Chapter 18

Two weeks had passed since their big argument and Blaine was more than a little surprised that Kurt hadn't come to talk to him. He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit he was more than a little relieved, though. Part of him missed Kurt terribly, and wanted nothing more than to go back home to his first love, but a bigger part of him, the stronger part, knew that his life was getting back on track without Kurt.

Those first few days after he found out about Kurt's indiscretion with Scott had been the hardest. Brittany and Santana had been so nice to let him crash with them, crying or sleeping on their shoulders for hours. He wasn't sure what he would have done without the two girls, and Marina too.

He knew, from talking to Santana, that Kurt had been in bad shape too, maybe even worse than himself. She wouldn't go into details, but she said she was glad she decided to go over to his old house when she did.

"Don't worry about Kurt," she told him repeatedly when he asked. "I've got it under control. I've told him not to, but if he comes and bugs you, let me know and I'll take care of it."

Blaine was put off by the remark. After all, Santana was his friend, not his mother. And not Kurt's mother for that matter. It was hard to picture Kurt 'bothering' Blaine about anything. Their whole relationship had been built around Blaine following him around like a puppy dog, always underfoot, always in the way. At least, that was how Blaine had been starting to feel near the end. As if Kurt were merely tolerating him most of the time.

Blaine pushed the pain that this thought produced aside. He wasn't going to live that life anymore. Sure, he'd love nothing more than to just forgive Kurt and go home, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple. How long would it take for him to find himself in the same position again? A few weeks? A month? A year, even? Blaine couldn't put himself in that position any longer. It may have been the easy route, but it wasn't the best one.

Blaine was broken out of his musings by a hard slap on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around and saw Nick standing behind him, holding out a sandwich with a smile.

"Hey, bud," Nick greeted cheerfully. "You've been staring at this woodpile for a good ten minutes, I thought you could use a lunch break."

"Thanks," Blaine answered sheepishly, taking the sandwich with a nod. The two sat down together on a couple of stumps. They were in the wood yard, just east of New Lima's border. They'd been digging out suitable pieces for Blaine's new house, the walls of which would be going up as soon as they gathered all of the necessary materials.

It would be a modest dwelling, ten feet by sixteen feet with a seven foot ceiling, but it was more than enough space for Blaine. He'd never had a place of his own before, not even his own bedroom since the outbreak. He'd already planned out where everything would go, his bed, a small table, a couple of chairs, a basin, and if he could scavenge one, maybe a couch for company. It would be a lot to fit in the small space, but without a bathroom or a kitchen, he was sure he could make it work.

"You seemed to be having some pretty deep thoughts back there," Nick said in between mouthfuls of lunch, nodding his head to where he'd initially approached Blaine.

"Oh, not really," Blaine shrugged. "Just, you know, thinking about…"

Blaine trailed off, but it didn't matter. Nick nodded his head, letting Blaine know with the gesture that he knew what he'd been thinking about and he didn't need to continue to explain. It was what Blaine was always thinking about these days, in spite of his desire to move on with his life. As bad as Kurt had made him feel, he couldn't let him go in his mind. At least Kurt was staying away. That made it just a little more bearable.

As if on cue, a rustling noise coming from behind them caught their attention, and both boys turned to see Kurt approaching slowly, holding his hands nervously. Blaine's breath caught in his throat and his heart dropped into his stomach.

He was beautiful standing there. He was a bit too thin, but his color was good. He wore a nervous expression that reminded Blaine of their first few encounters in the old community. Back when Kurt was fearful that Blaine would turn him into the officials, even though he'd been the one to kiss Kurt in the first place.

"Hi Blaine, Nick," Kurt greeted, his airy voice trembling lightly. He and Nick had only met briefly once, but Kurt was familiar with him and Jeff through the stories Blaine would tell about his work days.

"Hi," Blaine answered softly at the same time that Nick answered, "Kurt," a bit more forcefully. One glance at his friend told Blaine that Nick was ready to be protective of him if need be. Right now, Kurt wasn't exactly one of Nick's favorite people.

"Blaine, do you think, can we….can I talk to you for a moment?"

Nick turned to face Blaine again, his eyes questioning him. Blaine gave him a small nod to indicate that it was okay, that he was okay. Nick stood up and brushed the crumbs from his lap. He stared Kurt down as he walked passed him, and Kurt had to sidestep to keep Nick's shoulder from colliding with his own. It was then that Kurt knew for sure that Blaine had told his friends the whole story.

"Can I sit?" Kurt asked once Nick was out of earshot.

"Sure," Blaine answered. He positioned himself so that he was just slightly off from facing Kurt directly. He wasn't ready for that level of intimacy. Kurt did the same, and watched the ground silently. Blaine waited for him to speak.

"I know you don't want to talk about what happened," Kurt finally started. "And I respect that. I want you to know that I never intended to hurt you, but I was selfish and made bad decisions that hurt you and I am so sorry for that."

Blaine looked away. Trying to look at Kurt was too hard, and he was angry all over again at Kurt for seeking him out.

"I've missed you so much these last couple of weeks."

Blaine closed his eyes, trapping the unshed tears under his eyelids. He wasn't going to cry in front of Kurt again. He didn't trust himself to say anything, not that he knew what to say in the first place. He'd been preparing himself for this conversation almost since he left their home two weeks ago, but now that the time had come, he found himself unable to speak.

There was silence between them for what felt like hours. Blaine could feel Kurt's eyes on him, even though his head was turned away.

"Won't you please say something?" Kurt finally pleaded softly. Blaine stayed quiet.

"I quit the rescue team," Kurt said after a few beats. Blaine's shock caused him to turn and make eye contact with him once more, earning a small look of relief from Kurt.

This had been the ace up his sleeve, Blaine knew. He'd been saving it in case this talk didn't go as Kurt had planned, and it hadn't. It worked though; Blaine felt a surge of relief knowing Kurt wouldn't be in constant danger anymore.

"I know that I haven't been myself lately," Kurt took advantage of knowing he had Blaine's full attention and continued. "Not since we left the old community. I've made a lot of mistakes and you've been the victim of all of that. I don't know how to make it up to you, or prove that things will be better between us, but I really hope you'll give me another chance. I've been working on making some changes—"

"I'm building a new home." Blaine interrupted, averting his eyes again.

"You have a home," Kurt answered, measuring his words evenly.

"I'm building my own home, for me."

"I don't understand," Kurt said, quickly unraveling. "Didn't you hear me? I'm going to make things better, I'm going to fix this. You have to let me fix this!"

Blaine shook his head and the panic rising off of Kurt was palpable in the air.

"I can't," Blaine answered softly.

"Blaine, please, I'll do anything to prove it to you. Please don't do this!"

Blaine stood up.

"I didn't do this, Kurt. You did this. I'll see you around."

Kurt watched helplessly as Blaine left, much like he had a few weeks earlier. He couldn't believe what he'd just learned. It was his worst case scenario, the one he didn't actually prepare for because it was too awful to imagine that Blaine wouldn't accept his apology, that he would move on without him.