning jutsu. Maybe she'd ask Kakashi to teach her someday how to gain the trust of her very own little ninken.
"Yes, you found me," Rin chuckled while scratching Kubi behind the ear.
"Uh-huh, I did, I did. And I spent aaaaages looking, Rin-chan, ages, I did! I barked at Kakashi-san's door for a long time because I thought you were there and a man came out and threw a book at me. I think I made him maaaad..?"
She talked so fast Rin wondered how the tiny thing didn't pass out from not taking a breath.
"Oh dear..." the medic responded, trying not to giggle at Kubi's admission, and knowing the Kakashi would be less then pleased with her for annoying his neighbours when he returned. If Kubi was anything at all the she was always in trouble with the copy nin for one thing or another.
"I have a message! I have a message for you, Rin-chan!"
"From Kakashi?"
"Yes! Yes!"
"Is the message that he'll be back in Konoha tomorrow?"
With that last question Kubi's cute little face fell, ears folded back and tail drooped, it was such a comical sight yet Rin was still wishing she hadn't said anything, the poor little puppy looked so very sad.
"But... I was supposed to tell you that..." Kubi whined dejectedly lowering her head like it was the worst thing in the world that someone else had gotten to Rin before she'd had the chance to and the medic couldn't help but feel just a tad sorry for her.
"Awe, I'm sorry, Kubi," Rin soothed giving her another rub between the ears and not wanting to tell the little dog just how she had happened upon this information. "It was a really good guess though, don't you think?"
Kubi's face lit up at that point, her excitement not quite extinguished just yet just as Rin straightened herself and beckoned the little ninken through the door and into the apartment with a wave of her hand sensing the first droplets of rain in the air. "Yes! Yes it was!" she bounced around on the spot before quickly following Rin into the lounge and then into the kitchen as she continued to yip and yammer away in that quick little voice of hers.
"You're so smart, Rin-chan! That's why you're Kakashi-san's mate right? Right? Because you're smart! I know, he told me so, he did! He said you're smart and pretty and some other stuff that I don't understand because humans are weird..." she seemed to trail off while Rin filled a small bowl with water to give Kubi a drink – teleportation was an arduous task, after all – but as she looked down at her she saw that she was still talking but she was either grumbling under her breath making it so Rin couldn't quite hear the words or she'd reverted to merely growling like she'd heard the dogs do before when they chatted amongst themselves.
Kubi was the weird one, that was for sure, but she was young still and a bit silly and clumsy like young dogs were and it was so wretchedly adorable all the same. She was still grumbling when the medic nin set the water down in front of her.
"Hey, you hungry?" Rin asked, still crouched on the tiled kitchen floor. "I have pizza rolls,"
That little statement pushed the puff of white fur into an immediate silence as she looked up at Rin with such glee in her eyes the medic thought the dog might actually burst into tears.
Was that even possible? Can dogs cry? Rin guessed this was a question for another day.
"I love pizza rolls," Kubi whispered so carefully and so quietly like the very statement itself was as fragile as blown glass. There was no denying that out of all the ninken, Kubi was most definitely Rin's favourite.
The jaunt back to Konoha hadn't taken as long as he thought it would. And the weather had picked up tremendously from the night previous. The storm had been, as Kakashi predicted 'a good one' but sometimes all it took was a damn good thunderstorm to regulate the weather. The rainy season was coming, either way, so the storms would become more frequent for a time until the end of fall. But for now, Kakashi was more than thankful for the warmth of the late summer sun.
Both teams had gone their separate ways pretty much as soon as they walked back through the gates and Kakashi's first port of call had been to Rin's apartment. Kubi hadn't gotten back to him the night before which could only mean that she'd delivered her message and everything was okay. There was every chance that she'd somehow coaxed the medic nin into letting her stay the night considering how much she enjoyed Rin's company, that and Rin spoiled the ninken with her edible treats and belly rubs. No news was good news when all was said and done and Kakashi was more than happy with that. The copy nin was quite certain his newest ninken would have alerted him if anything was amiss or she couldn't find her target. There was nothing quite like a panic stricken Kubi when she couldn't find what she was looking for.
No one had been home at Rin's place. Empty milk bottles, still with fresh milk lining the bases, had been put out for collection that morning which suggested she was at least active for the most part. But still, the fact that she wasn't home at this hour of the morning – it was no later than noon – could only mean she was out and about and that could only be a good thing in his book. He knew better than most how much damage one could cause by shutting out the world.
Kakashi had taken a slow stroll through the village to get to his own apartment complex, appreciating the smells and sounds of home and it was then that he could truly appreciate how Rin had felt the very first time she had stepped into Konoha's bustling streets after ten long years. There was, indeed, nothing finer than the sight of home.
Before he really knew it, the copy nin was home, stepping over the threshold of his small, cramped apartment that was basically a closet with a kitchen, stripping off non-essential items and clothing as he strolled towards the sofa. It was there he allowed himself to literally drop, face first, onto the creaky couch and fold himself into the crevices formed over time by broken springs. There was no blanket here on the lumpy couch, and he was wearing nothing but a tank and thin boxer shorts. It was warm enough so he surmised that rather than waste energy getting up to fetch a duvet he didn't really need it. But even then, as he lay there drifting between consciousness and sleep he could hear the telltale poof of each individual ninken appearing in the room and making themselves comfortable either on his back, under an arm or simply beside him if there was space.
Kakashi was just thankful that Bull knew he was much too big for the sofa as he watched the huge beast settle beside him on the floor.
It was unclear just how long he had been sleeping there amongst the ninken though it wasn't the late afternoon sun shining through the blinds onto his face that stirred him from his sleep, but rather the clinking of keys in his door. Kakashi attempted to move but the dog's sheer weight above him pinned him to the couch. At his stirring, however, a couple of them whined and tried to snuggle back into position much to Kakashi's chagrin. Whoever was coming through the door couldn't be a threat, however, seeing as not one of them were even reacting to the noise.
The door opened, and in waltzed a rather lovely looking Rin who obviously hadn't noticed the heap on the sofa as she closed the door behind her and crouched to pick up the mail Kakashi had missed when he first entered. He watched her sift through the letters habitually and place them neatly on the table at the side of the door before she turned and faced them all lying there on the couch.
Rin didn't respond right away. She seemed to pause mid-motion as if attempting to make sense of the thing she was seeing for all of a split second before her mouth dropped open, emitted a high pitched yelp and slapping her hands to her mouth.
"Afternoon," Kakashi drawled flatly from the very bottom of the heap and raising a single hand in greeting.
"Oh for goodness sake, Kakashi, you scared the life out of me! I thought you were laundry!" She retorted trying desperately to sound annoyed but having her tone betrayed by the obvious amused smile tugging at her lips.
Kakashi merely chuckled in response as the ninken began to make themselves scarce, albeit with a few friendly shoves from the shinobi beneath them himself, before asking the obvious question. "What brings you to this neck of the woods, ne? I forgot you still had a key."
"You never asked for it back so..." Rin shrugged nonchalantly and flashed him a sly yet girlish smile before blobbing her tongue out at him. "I knew you were coming back today, Anko and Kubi told me but I wasn't certain when so I was just popping in to check on Mr. Ukki. I bought him a friend, have you seen him?"
Of course! Kakashi had completely forgotten about his potted plant what with the hectic confusion over the last few days, Naruto was usually nice enough to water it for him when he wasn't around but he hadn't even thought to ask this time around. The poor thing probably would have wilted and died in the heat had it not been for Rin. As for the ' friend' Rin was referring to; Kakashi, who was finally able to sit up now the dogs had meandered into his tiny bedroom, turned his attention to the tiny window where Mr. Ukki stood along with the other little plant Rin had so graciously paired with him.
"A cactus," he said so matter-of-factly. It was one of those little round ones which had spines that were quite soft and bendy to the touch but hurt like nothing else and made one curse a whole lot if one got them trapped under ones fingernails.
"Yeah! It's cute, huh?" she chirped as she began to wander into the small kitchenette on the far side of the room. "I named him Kyūri."
"Kyūri?" He repeated while turning towards the kitchenette and slinging an arm over the back of the couch. "Isn't that another word for cucumber?"
Rin simply looked up and nodded from the open fridge she was currently busying herself with. Kakashi hadn't noticed until now that she was actually putting away groceries she had snuck past him only moments ago. He didn't quite understand the logic behind the whole cactus thing. Why in the world would anyone give something, well, anything other than a cucumber the name 'cucumber'? The cactus was round and prickly for a start, not long and smooth... He would have called it something like or Ouch-oh.
Kakashi realised at this point that he was looking a little too far into a gesture that was actually rather sweet on more than one level and decided not to push the matter. If she wanted to name it a fancy word for cucumber then that was that. He was still tired from his trip and he could still feel the sleep in his bones from his brief nap that couldn't have lasted any longer than a couple of hours.
"You hungry?" he heard the pretty thing in the kitchen call.
"Not really, why?"
"Oh, I was going to make you something. We're going out tonight by the way."
"We are...?"
Rin poked her head out of the doorway of the kitchenette holding drying a mug in her hands. "Yeah, is that okay?"
"Well, I guess..." he grumbled with a trademark rub to the back of his head. "I'm not really dressed for the occasion but..."
"No one is asking you to go out in your undies. We're not meeting until eight. You have plenty of time to sit and stink up the couch."
"Oh, well then..." he drawled as he lounged back on the sofa and crossing his legs over it in the most seductive way he could despite knowing he must look at least a little ridiculous. "... do you want to, you know, stink it up with me, hm?" He wiggled his brows at her as she blushed and grinned toothily at him from the doorway.
"But I'm making coffee's!" she argued over the giggle she was desperately attempting to suppress. Not to mention that fierce blush that just this second swept over her face.
"I don't care about coffee," he purred in response and patted his lap before beckoning her over again with a flick of his hand.
Rin didn't need to be asked again, the kettle in the kitchenette was boiling away by itself but that didn't matter. There were obviously more pressing issues at hand like lying down on the sofa with the man she loved. As she positioned herself, almost on top of him their legs tangled together and her hand ghosted across the flat of his stomach while his merely supported her movements and guided her into position. It had felt like an eternity and a day since he'd last held her in his arms and it felt so nice to just be together in such warm and familiar surroundings.
She settled with her head in the hollow of his shoulder and a leg slung somewhat clumsily over his midriff, while he lay with an arm casually wrapped around her shoulders and his other hand grasping her arm to stop her simply rolling off. It was uncomfortable in the cosiest, nicest possible way and they simply lay there in silence for the best part of an hour simply being together.
It was Kakashi who eventually broke the silence.
"How are you feeling?" was all he asked while he ghosted a calloused thumb over her shoulder, feeling the digit catching in the fabric of her shirt.
She shifted a little, her arm pulling in ever so slightly and rewarding the copy nin with a gentle tummy squeeze. "Whole again," was her simple sighed reply and yet even though he couldn't see her face he could tell she was smiling just by the sound of her voice.
Kakashi hummed a chuckle, shifting a little himself if only to shuffle his back further into the cushions. He didn't want to elaborate on the conversation too much, didn't want to drag any unwanted memories to the surface or ruin the moment they were currently sharing. He allowed the quiet to drop in again and could feel his mind drifting and his eyes closing into a blissful light sleep.
That was until Rin brought him back from the land of nod.
"Kakashi?"
"Hm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
He opened his eyes then. Not that there was any urgency to her tone, just something underlying in the way she spoke that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was strange that such a simple request made him feel a little uneasy under her weight that he found himself hesitating to answer.
"Sure you can," he replied eventually as lightly as he could.
Things went quiet again as Rin seemed to withdraw and contemplate what she was going to say that added just a little bit more apprehension to the atmosphere around them. It wasn't until he lifted his head to at least attempt to look at her face that she finally spoke again.
"You... you do love me, you know, like I love you... right?" The question passed her lips softly regardless of the fact that she was obviously hesitant to ask it in the first place. She seemed nervous and so very carefully guarded, like she expected him to laugh at her. Though Kakashi found himself a little dumbstruck that she would have to ask at all. Surely she would have worked out the answer to that one a while ago... or perhaps not.
He'd never really said the words, not because he didn't want to. He just assumed he didn't have to. More fool him.
He lay there with her on his lumpy old sofa, arms wrapped around her regarding her question and it struck him at that instance the last time she had stood in this very room she had told him she didn't want to see him anymore. That she wanted what they had to end... because she was scared of losing it all. It was a faded memory, far less vivid than those from a much more distant past. It was strange what the mind chose to hang on to and when it wanted one to remember. It hurt a little to recall such a thing when he should have been searching for the words to tell her how he really felt about her, it was no more than she deserved. He pushed the memory again away with an audible swallow followed by a deep sigh as he began an attempt of piecing the fragments he just that second collected from the archives of his mind.
Expressing himself positively had never been one of his strongest suits but he would try regardless.
"More than you know," he uttered just as she lifted her head to look at him. It took a while to make eye contact, took quite a bit of courage on his part if he was to be completely honest with himself but finally lifted his glance to Rin's face whose expression was the epitome of utter confusion. She looked at him as though she hadn't possibly known he would say that at all, again, like she had expected the complete opposite. But it was clear that she needed a little more than what he'd already given her.
"I've loved you for a very long time."