Main Street, Amsterdam, Holland. January 2nd, 1943

"Higher! I still can't see!" Sebastian laughed as Alois bounced upon his shoulders, trying to get a good view of the New Year's parade. Even many of the soldiers had stopped their duty to watch with the crowds as dancers chasséd down the street, followed by a gymnastic group, and some singers. It was small this year while other years had been far grander, but it was nice to have the brightly coloured costumes and candies during the bleak time.

Sebastian took a couple steps forward into the assembly. "How about now?"

"Yep." Alois grinned.

"Do you need me to pick you up too?" he teased Ciel. The librarian glared up at him, crossing his arms. "I can see just fine, thank you."

Sebastian chuckled and turned back to the parade. He looked around, noting the small amount of yellow badges with a sad expression. Jews were forced to wear the Star of David on their lapels to identify themselves. Ciel had adamantly refused against it. He no longer went to a chapel to worship, instead doing it with Alois in the safety of his home, so no one could prove that he was a Jew (when questioned on it, Ciel had explained it was not because he was ashamed of his religion, but because he knew the consequences of one who wore them and he could not allow that to happen to himself while he had Alois to look after). He would not be taunted because of a yellow star he wore.

"Brother, look at those ladies twirling flags!" the youngest Spretto cried in glee as he watched.

Ciel chuckled. "Yes, they're very good."

Alois climbed off Sebastian's shoulders when his makeshift seat started to hurt. He hummed, peaking through people's legs to get a good view, when all of a sudden a symphony of gun shots went off. Screams broke out among the crowd as they all quickly tried to find cover, heavily armed men in black shirts marching down the street. The sight of the Schutzstaffel, SS, marching quickly towards them only caused more chaos.

Ciel looked around through the fleeing people to try and find his brother, separated from them because of the panic. "Brother!" Alois called out. "Ciel! Where are you?!" Ciel could hear the tears in his voice and he wanted to hug the boy close.

"I'm coming, hold on!" the librarian shouted as he tried to shoulder past the crowd. "Hey!" he barked when he felt arms round his waist but stopped as he turned to see Sebastian holding onto him.

"We have to go." he said firmly and tried to tug Ciel away.

"No! I've got to get to Alois!"

"There's nothing we can do!"

"I've-" Ciel stopped and his hands flew over his ears when a rifle shot just feet away, blood spraying over his face, chest, and arms as a man with a Star of David pinned to his shirt crumpled to the ground, hole in his head smoking. A shriek ripped from his throat, raw and tearing; Sebastian took the distraction as an opportunity to pick his lover up, ignoring the blood smeared across his shirt. "You can meet up with Alois at home, but we must go now!"

The mention of his brother was enough to get Ciel's mind in order, at least enough to call, "Go home!" over the noise. "Go home through the alleys, I'll be there soon!" There were no more calls for him so he could only hope Alois heard his order.

After that he went limp, mind set on the blood slowly drying against his skin, otherwise oblivious to the jostling shaking him as Sebastian sprinted towards the university. He breathed heavily as he ran trembling hands over his crimson covered arms.

His quivering hadn't ceased even by the time Sebastian set him down in his student dorm. "Hey." the older whispered gently.

"I- that man-" Ciel choked out but stopped and shook his head.

Sebastian drew a gentle hand through his navy hair. "Shh, let me clean you up." he whispered and grabbed a tea towel, wetting it in the sink. He knelt in front of his boyfriend and gently wiped up his face and arms, then his clothes. Ciel shook the whole time. Nonsense flowed from his mouth but barely any of it was coherent and none of it intelligent.

It took a long while of just petting the librarian's hair and whispering comfort before Sebastian finally got him to calm down. "Go bathe." he prompted and Ciel nodded, heading to the bathroom.

His hands still shook slightly as he undressed and turned on the water, though he was very thankful that his boyfriend had washed the blood off before this so it didn't stain the water scarlet He didn't need anything else to remind him what was happening to his people outside. He lowered himself into the warm water with a little shudder, thoughts turning to Alois. He prayed he made it home alright. Better yet, that he made it home without running in to any soldiers. If any of them asked why he was panicked or where he was going, the boy would tell them without a second thought. He didn't understand the war - often asking Ciel why there were so many men with guns around and why everyone looked so upset all the time - and he didn't hear the rumours of what they were doing to Jews, homosexuals, disabled, and other undesirables all across Europe. He didn't need to: didn't need to be tainted by the evil of the world; didn't need to know how cruel men could be; didn't need to lose that light that shined in him so brightly despite his flaws.

Ciel shook his head. His brother could be obnoxious, but Ciel would do everything to keep Alois safe and well. He'd been accused of being too overprotective of the boy before, and maybe he did coddle him, but Alois was his brother - all he had left in the world. As of last spring, that became a literal too.

His family lived on a little ranch in the Dutch countryside. He had his own horse, a blonde stallion he called Finnian. He learned how to ride during his time at home - he was bloody awful at it now, though, from lack of practice.

Last April he had been planning a trip back home to get away from all the doom and gloom of Amsterdam to celebrate the Passover, but that was interrupted by a letter he got from a neighboring dairy farm. German soldiers had been driving around the province where seldom anybody lived when they came upon the Spretto's humble home. Maybe they saw something that told them they were Jewish, maybe they conversed and Vincent Spretto let something slip, as he was very unashamed of his culture like his son but contrast by not often thinking of the dangers, and then were executed on the spot, or perhaps the Germans just got bored and they were the first people they had seen in a while; stories of Nazi cruelty were far from rare during these times.

The letter arrived in the middle of his planning and everything stopped in Ciel's world. When Alois asked the matter, the librarian tried to explain what death was, but Alois didn't understand. It wasn't something his diseased mind could understand. So Ciel kept his mourning quiet and let Alois write his weekly letter to his parents as he always did. Ciel would help as if nothing had changed. At first it was hard to keep his grief to himself, but over time he learned to turn that sorrow into something more: hatred. A hatred for Hitler, for the SS soldiers, for those that supported them. And his anger fueled him, pushed him to secret little rebellions. He'd often gotten those the Nazis did not think worthy to live appearing at his doorstep. He took them in and cared for them for a couple days before he sent them on their way to the next safe house. There was a code that went around Amsterdam that only those in their little circle could understand, containing addresses and times to arrive. Ciel helped everyone he could as his big "fuck you" to Hitler. But most of all, he vowed to keep the rest of his family, his little brother, his light in the world, safe.

He didn't know if Alois was even alive now.

He prayed to God that he wasn't, that death would be there to catch rather than brutal soldier arms.

Ciel looked down at his hands, hands that would carefully pluck splinters from Alois', hands that tucked him tenderly in bed no matter how long the day had been before, hands that held him close after one of his mental breakdowns. Hands that may never touch the boy again.

He grit his teeth and steeled himself. There was no time for living in pointless fantasies when he could learn the truth for himself.

He got out and drained the tub then dressed quickly. "I will see you tomorrow, for better or worse." Ciel told Sebastian as he grabbed his shoes, sliding them on with one hand as the other did up the buttons on his vest.

Sebastian opened his mouth but he knew the look in the eldest Spretto's eyes. There was no turning him back. He closed his mouth and nodded, placing a gentle kiss on the top of Ciel's head before he swept out of the apartment.

He kept his eyes ahead of him, Main Street still blood splattered but all those who had lost loved ones had been cleared away. He was brisk, not stopping for idle chatter, and the small crowd of people going about their daily business parted for him as if they knew he was on a mission and anyone who tried to stop him would pay for their folly.

His quick stride paused only when he stood in front of the door to his two-room apartment. His hand hesitate to slide the key in the lock, almost afraid of what inside would show. I am Ciel Spretto, and such inanity as fear will not stop me, he told himself fiercely and turned the key, pushing open the door.

It was a mess: couch cushions flipped onto the floor, side table turned over and its lamp smashed into bits. A few of the kitchen cabinets had their doors ripped off and pots and pans were strewn across the tile floor. Ciel's eyes widened. That was where they hid the menorah over the rest of the year. Had they been looking for proof Alois was Jewish? They'd definitely found it if they were.

The librarian looked over when he heard a low whine, creeping to the bedroom. Pluto looked up from his spot curled under Alois' bed, Ciel's overturned. His neatly stacked books lay all over the room, the paint on his little brother's bed frame scratched up. The pictures Alois worked so hard on and had taped to the wall as a symbol of his pride were now on the floor in torn bits. He sifted through the torn paper to find his black and white photograph of his young family. The edges were torn and it had been trampled on, but for the most part it was fine. Ciel gently folded it up and tucked it in his pocket. He looked over to the cage tipped over in the corner, water and food spilled over the dark rug. He sighed quietly. Elizabeth would be long gone by now.

He knelt down and let Pluto sniff his hand before coaxing him out from under the bed. He stroked his long, white fur silently and picked the puppy up to lay in Alois' bed with him, eyes drifting to the sheer curtains over the window, now torn with long ragged knife strokes through them. He closed his eyes. How strange that everything he had could be taken away in one afternoon. He imagined the Nazi soldiers didn't even think twice about it. They just trampled through the room and took Alois - as was obvious by the lack of blood anywhere - not even thinking about what family the blonde boy might have had, people who would mourn his loss. They didn't think about the person who would have to clean this mess up. Of course not, they were trained only to kill at their leisure.

A soft growl escaped Ciel's lips. God. How in the hell could there be a God? Alois was just a boy! He got up to pace, running a hand through his hair, Pluto letting out a pitiful whimper behind him. Alois had drawn the short straw his entire life… His fucking mind didn't even work right! How could any one claim there was a God, let alone that he was merciful and kind, after taking one look at Alois?!

He let out a scream of rage and kicked at the books on the floor - confused, angry; he needed answers. Everything he had been taught since he was a little boy no longer kept him sated. They had been enough during his medical challenges as a child, especially when his asthma revealed itself very violently; he hadn't wavered when criminals came to get revenge on the Spretto family; never doubted when he lost his parents. But this was too far. Had it been Ciel that was taken, his faith would stand strong. This was the final straw. Alois couldn't even care for himself. He was an ill boy and yet this so-called "merciful" God had given him nothing but the biggest load of shit there was to offer!

Ciel grabbed the menorah from the kitchen and threw it against the wall, the cheap metal breaking into pieces. "There is no God." he growled to himself before dissolving into sobs on the floor - heart broken and empty.

Apartment building in Amsterdam, Holland. January 3rd, 1943

Sebastian opened the unlocked door slowly when there was no reply to his call of Ciel's name. It was noon and he'd expected to see his boyfriend at the library - ten sharp, like always. But Ciel hadn't been there. He didn't show up an hour later either. Ciel never took a day off. Sebastian decided to look for him then.

He stepped over the threshold slowly and looked around at the broken brass candle holder on the floor, accompanied by torn Sunday clothes and two half burnt Bibles. "Ciel?" he called out into the emptiness once more, creeping to the thrashed bedroom. He looked at the lump under the covers on Alois' bed and came over slowly, quietly. "Ciel?" he whispered and the mass stirred. After another whisper of the name, the bulge turned over to reveal two deep blue eyes staring up at Sebastian, the right one misted.

"What time is it?" Ciel asked in a quiet voice, rubbing at his eyes before he reached for his patch on the floor, Pluto moving closer to his warm body when the librarian had to shuffle to the edge to grab it.

"After noon." Sebastian said as he sat down next to the small man, pushing his hair out of his face.

"Is it?" Ciel sat up to wrap the strings round his head and tie a neat bow in the back, smothering a yawn behind his palm. "I did get to bed rather late last night."

"I can see that. Did you… Did you do all this?" the student asked but quickly regretted it when Ciel's mood obviously dropped, the room almost feeling colder.

"Most of it was the soldiers. Only the Bibles and others of the like was done by I." he looked down. "They took him, Sebastian… They took him and I'm sure he didn't even put up a fight. How could anyone be so heartless as to abduct a defenseless little boy?"

Sebastian let out a sigh and shook his head. "I don't know." he turned his attention back to the broken menorah. "...Why? Why did you do all this?"

"Because I could not devote my life to such blasphemy any longer." Ciel proclaimed quietly and Sebastian's gaze whipped back to him.

"But-"

"There is no 'but'. I see now that it was foolish to think praying to clouds could achieve anything. The only thing you will ever gain in this life is what you work for yourself. There is no supernatural being up there, wanting us to only to show our faith before He pours the blessings of heaven upon us - or if there is, He is not the kind and caring Heavenly Father He has been made out to be. The world is cruel and vile and callous. The demons that lurk in it will tear you down without a second thought. There is no metaphysical that will save you. Only yourself and those around you who care - though that number is dwindling every year. You have to take care of yourself, or else those around you will steal from you without a second thought."

Sebastian listened as Ciel's voice gets softer with every word, having started out strong but it's obvious the realisation of being truly alone with no God to save him, no hope, coupled with the loss of his brother, seemed to have broken the man. He stared for just a moment more before enveloping his lover in his arms and held him close. "You can come back to my dorm. My roommate recently left to enlist in the British armies. You can stay there."

Ciel looked at him for long moment. "Have to bring Pluto." he whispered and Sebastian nodded. Of course he would want to bring the dog, the last living reminder of Alois.

The librarian was quiet as his boyfriend helped him pack clothes and a few keepsakes. He wrapped an arm around Ciel's waist and kissed him softly. "I may not believe in God, but I know for a fact that everything is for the better in the end." he said gently.

Ciel just nodded.

Sebastian gave a little sigh and led Ciel to the door, looking back at the thrashed room before he closed the door and locked it, leading the librarian away from his ruptured world.