CHAPTER 47: Killer Words
I recovered from my moment of complete vacuity. I found myself on the floor, with Ash kneeling down beside me. I looked at him in disgust and sat up.
"What happened?" I murmured as I looked around.
I saw Elias and Peater with bruises and lacerations covering up their bodies. They were looking at me with an air of trepidation and relief. I stood up, and found Mar on the table, sleeping soundly.
"Hey . . . are you two all right?" I asked as I tried to heal Elias and his son.
"We need to have a talk. Now,if at all possible." Elias huffed, giving me a dirty look.
"Mission accomplished, buddy. Now let's just turn and go." Mar muttered as she held Ash's leaf and snapped her fingers, causing both of them to disappear.
"Just kill me already . . ."
Downstairs, Elias and his son decided to give me the talk.
"Would you explain to me why you just randomly attacked me?" Elias asked.
"Or why you tried to kill me?" Peater added.
"I did . . . what? I don't . . . remember." I replied lamely.
"All I remember was that I looked into Mar's eyes, and Scut ― I mean, some mental force overtook me."
Elias clicked his tongue, and explained every last detail and facet of the said incident that occurred upstairs.
"Me hugging Ash?! And I actually . . . hurt you, Elias?" I gasped.
"Yes. Now, do you have a reason as to why you did these things?" Peater snapped.
I then remembered what Scuttle said: to take the wheel in my head.
"All right, I'll explain . . . and please believe me. That's all I ask of you."
I then told them about Scuttle and the horrible things that she made me do.
"So you're saying that the chocolate cake you had contained something your stomach didn't agree with, and now it's turned into this?!" Elias sputtered.
I hung my head and nodded, my eyes darting about the floor.
"Elyssia, I was considering giving you the gift of a second chance! Now look what you've done ― you've alienated me! You deserve nothing good. At all! What you've said are downright lies! Lies, I say!" Elias yelled.
I nodded, instead of firing back.
"You're right, Elias. I deserve nothing but misery and hell, if anything at all. If I die, I hope that I die trying to save someone, whether it's Peater, a stranger . . . I'd even feel honoured to die saving you, Elias. Just . . . let me . . . be alone . . ." I murmured, tears forming in my eyes.
"Father . . . I believe Elyssia. I could feel her mind slipping out of control." Peater whispered.
"Peater . . . you didn't need to say that. There's nothing in me to care about . . . right?" I asked, my tears spilling onto my cheeks.
Peater shocked Elias into oblivion with his answer, which came out as a yell.
"THERE'S MORE TO YOU THAN YOU CAN SEE, ELYSSIA! WHY ELSE OF YOU THINK I LOVE YOU?! BECAUSE OF SOME MADCAP DELUSION THAT'S BEEN CARRYING ON FOR MONTHS?! LOOK AROUND YOU ― OPEN YOUR CRAPPY EYES! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! ALREADY HAVING COGNITIVE DECLINE, LIKE MY INSANE GRANDMOTHER?! IN CASE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO KNOW, THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT I ACTUALLY LOVE ABOUT YOU!"
I shook my head and let a few tears escape my eyes and fall to the floor.
"Look what I've done . . . I've made you hate your father, I've made you feel guilty . . . how can you love that?" I whispered.
Peater looked at me and sighed.
"YOU'RE HOPELESS, ELYSSIA! GET OUTTA THE MUD OF THE PAST AND LOOK AT THE NOW, THE PRESENT!"
I tried not to yell at him as I looked into his green orbs, full of sympathy, frustration, sorrow and barefaced anger.
"What is there to be happy about now, Peater? That I nearly killed you?" I asked.
This was the last straw for Peater as he tried to bite back his next comment, as if it was going to destroy me.
But did it look like he cared?
No sir-ee!
"I SO FREAKING HATE YOU, BITCH! FATHER'S RIGHT ― YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT HELL, IF ANYTHING AT ALL! I COULD'VE SPARED MYSELF THIS HEARTBREAK, THIS GODDAMNED GRIEF! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I WISH I LEFT YOU TO DIE ON THE SIDE OF YONGE STREET FIVE MONTHS AGO!"
"What . . . ?" I gasped, not believing my ears, tears forming in my eyes.
I fought the urge to let out a sob, and took a deep breath as I faced Peater.
"If you wanted so desperately for me to die . . . you could've just . . . just . . ." I trailed off, and took another deep breath before I berated him.
"IF YOU HATED ME SO MUCH, YOU COULD'VE JUST SAID SO! RAMMED A KNIFE INTO MY STEM, THAT'S WHAT YOU COULD'VE DONE! YOU COULD'VE COMMITTED A CRIME, AND GOT ME HANGED FOR IT! YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME THAT YOU DIDN'T CARE! IF YOU WANTED ME DEAD . . . then . . . let me die."
I ended my rant with that sad whisper before I proceeded to run out the door.
"Elyssia, wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, it's just ―" Peater tried to apologize, but I cut him off straightaway.
"Oh, sure! I can kick your butt right here and say I didn't mean it! Shut your freaking, God-forsaken trap and leave me alone! You said it yourself ― if you wanted me dead, then you could've just killed me when you got the chance!" I yelled.
"Elyssia, please . . ."
Peater again tried to reason with me by pulling me into a comforting hug, but I pushed him to the floor.
"Outta my sight, sucker!"
Elias tried to jump in front of me.
"Wait . . . please . . . this is all my fault ―"
"GET OUTTA MY SIGHT BEFORE I DO SOMETHING SO DAMN DRASTIC THAT THE POLICE WILL HAVE TO COME FROM AJAX!" I yelled, pushing him out of the way, which allowed me to go into the yellowing hallway.
I didn't care about what Peater and Elias said.
""Oh, I didn't mean it!" Well, guess what? If you can't even pay attention to what the hell you're doing, then go home and die! God-forsaken idjits!" I muttered to myself as I tore off the stupid necklace and pin that Peater gave to me.
I then spat on them, and threw them on the glass panes of the doors that I just went through, which made them crack and fall down with several dissonant clanks. After that, I found a room where I could be alone and let out a long sob, and I allowed my tears, which had been protesting for such a long time, to fall to the floor as I huddled in a corner, feeling anything but loved.