Someone mentioned that Snape also had to teach Luna Potions. And how hilarious that would be. So the idea stuck in my head, and ehre we are. From Ron's perspective, the second half of his 5th year.

February 1996

"Turn to page 178 in your book. Today we will be following the first steps toward making Polyjuice potion. If rumours are to be believed, some of you…" Snape's gaze lingered over Hermione, who stared defiantly back. "Have more experience with this potion than others." He flicked his wand at the cupboard. "In pairs. Begin."

Ron cursed the agreement he and Harry had made: they rotated partnering with Hermione and Neville. And today it was his turn to partner with Neville.

Ten minutes before the end of the period, Ron was at the end of his rope. Neville was marginally better than expected (and quite good at differentiating all of the random green leaves involved), but something still wasn't right. The potion stunk of vomit and random orange wisps of vapour shimmered above the pot. Ron only remembered a bit about his first venture into Polyjuice-making, and it didn't look right.

At the next station over, Harry and Hermione laughed over a cauldron with a proper-looking potion.

Snape strode between the tables, occasionally stopping to sniff, sigh or grunt. He stopped beside their table and held the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Longbottom. Weasley. Clean up this mess and see me after class. This type of incompetence is not acceptable" He then turned to address the room. "The Polyjuice potion appears on both the written and practical portions of the OWL each year. It would be wise for each of you to keep accurate notes as we observe it over the next few weeks."

Ron and Neville scraped the bottom of the cauldron as best they could, but even the Vanishing spell didn't help. They were still scrubbing at the greenish-yellow gunk when Snape dismissed the rest of the class.

Neville began returning his cauldron to storage when Snape stopped them with a sneer. "No, you will stay until I can be assured that no remnants remain. I won't have you blowing up your next potion, although a clean cauldron won't help either of you very much."

"But we've got Defense next…" Neville said, his voice barely audible.

Snape stared at the pair. "I'll send a note to that woman. I'm sure you'll miss nothing of substance." And with a flip of his robes, he walked into his office.

As they sat, chiseling away at the cauldron (Ron somehow conjured a rough scraper), the fourth year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws began filing in.

"Problems, dear brother?" Ginny asked cheerfully as she sat down.

"Yeah, he's a slimy git."

Neville added on, "still better than Defense. I never thought I'd hate someone more than Snape."

Luna glided into the room, her wand over her ear and wearing a Slytherin tie. "Hatred is a waste of energies. You'll get a lurgy." A group of Ravenclaw girls came, tittering amongst themselves. "Excuse me a moment, I do believe those girls mistakenly took my ties and replaced them…" Luna wandered off to the other side of the room.

Ginny peered into the cauldron. "What was it supposed to be?"

"Polyjuice," said Neville. "It's very fussy and I think we put stuff in the wrong order." He picked at the last bits of caked-on potion. "I hope he lets us join Harry and Hermione for the rest. She seems to know what she's doing on this one."

Ron nodded and strangled back a comment. From the look on Ginny's face, she was aware of Hermione's previous experience.

Snape swept through the door and chided the class to sit down. No longer eager to get to Defense, Ron looked to Neville. In one of those unspoken moments, the two simply bent their heads and pretended they were still scrubbing away at their cauldron. Maybe they could waste the whole hour.

Snape barked orders at the room and tapped the blackboard, revealing instructions. "Essence of Dittany. Useful for healing. Madam Pomphrey says supplies are running low, and I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to practice your skills. In pairs. Begin."

Ron fake-scrubbed while thinking about Snape's day. What did he do? Just bark orders and yell at people and swoop around in his stupid cape? Ron tried to catch his sister's eye, but she was deeply concentrated on chopping over at her station, while Luna (her partner) stared out the window with mild interest.

"MISS Lovegood!" Snape bellowed, startling Ron out of his thoughts. Neville dropped the conjured sponge he was pretending to use.

"Yes, Severus?" Her voice was dreamy and clear. She spoke as if he were simply another of her classmates, asking about the weather.

Snape's face reddened. "Professor Snape."

"Yes, Professor Severus Snape?" she said innocently.

He sneered at her. "Do you care to tell me what you're doing?"

"Well, I'm speaking to you, of course."

It was something that Harry might say, but Harry's tone would have been different. Harry would have been sarcastic, while Luna was all innocence and wonder. Watching the vein on Snape's forehead pulse, Ron was pretty sure this would be the highlight of his week.

The whole class was silent, watching Snape and Luna. Except Ginny. She simply kept chopping away at the dittany sprigs, as if nothing were amiss. In fact, if one didn't know her as well as Ron did, they would miss the smile in the corner of her lips and the way her eyes danced with merriment.

"Your partner is beginning the dittany extract. It would be your best course of action to begin the remainder of the potion on the right side of the board." He went and sat down at his desk, furiously scribbling.

Luna remained standing, staring at the board as if it were something new to her. "Severus?" she asked, after several seconds of silence.

"Professor. Snape."

"Yes, well, I was looking at the ingredient list, and I was wondering how you obtained your shrake spines? You see, if you harvest the spines and release the fish back into the wild, they will struggle to find their school again. But if the spines are harvested from already-dead fish, the dittany will be less effective."

"As per our previous discussions, you are not to question to origin of any potions ingredients."

"I thought that only applied to Fairy Wings?"

Snape rubbed his temples and began rummaging in a drawer. "It applies to everything, Miss Lovegood."

"Did you read the last issue of the Quibbler?" she asked earnestly.

Snape stared intently at her. She stared back. Ginny almost shook with soundless laughter.

"That publication is banned in this school. This is your final warning."

"Well, Daddy wrote a fascinating article about the morality of gathering potions ingredients. You see, he believes that the Ministry, by poorly regulating the sale of things like shrake spines, is purposefully seeking to reduce the numbers of some creatures. I do believe that you'd benefit from—"

"SILENCE, Miss Lovegood. Return to your potion."

Luna began dutifully grinding things in her mortar, humming a song into the silence. The other Ravenclaws began to titter amongst themselves again, with glances in Luna's direction. Ginny was boiling some of the dittany sprigs and watching what Luna was doing.

As the volume of the room rose again, Neville leaned over to Ron. "This is brilliant. Much better than Umbridge."

"We're stuck with Malfoy, and Ginny gets Luna in potions. Not fair."

Snape began walking around the room again, offering suggestions or (more often) insults as he inspected everyone's cauldrons. Ron and Neville returned to frantically pretending to clean their cauldron.

Snape let out a long sigh as he passed Ginny and Luna's table. "Miss Lovegood…" he began, but trailed off. As if he didn't have the energy for the conversation.

"Yes, Mr. Severus?"

Snape stared into space for a few seconds, moving his mouth without words.

"Is he praying?" Neville whispered to Ron. Ron could only shrug and watch from the corner of his eye.

Snape gave in and voiced his thoughts. "Miss Lovegood, what have you added to your cauldron?"

"Oh, a bit of this and that. The dittany we make at home stings less than Madam Pomphrey's. So I'm following that recipe," Luna said with a smile. It seemed the cheerier she got, the more annoyed Snape became. It was fantastic.

"We've had this conversation."

Luna looked to the board and chirped, "yes we have." And continued adding what looked like coriander to the cauldron. From Ron's best recollection, coriander was not in that potion.

"Throw it out." Snape's voice was low, threatening.

"No, thank you. If I became injured by a rogue nargle or cursed quill, I'd prefer to be treated with this version." She began humming to herself again as she counted out shrake spines.

One look at Snape's red face, and Ron couldn't help it. The snort of laughter escaped him before he could think.

"WEASLEY!" Roared Snape, turning his attention to Ron. "LONGBOTTOM!"

"Yes?" asked Ron, Neville, and Ginny (with a bit of a cheeky smile). Snape shot her a dirty look.

"Your cauldron is sufficiently clean. You may return to defense."

"They really do like to clean each others' cauldrons," Ginny added so only Luna and Ron could hear.

Neville scurried over to return it to storage, and Ron looked at Luna. She was happily stirring her potion. Snape appeared to be gathering control over himself as he looked Ron and Neville up and down.

"The two of you. Twelve inches of parchment each. Explain how to detect the use of Polyjuice and how to avoid detection when using Polyjuice. Due tomorrow. Dismissed."

Ron and Neville hurried out the door, just in time to hear Luna say sweetly, "Professor Severus? What do you believe would happen if you put dittany on a vampire?"

As soon as they were in the hall, the pair looked at one another.

"Think we can get demoted to fourth year potions?" Ron asked.

Neville smiled. "You know, that was always a fear of mine…but it would be worth it."

"She's brilliant."

And they walked slowly to the Defense classroom.