So here's a stupid little thing I wrote after Wayward Son for the holidays. I thought the idea was funny so I decided to write it.
"How is this even happening?" Clyde asked aloud to nobody in particular.
"What are you talking about?" Claptrap asked. The two of them were seated at a living room table, food in front of them.
"Well, for starters, we each have our own separate bodies." Clyde said.
"Yeah! Now we can't watch each other have sex!" Claptrap exclaimed. "Which is good, considering I never figured out that not looking trick out, and it seems like it might be more of a problem now."
"Yeah, you shouldn't be complaining, Clyde." Angel agreed, jabbing Clyde in the rib with her elbow jokingly.
Clyde gently jabbed Angel back. "Which brings me to problem number two."
"You're not seriously saying me being back is a problem, are you?" Angel asked.
"Well, it is rather unlikely." Tannis commented from next to Claptrap.
"How many times has Claptrap died?" Angel asked.
"Well, that's my power!" Claptrap exclaimed.
"Maybe I copied it from him." Angel said. "Me and Clyde were pretty close, after all."
"I'm not complaining about you being back, dear." Clyde said. "That's actually the best thing about whatever this is. I just kinda wish we had some privacy."
"Hey! Don't go sweet talking my daughter!" Jack exclaimed angrily. Doctor Trappington ignored the man seated next to him, constantly eating his meal.
"And there's the problem." Clyde said. "We appear to be having dinner with both of our dead fathers and some crazy old lady!"
A roll was suddenly thrown from the head of the table, and Claptrap squealed in pain as it hit him in the head.
"I am not a crazy old lady!" The women exclaimed. "You'll show respect if you have eyes on my granddaughter!"
"Clyde was the one bad mouthing you!" Claptrap exclaimed, rubbing his head.
"This feel like nightmare." Jack said. "I'm stuck having dinner with my abusive granny, an asshole scientist and his asshole son, that crazy scientist lady, and Claptrap!"
"And your daughter who you apparently love very much." Angel said monotonously.
"Right, buttercup." Jack said. "And how come you're so calm about this?!" He shouted at Trappington.
"I've just accepted this is Hell." Trappington replied, looking up for his plate at Granny. "The food in Hell is delicious, by the way."
"Why, thank you, young man." Granny said, flattered. "It's nice to see my granddaughter has eyes on someone who has such a polite father."
"Polite? He killed me!" Clyde exclaimed.
"You killed me, so we can call it even." Trappington responded. "I like you now. You're much less annoying then you were as a brat."
"Really, Daddy?" Claptrap exclaimed.
"Claptrap, your daddy issues are showing." Clyde commented.
"I said Clyde here was my favorite, not you." Trappington responded. "You're everything I hated about junior, but somehow worse."
"Well, you're a douche, so I guess we're even!" Claptrap exclaimed.
Trappington growled in annoyance. The group began to awkwardly eat.
"...Where's Mom?" Angel suddenly asked.
"Angel, darling, do you really think your mother would want to see you?" Jack asked.
"Fuck you, dad." Angel replied, returning to her food.
"Language." Jack warned. Angel flipped him off. Jack gasped. "Mind your manners, young lady! What gives you the right to act so crudely?"
"Well, you did lock her away as a child." Claptrap said.
"And experimented on her." Clyde added.
"And forced her to manipulate others for your own good." Tannis added.
"Along with emotionally manipulating her yourself, like you did with that comment from before." Trappington added.
"Oh, look whose acting so high and mighty!" Jack exclaimed. "Tell me, where's your wife?"
"I killed her child." Trappington replied. "I'm just hoping I don't run into her, if this is Hell."
"Oh, yeah." Claptrap said. "Steve's our dad, not this guy. Why wasn't he invited?"
"I would guess that whoever organized this gathering wanted it to be a dramatic and awkward as it possibly could be." Tannis replied. "Now, since you are here, Doctor Trappington, I was hoping I could ask you about some of your research on the wildlife on Pandora."
"Of course." Trappington replied. "I would never turn down somebody who respects my knowledge."
"Tannis, please don't make nice with my not-dad." Claptrap commented. "You know about all the reasons why it's a bad idea."
"The man is smart, Claptrap." Tannis replied. "I don't like him, but I want to get whatever knowledge I can out of him before I attempt to murder him."
"...I'm beginning to realize I may be a bit underpowered compared to the rest of you." Trappington commented.
"Your dad's right. We're the strongest people in the room." Angel suddenly said to Clyde, standing up. "Come on, Clyde."
"Where are we going?" Clyde asked.
"The bathroom, where I'm going to ride you like a skag." Angel replied. "The door locks, so nobody can bother us. If someone" she glared over at Jack, "thinks he has any authority over me, I'll show him otherwise with my siren powers." She clenched her glowing fist.
Everybody was look at Angel, wide-eyed, then slowly turned to Clyde.
"...I-I'll meet you there." Clyde replied nervously. "I'm going to finish my veggies."
"Ok!" She said perkily, kissing him on the cheek. "See you in a bit!" She walked out of the room, past a fuming Jack.
"...WHY." Jack groaned.
"Well, you did keep her locked up through puberty." Trappington commented.
"Yeah, this is her going through her rebellious phase." Tannis added. "It is a common phase for a girl to go through. Also, you were generally a pretty terrible father, so she would want to find ways to rebel against you."
"Now, bro, since I assume you've never had sex before, I'm going to give you a crash course in a few minutes." Claptrap said, putting an arm around Clyde, who was furiously slurping down mashed potatoes.
"Could you...I don't know, not do that?" Clyde asked.
"You best eat up, sonny." Granny said from the head of the table. "If she's anything like me, she'll have the adrenaline of a coked-up puppy."
"And I'm done." Clyde said, pushing himself up. "Great meal. Thanks. I'm going off. To do. People. Angel, specifically." He awkwardly rambled, before leaving the room.
"...And they say I'm the awkward one." Claptrap commented.
"...You were right. This is Hell." Jack said, slamming his head against the table.
"Try the chicken." Trappington commented.
Hope you guys liked this little extra chapter! Happy Holidays!