Hey guys, sorry its been so long since I updated this! There's been various things happening in my private life, but that's boring! :)

Anyway, this is a kind of dark chapter...trigger warning okay :) {and possibly a bit suggestive...}
Remember to read and review and let me know how you'd like this story to carry on.

BadassBeckett xo

TWO WEEKS LATER

He knew something was off that very morning, though he couldn't tell what. He thought they were happy, finally being able to be together.
But it was the way her eyes didn't light up anymore when she smiled at him anymore, but she was fine yesterday? He questioned himself. Is it something I've done? Something I said? The way I acted? The way I spoke to her? Held her?

What could be causing this today?

It was the locked door. The light pooling from underneath the crack between the door and the floor late at night. The way she hesitated when he said "but you only had a shower yesterday? Your hair is clean?" and she'd reply "But i've worked out today. It's gross again."
She knew, deep down. She hadn't.

The shower masked it, masked the tears. The silent sobbing of being held in for too long, of being strong but at breaking point yet again. She willed to be better. To be able to go a day without missing the sight of the red upon the pale skin, the addictiveness of it. She craved the feeling of the metal scraping across her skin, the white capsuals sliding down her throat.

But she couldn't tell him that, he wouldn't understand. He'd leave her, wanting someone less scarred and fucked up. Someone who didn't crave the sight or feeling of this viscious cycle like she did.

"Karen I know something is up." he said over dinner, that she was barely touching.
"I'm fine" she replied, smiling at him
"I know you're not, talk to me. Please. Is it something I've done?"
"No of course not, there's nothing to talk about."
"Have you cut again?" Her face grew dark, pale even.
"No." she whispered
"What did you say? I can't hear you."
"No. I haven't cut." she says a little more forcefully"Are you sure? You're not lying to me are you?"

"Karen, talk to me."
"Matt there's nothing to say!" she yells, standing up and leaving the table. Blocking him out of her bathroom.

He just sits there for a moment, not sure of what to say or do. Or even if he should do anything, could do anything. Finally, he gets up from his seat, slowly pads over to the bathroom door, and just sits there.

"Kaz, please open the door."
"why?" she replies quietly, tears clearly there.
"because I want to see your face, be able to hold you when you cry."
"I'm not crying."
"Kaz, I know you too well. I know when you're crying."

Slowly, the door inches open. Taking it as a sign to enter, he crawls through the gap and shuts the door behind him. She's there, on the floor in the middle of the bathroom, tears staining her cheeks and her hands bawled into fists. Her knuckles red, and bleeding. A razor on the floor next to her, that was hidden underneath the mat.

"Oh Kaz." Matt whispers, inching closer.
"No. Get away from me." She says, narrowing her eyes.
"W-why?"
"Because I don't want you here. Why are you here?"
"Well, you stormed out from dinner so-"
"No. Here. In LA."
"Kaz, don't you remember? Alex text me because she was worried about you, and I got on the next available flight out here."
"Don't treat me like I'm stupid Matt, I remember that. I mean, why did you get on the plane? You have whoever back in England."
"I-I wasn't. No, I flew out here because I was worried about you. I wanted to see you, I just never knew you shared my feelings. I was scared of being turned away, because you had a new American boyfriend. I couldn't face that."
"You really love me?"
"Yes."
"Why. I'm not good enough for anyone, let alone you."
"Hey, hey. You are good enough, you're more than good enough. I love you because of who you are. Because you're my fiery Scottish gangly fox. I really do love you Karen."
She finally looked at him, "I love you too."

They stood up, just looking at each other. He cupped her cheeks, leaning in delicately. Kissing her deeply, being wary of where he put his hands, keeping them light and delicate. She broke the kiss, catching her breath and saying:

"I don't want you to be delicate anymore, I want this more than you know."
"Want what?" he questioned, knowing full well what she meant.
She groaned, dropped her head to his shoulder, blushed and pressed her hand to his crotch.

"oh..." he said, wiggling his eyebrows and pulling her out of the bathroom, and into her bedroom.

Thanks for reading guys! Sorry about the cliff hanger but you all know what happens ;)
I hope to update again soon! Just leave reviews :)

BadassBeckett xo