Tyrants and Kisses
A/N: Dougie has done good against a tyrant, with totally different results than last time. After No-Neck, this dare is nothing by comparison. Standard kissing-centric bit of fluff.
Post game but no big spoilers past Ch.8, swears, and kissing. Lots of it.
All the wonderful and well-balanced stuff belongs to the geniuses of MONOLITH SOFT. Repenta's owner's name drawn from the sweetest fluff by ChronoBlader (gah, their Gwin is so cute. Go! Read it right now! New Love for the Underdog! Tell me how to paste a link and I will do it). Lila, Gino, Twyleth and Ricky-Bobby lead rich lives but only inside my head.
They had done it. They had DONE IT! Oh, man, this feeling was incredible, and to hell with the bet. He could still see the darkening sky, the glow of Sylvalum in the distance, as that beast, that monster, had reared back one last time before sinking definitively into the sand. He'd gotten out of his skell, to smell the wind off the ocean, to feel the heat lifting away from the ground, the machine, from him. The beach was torn to bits from the battle. His team had stumbled over the wasteland to join him and they had howled and slapped each other, lifting one another off the ground. Ray and Janine had gotten into a brief wrestling match, something about getting as much sand as possible into each other's hair. He'd just stood there, blinking and grinning. They'd done it.
How long had it taken to bring that thing down? His crew had guessed two hours, and he wasn't going to argue. Certainly, they'd started when the sun was up, and they'd ended as stars began raining down from the sky and the moons were all the light they needed to clean up the last scraps of fight. Even to the end, they had given their all, because this opponent was something never to be underestimated, never to be forgotten.
All the way home, flying toward the sweetest sight known to man, a tower lit green and frosty and safe, they'd joked about what you can do in two hours. Some crude suggestions, sure, but mostly silly ones. How much beer, how much pizza? How much pizza for a Ma-non (frightening guesses, and not too far from right)? How much bubble gum? Could you knit anything worth speaking of (Ray had hobbies, so sue him)? Could you kiss everyone at the Repenta?
And that started the bet. Because he offered to kiss anyone and everyone his team could name and find, as soon as they hit New LA. For 120 minutes.
"Eleonora," shouted Ray. And it began, even as they checked in to deliver the mission report to the Blonde Menace herself.
"Pardon me, Eleonora," said Doug, and he planted a solid kiss on her cheek.
"Well, mercy, and thank you, sweetie," she replied, momentarily flustered. "Good job. On the tyrant. Now run along."
"Cheek kisses? Weak, Doug! So weak! You're worn out, man. We need to get you some vitamins or an energy drink or something," heckled Nguyn.
"He can do better," Janine defended him. He smiled at her in gratitude, until she smirked and pointed to the scarred and terrifying drill instructor standing on the other side of the mission board. "Wolf."
And it just got crazier from there. Because he'd done it, on the lips, and quickly too, jumping back out of the range of the man's swinging punch. "Solon." Mush. "Kirsty." Thank you, Ray, for Kirsty and for that cute doctor too.
All in all, Ray was the most enthusiastic. "That one, the Nopon!"
"Nope. I got rules."
"No xenos? That's racist."
"Drop dead. Anything, er, anyone is fine by me, but if you don't know a person's name, I don't have to kiss them." Doug looked smug, but only for a moment.
Nguyn went over to the Nopon. "Excuse me, ma'am, but my friend wants to know your name," he asked politely.
And shortly thereafter he was bending low and kissing Miss Mamara, visiting from Dorian Caravan. She'd been surprisingly pleased by this. "BLADEs very friendly in capitol. Mamara will recommend it."
More craziness. "Gwin!"
"Yo, buddy. Heads up!" And done. Gwin looked stunned. Luckily for him, Irina was nowhere in sight. First, she'd kill him for messing with her puppy, then she'd kill him because he guessed his team would shout her name next.
They'd reached the crossroads. The barracks door slid open, and he didn't even have to guess what came next. Well, there was a question of what came first. Or not. It came in unison, each team member shouting a different name.
Tatsu was first, get the weirdest over with and move on. "Meh meh." The colonel was next, and he'd tried very hard not to think, tried not to decide if this was fun or special or, er, yeah, so that went okay. She'd looked wryly from him to his team, raising one eyebrow over her spectral blue eyes. He'd left them to explain, and turned to Lin.
"Come here, sweetie." He grabbed her up, swung her around a dozen times, peppering the side of her cheek as she squealed and protested that she wasn't some kid. She wouldn't be, not for long once the organic redemption happened, but for now he could still do this, be her biggest and silliest fan.
"Put me down!" When he did, she was smiling and laughing. "You've finally lost it, Doug. What's going on?"
But his team was already moving down the alley, and he could hear their shouts. "Gotta go. Important Harrier mission. I'll tell you later. Just, we did it, got the no-neck down." He shot off after his team.
They'd named everyone they knew, and some they didn't. (Nguyn was getting very polished with his introductions. "Excuse me,…") BLADE, Ma-non, Nopon. "L!" That was weird, but only because he hadn't ever kissed somebody taller than he was. Interesting. The dude smelled like Noctilum. L seemed pleased, fluttering his hands about.
Then the Commander wandered past, arguing with a crowd from the Arms Manufacturers. By the looks of it, it was some plan involving BLADE and Six Stars. Doug grabbed Ray and slapped a hand over his mouth. Janine and Nguyn looked at each other, ducking from his glare. Please, no …
"H.B." said Janine quickly.
Well, okay, he owed her a beer and a box of chocolates for that nice save, because he understood they couldn't just let a challenge like that wander past unnoticed. He yanked the Commander's newly acquired shadow away from the group, planted a kiss on him and shoved him back, his clipboard hardly ruffled. "Move," he ordered his team, and thank god even Ray didn't argue. Because he'd do it, they knew he would, but the fallout would not be pretty.
Word had gotten out. Interesting to see who ducked away, who stepped into their path, who was still clueless. He was liking it better and better, because fun as it was to shock someone he knew and liked (Gwin or Kirsty), more fun even to shock someone who could use the scare (H.B.), he didn't feel 100% comfortable involving innocent strangers. But dammit, they'd done it, and he still had a lot of whatever mimeosomes use instead of adrenaline racing around his body. He needed just a little more danger to come off that high.
"Sharon."
Oh shit, not that kind of danger. Violet eyed, smile like a knife, arms crossed. "Well? Am I going to be surprised? Or, more likely, disappointed?"
Doug blinked for one second, long enough for his team to start readying their condemnations and encouragements, then dropped dramatically to one knee. He grabbed the Murdress' right hand (the one closest to her knife), held it tenderly but firmly, and did his best to imitate an antique movie star swashbuckler. "M'lady," he declared, and kissed the spot just past her wrist. He'd have kissed her palm, but her hand was in a tight fist. The better to give you a concussion, my dear, he suspected. Then a quick scramble up and back, quicker even than when tackling Wolf. Wolf aimed to hurt, not to kill.
"Pathetic," snapped Murdress, but they were already hustling towards the elevator. Even Harriers knew that not every tyrant needed to be engaged during a mission.
Down through the hangar complex, his crew couldn't yell names fast enough to suit them. Lila's station was hit, being the first in sight (location location location). Lila looked no happier or more sour afterwards, so he guessed that was okay. Luckily Gino was off for the day, he had a mean streak. "Twyleth!" shouted Nguyn. That was the Ma-non tech, Doug guessed.
And here came the first real problem. Astonishing it had taken this long. Because as he trotted toward the tiny alien, all eyes and floppy ears and not looking completely sure what was about to happen, a large and angry figure stepped in the way. Ricky-Bobby, Lila's other human employee, usually so mild and sweet, 180cm of distractible bunny with freckles and the ability to bench press Prone. He was not looking calm about this at all. "You shouldn't make fun of Twyleth," he said, then paused. It wasn't clear if he knew what to do next, but Doug didn't want to find out if he could actually put 2 and 2 together and come up with a punch.
"No worries," said Doug. "You can pass it on for me." And he kissed Ricky-Bobby.
"Okay." Ricky-Bobby nodded and smiled. Around their ankles, the Ma-non tech was bouncing like a Nopon. As his team turned to shift deeper into the hangar, Doug heard her warbling. "Oh Ricky-Bobby, you are just the the the bravest, you know? Always protecting me from danger, right? So, um, were you going to to to give me something?"
By the time they'd left the hangar, they were clearly behind schedule. Well, Doug hadn't complained. To begin with, Ada had been very glad to see them approach, and Doug had been very happy to see her. That had been good. Couldn't blame all of the delay on her, but a little. Also, she'd whispered to call her. Nice. Then, he'd made most of the hangar's tent city laugh, one way or another, even if he'd also had to kiss most of them as well. His team had even given him a few moments for a swig of coffee, before leaping down and over the platform (idiots!) and tearing off towards the Repenta. Apparently, they had a date with destiny at that establishment.
Nothing happened much through the Commercial District, although he had hinted that they could stop here or there (usually where he knew a nice looking waitress was on duty). Nope, look neither to the left nor right, but straight on they headed. Well, if it meant skipping Bozé, he'd be okay with it. Wolf, Sharon, he didn't think his luck would hold a third time.
"Behold the promised land," announced Ray, when the diner hove into sight. "Aaaand…"
"Frye!" shouted Janine, tripping at his heels.
"What?!" the white-blond Interceptor shouted back.
"You're it," said Doug, and kissed Frye. And was kissed right back, with a firmness and enthusiasm that he hadn't reckoned on. He had to peel Frye off of him. "What the hell?"
"I was warned. Been practicing." Frye grinned wickedly. "Right, kids?" he asked his fellow drinkers. They all agreed, with more or less sheepish looks. "Wanna go another round?"
"Ugh, what's your mouthwash? Road kill?"
"If I'd known you'd be fussy, I'd have switched to peppermint schnapps." Frye laughed loudly. "I can fix that."
"Thanks, no. One to a customer." Meanwhile, his team was already pushing their way into the diner, all in a bunch, not willing to be the last to scope out targets for the remaining minutes. The doorway wasn't quite made to simultaneously handle three overeager BLADEs but they did their best.
Only to be stopped, just past the doorstep, by the bar owner. Normally so welcoming, Arya had her hands on her hips and a no-nonsense expression on her slender face. Doug actually felt a chill.
"I've been hearing about this nonsense you've been pulling all over town."
Ray and Janine started to explain about the bet and the tyrant and all. Not in unison, more in competition. Nguyn kept trying to inch past, and Arya kept smacking him back towards the door with a bar towel. Doug wisely stayed silent. When the travesty of an explanation was over, Arya still wasn't smiling.
"No. I will not have people harassed this way. Knock it off."
"What if we get their permission?" asked Ray. When Arya paused, clearly on the verge of repeating her judgement against their bet, Ray hurried on. "You don't mind a little kissing in your place, right? Because last Friday there was a lot of kissing, just before closing time, and…"
Janine joined in. "Exactly. Between two consenting adults, it's not a big deal. Right, Arya? If I kissed someone I knew right now, you wouldn't mind, right? Like, er, Ray…" Janine stopped dead in mid-sentence.
"Do it, do it!" whispered Nguyn. Doug pinched him to shut him up.
"… because we're friends, so it's okay," continued Ray in a sort of strangled voice. Both of them were blushing mightily. Great, Doug thought, now he would have to watch those two to make sure they didn't get distracted during missions, and also build in extra time for whatever else was going on.
"That's not what I heard was happening. You do not pull my customers into your weird little games." Arya was not bending on this point.
"But if they were friends, and they did give permission…" Nguyn went on.
"… and if we did buy a round of drinks as well…" offered Doug.
The owner stared at the foursome, so pathetically eager not to lose, so willing to do anything she demanded, just so they could still STILL finish this bet. Ray and Janine were frozen stiff, doing their best to both look at Arya without looking at each other in the slightest. Nguyn was oozing charm. Doug was doing a head count of the bar, figuring out how many beers this was going to cost him and trying his best not to regret it already.
"If I hear one complaint, one squeak, you are banned from the bar. BANNED." And she made to move off.
"Excuse me, Ms. Arya, ma'am," said Nguyn.
"Yes?"
"My friend would very much like to celebrate our victory by giving you a kiss."
Did the bar hold its breath? Were all eyes turned to them? No, not really. The Repenta wasn't that kind of a place. People had better things to do than pay attention to anyone else's drama. But Doug was gratified when Arya stepped over and said congratulations and received an honest kiss. "I'll start a tab."
The foursome was somewhat subdued as they moved through the bar, greeting their many friends and acquaintances. But the bet was running its course, coming to a close, ending as all fun times must. They behaved themselves perfectly, Arya's injunction ringing in their heads. Doug was actually grateful for it, because one booth back, hidden from the entrance, sat Irina. His team looked at each other but even Nguyn the Charmer wasn't up for that challenge. Doug shrugged and walked over to her table. "Hey, Irina…"
"I heard. Congrats, and drop dead."
"Back at ya. But lemme buy you a beer." Which he did, and spent a few minutes talking to her while the triplets of destiny worked the crowd. Janine eventually came over and tapped him on his shoulder.
"Dooooug, we've got 10 minutes and 12 names. Come on," she whined.
Mable and her date, bang bang. Susan. Lloyd from Prospectors and an Orphe (drinking a virgin Bloody Mary). They worked their way back, to the last booth.
"Helloooo, big boy."
Doug shook his head and had to give a smile. "Hello Mara."
"So perceptive. You never mistake me for my brother. You never even hesitate. I like that in a BLADE."
"You know you're the good looking one."
Lara Mara fluttered his eyelashes and twinkled up from his seat. "So, I hear you went big today. Going to continue the trend?"
Doug checked his watch. "For 3 more minutes. Do you mind?"
"I'd be crushed if you didn't."
Doug shrugged and planted yet another kiss on yet another unlikely partner. It was, well, almost sweet, because he swore he detected a hint of a natural blush on Mara's cheeks. And definitely a strong rush of cherry lip balm. "Ah, Harriers. I do so love all that you do, for the good of New Los Angeles. Makes a fellow happy just thinking about it."
"Sure, Mara, glad to be of service." They said goodbye, and Doug moved to join the rest of his group.
He slid into their booth, finally feeling the edge leaving him, finally ready to relax. Janine was sitting stiffly on the far edge, looking like she was ready either to cry or scream and still not making eye-contact with Ray. Opposite her, and staring like a laser at a point 10 cm left of her, Ray was trying to get his cool back (had he ever had it?), arguing that they had indeed managed to kiss everyone in Repenta, at least everyone worth kissing. Nguyn was arguing that no, they hadn't. ('They'? thought Doug, what's with this 'they'? It was ME.) Irina Akulov had evaded their grasp, and therefore they could not say they had 100 percented the diner. A valiant effort, but unfinished.
"You need to kiss one more person to make up for that," announced Nguyn. "Math doesn't lie."
"Next person in the door," suggested Ray. "Provided that it doesn't get Arya mad."
All four turned their heads to stare at the door. It refused to provide anyone. They continued to stare, expectantly.
Doug caught himself making wishes. Please, Hope, that would be nice. Or Elma again, he thought the rules could bend to let him kiss her again. Or, well, …
The door opened and they jumped, craning their necks to see who it was.
"Coco!" shouted Janine, waving madly.
Ray echoed her with his own shout. "Jo!" He stifled into silence when Janine shot him an angry look.
That was the conclusion of the mission. Doug doled out two more kisses to the confused but game staff of the Sunshine Café (closed early every Thursday), who were promptly invited to join them. Everyone shifted in the booth to welcome the additions, and they settled in for a congenial evening. For the next few hours, new people wandered over to give their congratulations. A few even offered to let Doug increase the high score of the bet, but he waved all that away. "I'm done, thanks. Next time."
That was about all he said. He let the other five do the chatting, describing the battle and the difficulty, the newcomers asking questions about what was hardest or scariest. He just kind of drifted, glad of a job well done. He didn't want to move until it was time to shift himself home.
But move he did, and right promptly, at a ping from his comm device. "Excuse me, gotta take this," he said as he rose up from the table.
"Hang on a sec, can't hear a thing…" he yelled into the device as he worked his way outside to the relative quiet and fresh air of the parking lot. "Sorry, Repenta, you know, couldn't hear you if you shouted…"
"I said, congratulations, Dougie!" Alexa's bright smile shone even in the limited display. "Tika says thanks, too. You know, it was her friend got stomped the other day."
"Yeah, I heard it was an Outfitter crew," he said, too casually. "How're they doing?"
"They'll be back sometime next week. Matty got the worst of it, it may take a little while longer. Tika was beside herself when they all came in. She's been in and out of the Mimeosome center, checking on him day and night."
"Aww, that's sweet."
"Nuts. I'm thinking she's using it as an excuse. I need someone as a target for a shield test, and she doesn't want to help. So, are you done being crazy?"
"Taking down a tyrant is all part of the job."
"Not that, you loon. I heard you went nuts all across New LA. What will you think of next?"
"It wasn't that bad. Who told you?"
"I don't know. Somebody warned me." [Lila. It was Lila. And it wasn't a warning, just useful information, in a blue speech bubble.] Alexa's smile grew cheeky. "Why'd you think I waited to congratulate you until now?"
"Chicken."
"Bwawk bwawk bladdy bwawk. I wasn't going near you guys until you went sane again."
"Come on down, we're just hanging out."
Alexa frowned. "Sorry, can't, I've got a backlog you would not believe. Worse, not a single skell in the batch. Maybe I'll swing by your place later. I have something nice from that chocolate place, a bunch of us wanted to give it to you as a thank you. This means a lot to us Outfitters." She hung up.
"Bye, Alexa," he said quietly to the silent device. "And you're welcome." He stared at it for a second longer before giving himself a shake. Damn, they'd done it, done good for all of New LA, and if it took craziness to do it, well, he had enough for everyone. He popped the comm device into his pocket and made his way back into the diner.
A/N: Strictly speaking, this should come later in the batch, but last chapter was such a downer, I needed something gratuitously fluffy.
Sorry, I couldn't quite stick the landing, oh well. And once again! Once again! I keep trying to hook Doug and Alexa up, and this is what happens. I build the most unlikely and pointed set-up and she just goes and hides. I give up. (No I don't. Because if Doug doesn't fit the description of "giant robot," who does?) And, dope slap, I forgot all about Cross. Well, they were probably busy. With Nagi. (Not that way! Not that way! Unless you are going to write me a story.)