Same Ianto, Different Jack

Chapter 39

by Gracefultree

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A/N: Sorry for the wait between chapters. I hope this one was worth it. Enjoy!

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Ianto watched the play of emotions on Jack's face as he closed his eyes and waited for the bullet. Fear. Sadness. Relief. Hope.

Ianto took a deep breath and watched as Jack breathed with him. In complete synchronization, they breathed in and out slowly until Jack's posture softened, his face relaxed into an expression of calm expectation. Ianto engaged the safety and placed the gun on Jack's desk. Jack's startled grunt when he felt Ianto's lips on his forehead made Ianto inexplicably sad. Jack actually expected him to shoot him in the head. Not just that, but face-first! Ianto gathered Jack's cheeks in his hands and raised his head for a real kiss.

"Ianto?" Jack whispered.

"Come down to the bunker. We need to talk, and I'd rather do it curled up together than standing here with a gun in my hand." Silently, Jack nodded and followed him down the ladder.

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered once they were settled on the small camp bed. "I don't know what else to say."

"Your fear got the better of you," Ianto suggested.

"Yeah."

"You didn't used to be so afraid for me or my safety."

"That was before I lost you. Before I lost Tosh and Owen. Before my own brother buried me underground for two thousand years. Before my ex-partner killed him in front of me."

"Before the 456 tortured you," Ianto murmured.

"Yes."

Ianto nuzzled at Jack's neck, kissing him gently. "I want to be able to spend my life with you, Jack. But it's not working like this."

"Are you leaving me?" Jack demanded, twisting in Ianto's arms, panic raw and terrible in his voice.

"No, I'm just telling you things need to change. I'm not happy with how things are. Even less so now that I know what you've been doing."

"You said you didn't want to be with me."

"I said I didn't want to be with someone who'd rather kill himself than let me help him. If you can break this habit…"

Jack snorted and turned away, his back to Ianto's chest. "You're a lot better at emotional manipulation than you used to be."

"No, I'm just being less subtle about it," Ianto replied. "Subtle hasn't been working."

"I'm sorry."

"So do something about it. Let me be with you next time."

Jack sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned back against Ianto. They snuggled in silence for a few minutes, Ianto rubbing up and down Jack's arms. He knew Jack needed time to process what was happening, more time than he might have once needed, especially when emotions were involved. He also knew that he had the time. He would live for a thousand years. Maybe two. He had time to help Jack through his issues and trauma.

"How do they deal with trauma in your time?" Ianto asked.

"Drugs, psychic therapist and a machine that rewrites your memories."

"Rewrites your memories? Is that how you lost two years?"

Jack stiffened in Ianto's arms. "Probably," he answered after a long pause, making an effort to relax again. He seemed constantly surprised by how much Ianto knew about him, even things he'd known before his trip through the universes, like this. "If it's done correctly, you remember, but the traumatic emotions associated with the incidents are separated, muted. That technology won't exist for another two thousand years, and I wouldn't trust a psychic in my head. Not now. Not even one of my time. Not after what I've seen, who I've become."

Jack gave himself a small shake. "I woke up in bed with an old Time Agency partner. I hadn't seen her in eight months, or so I thought, until I realized what had happened. She'd lost about the same amount of time. Made me think it was an outside job, someone with a grudge, but she found out pretty quickly that there were six of us from the Agency who lost that kind of time. We put the pieces together, figured out that we'd all been on an assignment together. It didn't go so well, and they needed to take our memories to keep the Agency open. John told me when he was last here that the Agency was closed down within five years."

"He said there were seven of you left, when he was here after you got back from that year with the Doctor."

"It's down to four," Jack said. "Me, him, someone who went by Tibby when in training, and Professor Song. But she was never actually part of the Agency, she just consulted."

"Professor Song?"

"Professor River Song. The daughter of two of the Doctor's companions, conceived while the TARDIS was in the Time Vortex. Raised in the 51st Century. I've met her once or twice. As much of a flirt as me. Married one version of the Doctor, actually. Interesting woman."

"How do you know all that?"

"We went drinking together."

Ianto grunted.

"I didn't sleep with her."

Ianto grunted again.

"She offered and I said no."

"Jack, you don't have to defend yourself. We've talked about that."

Jack grumbled softly to himself.

"I haven't been sleeping well," Jack admitted after a few minutes. "Nightmares. Can't get my thoughts to slow down enough. I get maybe two hours at a time. If I could sleep…"

"I've noticed you being restless, but I didn't think it was that bad. I have something from Mike," Ianto offered. "Just a mild sedative. You could take it now, sleep a little? I'd wake you up to get you home tonight. I could make us dinner."

"That red wine and rosemary dish? With the lamb?"

Ianto laughed at Jack's plaintive expression. "Sure."

Jack smiled. He leaned back for a kiss. "I promise I'll work on it, Ianto. I really will."

"We'll get through it together," Ianto answered. He reached into his pocket and handed Jack a pair of white pills. Jack swallowed them with a bit of water from the bathroom sink, then settled into bed. Ianto waited with him until he fell asleep.

Ianto stood and stretched. He took off his suit jacket and hung it in the wardrobe. He climbed the ladder, closed the hatch behind him, and walked out of the office, the perception filter turning off automatically when he opened the door. As expected, Gwen, Rex, Esther, Bruce and Marta Johnson were waiting for him, hovering together near the closest workstation, Lois Habiba's.

"I expect you all want to know what that was about?" Ianto asked. He accepted the vortex manipulators from Gwen, strapping the red-dyed one on his own wrist and pocketing Jack's to return to him later.

"You better believe it!" Rex declared. "I've heard too many stories about the old Torchwood to trust the two of you behind closed doors in the middle of the day."

"Rex," Esther said warningly.

"No, if this was just Jones wanting mid-day nookie —"

"I just found out about the JB-X files," Ianto said as he herded them towards the conference room. "Lois, please ask the department heads to join us in the conference room." Rex and Bruce looked at each other, neither seeming comfortable. Lois pressed her comms to begin making her calls. They walked in silence to the conference room, then waited for Mike O'Donovan of Medical, Minnie Blumsack from Archives, Tony Brighton from Technology, and the head of Research, a woman named Isabella Carlton. Ianto took the time to get his thoughts in order.

Once everyone was seated, Ianto closed the door. He stood at the head of the table, unconsciously imitating one of Jack's preferred poses.

"Thank you all for coming," he started. "What I am about to tell you needs to stay in this room, with this group of people, so please keep that in mind." He got nods from everyone. "As you all are aware, Jack has trouble coming back from dying. He hurts or kills anyone within a certain distance of him. I've promised to help him, however, he hasn't been keeping up his end of the bargain. Our main strategy was for me to be with him when he came back, however — "

"Get to the point, Jones," Rex barked. "Some of us have actual work to do today."

Ianto suppressed the growl of frustration and let his pleasant expression mask his inner feelings. "If you would prefer for me to have Lieutenant Thomas or Lieutenant Johnson head Field Ops while you take care of your 'work,' please let me know," Ianto said. "I believe I've asked for someone to lead our maintenance crew." He turned back to the group, ignoring Rex's angry start.

"As I was saying —"

"Jones!"

Ianto turned to Rex, an eyebrow raised.

"He won't like that you're talking about the JB-X files," Rex said. "He's kept those quiet for a reason."

Ianto waited for the hushed murmur to wind down following Rex's comment. He knew he was taking a risk by telling the department heads about the files and Jack's clandestine activities, but he also knew that the greater accountability would help Jack get over his issues. The only two people who hadn't started talking or whispering were Bruce Thomas and Marta Johnson, who sat side-by-side, patient. Bruce wore a grave expression on his face, as if he had anticipated that something like this would happen. Marta seemed her usual stoic self. Minnie, the only person other than Rex, Ianto and Bruce to know about the files, did not mention them, listening to Mike and Isabella's speculations without commenting. Ianto made a mental note to commend her for her discretion.

"What Jack likes isn't the issue here," Ianto declared. "What he needs, is. Jack needs us to know about what's going on so that we can help him. He's been alone far too long, and I'm not enough to fix this. So I'm asking for your help." He met everyone's eyes individually.

The group in the room was extremely loyal to Jack. Even Rex, in his own way, Ianto realized. Rex was trying to protect Jack and the way Jack had chosen to deal with his trauma. Ianto had watched them interact over the months he'd been back, and it seemed like they trusted each other as brother-soldiers, fighting the same war, though Rex resented Jack's less than strict leadership style, and Jack got angry when Rex pushed the field agents too far. He felt that Rex didn't give them enough time to be human, to be with their families, to be relaxed when there wasn't a crisis.

Jack had hand-selected each of the department heads, then worked with them to choose the people in their teams. The only exception was Lois Habiba, who Gwen insisted upon hiring. Ianto privately thought that she was a brilliant PA, doing the work of three, as she assisted him, Jack and Gwen, as well as occasionally doing a bit of scheduling for Rex.

"So what's going on?" Mike asked, his attention turning to Ianto.

"Jack has been going on solo missions so that if he dies, no one is there to know about it," Ianto stated. He heard Gwen's startled exclamation and muffled curses. He watched Johnson pale and Mike's eyes widen.

"That's —"

"— Just about the stupidest thing he could be doing," Ianto interrupted. "By dying alone, he only exacerbates his trauma, and by coming back alone, he risks innocent lives."

"Has anyone died?" Mike asked.

"Three people," Ianto said. "Three civilians, on three different missions."

"How come we didn't know about this?" Gwen demanded. "We're his friends! We want to help him!"

"He wanted to do it himself," Rex said before Ianto could answer. "He didn't want Jones to get hurt, being there when he revived."

"Wait, you knew about this?"

"Yeah. Me, Bruce and Minnie knew."

"He only told me because he needed the reports filed," Minnie interjected.

"And he only told me because I caught him doing it once," Bruce added. "It would've been something between him and Rex, otherwise."

Ianto glanced over at Rex, who squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, a rare sight. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he might have considered it a small win. "You don't know what it's like, dying and coming back," Rex said in a defensive tone. "I wasn't about to stop him."

"So, now that Jack's behavior is out in the open, we have to develop a plan," Ianto said.

"Is he compromised to go in the field?" Johnson asked. "Have these cases affected him?"

"As far as I know, he's not compromised," Ianto said. "But I'll want Mike to look him over," he added to the doctor, who nodded. "Jack has promised me that he won't do it again, but given his track record, I don't trust that promise," Ianto continued. "Do we know how he finds out about these cases?"

Esther, who'd been quiet the entire meeting and typing on her laptop, raised a hand. "He programed Mainframe to alert him on his vortex manipulator," she said. "Mainframe won't alert the regular teams of small Rift flares unless Jack authorizes it."

"Huh, I always wondered how he knew," Rex muttered to himself. "Is he that good with computers?"

"It's more that he's so far advanced from the computers that we have," Esther said. "He comes from the future, where technology is so much more advanced. And since Mainframe is borderline sentient, he can communicate with her in a different way than we can."

"Can you get rid of that programming so he doesn't get the alerts?" Ianto asked.

"I think so. It'll take time."

"Good, get started on it." Ianto settled in his seat. "Meanwhile, I'm keeping his vortex manipulator so he can't flit through time to do this or take a runner again."

"Is that a good idea, though?" Gwen asked. "Won't he think it's a, um, a violation?"

"He might, but once he gets through the first death and finds out that he won't kill me, I think he'll agree to the plan."

"We should make the first death happen in a more controlled environment," Mike offered. "So it's not in the middle of a volatile mission."

"You mean kill him?" Bruce asked. "Watch him revive like a bug under a microscope? Or are you suggesting he kill himself? I don't like either of those options."

"No, I'm just saying —"

"Enough! If anyone's killing him, it's me," Ianto said, his voice harsh. "And I'm doing it now, while he's asleep, so he doesn't have to know it's coming."

"Oh, Ianto, sweetheart," Gwen murmured, putting a hand on his arm. "I don't like the sound of that!"

"It's not a debate," Ianto barked, his anxiety about what he was going to have to do coming out as anger. "He's sleeping in his bunker. I'll inject him with something. It'll be painless. Then, once he's come back and calmed down, we can figure out the next steps." He paused, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Mike, I'll need you on stand-by in case something actually happens and I need medical treatment."

"Of course."

"Any questions?" Ianto asked, his tone and posture making it clear that he wasn't in any mood to entertain them. "Good." He pushed himself to his feet and left them in the conference room, practically running as he returned to Jack. He knew what he had to do, and he knew he had to do it now, before he lost his nerve. Footsteps behind him heralded Mike and Bruce.

"You're really going to do this?" Bruce asked, falling in step with Ianto.

"He needs to know he won't hurt me when he comes back. If we do it once, as safely as possible, with as little chance of re-traumatizing him, we're going to do it."

"Were you thinking morphine overdose or something like cyanide?" Mike asked, and Ianto could already see him calculating dosages in his mind for both drugs.

"Morphine would be less painful," Ianto mused. "More humane."

"I'll bring it."

Mike hurried away. Bruce continued at Ianto's pace.

"You going to be ok, son?" Bruce asked.

"Eventually. I had to kill one of the other Jacks once, a mercy killing. It was horrible. I'd only known him a week or two. This will be a lot worse."

"You think it's really the thing to do?"

"I'm not risking our agents doing it during a mission," Ianto said. "Mike was right about that. He'd be too keyed up on adrenaline, too alert to danger. He'd be more likely to lash out at me."

"You've thought it out."

"I found out about the files last week. I took my time coming up with a plan."

"If this works, you'll be a bit of a hero to the field agents," Bruce commented. "If he can get over this thing of his, he'll be better when he's out there, and they'll see that."

"It won't be a quick thing," Ianto said. "Doing it once like this and having him get through it won't fix it all at once."

"Believe me, I know that," Bruce answered. "He's a complex man, Jack, and I can't even imagine the trauma he must go through all the time, living through what he does. And you're a good man to stick with him," Bruce added as they reached the main Hub. "I've got a lot of respect for you."

"Thanks," Ianto murmured, suddenly embarrassed. He didn't feel like he deserved Bruce's respect for being who he was and wanting to help the man he loved, but he supposed that didn't matter. Bruce thought he was doing a good job, full stop.

Gwen walked up to him as soon as Bruce left Jack's office. They stood looking at each other in silence for a minute before she pulled him into a huge hug. He hugged her back, startled.

"Gwen?"

"I love you, you know," she whispered. "You and Jack. I hope this works."

"I, um —"

"Not like that, you bloody fool," Gwen exclaimed with an exasperated roll of her eyes. "You and Jack are my best friends in the world. I want you to be happy, and neither of you really are. I didn't understand it until just now, but if he's been keeping this secret from you, well, that explains it, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Ianto answered. "Thanks for sticking with us."

Ten minutes later, Mike arrived with a syringe for Ianto and his emergency crash kit. "I'll just wait up here," he suggested. Ianto nodded.

"He sometimes needs sex after he dies, so if you don't hear from one of us in fifteen minutes…" Ianto trailed off.

Mike snorted. "Whatever you say, boss. Just fix him."

Ianto sighed and opened the hatch to Jack's bunker.

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