Early June, 1902
Mary was leading them from the drawing room, when she abruptly stopped in her tracks. Cora, who was looking over her shoulder and scolding a bickering Edith and Sybil, bumped into her. She quickly turned her head to see Robert standing in the entryway of the great hall speaking to Carson.
The younger girls immediately ran to their father, jumping up and down, and fighting for his attention. He brought Sybil into his arms and ruffled Edith's hair, chuckling as they both rattled off a million questions.
Cora stepped around Mary and slowly walked to her husband, smiling widely, as he placed Sybil down and opened his arms out to her. They embraced and shared a quick peck on the lips before his attention was drawn back to his two youngest daughters. He snaked an arm around her waist, listening to Sybil talk about everything she had been learning from their governess.
After a moment, he looked around for Mary and found her rooted to her spot.
"Come here, my dear girl," he called and knelt down, waiting for her to come to him.
Cora watched as her eldest daughter tentatively stepped into his arms. Mary, oh Mary, who had been so brave and hardly cried in the last few years - as far as she knew - clung to her father tightly; tears cascading down her small round face. Her head fell to his shoulder and she slumped against him. It made Cora's chest ache.
The war had recently ended, but for some reason unbeknownst to Cora, Robert had not sent word of when he would be coming home. Now, it was becoming clear why. He had wanted to surprise them. She couldn't be mad at him, but she still wished they'd had some time to prepare; to give him a proper homecoming.
Edith and Sybil whispered quietly amongst themselves as Cora moved to join Robert and Mary. She placed a hand on his shoulder, alerting him to her presence, and waited a moment more before speaking.
"We were just heading in for luncheon. Would you like to join us?"
Robert turned up to look at her and nodded, a smile on his face. He returned to Mary and wiped her tears away with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. He stood, placing a kiss on the top of her head, and turned to his wife, taking her hand and following his family into the dining room.
Mary stood still for a beat, and then rushed to catch up with her parents, carefully sliding her hand into her father's vacant one.
Once in the dining room, Cora settled their seating arrangements in order to avoid any arguing over who got the honor of sitting next to their father. Edith and Sybil sat on either side of her, and Robert was across from them with Mary beside him. They soon fell into a relaxed chatter, but Mary remained quiet, pushing her food around her plate.
Cora eyed her every so often, wondering what was going on in that mind of hers, and then noticed Robert pat his daughter's leg under the table. Mary's head quickly whipped to his and they shared a smile. Her two youngest daughters were oblivious to the interaction between their father and sister, but she knew as soon as they were finished, they would both be chomping at the bit for him to take them for an afternoon ride.
She hadn't imagined she'd find him this way. Not when, an hour after he promised he would be up, he still had not settled into bed next to her. Throwing on her robe, she checked his dressing room and then the girls' rooms, before heading downstairs. She saw a light shining under the library door and carefully made her way in. He was seated on an ottoman and staring ahead of him. She thought it rather odd that he had lit a fire. It was still early June. Granted, English summers were never as hot as American ones, but it certainly wasn't cool enough for a fire.
She stood behind the settee keeping her distance; too afraid to touch him. The sight of him, his chin resting in his hands, his elbows on his knees, made her stomach flip. She hesitated, desperately wanting to go to him, but still wanting to give him space. But before she could move, he turned towards her. It was only then that she realized she must have been crying audibly and raised a hand to wipe away a few errant tears.
He released a long sigh and looked down at his feet, unable to bear seeing her cry. After a moment, he composed himself and held out a hand to her, "Darling." His voice was hoarse and very unlike the voice she remembered from the last time he was home.
She discreetly stepped around the settee, taking a deep breath, then stepped forward to take his hand. It was cold despite how long he had been in front of the fire.
Her hand felt foreign in his, but as he looked into the fire again and worked up the courage of what he wanted to say to her, he let his thumb rub back and forth over it.
"I am sorry you had to go through all of that on your own," he said, his voice breaking.
Her eyebrows knit together and then after processing his words again, she knew what he was referring to. She shook her head and pressed the other hand against her stomach, "There was nothing you could have done. He was too ill."
He closed his eyes, "But – I should have been here for you," he looked up at her, "Your father died, Cora. You needed me. I should have been here to take you back home. You shouldn't have had to miss your father's funeral because of me."
She released a heavy sigh, "Robert – ", she knelt down in front of him, "when I married you, I knew there would be sacrifices I would have to make. And as much as it pained me, this was something I had to sacrifice. I couldn't leave Downton and the girls, as much as I wanted to."
"Cora, don't be ridiculous. You should have gone. Rosamund could have stayed here with the girls." He grabbed both of her hands, "And Downton would have been fine without you for a week or however long you wanted to be away. With your family." He made sure to emphasize those words. "We have Carson and Mrs. Hughes…and Mama. Mama would have let you go."
She looked away, "Even if they had let me, I wouldn't have been allowed."
He furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
This was not how she wanted to tell him. She swallowed, "I lost a baby, Robert."
"Dear God." Feeling her tremble, in one swift motion, he pulled her up from the floor to sit beside him. He looked up, blinking rapidly as he tried to fathom just exactly everything she had been through.
"I hadn't even known I was pregnant," she whispered as she felt his hands tighten around hers. "A few days after I heard the news about Poppa, while I was packing, I became lightheaded and there was a sharp pain in my back and then – "
"Oh my, Cora." He embraced her and rocked her gently as she cried against his shoulder. He silently cursed himself.
"Dr. Clarkson said it would be best if I remained here." She sniffled, it was proving so much easier to tell him without having to look at him. "He thought the journey home and more emotional trauma from the funeral would have been too great a shock for me."
He nodded, "I wish you could have been spared this. I wish I had known – "
Suddenly feeling like she was suffocating she pulled back, "Robert, I asked Rosamund not to tell you. She said she was going to write you about Poppa, so that I wouldn't have to, and I knew she would tell you about the baby. I practically begged her not to. I wouldn't even let her tell Mama."
"But why, Cora? Why would you not let her tell me?"
"Because I knew you would do everything you could to come home and you needed to stay there, Robert. You had a duty to fulfill."
"No," he shot up, "damn it all, Cora. The war was ending soon and you needed me here. You lost your father and our baby in a matter of days. I…I can never forgive myself – "
"You must," she stood too, grasping his arms firmly, "there is nothing you could have done."
His shoulders fell and his head dropped to his chest as he began sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
She threw her arms around him and soon, felt his gently circle her waist. After what seemed like an eternity, his crying had stopped and she felt him relax against her. "I've always heard that death comes in threes."
He pulled back and cocked his head in confusion.
"I kept waiting and waiting for a telegram to come to tell me you were dead, but thankfully – "
He cupped her cheek, "I'm here. I'm home safe. You're not going to lose me."
He kissed her gently; their first real kiss since he had returned home. He embraced her again, a hand softly caressing the back of her head. She held onto him fiercely; forever grateful that he was back in her arms. They stayed like that until their knees started giving away.
Robert broke their embrace first, and silently took her hand, kissing it before leading her out of the room. When he opened the door, they were met by a startled Mary. She had been sitting on the floor, her back up against the doorframe and jumped up at the click of the door, her eyes going wide.
"Mary – ", Cora breathed.
"I had a bad dream and you weren't in your room." She blurted out. Averting her gaze from them she continued, "I was going to look for Carson, but I heard voices. I realized it was you, but I – I didn't want to bother you. So I decided to wait out here." Her eyes rose, "I was too scared to go back to my room by myself." She shrugged her shoulders, having explained herself as best she could.
"Oh, darling," Cora placed a hand to her chest and swallowed another round of tears.
"How long have you been sitting out here?" Robert questioned, silently hoping Mary hadn't heard anything beyond the muffled sounds of their voices.
Mary shifted uncomfortably on her feet, "A while, but I couldn't hear what you were saying."
He nodded, "All right. Let's all go to bed. It's been a long day." He followed his wife and daughter up the stairs and to Mary's room, where they both kissed her before returning to their own room.
Robert turned down the gas lamp, joining Cora in bed, and pulling her close to him. "You are so incredibly strong for all you've dealt with while I've been away."
She smiled, turning in his arms to face him, and placed a hand against his cheek, "And you are too. Strong and brave. I'm very glad you are home."
"As am I." He kissed her forehead, "I love you, Cora."
"I love you too." They shared a kiss and snuggled further into the bed, happy to be in each other's arms again.