Chapter 9
Anakin awoke with a start and found himself back in the Tatooine hovel he and Olin had rented. He was covered with sweat and he knew that he had dreamt again.
The last time this had happened...
But unlike then he couldn't remember anything. He knew that it was a good sign, that his dreams were normal. Or as normal as they could be. And yet, he felt hemmed in in the tiny little hut, as if something was crushing him. So he rose and was out the door before the he had stopped shaking.
Outside he found the two speeder bikes they had bought. They had initially wanted to buy a single landspeeder, but the two bikes had turned out to be cheaper than the single, beat and probably stolen G-17, so they had taken them instead.
He had given them a quick one-over, so he knew that they both ran and that the one he ended up taking tonight had a smaller actuator. It might not be as quick to accelerate, but he would eat his lightsabre if it wasn't faster in the end.
At any rate, he hopped on, kicked the machine to life and set off into the night.
Anakin didn't really watch or even notice where he was going but when his bike coasted to a stop next to the Lars homestead, a small, detached part of his mind realized that this moment had probably been inevitable since he'd set foot on this planet.
He sensed that the occupants of the farm were still asleep, but he noted with a thin smile that the count seemed to have increased since he'd last been here.
But he wasn't here to visit them, though right then and there he promised himself that he would visit them before leaving this ball of dirt, hopefully for the last time.
Anakin became increasingly desperate as he searched the flat plains around the farm for the small mound he knew had to be there, and the sense of relief he felt when he spotted the small gravestone that marked the place he was looking for.
"Mother..."
As he stood at his mother's grave, he didn't know what to say. So he just sat down, staring at the evidence of his biggest failure.
Slowly his eyes drifted shut.
Only to be immediately open again when he heard the impossible.
"Oh Annie..."
He perked up and when he saw who had spoken.
The Force Ghost of his mother sat cross-legged next to the grave, looking at him with the motherly eyes he'd allways seen on her when he had hurt himself as a child. His heart melted at the sight.
"Mother I'm... I'm so sorry."
She smiled. "Whatever for, Anie?"
Incredulously, he looked at the apparition that looked like his mother.
"For not being there in time. For not saving you."
Anakin expected many things in response, but the smile he'd missed so much was not it.
"Anie, I don't blame you for that. How could I? You came as soon as you could."
Something broke in him. He knew he didn't deserve her kindness.
"I FAILED YOU!" he wailed out of the depth of his heart.
"Oh Anakin; You didn't fail me. All you did was make me proud."
"Proud? How? You DIED!"
Shmi gave her son a sad smile. "Anie, nothing you could have done would have saved me. You know I was doomed the moment they didn't treat my injuries."
She sighed. "And Anie, what happened... afterwards..."
She paused, and Anakin braced himself for the worst.
"I love you anyway..."
"But?"
"Do you really think they deserved it?"
Only a few short years ago, Anakin's answer would have been an empathic yes, but now he only shook his head.
"No."
"And you know it, Anie. Why do you think you blame yourself all these years later?"
"Because I deserve it. What I did was evil and just plain wrong."
"A path to the Dark Side?"
He sighed. The occasional visions, nightmares that showed him that other future...He knew far from everything that was going on there, but he knew that somewhere, somehow that version of him had started on a path that led to him pursuing his own son down a metal trench.
"Maybe..." he sighed. "I don't know. But that I didn't follow that path doesn't mean that I shouldn't hold myself responsible."
"Which is why you keep declining a seat on the Jedi Council."
For the first time since this... whatever had started he smiled. "Among other things, yes."
"But why does it still rule your life?"
He couldn't find an answer.
"Whatever you do," 'Shmi' went on, "you balance all your acts and decisions up against what you did on Tatooine. And Anie, this is wrong. Letting guilt rule your life is wrong."
"But I killed them all!"
"Then remember them, remember what you did^and honour their memory, and make sure that it does not happen again. Make sure that your children know what not to do, but do not let it rule your life. As long as you and those around you remember what happened, it will not happen again."
She looked directly in his eyes.
"But Anakin, constantly fearing that everything you do might lead you down the path to the Dark Side again..."
"Will only help those already on it."
"And as long as you do not make peace with yourself, the path you are on will lead you astray again."
"To the Dark Side?"
'Shmi' just smiled and faded into the scenery.
When Anakin's eyes opened again, both suns were rising, so he ensured that he would be gone before his stepbrother and his wife awoke.
tbc
AN: Wow, I was kind of excited, because this is the first time I am putting any of the characters to an Original Trilogy location (Falcon aside).
There was going to be a second scene right at where Anakin's experience with his mother ends, but I so couldn't be bothered to rewrite it after the crash... It might appear someplace else.