*Gideon's POV*
She was driving him crazy and she didn't even know it. It had been awhile since he had been so taken with a woman.
He knew she was injured, but he still couldn't help wanting to have his way with her right then and there.
When she had told him to lay down with her there was nothing sexual about it. He had woken up and she was literally wrapped around him. It was the sweetest thing to wake up to.
He still felt a pang of guilt when he thought about her being hurt. There was no way he deserved anything from her after that.
Her shirt had ridden up a bit while she slept and he could see the bandages around her stomach. He winces and gets out of the bed slowly so as not to wake her. She makes a sound in her sleep and he thinks she's just having a dream. The noises are getting louder and she starts to thrash almost as if she's fighting someone.
Shit! She might hurt herself! "Bollocks!" He grabs her shoulders and tries to get her body under control. He shakes her gently and says her name a few times until her eyes open and she looks around in confusion. "I want to go home," she says sadly and starts to cry. His heart breaks for her, "Soon. We'll be home soon." She looks at him and wipes her tears. He's about to tell her something when the door opens and the doctor walks in.
"How are you this morning?" The doctor asks her. She gives her best smile, "Great." The doctor comes over to the bed with a few bandages in his hands. "I want to change that dressing before you leave." Gideon knows he can't stand to be in the room for that, "I have to...excuse me," he says as he walks to the door and leaves the room. He sits in one of the chairs outside her room. He feels like shit.
Mitchell comes walking down the hall looking all bright eyed. Of course. "Hey Gideon, how'd you sleep?"
"Alright, I guess."
"Why are you out here? What's going on in there?"
"The doctor is changing her bandages. I couldn't stay in there while he did that. I don't want to see that right now. I'm not ready."
Mitchell nods, "I understand. By the way, Soap is going to drive us back to the LZ so we can get home."
"That's great," Gideon says trying to sound enthusiastic, but he doesn't even believe himself.
"What's wrong with you?" Mitchell asks and Gideon knows he won't be able to lie his way out of this one.
"I'm not right for her," he says. Mitchell looks confused now. "What are you talking about? You guys haven't even been on a proper date yet."
"It doesn't matter," Gideon says, "I'm not good for her."
Mitchell shakes his head, "Let's just wait til we get back to talk about this."
The doctor walks out of the room at that moment and says, "She's good to go, gentlemen. Take good care of her."
"Will do," Mitchell says and Gideon just nods. Mitchell walks into the room and Gideon can't bring himself to face her right now because he knows she'll ask him what's wrong and he can't lie to her. It's never going to be the right time to tell her what you need to tell her, but I have to. He walks down the hall away from her room.
"I need to get the fuck out of here," he says quietly.
*Mitchell's POV*
When he walked into the room she was sitting in a chair trying to put her boots on.
"Are you supposed to be doing that?" he asks.
"Probably not, but I don't care." She gets the boot on but he sees her make a painful face and before she goes to tie the laces he says, "Let me." He kneels in front of her and laces the boots up. "Thanks, Mitchell."
"Don't mention it."
"So when are we leaving?"
"Soap is ready to take us back to the LZ whenever we're ready."
"Good, let's go," she says and Mitchell laughs, "So eager."
"You bet your ass I am." She stands slowly and he offers her his arm for support. "Thank you, sir." She takes his arm and you both start walking. She seems a little stronger but we're still gonna have to keep an eye on her. You two approach Gideon and he gives you a small smile. "Soap is waiting for us outside," he says and starts walking. Gideon is acting too weird. She's going to know something's up. "What's wrong with Gideon?" she asks. See! "Hell if I know," he lies. You don't want to know.
Mitchell tries not to think about how hurt she'll be when and if Gideon tells her that he's giving her space. He knows she'll try to act tough, but she'll be falling apart on the inside. He knows all he can do when that time comes is be there for her.
He thinks about what Gideon said. He's not right for her? I hope this doesn't have something to do with her injury...
Sometimes his captain could be a real idiot...
-A FEW WEEKS LATER-
*Your POV*
Gideon had been acting really strange towards you since you all go back to Atlas, but you didn't think much of it. Just Gideon being Gideon. You healed pretty quickly and Ilona and Mitchell made sure you didn't do too much. While Mitchell and Ilona had spent time with you almost every day, you saw Gideon only 4 or 5 times. Maybe he's just been busy.
Every time you asked Mitchell about him, he would clam up and now you definitely suspected something was wrong. That was it. You were going to confront him and find out what the hell his problem was.
You knew what time he usually ate dinner so you went to the mess hall around the same time. You spot him sitting by himself. Good. You get some food though you're not really hungry and approach the table he's sitting at. He doesn't see you until you are literally standing right in front of him. He drops his fork and avoids eye contact.
You drop your tray on the table angrily and sit. "Hell Gideon," you say. "Hey," he says still not looking at you.
"Would you like to tell me what the fuck is going on?" You say "fuck" a little loudly and the people at the next table look at you.
"I've been busy," Gideon says.
"If you think that bullshit answer will satisfy me, you're wrong."
He looks uncomfortable. Hmm? "You've been avoiding me ever since we got back. Did I do something wrong?"
"No, its..." he stops. "It's what, Gideon?"
"I'm seeing someone and I had to stay away because of my feelings for you..."
Your heart drops, but you can't let him see that. No.
"Oh...well, congratulations, but you know you didn't have to avoid me. I would much rather you tell me that than avoid me." You hope he can't see your eyes which are now shining with tears. You look down. "I'm happy for you. I told you, you could have whoever you want." You smile at him making sure to look away quickly.
You haven't eaten a thing. You have to get out of there.
"I'm pretty tired," you say, "I'm gonna head back to my room." You stand up and start to walk away. You swear you hear him call your name and tell you to wait, but you block everything out. You feel like you're walking in slow motion as the tears finally spill over. I wasn't supposed to have feelings for him anyway. It always ends this way.
You make it back to your room before breaking down. Ilona is there and you don't even care. She doesn't ask questions she just rubs your back as you curl up on your bed and cry.
*Gideon's POV*
He had seen that look on her face when he told her, but she had quickly changed it. She had been quick to get up and leave after. He had called after her but she just kept walking. I need to talk to her. She probably wants nothing to do with me anymore.
He hadn't told anyone about this woman. He wasn't sure how serious it was. Not very serious since you're still in love with..OK! OK!
There's a knock on his door and he really doesn't want to answer it. Whoever is at the door is persistent and he knows he better answer. He pulls the door open and it's Ilona. "You asshole!" she says and people just happen to be walking by when she says it. She turns around, "What the fuck are you looking at?" The guys rush off.
"Ilona..." Gideon starts and she pushes past him forcing herself into his room. He sighs and closes the door.
"What is your problem, Gideon?"
He shakes his head, "There is no problem."
She moves closer to him so that she's looking right in his face, "Try telling [your name] that."
He lowers his head at that statement. Damn. "I didn't do it to hurt her," he says. "Well, you did! She would hate me if she found out I was telling you, but she's hurt." Her accent somehow seems stronger. "You need to fix this and soon!" Ilona says before storming out.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do?" he says to himself. How can I even get her to talk to me?
"Fuck!" he says loudly.
-A FEW HOURS LATER-
He's walking to her room now. I don't even know what to say. Think of something you idiot!
As he gets closer to her room he gets more nervous. You have to do this now.
He stands in front of her door and is about to knock when the door opens suddenly. It's her. He loses all ability to speak as she looks up at him. "Oh hey, Captain," she says.
We're back to captain now, are we?
"[Your name], you look well," he says. You look well? Nothing better than that? "Thanks."
Gideon stands there awkwardly and when he goes to speak she speaks as well. "I'm sorry-," he says. "I have to-" she says. She laughs a little and looks down.
"Is there something you wanted captain?" Yes. You. Gideon is rarely at a loss for words, "I, uh...well I wanted to say...I'm sorry," he finally gets out.
"Sorry for what?" she asks. So we're going to play this game? "You know what."
She looks at him but it's almost as if she looks through him. "So how's everything going?" she asks. Don't let her change the subject.
"I need to talk to you, may I come in?"
She hesitates and sighs,"Yeah...okay." She holds the door open and he walks in. "Thanks." He sits in a chair at her desk and she sits on her bed. As far away from me as possible...
Gideon notices the box of tissues on her bed and the tissues in her garbage bin. He sighs, "[Your name], I'm sorry if I hurt you." He looks at her and notices that she won't look up. Please don't be crying. She looks at him and...damn it! Tears are streaming down her cheeks.
"Captain, if you're happy there's no reason to apologize for that," she tries to smile.
"Please don't cry," he says practically begging.
"I'm sorry," she says and wipes her eyes. The next question she asks catches him off guard. "What is she like?" He clears his throat, "She's..uh...nice."
"Nice? That's it?"
"She's pretty."
"Well, I'm sure she is. She must be if she caught your eye."
This conversation is getting way too awkward for Gideon. He decides to change the subject. "How's the wound?"
"It's better. Still gives me pain, but its healing well. I'll probably have a scar forever, but scars are pretty cool," she says enthusiastically. Scarred forever and there's nothing I can do about it.
It's quiet for awhile and Gideon wants to spill his heart out to her.
I love you. I fucking love you and I don't know how or why. I'm not one to believe in fate, but once I saw you I knew. I'm only seeing this other woman because I don't think I deserve you.
"Captain?" you hear her say. "Are you okay? I called you like five times."
Gideon laughs, "Maybe its because you keep calling me captain and not Gideon. She just nods.
"I want us to remain friends. Are you okay with that?"
She takes way too long to answer. Aw, hell. "Captain, I..." she looks down again. He starts to get frustrated, "Please, call me Gideon. I've told you that before."
"That's not very professional, sir," she snaps back.
"Fucking hell!" he says loudly and slams his fist on the desk. He stands up and walks over to her. She won't look at him. He puts his hand on her chin and lifts her head. There are tears in her eyes, "I think you should go," she says, "Please." She moves her head away from his hand.
He wants to say something, but he thinks its better if he doesn't.
As he walks towards the door there's a knock. He opens the door and it's Mitchell. He can see the change in Mitchell's face right away when he sees who it is. "Hey Gideon. What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to her, but we're done now and I'm leaving."
"Oh okay. Is she alright?"
Gideon nods, "I think so."
Suddenly she's standing by the door with a smile on her face. "Hey Mitchell. Come on in."
Gideon walks out and Mitchell walks in. The door closes before he can say anything. I wonder what that was about? He starts walking away. Why was Mitchell coming to see her? Do I wanna know why? Not really. They couldn't be...no way! It's none of your business anyway.
Forget about it. If she wants to be professional, I can be professional.
Can I?