Same Ianto, Different Jack
Chapter 31: Interlude with Ianto's Jack, part 4
by Gracefultree
A/N: We continue with Ianto's Jack's story. Since Ianto himself is almost home, it's time to find out what's been happening with Jack since Children of the Earth. Ta!
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'His name is Alonso. Ianto would understand.'
Jack stared at the note for a moment, wondering if he'd finally managed to have enough to drink to actually be drunk. It was a long time since he'd been truly drunk, and that had everything to do with it being the one-year anniversary of Ianto being missing. He raised his head. From across the crowded bar, the Doctor gave him a smile, indicating the man next to Jack with a tilt of his head. Jack glanced over, seeing a young man in a military service uniform throwing his cap on the bar. He looked very young, younger than Ianto had been when they first met. Big ears, like Jack's first Doctor. Probably just got shore leave after his first voyage. God, he even looked a little bit like Ianto. Same hair, though Alonso's was cut much shorter and he didn't have Ianto's neatly-trimmed sideburns. Maybe Alonso's was a little lighter? Definitely more of a military bearing than Ianto, which was good. Jack never wanted to see Ianto develop that look.
Jack turned back to the Doctor, starting a silent conversation that had nothing to do with telepathy and everything to do with the friendship they'd deepened over the years since Jack chased him down on the Plass, clinging to his TARDIS as it moved through time. They'd ended up traveling together for a few months when the cold-fusion cruiser Jack transported to from Earth happened to run into space pirates who also caught the Doctor directly after he finished dropping everyone off at home and before he acquired a new companion. Twenty minutes for the Time Lord had equaled a year for Jack. Not that unusual, all things considered, when time travel was involved. They'd found a third and fourth on the next adventure, a couple that entranced the Doctor so much so that he offered for them to join the TARDIS crew. Jack hadn't stayed very long after that, though his departure kept moving back as planets needed saving and spatial phenomena needed investigating and rumors of things going wrong needed to be followed up upon. The constant movement and adventures made it so that he couldn't do the mourning he'd left Earth to do. And being on the TARDIS with the Doctor who chose to travel with a couple, of all things, wasn't the best thing for Jack's mental health, being constantly reminded of who he'd lost whenever he saw their happiness, or bickering, or just seeing them together.
He raised an eyebrow in question. What are you suggesting?
The Doctor shrugged. It's been a while, hasn't it? Since you've been with someone?
Jack counted it out on his fingers. Over two and a half years.
The Doctor cocked his head to the left. That's longer than you've ever gone without sex your entire adult life, I'd wager.
Jack shrugged. So?
The Doctor smiled. He's a good kid. He's been through some difficult experiences. I think you two could comfort each other.
Jack frowned. I'm not into casual sex anymore. I can wait six months for Ianto to return.
The Doctor frowned in return. But you don't have to. Ianto would understand. He knows who you are. He accepts it.
Jack turned away slightly. That doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
The Doctor shrugged again. Fine, have it your way.
Jack looked back sharply. What? Do you know something I don't?
The Doctor tilted his head to the right. I know you're lonely. I know you miss Ianto and you miss those of your team who died.
Jack sat up straighter. How do you know about that?
The Doctor sighed, flickering his eyes left and right before settling on Jack again. You talk in your sleep now. The TARDIS made me listen, one night. Jack, you need the release. Even I can tell, and you know I don't like thinking of that kind of thing.
Jack swirled the remains of his drink in its glass. He's a good kid?
The Doctor nodded. One of the best. Very earnest. Good head on his shoulders.
Jack sighed, motioning to the bartender for another drink. Thanks for looking out for me.
The Doctor gave Jack a stilted smile and a vague salute. What are friends for? Goodbye, Jack.
Jack jerked up into a sitting position, his spine straight. Doctor?
The Doctor nodded, his smile becoming sad. Goodbye, Jack. I'll be a new man when we meet next.
Jack snapped a crisp salute. It's been an honor to know you, Doctor. Thank you for everything.
The Doctor nodded again and walked away. Even from this distance, Jack could see the slight swirl of golden light around the man's hands. He closed his eyes and felt the Time Vortex moving and molting and melting. Being a former Time Agent made him sensitive to changes, and a Time Lord regenerating would send ripples through time and space for a long while to come. He needed to get away. He paused, thinking.
Maybe it would be a good thing to take the boy Alonso to bed? Maybe it would help him get his head back on straight so he'd be himself again when Ianto returned? Maybe it's what he needed to let go of the guilt of losing Tosh and Owen? He thought Ianto would be ok with him having a one-night stand to get him through. It wasn't as if Ianto'd been faithful. And they hadn't really said they were monogamous, either, though they were calling each other boyfriends and lovers. One night, Jack would allow himself, he decided. One night, then maybe he'd go back to Earth and see how Gwen was faring and whether or not she'd had her baby yet.
Jack knew he was justifying his actions to himself even as he thought about it, but the truth was that the Doctor was right. He needed a different kind of release than dying. He'd certainly done that enough the last few months. He needed something that resembled happiness or caring. He needed a gentle touch, impersonal though it might be, coming from a stranger and not his lover. Jack turned to the young man.
"So, Alonso, going my way?" he asked.
Alonso turned to look at Jack, a puzzled frown on his face. "How do you know my name?"
"I'm kind of psychic," Jack answered, raising both eyebrows flirtatiously.
"Really?" Alonso replied, sounding intrigued. Jack felt his long-dormant libido wake at the expression on his face. Alonso was cute, he'd have to give him that. Enthusiastic, he could already tell, kind of like a puppy, where Ianto had been more of a mountain lion. Or a swan. Or, just Ianto. The Doctor, despite his protests that he didn't want to deal with sex, could sure pick someone to spark Jack's interest.
"Yeah," Jack said, lowering his voice to a more sincere tone.
Alonso gave him a thorough once-over. "Do you know what I'm thinking right now?" he finally asked, and Jack didn't need his long-unused psychic powers to read the heat in the young man's gaze. Just a quick shag, he promised himself.
"Oh, yeah," Jack said with a chuckle.
Alonso's smile widened at seeing Jack's, and as Jack finished his drink quickly, he grabbed his cap and stood. Jack tossed some credits on the bar and offered Alonso his arm. Alonso didn't hesitate to take it. Together they left the bar.
"Yours or mine?" Jack asked once they were in the corridor and away from the press of people.
"Just got here," Alonso answered. "I don't have a place to bunk, yet."
"Mine it is," Jack said, grinning, opening his vortex manipulator to press a series of commands he could do even when injured and dying. All Time Agents found themselves a home base early in their training, a place where they could go to heal and recover from injuries or just get a little rest after a mission that lasted too long. Linked to the wearer's vortex manipulator and situated just out of time-sync with the rest of the universe, these bases were the perfect hideaways, always shifting along with the owner's vortex manipulator's data so that the Time Agent wouldn't arrive when he or she was already there.
Jack hadn't been back to his between arriving on Earth in 1869 and fixing his vortex manipulator when John and Gray showed up in Cardiff, but he started returning every so often after that. He spent several weeks there alone after seeing the Doctor and talking to Ianto, since the TARDIS' parting gift to him was a carryall that was much bigger on the inside that held everything he'd need to recreate the room he'd used while onboard. He'd even moved some of his most important possessions back to the base, like his tin of pictures, a few of Ianto's favorite suits, shrink-sealed so his scent remained preserved, and both of Ianto's diaries. Just in case. Sometimes he visited because he just needed a quiet place away from the stresses of his life and dealing with Torchwood, and with a working vortex manipulator that could travel in time, he didn't have to worry about being late getting back. Unlike the Doctor, he was very good at programming his landings.
Toshiko, the only one of his Torchwood employees he'd shared the place with, practically had an orgasm on the spot when he brought her for a visit, and they'd shared a laugh over a bottle of expensive Terrelian wine as he explained some of the technology that he'd scavenged throughout time to build his home, way back when he'd been a green cadet and still had posters of his face plastered around his home planet. He had one of the posters, somewhere, he thought, though he didn't bring it out. With Gray dead, a closure of sorts, Jack didn't want to be reminded of home.
Jack's home base was a self-contained meteorite-turned-spaceship-and-flat. It wasn't alive like the TARDIS, but it had an advanced AI computer that would regulate all life-support and ship's systems as well as take care of any of Jack's needs. Calling it a flat was a bit of a misnomer, as the building carved into the rock was easily the size of the main Hub and Archives of Torchwood Three. He had rooms for just about every mood he'd ever had, as well as a hydroponic garden that was large enough to grow certain crops for when he wanted something fresh, which the food replicators couldn't provide. He had a room for every life he'd ever had, as well, small shrines to who he used to be, though he closed them off after he created them. He hadn't seen a need to go back into those rooms, being a new person.
Maybe he'd show Ianto some of the rooms someday, he mused.
Jack and Alonso appeared in the landing bay, a room six feet square and seven feet tall that was the airlock into the rest of the base. It was here that he would be treated for injuries, should he have them, or decontaminated or anything else that needed to happen to assure him of perfect health when he returned. (He'd been careful to acquire a supply of medical nanogenes when he came back, remembering how useful they could be in small doses from his mistake in London in 1941 where he unleashed enough of them to change the entire planet. They came in handy occasionally, after all.) The AI was very thorough in its assessment of Jack's condition, and took it upon itself to assess Alonso while he was there. Jack patted Alonso's hand to reassure him that it was standard practice upon arrival.
"You're from Sto?" Jack asked, having gathered that much from the data about Alonso flashing on the computer monitor so quickly that he doubted Alonso would be able to read it, if he even knew the language. He thanked the Time Agency for the enhanced senses and capacity to take in information.
"Still reading my thoughts?" Alonso wondered, smirking. "There's much more interesting things going on in my head."
"Oh, I know," Jack said. "I'm making small talk before the AI gives us the clean bill of health."
"Where are we, anyway?"
"My home when I'm not home," Jack answered cryptically.
"You have more than one home?"
"Most Time Agents do."
"You're a Time Agent?" Alonso asked, backing away and slipping his arm from Jack's. He sounded suddenly concerned. Time Agents didn't have the best reputation, unfortunately.
"Former Time Agent," Jack corrected. "I gave it up a while ago, but I didn't want this place to go to waste." The AI gave the all-clear, and Jack led Alonso into the main foyer. "Captain Jack Harkness," he introduced himself.
"Midshipman Alonso Frame," the young man replied, saluting. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."
Jack shook his head at Alonso's enthusiasm. "Call me Jack."
"Yes, sir."
"I mean it. Don't call me sir."
"Yes, si — Jack."
Jack rewarded him with a smile. "Computer, Midshipman Frame is to have standard Level 3 Guest privileges," he called, ushering Alonso past the hallway to the left, that led to the unused rooms of his former lives. Straight ahead was the computer core and control station, which would remain locked to anyone but Jack. To the right, Jack opened the door to the main living area, showing Alonso the sitting room, the kitchen and the loo before taking him to his current bedroom. The one that wasn't filled with reminders of Ianto. The only nod to the man was the psychic picture frame, which was set to stay on an image of the Torchwood team, including Jack, standing on the Plass by the watertower. He'd seen the CCTV and his imagination filled in the color and details, the frame reproducing it perfectly.
"Acknowledged," the computer declared in a gentle feminine voice that reminded Jack of Mainframe at Torchwood. It was one reason he'd chosen that particular voice for the AI once he got back.
"What's Level 3 Guest privileges?" Alonso asked.
"You can access the kitchen, entertainment area, medical supplies and clothing replicator. You have basic computer access. It's the setting I use for people I know I can probably trust."
"Oh."
"You want a drink? I don't think you got one at the bar."
"That would be nice, thank you," Alonso said with a smile, setting his cap on the foot of the bed.
Jack shucked off his greatcoat and tossed it over a chair, leaving the young man alone to go to the kitchen. When he returned, he found that Alonso had taken off his jacket, tie, and shoes and was relaxing at the head of the bed, working the cuffs of his sleeves open.
"We in some kind of hurry?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow, handing Alonso his drink.
Alonso blushed. "I haven't been off-duty or out of uniform for twenty months," he admitted. "I thought you wouldn't mind, but I can —" He reached for his jacket where he'd left it at the foot of the bed. Jack put a hand out, stopping him.
"Relax, Alonso. Do what you need to do." He kicked off his boots and settled on the bed, throwing an arm over the pillows next to him. He sipped his drink. "You want to talk about it? I thought tours are eighteen months for midshipmen."
"My ship was mostly destroyed, and I was the only crew member left alive," Alonso said after a long moment. He finished his cuffs and sat down next to Jack, letting himself lean against the older man. Jack wrapped an arm around him. "All the passengers died. I had to limp home, somehow. I'm not supposed to be in charge of an entire ship!"
"How long were you alone?" Jack asked.
"We'd been away from home for five months, just the regular tourist stuff, you know? Then it was ten months before someone answered the distress call, though it was supposed to take only 20 minutes, and the engines were shot, so we could barely move. I mean, I could barely move. There was one passenger that survived, but he took the emergency shuttle home and forgot to tell them about me. The blasted computer was corrupted, too, somehow, and it took a long time to fix it and get the beacon sent off properly," Alonso said. "The last five months I've been in debriefings and meetings and hearings."
"Hearings?"
"The captain planned to destroy the ship," Alonso said. "There was a conspiracy with the owner of the cruise line."
"And if you were the only one left, they'd have to go through the security camera footage and prove it wasn't you?" Jack suggested. "But it was corrupted, too, so it took a long time to decode."
"Basically." Alonso sighed. "I haven't even kissed anyone in almost two years!"
Jack hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head. "It's been a while for me, too," Jack admitted, finishing his drink. "We can take it slowly."
Alonso put his empty glass down and shifted to curl more closely against Jack's side. "What's your story?"
"My lover's gone missing," Jack said without thinking. "I haven't seen him in two and a half years."
"So, you're giving up on finding him?" Alonso asked. "Is that why you came on to me?"
Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "A friend of mine found him and is helping him get home. But my friend isn't reliable when it comes to timing. He says Ianto will be home in about six months, but I couldn't stay there without him, so I took to the stars."
Jack turned and looked more closely at Alonso. He examined his face, raising a hand to run his fingers over Alonso's cheek. "My friend thinks it's a good idea for you and I to be together for a little while. That we can help each other so we can move on and get back to our lives. I trust him."
"How would he know that?" Alonso asked, raising his own hand to mimic Jack's touch on Jack's face.
"He knows you, too," Jack explained.
"Jack, I'd only been on that space station for three hours when I went to the bar. I didn't have time to meet your friend."
"As I said, he's not very good with time. You might not have met him yet, though what you just said about your last few years, I suspect he was part of the whole mess. It would be like him to leave you behind to clean everything up while he went on his way."
"I don't understand."
"You don't have to," Jack said softly, leaning forward. "For now, let's just comfort each other, yeah?"
"Ok," Alonso replied, closing his eyes as Jack kissed him.
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Esther Drummond paced back and forth in the small room she and Jack were borrowing from the nice elderly woman Jack claimed was an ex of his, though he told the woman that he was her ex-lover's grandson. Esther still had no idea how much of Jack's stories to believe. Mary Ellen, a spry 97-year-old with a passion for quilting, took them in immediately, especially when she heard that Jack had been injured and needed a place to stay to avoid becoming a Category One. The living dead, they were called, burned up in incinerators even though they were still breathing and had heartbeats. And while Jack was the only mortal man left on the planet, Mary Ellen didn't need to know that. People still got sick, even though they no longer died, so his wound wasn't unusual enough to raise suspicions in and of itself. People still needed time to heal.
Jack lay on the double-bed, covered in blankets and sweating with fever from the infection that came with getting shot in the abdomen and sub-standard medical care. Every so often he thrashed around, begging Esther to get a doctor or saying a word over and over again that she'd never heard before. But doctors were scarce, and they couldn't risk anyone finding either one of them, since they were on the run from the CIA and potentially other government agencies on both sides of the Atlantic. Not to mention the Three Families.
Mary Ellen knocked on the door and walked in, carrying a bowl of cold water and a flannel washcloth. She set the bowl on the nightstand and Esther helped her move a chair so she could sit next to Jack and wash his face.
"You must be newlyweds, then?" Mary Ellen asked, her voice soft so as to not disturb Jack, even as she took charge of wiping Jack's face.
"No," Esther answered. "We're not married. Not even dating. We're just friends."
"I might be old, dear, but even I can see how you look at him," Mary Ellen said. "I looked at his grandfather like that, once. It was 1931, you know. I was seventeen. He was such a flirt, but he chose me to go with that summer before he shipped out."
"Shipped out? He was in the navy?"
"Oh, no, he was in the Royal Air Force. Jack here wears an RAF greatcoat. He's so like his grandfather."
"Handsome," Esther said, sitting on the other side of the bed and brushing Jack's hair off his forehead. "He's the most amazing man I've ever met." She sighed.
"When did you meet?" Mary Ellen asked as she wrung out the cloth.
"Five weeks ago. He needed a ride somewhere, and there were no taxis, and he was with a friend of mine, so I helped him out."
"And now you're looking after him."
"We all got separated and I ended up with him."
Jack groaned, curling up in pain. "Ianto," he gasped. "Ianto!"
Mary Ellen and Esther worked silently together to help him get comfortable again.
"He keeps saying that," Esther said. "Yan-Toe. I don't know what it means."
"It's a name, dear. Ianto is Welsh for John."
"He said he used to live in Cardiff. That's Wales, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Ianto!" Jack said again. He started moving around. "Ianto," he moaned, breathless. "Ianto, please, come back. Please. I need you."
"I wonder who Ianto is," Esther whispered, trying to soothe Jack and rearranging the blanket more comfortably around him. "He sounds important to Jack."
Mary Ellen smiled to herself, suddenly understanding why Jack and Esther weren't a couple. Not that she minded. She might be old, she told herself, but her one summer with Jack's grandfather had taught her a lot about human nature and sexuality that differed so much from what her parents told her growing up. She found she liked Jack Sr.'s version of life better, even if it was ahead of its time to think of two men being together romantically. "He sounds like a lover, I think."
"What?"
"A lover, dear. I've known a few gay men in my time. It's nothing to be ashamed about."
"Jack doesn't do relationships. He told me so himself. And it's not like he's gay. He flirts with women all the time!" Esther paused, looking away from Mary Ellen. "He flirts with me."
"Ask him when he's well, if you're so curious." Mary Ellen wet the flannel again and laid it over Jack's forehead. "I'd better go prepare supper," she murmured. "Call me if you need anything, and I'll see if I can't get some antibiotics for him."
"Thank you," Esther answered. Once Mary Ellen was gone, she moved around the bed to sit in the chair. She took Jack's hand, stroking the back of it. She watched Jack's eyes moving under his eyelids, caught in a fever dream. "Who is Ianto?" she asked softly. "You have so many secrets, Jack. Please let me in."
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"I know I'm not supposed to call," Esther began, fiddling with the curtains as she held her mobile to her ear. "But his fever's not breaking, even with the antibiotics, and I don't know what to do. We've had to move twice already. He keeps calling for a doctor and this man named Ianto."
"He's not calling for a doctor," Gwen explained, her voice slightly scratchy over the phone line that bounced through sixteen different encrypted satellites to connect them. "He's calling for the Doctor. An alien friend of his. The Doctor helps out around Earth, sometimes, and my guess is that he wants the Doctor to come fix this Miracle nonsense."
"An alien? Really?"
"Really."
"But who's this Ianto guy?" Esther persisted. "At first he was calling for the Doctor more often, but now he just wants Ianto."
"Ianto's his lover," Gwen said after a long pause.
"Come on. He doesn't have a lover!"
"Of course he does," Gwen countered.
"We've seen him pick up guys! Remember?"
"They have an, um, temporarily open relationship, I think you'd call it."
"I don't understand," Esther complained. "No one's ever mentioned him before."
"Ianto's a sensitive subject for Jack. He's been away for a long time, and he's supposed to come back in May this year, so…"
"Gwen, it's already the 15th of May."
"It is? God, how time flies when we're running for our lives. I can't believe I didn't realize that!"
"So Ianto's supposed to come back this month? He won't be able to find us."
"He'll find Jack."
From the bed, Jack groaned, opening his eyes and calling for Esther. She rushed over and helped him sit up, since he seemed particularly awake. "Jack, I have Gwen on the phone. Do you want to talk to her?"
Jack took the phone. "Hello?"
"Esther says you're dreaming about Ianto," Gwen said softly. "It's about time for him to come back, isn't it?"
"Five more days," Jack responded. "If today's the 14th."
"Today's the 15th, so four days."
"Even better," Jack said, accepting a glass of water and his next dose of medicine from Esther. He sighed. "He'll come at this whole thing with fresh eyes."
"He might even have lived through it."
"Yeah, but he never wrote about it."
"I don't think I ever asked, but did his diary survive the explosion?" Gwen asked hesitantly.
Jack smiled. "They're safe. I took them off planet, just in case, after I talked to him that time."
"Oh, good."
"But I've memorized them, anyway," Jack added.
"Jack, I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry. I really am."
"For?"
"For reading his diary. For being jealous and mean to him. For not appreciating him enough."
"I'm sorry, too. I never should've flirted with you so much back then."
"Oh, I don't know, gave me some tips, you did." They both laughed hollowly.
"How's Anwen and the rest of your family?" Jack asked, and Gwen wondered if it was Ianto's influence that had him thinking to ask. It was a question her countryman would've thought of.
"They're fine, for the most part. My dad's not doing so well. We have to hide him from the police, you know."
"I'll help you build a screen for him when I come by," Jack offered.
"You're coming by?"
"Haven't seen Rhiannon and the kids since the Miracle started. I need to check up on them."
"Ianto would be happy you're doing it," she said softly.
"He won't be happy to hear about Alonso," Jack muttered, suddenly feeling maudlin.
"Jack Harkness! Stop beating yourself up over that! It was six months ago! Ianto would understand."
"Would he? Would he, really? What about that guy back in the States? Would he understand that?"
"I think so. He never seemed to mind before, when you did your own thing."
"It bothered him a lot, Gwen. I just never knew. He didn't want me to know."
"But you read it in his diary?"
"Yeah."
"He'll understand, Jack. It's different, you being mortal now."
"Yeah, now I can grow old with him," Jack said, his mood lightening slightly. "Unless he gets caught in the morphic field like the rest of humanity."
"Just keep that in mind. He'll come back, and you'll grow old with him."
Jack grunted, smiling. "Anyway, gotta go. Now that I'm awake, I can see Esther coming with the bloodletting supplies. "My own personal vampire girl," he teased Esther, who blushed prettily.
"She's insisting even when you're injured?"
"I'm getting better," Jack answered. "I think she just likes seeing me without a shirt," he added in a stage whisper, watching Esther blush again.
"Who wouldn't?" Gwen asked with a laugh that was more genuine than the one before. "Ianto better watch out, you'll have him naked in seconds, gunshot wound or no!"
"That's the plan," Jack replied, grinning like a loon. He pulled off his shirt and flexed his muscles for Esther's benefit. "Send me the details of the surveillance team so I can plan who'll get the honor of being retconned."
"Maybe we should keep it to the same guy? It worked really well the last time."
"You've got it, Mrs. Williams."
"That's Ms. Cooper to you, Captain."
Jack smiled again, heartened by the banter between them. Soon, he'd have Ianto back to flirt and joke with and he couldn't wait. Four more days. He could handle four days. He'd been through over three years, hadn't he?
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As Jack stared into the chasm that the Three Families called The Blessing six weeks after Ianto was supposed to get home and it showed him every single moment of his life, of every life he'd ever lived, he could only think of one thing: Ianto hadn't returned. He was alone.
Why go on living without Ianto? he asked himself. Why exist with this pain? All the lives I've lived, all the people I've loved and lost, all the people I've saved, all the people I've killed. It all means nothing without him.
I was born to meet Ianto. I was destined to fall in love with him. Why else would I make the crazy, thoughtless, impulsive choices I made? How else would I have ended up on a planet so far in the past from my own home? How else could I have met the Doctor? That the Doctor led me to Torchwood, which brought me to Ianto. The fact that he found me in every other universe he visited tells me that. I exist for Ianto, and he exists for me. I know that, and yet, he's not here...
Together, we can save the world. Together, we can change history for the better. Together, we can face anything, any danger, any evil, and we can win. We will win!
Without him, I'm nothing. Without him, I'm just a hero wanna-be, running around in my coat like a fool, telling jokes and lewd stories, occasionally doing good but fucking up just as often. With him to anchor me, with him to keep me on task and motivated and happy, I — I become a different person, a better person. With Ianto beside me, I became the me who I was always meant to be.
But he's not here. I need him, and he's not here.
And I miss him.
If I go on, I'll lose more people. I'll see Gwen die in a few minutes. I'll hear them kill Esther and Rex. Why live with this pain? I just don't have the energy to fight anymore.
And I'm so tired.
He listened with half an ear as the woman explained that it wasn't enough that he shed his blood in China. It would have to be shed in Buenos Aires as well, and there wasn't any left. But then, somehow, this new Torchwood outsmarted them. Rex was carrying Jack's blood inside him, and, Jack wondered, perhaps Esther was, also? He closed his eyes and turned his back on Gwen, facing the chasm, his decision made. "Do it," he whispered. "I've lived long enough."
He felt the bullet before he heard the blast of the gunpowder sending it towards his heart. He felt it tear his skin and flesh, turning and grinding and breaking him beyond repair. He knew he wouldn't recover.
He didn't mind.
He didn't want to live in a world without Ianto.
As the darkness encroached for the final time, he prayed to his distant gods that this time — this time — he made it to an afterlife that included Ianto.
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tbc