Same Ianto, Different Jack
Chapter 29
by Gracefultree
A/N: Please enjoy the newest chapter, where Ianto and His Jack get to talk for the first time in a long while. Let me know what you think.
.
.
.
"…So, in conclusion, you're a very lucky man, Mr. Jones," the Doctor declared, shoving his hands in his pockets and bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. Ianto and New New Jack stared at him with twin looks of shock on their faces. New New Jack turned to Ianto.
"Well, I knew you were special…" New New Jack quipped.
"I'm sorry, you're going to have to say that last part again," Ianto said to the Doctor.
"You're a very lucky man," the Doctor repeated.
"No, I heard that part. The part before —"
A light started blinking on the main console, followed by a loud beeping. The Doctor walked over and pressed a large red button, turning off the light and sound. The lights dimmed slightly, then brightened. A few feet away from Ianto, a figure materialized out of thin air. The Doctor pressed another button and moved a lever, making the figure appear more solid.
"There we are, then. Message from your home universe," he said proudly. "An excellent job, if I do say so myself. Haven't seen a hologram like that in ages…"
"Jack!" Ianto exclaimed, staring in awe at the figure of his lover, who stood in front of him, taking his hand away from his vortex manipulator. He was dressed in his greatcoat and usual outfit, much to Ianto's pleasure. Jack smiled brightly, turning slightly, almost as if he could hear Ianto, though he was just a hologram. He was probably just turning to the camera, though.
"Ianto," Jack said softly, his eyes bright with emotion. "I've missed you." He paused. "It's been a year for me, but there hasn't been a single day when I didn't think of you or try to find you." He paused again, and for a brief moment Ianto thought that the hologram message was looking right at him. But that couldn't be, could it? It was just a recording. "Hell, I've memorized the Rift flare numbers that took you, and you know how bad I am at that sort of thing, and Tosh heard me repeating them in my sleep the other day." He chuckled. "But that's not the important thing here. The most important thing I need to tell you, if this is all the time we have, is that I love you."
Ianto gasped, holding his hand to his mouth to cover his shock.
"I love you, Ianto Jones, and I've loved you for a long time, though I never said it. I know you love me, and getting this —" Jack held up Ianto's diary. "— And reading that first letter you wrote, when you told me —" he broke off, glancing away from the camera. Ianto watched in awe as Jack wiped a tear from his cheek. He'd only seen Jack cry a few times, and it was always about something sad. "— I knew already that you loved me, but seeing it in your handwriting, addressed directly to me made me so happy." Jack turned slightly away, producing a chair which he settled onto backwards.
"Now," he said, clapping his hands and looking directly into the camera. "Doctor, I know you're there, so listen carefully. You should have all the data you need from my Doctor, and the transmission is working fine, so you can leave and work on the numbers elsewhere. There are some things I'd like to say to Ianto in private. That means without an audience."
"Jack —" the Doctor started to say, but New New Jack tapped his shoulder and motioned to the door.
"I'm waiting," the image of Ianto's Jack said, tapping his foot, though his eyes never left Ianto's face. "And hiding behind the door listening in is rude, so don't think to try that!" he added.
Ianto turned away from the hologram for a moment to watch the other two men leave. When he turned back, the hologram's entire look had changed. Suddenly, Jack seemed tired. Ianto could see the dark circles under his eyes, and his shoulders were slumped.
"I miss you so much, Ianto," Jack said, running the fingers of one hand through his hair. "And knowing that I have another two years to wait for you to come back feels like it will kill me. I know it won't, and I'll manage, but it won't be easy." He sighed, looked away from Ianto for a moment, then looked back. "I haven't read all your letters yet, and you were right that I'll have to learn shorthand to read the rest, but I have a few things I need to say before anything else. First, I've never hated you. Never. Not even when I discovered your betrayal. I was hurt, I was angry, but I didn't hate you. And I forgave you for that a long time ago. I think it was the third week of your suspension when I realized it. Remember when I showed up at your flat at two in the morning? You punched me for waking you. But I knew then that I'd let you back on the team. I knew then that I forgave you, that I'd have done the same thing for someone I loved, though maybe not with a Cyberman. I realized you were just too young to have known she couldn't be saved, so it was ignorance that caused all the trouble, not malice or a desire for destruction. I forgave you then, Ianto. I'm sorry you doubted that. I'm sorry I didn't say it clearly enough that you're still worried about it."
Jack picked up the diary from the floor and flipped through to an entry near the end, glancing at a particular entry to jog his memory about what he wanted to say. "Second, I'm not upset at your choices to sleep with the other versions of me you've found. I don't think of it as cheating. I want to reassure you of that. I don't hate you for that, and I don't want you to hate yourself for doing it, either. It's true we never discussed monogamy, and I can only imagine how confusing it must be to have them around when I'm not, especially if they look, sound and smell like me.
"The thing is," Jack continued, dropping the diary and leaning forward earnestly, "I trust you. I trust that you're doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe and healthy and on a path back to me." He took a deep breath. "You said in one of your letters that you loved another me, the one you called 'New Jack,' I think. That's good. It's good that you're able to love him, and accept his love. It doesn't diminish what you feel for me, and it doesn't make it invalid.
"I've lived so many lives, Ianto. I've loved so many people. I spend a lot of energy trying to keep myself from falling in love, and it happens anyway, and I can't control it. With you, I didn't want to control it. New Jack was right in that I loved you already when everything went down with the Cyberman, and I — I was so hurt. I said horrible things that night. I never should have ordered you to kill it, not when it still looked like Lisa. I know that, and I'm sorry for saying it. I'm sorry for everything about that whole situation. I'm sorry I didn't notice something was off with you. I'm sorry I didm't know how much you were hurting.
"I know I can seem cold sometimes," Jack said softly. "And I never thanked you for everything you did for me." Jack closed his eyes as if he were in pain. "Everything's just so much clearer now, and I hate that you being taken from me is what made me see it. I missed out on so much with you, and I — I just miss you. Full stop. I wish you were here with me, and I wish I'd been better to you, and —"
"Jack, I'm so sorry!" Ianto whispered, lowering his head and wiping his eyes free of tears. "I'm sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen."
"Hey, no need to be sorry," Jack answered, raising a hand towards Ianto as if he were going to comfort him.
Ianto's head jerked up, staring at the image in front of him. "You can hear me?" he blurted.
"Yeah, didn't the Doctor tell you it'd be a two-way call?" Jack asked, confused. Ianto shook his head. Jack slammed his fist down on his knee. "Damn it! I knew you were too quiet. I can see you, Ianto. I can hear you. Just like you can see and hear me." Ianto lunged forwards, grabbing for Jack's hand, his face, any part of him. His hand slipped through air.
"Only now I can't see you because you've left the camera range," Jack said with a chuckle. "Take three steps back." Ianto did, collapsing onto the floor in a seated position.
"How long do we have?"
Jack considered for a moment, checking his vortex manipulator. "A few more minutes. Maybe as many as ten."
"You're really not upset with me?" Ianto asked.
"No, I'm not," Jack reassured him. "I come from a time when choosing fidelity is only one of many options for relationships. My parents chose it, but I never thought it would be what I wanted. And after spending five years stuck with John in that time loop? Goddess, I never wanted to be with one person for that long ever again."
"Well, John's an asshole," Ianto replied with a smirk. Jack laughed outright.
"He is. But he's trying to redeem himself. I'm not sure what you've seen or heard, but he found my brother, Gray."
"Yeah, that happened with New Jack, too," Ianto said sadly. "Was he — was he happy to be reunited with you?"
"No," Jack muttered. "He wanted vengeance for a childhood mistake on my part that got him captured by aliens and tortured. He couldn't hear that I spent years looking for him, that I joined the Time Agency just so I could find him. He was too broken inside. He controlled John by attaching a bomb to his arm. They buried me in 27 AD and Torchwood found me in 1901, thanks to a ring John left with me that gave out a special signal." Jack closed his eyes in pain for a moment. "When Gray let John go, he came back to Cardiff and the Hub. He shot Gray between the eyes when Gray went to kill Tosh. She'd be dead if not for him."
"Owen? Gwen?" Ianto asked.
"They're fine. Gwen's married to Rhys, though they put off the wedding for a few months when you disappeared. Owen's still here, still a zombie. Just don't tell him I called him that," Jack said with a wink. "He hates that word. I think you were the only one to get away with it."
"I do love you, Jack," Ianto said quickly, needing to say it out loud.
"I know. I cherish that, believe me." Jack paused, and Ianto realized he was crying. Again.
"Jack?"
"I met Rhiannon and Johnny and the kids. I go by theirs once a month for dinner. I'm supposed to see them in a few days, so I'll give them the good news that we got to talk. They'll be really happy. They've both signed the Official Secrets Act, so she knows about Torchwood and what really happened to you. I couldn't leave her in the dark, seeing how much she worried about you."
"You see them more often than I did," Ianto said softly. "Do you go as my boss, or —"
"Boyfriend," Jack interrupted. "I kind of blurted out that we were lovers when I met Rhiannon, and she's adopted me into the family. The kids call me Uncle Jack."
Ianto smiled. "Good. That's good."
"Yeah. It's nice to be a part of a family again," Jack agreed. "It's been a long time since I tried anything like that."
"Do you —"
"Alice and Steven," Jack said before Ianto could finish his question. "She's not too happy with me, and I don't get to see them more than a few times a year. She just got divorced, actually. She wanted me at the courthouse, though she didn't want my help with anything."
"You don't have to tell me just because I know about the other Jacks," Ianto protested, hearing the hesitation in Jack's voice.
"I want to tell you. There's so many things I want to tell you."
"So start," Ianto suggested.
Jack sighed and looked away for a moment. When he looked back, there was a certain determination in his eyes that made Ianto fear what was coming. Was Jack about to tell him about the people he'd been with this year? Was he about to tell him that he'd had an affair with Gwen before her wedding?
"Remember that couple we picked up? A few days after Owen went into the Weevil cage?" Ianto nodded silently, already not liking where this was going. "I haven't been with anyone but you since then."
Ianto's jaw dropped. "What?"
"I've only been with you since then," Jack repeated. "I saw your expression that morning when you left, and I knew I'd hurt you. Then, when you didn't come in to work at the usual time, I thought I must have crossed a line you either hadn't realized was there, or hadn't wanted to tell me about. It was — it was eye-opening for me. Then, later, I knew you weren't present when we were together. I could tell. And you left so quickly afterwards that I — I knew I'd fucked up big time. But I didn't really know what I did wrong, and I was too embarrassed to ask. I should've. I should've asked, and talked to you. I'm sorry that I didn't. I'm sorry I hurt you." He sighed. "And I'm sorry I had to read your diary to find out what I did wrong, and how much I hurt you."
"Jack, I —"
Jack held up a hand. "No, I need to finish this. I've made a lot of mistakes with you, with our relationship, and that was just one of them. I should've told you it was only you. I should've told you I made that choice, that I made it willingly. That I couldn't bear to see you hurting like you were that morning, and that I'd do everything I could to make the hurt go away." Jack ran his fingers through his hair again. "I should've told you I loved you much sooner."
"Jack, we're both guilty of that. I should've told you how uncomfortable I was with bringing in others…"
"Maybe, but I could tell you weren't thrilled, and I still insisted on it. I should've known you were just going along with it to please me. The bottom line is that I was selfish and put my own needs and wants before yours. I won't do that again, Ianto. I won't put myself first anymore. But you've got to promise me you'll talk to me. That you'll tell me when I've fucked up and what I've done and what you don't like and how to fix it so I can learn. That's most of what was wrong, aside from my stupidity. We didn't talk enough, and when we did, we didn't talk about the right things."
Jack closed his eyes and stayed silent for a long moment, and Ianto waited, not sure what to do or say. Jack opened his eyes.
"When you get back, I want to start over," Jack said firmly. "I want to do it right. I want to have a real relationship with you, because you deserve better than I've given, and I need you so much more than I ever thought it possible to need anyone. I'm a total wreck without you."
"We will, Jack. We'll do it. We'll make it work," Ianto told him. "And you can't take all the blame for things being messed up, either. I put you first more than I should have. I ignored my own needs and feelings in favor of what I thought yours were, and it seems like I assumed the wrong thing a lot of the time. We both made too many assumptions."
"Do you — do you want to go out with me?" Jack asked, suddenly seeming nervous, like when he'd asked Ianto out in the office building, a few hours after he returned from seeing the Doctor. "I mean, really go out with me? Live with me, go to dinner at your sister's with me, be seen in public with me? Because I'm ready to do all those things with you. I'm ready to call you my boyfriend and lover. I'm ready to be whatever you want me to be, whoever you need me to be."
"You don't need to ask," Ianto said, feeling his lips smiling wider than they had in a very long time. "Of course I will!"
"No, I do need to ask, because I've taken you for granted for too long, and having you torn from me made it so clear to me that that's what had been happening. I don't want to go forward assuming you'll just jump back into things with me, like I did when I got back from traveling with the Doctor. I was wrong to do it, and we never even talked about it, and I now that I've read your diary, and I know how much that hurt you, everything will be different. I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn't think."
"Jack, I've spent three years trying to get back to you. I'm not going to let anything come between us once I'm home. Certainly not something as insignificant as being embarrassed about being seen in public with you. I've gotten over that. Did you read the letter where I said I'd tell Rhi you're my boyfriend?"
"Yeah," Jack said with a smile.
"I mean it."
"In your last letter, you asked for another chance with me," Jack said. "You have it. You never lost it. Now I'm asking for another chance with you."
"And I'm giving it to you," Ianto replied. "But there's something else you need to know. Something really important that I didn't know when I wrote that letter. The Doctor just told me —"
Suddenly Jack swore, flipping open his vortex manipulator and peering at the tiny screen. "We're out of time. I love you! I'll wait for —"
The image of Jack disappeared in a bright flash of white light. Ianto stumbled forward, waving frantically at the space just occupied by the hologram. Jack was gone. And it seemed like Jack would have to wait two more years before Ianto could get back, though his own wait would be considerably less.
"Fuck!" he shouted, pounding his fist on the floor. "Jack!"